Inside JLC: Resolutions/How to Lose 5 Pounds

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us at JLC Media. This is our podcasting platform that we're on right now. You can see us on YouTube, we have a site there that you can enjoy this on and you can see the lovely faces that are interacting right now, or you can just grab us on Apple or Spotify, both. All those platforms are available to you to listen to this interaction. This is conversational leadership and we're going to be in conversation. And Colleen and her colleagues have chosen a slightly different title for this. This is called Inside jlc. So it is me and my colleagues talking about our work and how we try and share our work with people interested in becoming a better version of self. Maybe it's a team, maybe it's a individual, maybe it's an entire organization, but this is a series that is being touted as Inside jlc. With that said, Colleen is going to set the stage, set our intention today. And those of you that are used to us, listen to how she will craft the context, the purpose and the outcome of today's conversation. Colleen, all yours.

Welcome and thank you for joining us. We are kind of turning over into a new year. And one of the things that generally, as I'm a leader, many times I'm doing some annual planning, some strategic planning, setting some new goals. Many of you perhaps are setting personal goals or maybe goals with your family or having goal setting conversations with those that are in your care. And so our invitation to you today is what we would like to do is to develop a common understanding of how can we set an intention or make a resolution or really define and establish some goals of what we'd like to accomplish. So what does that look like and how can we do that? But this is the key. How can we sustain those? So 30 days in, 60 days in, we don't lose sight of what it is we're trying to accomplish. We hope at the end of this that you walk away with even just one thing that you can embed in your everyday conversations, whether they're at home or in the office, to really help you stay focused and accomplish whatever it is that resolution is or that particular goal. So I'm going to pause and lean into my colleague Joe. Joe, what are you hearing that we're going to be chatting about today in this particular podcast? And how'd that land on you?

So it's the stick to itiveness of setting a goal and following through to see it to completion, which I think is. There's a lot of cultural talk around this at this time of year, with the new year coming. But it's an important topic, not just at this time of year, but anytime that a leader sees his organization needs to go in a new direction. And certainly there's personal dimensions to it as well for having goals for yourself or your family. But I think the tactics, techniques can be much the same.

I think they can be very much the same. So you immediately made me think about myself. My world has been busy. This Covid world for us has been very busy. And one of the intentions, and it's not a new intention for us, but my, my wife and I, Ruby, who is our president, we have chosen to focus on how do we protect time so that we have more one on one conversation, just two of us. And if you've been in my world at all, you all know that we live in a very lovely neighborhood and there's people everywhere and they're constantly stopping by. And so that's one of the things that she and I are thinking about. So that would be what I'm thinking about. 2. I was asked just recently by a gentleman who is a. An insurance salesman, and he said to me, I really don't know how to keep my team together around the agreed upon weekly goals. And so I leaned back into what I learned from Joe and Colleen in their interactions with the people that they work with. And I made one statement and I'd love you both to react to this. I said, I urge you at the beginning of the week that you and your team, which amounted to about four people or five people, that you and your team each identify, what would it look like to accomplish your end state for this week, just this week, and what would be evidence of success then on Friday, in the afternoon, after lunch or coffee, or whenever you feel it's appropriate to close out the work week, that you would stop and check, check and say, how'd we do? Not from the standpoint of criticizing or judging, but from the standpoint of how did you do in accomplishing your end state? Did you have the necessary resources? Is there anything that you need from us as a team or from me as, quote, leader to enable you to move forward? It sounds too simple. I know it sounds too simple. And in my journey, in my life, those are the only things that helped me actually dig deep in myself and make a change without drifting into, you're an idiot. You never get this right, how you got, you know, that other side of the game. Colleen, what are you thinking about what I just said? And then please hand off to Jo.

Yeah, no, what I'm thinking is I think you did a good story to explain creative tension. Right. And the critical nature of. If you want to consistently, you want to make sure you get stuff done, you want to stay focused, you've got the larger goals, but are you then taking a look at some of those smaller milestones and some of those smaller incremental steps that are going to get you there, and really having that conversation at the beginning to set expectations of what is it we're trying to achieve? Where are we now in our current reality? And then what are we going to do each day to make sure we're moving forward and keeping that in play? Oh, my gosh. To your point, sounds pretty simple. And yet many of the leaders we chat with, they don't do it. So we talk about, does your team know what you're trying to accomplish? We had our annual meeting last week, and they've got their, you know, their paper up on their wall. Well, but how can we personalize that? So now I have a deeper understanding of, yes, I get the strategic vision, but now let's have these weekly conversations about some of the weekly goals. And I love that piece at the end of the week, that reflection. And not from a space of judgment, but it's really to say, how are we doing and are we on track? Right. What are some of the things that you might need from each other to ensure that we can meet these goals and that we meet them next week?

That's really, really good. Joe, how's this all landing on you?

