Checking In Before the Talk

This is a JLC event which can be found on the JLC YouTube channel and your subscribed podcast channels. At JLC, we hold focused conversations that produce desired results. This series is on relationships and results. This episode is called Check in before youe Talk, which focuses on engagement and accountability through everyday leadership conversations. I'm Julie and I have my colleague Nicole here with me today. And before we move forward, I would like to do a short introduction with something that I feel like you might find interesting about Nicole. Nicole worked for a Fortune 50 company for about 20 years in leadership and development before she came over to jlc and she loves in her free time to hike and backpack.

Thank you, Julie. I'd also love to share something interesting about Julie. Julie was an educator for about 24 years before she decided to come over to the dark side in the space of leadership development and executive coaching. So glad to have her here with us. She loves to travel, so this year's been a little rough for Julie not being able to get out and travel. And I think we both look forward to being able to adventure safely.

Definitely.

All right, so the JLC team recognizes how busy all of us are in this incredible time of change. We are so grateful that you chose to spend one of your primary resources, your time with us here today and to engage with us in learning. Learning and time are connected and when used well, all of us can improve the quality of our leadership. We invite you to let go of distractions and top of mind concerns for the next few minutes and lean into learning and personal development. All of us at JLC wish you an enjoyable few minutes.

Thanks, Nicole. I'd like to start with a CPO that explains what we're talking about with the check in, why we want to do a check in, and what we hope the outcomes will be at the end of this podcast. So when people walk into a meeting, many times different things are going on in their mind. And we call this cognitive noise. And it's difficult to detect because it's happening in our head. It's invisible. And studies show that the first 10 minutes of many meetings are absolutely lost because people are still trying to gather their focus to become mentally present. And there is a way. Research has suggested that we can actually bring back that lost 10 minutes of time by doing a check in. So a check in allows participants to sort of clear their mind of other issues so sort of settle in to focus on what so that they're ready to learn or to share their best thinking during a meeting. And this simple activity gets Participants to really be committed to what you're trying to do and be engaged in the meeting. Instead of being stuck up in their head of the things they wish they could be doing, the things that they need to be doing, a previous conversation they had before they walked into the meeting, it sort of moves that off to the side and allows them to get present and engaged. Nicole, what are you thinking about the CPO and the check in?

I'm just thinking about how helpful that is to have a practice at the beginning of a meeting where there's some intentional time to clear what has just happened or just occurred for the individual and help them to really be present for the meeting. And taking back that lost 10 minutes while people are trying to scramble and do that themselves, it's something you can do collectively that will enhance your meeting experience.

Yeah, thanks. Nicole, can you tell us a little bit more about what exactly is a check in?

Yeah, absolutely. So checking in, as Julie mentioned, is that intentional piece that you add to the beginning of a meeting so that you can intentionally and consciously surface and clear those distractions. It's a process that provides an opportunity for every participant to, to really check themselves in and get present with the meeting that they're in currently. Because all of that cognitive noise exists, we have to recognize it exists and provide a space for people to clear it and get present with their current meeting. So in this process, participants are invited to share those ideas and distractions, whether they're problematic or joyful or think of a way to put them aside. You know, intentionally think of a way to recognize and put those things aside so that you can get to the real intention of your meeting. And as that process continues, each participant gets to share, you know, an idea or something that they're thinking or what's occupying their personal headspace before the work conversation really starts. There's a lot of ways that you can do a check in, and we're going to talk a little bit more about that in our conversation with. But you can do them in pairs. You can ask your participants to pair up and simply say, what's getting in the way of you being fully present here in this conversation today and giving people the chance to articulate that, even if they do it for 90 seconds, will change the trajectory, I think, of your meetings. We're going to talk more about that. So there's many ways that you can do check ins, and the best results occur when you have the opportunity to do the paired conversation and do that in a creative way. So you can do that over Chat, you can do it in a whiteboard, you could do that in breakout in your virtual environments. Or if you have the opportunity to be face to face, you can do it in a quick paired conversation with the person sitting next to you. So there's a lot of creative ways that you can do check ins. Part of this process as well is, is a verbal commitment. Someone gets to share what it is that is distracting them, what it is that they are thinking of, and then gets to articulate I'm in or I'm committed or I'm ready to go. So those are some ways that you as a team can infuse this practice intentionally into your conversations and meetings. It's really about that personal willingness to remove the distraction and then acknowledge that now I'm in, now I'm engaged and present with the person that's in front of me, or the group that's in front of me, or the team that's.

In front of me. So, Nicole, I was thinking about my personal experience is especially now that most of our meetings are virtual. And it's just been so powerful to have a check in really quickly to find out what's happening in everyone's lives because we don't really see them face to face anymore. So there's a lot of things that are happening in the background that we don't see that we may have seen when we worked side by side with them. And also that reminder of removing those distractions and that I'm committed to really focusing because in the beginning when we were doing a lot of virtual, I was, you know, multitasking with my phone and listening to the meeting, but I wasn't really present and engaged because I was trying to do other things. So it really has been helpful with a check in to share what's on my mind and be committed to move it away so that I can be present in the meeting.