Yeah, so I think there's quite a bit in the culture of government and in the Department of Defense in particular, that's around successes and failures and thinking of things constantly in terms of successes and failures. And we love to keep box scores and. And grade ourselves, judge ourselves that way. I think it's. And then within the Department of Defense or within government, I think many times we look at organizations, though, that have been successful in bringing change in their part of the world, and we just kind of marvel at the fact that they were able to do that. And I think when we pull back the layers on that, we frequently find common things. And I believe those common things to be. Start small. If you. If you set goals of, you know, getting in shape, changing your diet, being a better driver, being a better human being, you know, that. I mean, the. You know, you can. You can set so many goals that sound good and are worthy, but frankly, it's more than a Roman. A Roman legion could accomplish in a year. So Really, I think it's better to start on things with small steps, but cleave to them, talk about them publicly, emphasize and keep it out there as a goal. So, for example, one of the things we talk about in meeting leadership is making sure that you say what the purpose of a meeting is at the beginning, the context, purpose, and outcome. I think it's important for your group to hear you say over and over as a leader. All right, today we're meeting. The thing that we are seeking here today is alignment and each of you understanding how you can support each other better and how we can support each other as a group. Repeating that every session, some will say, oh, but you repeat that every session, then it becomes boring, becomes boilerplate. And I am more in the camp that says that no. The group hearing it every time begins to realize no. That the leader really means this, that the leader is serious about us supporting each other, about us communicating clearly, about us aligning with each other and really committing to that as a standard and not falling off of that standard as you go forward.

Yeah. And did you notice, I mean, that was such a great example of judger language. Well, you don't need to do that every time. Why are you going to do that every time? People are going to get bored. They don't need to hear that we need to do something different. So I love that you lay that on the table, Joe, because we do. We hear that from our clients a lot. And it's the consistency and the intentionality around doing it every time. And it might sound. Different things happen all the time. You need to adapt and adjust. But how can you, as the leader still continue to set an intentional focus and a common understanding of what it is you want at the end of that agenda item? That is where the money is. Because people want to get things done, but then they're not sure what, what, what is the expected action. Right. So how can you use that? So you stay out of that judger language, and you're really helping people see that vision and remind them to align them towards what it is they're trying to get done every week.

Did she get you, Joe?

I do. I think again, there's many facets to this discussion, and I think as a leader, many times you're driven by judgment. Oh, we're gonna have an inspection next year, and I want us to. But I think the need internally that the organization has. The organization, I believe, responds to sort of mechanically to that kind of thinking. And it's up to the leader to figure out how to mobilize the emotion behind that, know that this is a good thing. Frankly, nobody is coming to make us do these things. Yes, we're going to have some type of review or inspection or whatever where they're going to evaluate how we're doing it. But let's look beyond that and let's think about how are we meeting the purpose and intent of this on a regular basis. And also recognizing that it's a goal and that there are days that you're not going to do very well at the goal. And that's going to be okay because you recognize the goal and you're still working on it. Again, the role of self talk in this and your mental state. So I have, like a lot of us, I play an occasional game on my phone, which is a matching game, right? It has a screen full of tiles, and you need to find the two tiles that are alike, and then they, you know, they disappear off the screen when you do that. So. So there are times when I open up that game and I'm looking at it and I'm thinking, you know, okay, I'm just not very good. My mental faculties are declining and I find any matches on. That's right, Bill. And I'm just. So I did a little experiment with myself where I went to the kind of the other quadrant where I deliberately put myself into a state where I said, okay, there's a screen full of tiles here, and my job is to help. Is to help the matches find each other.

Fantastic.

And so when I did that, frankly, it became hugely easier to start to start seeing the matches, whereas before I was having to go hint, hint, hint, hint, hint, because I just couldn't see them right in front of my face. Now suddenly, oh, yeah. The way that the game is designed, the matches are always on the outer periphery. And so now I can see the pattern and the matches become very easy. So, again, that's a silly example, but again, I think for leadership to stay on the purpose and to be positive about what is possible and not allow the group to get into overly judging and being overly negative on what they're trying to do.

So what you did, Joe, was actually when we did a podcast recently on how language and culture are intimately connected. If you change one, you change the other. You just taught us that you changed. You changed your internal language, and by doing so, a way forward became more clear. So I am really thinking a lot lately about the difference between you are my colleagues to you are my allies in our company in supporting leaders and becoming their best version of themselves. And if I think of you as allies rather than colleague, something is different inside of me. It's different language about how I see my relationship with the two of you and our other associates. So, Joe, that was absolutely. I get it. Silly example. And Bill, you know, I'm getting there, too. I don't remember anyone's name. So that that ability for us to stop saying, I'm getting old. I can't remember anything. I couldn't remember anything 30 years ago. You know, I would have the same fricking issues. But then all of a sudden today, because I'm old and I hang around with other old guys, we all say similar stuff to each other. This one group I meet regularly, I ask them, just spend the first 10 minutes telling us what's wrong with you so we can call it our MASH unit. Right? Just tell us what's wrong with you for 10 minutes, then shut up. Let's talk about something else that's coming up or something interesting or something moving forward. Language culture, intimately connected. You change one, you change the other. Joe, that was magnificent. Colleen, what are you learning? Thinking.