Yeah, I think just acknowledging where people are and the enhanced level of distraction that's occurring, whether that's current events, things that are happening in the world that people feel really affected by, or the fact that you have kids coming in and out of your space, or pets barking or meowing in your space, I think that we have to recognize that those things exist for people, especially right now. And I think just that acknowledgment makes people feel more comfortable. It creates a safer space for people to come into a when you actually care enough to ask them what's going on or what's distracting them, creates the level of safe space for people to come in as their true selves, even with all of their distractions, even with all of the barking dogs and kids running through. And noting that like that's okay and we still can be fully present and engaged in this meeting gives you a different kind of permission, I think, than if you don't acknowledge that all of those other things exist for people.

Yeah, you're exactly right. And when you're thinking about all of the personal things. Let's shift for a minute and now go to how a check in can also help set the tone and enable everyone to start the meeting off on the same page. So this is more focused on the leader facilitating the conversation, whether it's just one on one or whether it's with a larger group. But you also have control to bring it back and make it okay. How am I going to set up this meeting? What intention do I want people to feel? Do I want them to feel joyful? Do I want them to feel concerned? Do I want them to be thinking deeply about some type of emotion or some type of event? And this is my opportunity to sort of set this up right away so that everybody can sense, okay, this is what's happening and they can get engaged right away and they can shift into that deeper thinking, that better thinking, because they've already, you've sort of evoked that feeling for them. And you know, one of the things that again is counterintuitive is we're rushing around. We want to get into the meeting and we want to get out so that we can go do the things we need to do or to go to the next meeting. And it's really, really important to talk about or to think about as a leader, how important it is to take this few minutes to not only find out what's happening personally, but to set up the intention of the meeting so that everyone's on the same page and knows what they need to do. Can you talk a little bit, Nicole, about why people might not want to do a check in that you found as we've been working with other people, even if it's just a two minute, three minute talk, there's still a lot of leaders that are resistant to it.

Yeah, I think this is where meetings in general come in. They can be a double edged sword. It can be where you get your work done. And it can also be, I'm in so many meetings back to back that I cannot get my work done. There's a lot of pressure on leaders too, to communicate so much to their teams. And I think there's a lot of pressure to say I'm taking an hour of people's time. I have to make the most of this hour and cram in as much as I possibly can to tell them all of these important things that I need to tell them. And then there's rarely any time for people to process that level of information. So I think the leaders that I've worked with, when they think about slowing their meeting down, it's a really icky feeling. It's like, no, I can't slow it down. I have to make the most of every minute of this meeting. I need to get this done and this done and this done and communicate this thing and this thing and this thing. So we cram our meetings with so much information that the thought of taking a pause or taking two to three minutes or the fear of, okay, yeah, I can say this might take two to three minutes, but what if it takes 15 minutes? I think that there's a lot of reasons why leaders kind of shy away from it. If there's anything that they don't feel like is extra like this. I think leaders tend to feel like doing something like this, slowing down, infusing a practice like this is takes away maybe from their meeting or the time that they have with their people. And I think what we try and teach is that this is the most important piece of this time that you have with your people. So I think I see that a lot where leaders are so worried about that time that they let go of some practices like this with good intent.

Right? So you have the balance of time, and then you have the cadence or the rhythm of your meeting. And oftentimes you have a structure and that you can follow each and every day. And people start to get prepared for that structure. So even in the beginning, it might slow your meeting down a little bit. But then if you do it consistently, each and every time you start a conversation, you have a meeting with a large group or a small group of people, they know right away before the meeting starts, there's going to be a check in. And now we're ready to have the meeting. And so it's sort of like a recognition of, okay, put everything else aside, and now let's get to focus and let's get to work. It also shows everyone that the leaders care about them as well. And so we're dealing with both personal and professional here. So, Nicole, do you want to talk to us about the last point?

Yeah, absolutely. So this is more about the how so, you know, kind of why and what it is the check in is. But now what, what do you do with this information? And I think, Julie, you said it beautifully just a minute ago when you said that's an intentional piece that you build into the structure of your meeting. The check in can be short, focused and you can do that in a way that doesn't take away from your meeting, that it really adds to and becomes part of the meeting cadence where people come in and expect that they are going to need to pay attention differently. I need up in this space differently because I know that the first thing they're going to ask me is what I just heard or to respond and share my thinking with someone else right away. It really changes the feeling of your meeting overall. But you can do a check in. As we mentioned before, in short paired conversations, I might ask Julie and someone else in the room to share what's keeping them from being fully present today for 30 seconds or 60 seconds or 90 seconds and really adhere to that time and bring them back into the conversation and give them an opportunity. If it's a small group, everyone can share out, but if it's a larger group, you might have just a few people share out. If you're in a virtual environment like a lot of us are these days, you can do those paired conversations by using your breakout group functions or by asking people to just chat in the response to your provocation or question. You could also put up a whiteboard. That's another way that you can do a check in and pose a question or something that you want people to respond to and have everyone type in on the whiteboard. There are a lot of tools that we don't have time to go into today that you can use to make a creative check in. We provide and design these kind of practices for people all of the time. And just being intentional and being consistent with the practice I think is one of the most important things. We always want to respect the time aspect that you have in the meeting and noting that these pieces, the check ins are going to become an expected part of your meeting and a valuable part of your meeting. That people get something out of is really important. And checking in really gives you an opportunity to build that safely dangerous space. You're showing that you care about the individuals and what's going on for them and what's distracting them. It also gives you as a leader the opportunity to respond and acknowledge and be respectful to the people that you work with. When they share something and you're able to really make them feel seen and make Them feel heard in that process. There's a lot of possibilities, as I mentioned. But Julie, what are some examples of check in questions that come up for you as we talk about how to do the check in?

So we have the regular personal one, what's on your mind or what's distracting you? And then we have a professional one by connecting possibly the last meeting to this meeting. And so that way you sort of are reminding them of all their successes and building that momentum to continue to think deeply. So you may say something like, what was your biggest surprise from the last meeting that we had? What have you learned since we were together last? What have you accomplished? And so you're staying focused with the last meeting and attaching it to here. Or if you're not quite sure what people hope to gain out of the meeting today, that's another question that you could ask them. Ask them to turn and talk and say, what do you hope to get out of this meeting today? What do you hope to learn? What do you hope to walk out of here with? And that way it gives you a little bit more feedback, information so that you can sort of guide the way that you were going to hold the meeting to begin with. And then finally it could just be back to personal. And it could be you could start to learn about each other. Because we know that when you change the conversation, you change the results. And research has shown that when you can increase your relationships to have higher quality relationships, your communication enhances your ability to share, collective best thinking enhances your planning and action. And then of course, your results work all together. So we want to find some time for people to get to know each other personally. But it still could be with the work, right? So it could be what is the favorite, what is your favorite part of being here? Or how long have you been here and what keeps you here or what brought you to this job so you can get them to it's still sort of personal, but it still is connected to the job. You're not just asking them what their favorite color is. That's just random topics, but it's actually one that fits with the job so that you can get to know each other's strengths and interests and then you can support each other much better. Nicole?

Yeah, that's beautiful. And what I love about this process as well is that it doesn't have to be exclusively in a meeting where you're with a group of people. It can be one on one. I could really simply say to Julie, we're meeting one on one today. Julie, what would make this the most valuable hour of your week? And see what comes up and see what develops out of that conversation. These are practices that you can use with your family. Checking in around the dinner table is a really wonderful way to infuse something like this. You know what was the best part of your day?

Yeah, I was thinking about an example actually of somebody. I had scheduled a meeting and I had opened it up. It was a phone call and I had opened it up with, can you share with me what you hope to get out of the meeting today? And she went on to tell me about how we were going to work with educators and we were going to come up with these plans and that sort of thing. And I was thinking, no, that's not what I thought we were going to do in this meeting. I thought we were going to talk about how we were going to increase the social media and how we can do more things with, you know, the military. And so it was great that we spent those first few minutes really getting on the same page with that one simple question, because we were on two separate pages. And then it was like, okay, wait a minute, what, what are we doing here? And then we were able to get on the common page and align our action on our conversation. What's much more meaningful from the meeting?

Yes, this checking in process is a wonderful way to create focus and to really create alignment as well with what you're, you know, what you're having a conversation about and creating that sense of clarity.

You're exactly right. Well, ladies and gentlemen, we've come to the end of our event and we have modeled a practice that you can use as a facilitator and a participant. And as we've been answering these provocations through the podcast, we invite all of you to also think about this. You could take these provocations and try them in your meetings or at home or with a best friend, or at church meetings, at school meetings. You could just journal yourself and just practice them and start to notice your thinking, because leadership always starts with ourself. And we can notice our thinking and our engagement. And keep in mind that there are multiple ways of doing a check in both personal and professional. And you can't do it wrong unless you don't do it. Nicole, what resonated with you with our conversation today?

I think you just summed it up beautifully right there. You can't do it wrong unless you don't do it. This intentional practice can be simple but not easy, and I think that's a wonderful way to end. Just knowing that you can do this. It can be simple question and see what comes up. Try it out. Let us know how it goes.

Thank you and we'll see you next week.

Sincerest thanks for listening to this episode of the Everyday Leadership Conversations podcast. The Jorgensen Learning center offers a variety of programs for individuals and organizations to enhance their communication and leadership skills. To find out more about programs and upcoming webinars, check out our events page@gojlc.com.