You know, I really like Joe's story as well. And I think what I was thinking was it changed his self talk, changed how he viewed himself before your language. Like, oh, my God, I'm getting old. Early dementia's kicking in. I can't believe I can't do this game and I'm struggling. Right. You shifted that within you. You focused into something different. You shifted your language. And then you're like, oh, my God, I totally see the patterns. And your performance changed. I think those two big things, your self talk, impacts your performance because it impacts how you talk about yourself and perhaps how you show up. I think that that is a great example. And I think that people can use that in their everyday leadership conversations, in how they show up for a huddle or they want to enhance their performance or be better at what they'. I think it's a really great idea to pause and to think about, how are you talking to yourself? How are you showing up in that meeting? What are the words that you're using with your team? And how might those be a limiting factor for you to really be your best self every day at work?

Yeah. And I think it's. I think, for some time, I think sometimes when we talk about these things, leaders get a little conflicted because there's many different avenues of information here. Part of it is, oh, set big, hairy, audacious goals. And, you know, and if you don't have that, then, you know, you don't. You're not aiming high enough. What we've talked about here is, hey, start simple, build momentum. And so I don't think that these are necessarily different things. And I think you can easily say, okay, I want to be more physically fit in the coming year. And as you said, Colleen, that does have to translate into, all right, what am I doing today to be more active? And so maybe that's taking a walk, maybe it's riding the bike. I think we get all into, oh, well, how far did you go on the bike? Well, I went 10 miles. Okay, well, that sounds great.

How much weight did you lose?

But it's okay if you go three miles. I mean, it's, you know, the point isn't that everything has to be measured and judged. Again, living in a culture that does a lot of measuring and judging. But I think this is part of the empathetic role of leadership, is to recognize the human condition, yes, to have big goals, but to understand practically what are we doing today. And this is the leadership firmness piece of this, I think, and to stay on the goal.

So, Joe, you have made me three times think about one of your chiefs of staff, Joe, who used very similar language to you all the time because the two of you were connected at the hip and clearly could identify. Let's start small, but let's keep focused. And I think the common language that the two of you used over time had a major impact on the culture of the teams that you were leading. And I love that you thought about your work as leading teams. I really did. I mean, there's so much about how you envisioned yourself as leader and that common language that you set up with that gentleman, I think it was almost magical if you look at it from the outside. But really what was going on was a deep allyship between you and your cos and a sharing of the leadership language that you both came to say, this is important. This is good stuff. You recall that, I hope.

Yes, yes. And again, I think it's an example of how if you start small, but you consistently work at it, then you do build momentum, you do build converts. People do begin to see a difference in the culture, in the work, and in themselves.

So he's reinforcing that piece we started with, ladies and gentlemen, that are listening. Language and culture are intimately connected. My personal culture as a leader is deeply connected to the self talk that I use about myself as leader, the self talk I use about myself as a dad or a grandpa, as a Partner in a relationship is also an artifact of the culture I'm attempting to create with the different people I'm in allyship with. I love this idea of ally as opposed to, well, so I have a relationship with them or they are. They're my colleague. I think it's very, very different. Gang, what's one thing you'd like someone to take away from this conversation today? Colleen?

Words matter. And words matter internally, how you speak to yourself and externally, how you speak to those around you and those you care about. And I'm out.

Thank you, Joe.

Yeah. So I heard somebody say one time, I don't remember who it was, but I heard somebody say, so if you'd like to change the world, start by losing five pounds. And again, it was not intended to be a judgment, but I think it was intended. It's intended. The spirit and intent of that comment is to force us to focus on. On how change is difficult, but how change is also possible.

Yes, yes, yes.

And I'm out.

And degrees. I love that. You know, one of my. I had a lot of people that I looked up to as teachers to me and one gentleman who is in this work of leadership development, he was at a conference and he was about 35, 40 pounds overweight. And after the session was over and everybody stood up and gave a standing ovation, he was leaving and guy stopped and shook his hand, said, thank you for great presentation. And he poked him in the belly and he said, do you really believe this stuff that you just told us? And he said it was a life changing moment for him because he was using language to say what we can do to change how we could be different, how we can. And to your point, that's why when you said that little five pound game was interesting because then he's like, I am not modeling what I'm saying. Language, culture, intimately related. Intimately related. Especially our self talk and our personal culture as whatever identity we want. Leader, parent, partner, gang. Thank you so much for listening to us. This is such a pleasure to talk to Colleen and to talk to Joe. For me, they are my allies in this work moving forward. This work has incredible impact and we hear from people all the time how it has changed their lives personally and professionally. We urge you, give us a ring, set up a little discovery, call on us. We'll be happy to chat with you about whatever your challenges are and do our best to step on the path to a success you want with you. Thank you for being here. See us at go G O J L c dot com Take care everyone. Happy Holiday. Sincerest thanks for listening to this episode.

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