Team Resiliency in Action

So, ladies and gentlemen, this is our check in at the JLC weekly meeting. And we've chosen to take the topic every once in a while and find out how the topic lands on us or resonates with us. So this week I was reading a piece about coaches rising and they use one of my favorite coaches, authors, poets, philosopher by the name of David White. He reads a. Read a little piece. I'm going to read you the piece and as a check in, I'd like each of you to let me know how these words resonate, land on you, occur to you any way you want to kind of talk about that. I'll read the piece twice. It's very short. In order to change, either individually or collectively, we have to change the conversation we're having. To do so, we must learn to steward ourselves into our next level of maturity for which we need to have a relationship with silence. We can cultivate this by leaving our phones behind when we go for a walk, sitting with a cup of tea, or in contemplation without distraction. In order to change, either individually or collectively, we have to change the conversation we're having. To do so, we must learn to steward ourselves into our next level of maturity for which we need to have a relationship with silence. A relationship with silence. We can cultivate this by leaving our phones behind when we go for a walk, sitting with a cup of tea, or in contemplation without distraction. So how does that land on you? Anybody can start and the next person just either hand off to the next colleague and see how they heard you. That would probably be great. Who'd like to start? How do those words land on you?

Okay, so I'll get a start. You know, I've been bombarded, we've all been bombarded with the news of the George Floyd trial and the graphic details of what's been going on. And then yesterday the president put out his plan, his $2 trillion plan about how to shift the economy in the nation infrastructure in the future. So those two major issues have really been resonating with me and I've been bombarded in my subconscious every day. Yeah. And I think that it's a very apropos thing that as a nation, if we're going to improve, we're going to change. And instead of yelling at each other and pointing fingers, we collectively just need a moment of silence and look at how we see ourselves and where we want to go. So that's what was resonating with me as you read that. I was reflecting on that. I'M in. And I would like to hand it off to Julie.

Thank you, Vince. And I'm going to add to what you're saying is it's really difficult nowadays to find silence there. No matter where you go, a doctor's office or picking up food or wherever, there just seems to be constantly TV on. And it gives me a headache sometimes. So trying to find that space, whether it's in my house or now that it's getting warmer, just going outside and sitting for a little bit, that's one of the things I think that everybody looks forward to in vacation, is just to unplug and to have that silence. And we don't have to wait until vacation to do it. If we're really intentional, we can do that each and every day, even just for two minutes, even a minute, and have that focus on where am I now and where would I like to go? I'm in. And I'm going to pass it on to Colleen.

Sure. What I'm kind of hearing both Vince and Julie talk about is this sense of self awareness. And when you spoke and said those words and shared those with us, Ray, what resonated with me was that sense of stewarding ourselves to that next level of maturity. And what I heard both Vince and Julie talk about is it's recognizing when you need that pause when you're bombarded with all of these messages, when you're recognizing the TV's always on, you're constantly getting bombarded with information. It's recognizing that and then ensuring that you take the time to pause and reflect. And so to me, that really spoke and were great examples of that sense of. Of stewarding yourselves to that next level of maturity and having that relationship with silence. It takes some self awareness in order to do so. And I'm in. And I'm going to hand off to Sharon.

Yeah, I just first have to definitely echo what Vince said. I came today with just sadness in my heart because of what's going on with that trial. And I'm one of the people that have not been able to watch that interview eight minutes or whatever it was because it's just too disheartening for me. But as I listened coach to what you said, a couple of things. One, we don't have that time to disconnect. We are constantly, when you said, don't bring the phone, and we are constantly on and being intentional about making this a daily disconnect so that we can gather our thoughts and really do the self reflection that's needed and for who we are to prepare ourselves for the day and to think about challenges and how we might want to approach those. Because it's just like when we talk about diversity and equity and inclusion, it's not something that you should do when there's a crisis. It should be something that's a part of your daily sort of, how can I make this happen? How can I move myself to change? And knowing that change doesn't happen overnight, it does take that daily shutdown and to really say, okay, this is just going to be about me, whether it be for 5 minutes, 10 minutes, or 15 minutes, and I'm going to hand off to Joe.

Yeah. So the things that. The thing that really lands on me, Ray, is that we talk about reflection being key and the reading speaks to that, having that reflection time. I think executives need time to reflect again. As I say in the literature, reflection is the engine of change. Now with the advent of iPhone 12, the phone will be able to follow you into the shower. So if that was your time for reflection, you've now lost that. And so I think making reflection a more conscious time, a more conscious decision, a choice is important and is becoming another executive skill. I recently came across another, a new term that I really liked, which was called, well, it is monotasking as opposed to multitasking. You decide you are going to focus on a single thing, you know, so you can watch the movie, you don't have to watch the movie and play solitaire or whatever, or you can decide that you're going to work on email, not work on email, and conduct a zoom call or whatever. So I would encourage people to think about those things. And I'm in. And I'll pass it off to Nicole.

So as I was kind of listening and hearing what everyone was saying, it struck me how often when we get overwhelmed by things, I see people retreat into their devices and phones as a distraction. So whereas somebody might have chosen previously to take a walk or have some space or do something else, when we get overwhelmed, oftentimes with the news or the events or what's going on in our lives, we avoid that space of silence and reflection and fill it with TikTok and Instagram scrolling, because those things give us those hits of dopamine that we're craving. And while we could go for a walk and be sit in the sun and get some level of dopamine, the instant dopamine we receive from the likes or the scrolls or the whatever is so seductive. So it's just interesting to me how as coaches or parents or Friends, how we might encourage that space rather than avoiding ourselves. If we are going to steward ourselves to our next highest version of ourselves, how do we encourage those, those spaces of reflection or those times to just be within each other? So that's how it's landing on me. And back to you, Ra.

It is. You know, we, we as a community work on self talk and the stories that we tell ourselves. And it almost seems like I don't want to hear my story because I can distract myself with something else. I don't want to really take a awkward very times awkward and very honest look at self and how I am relating to whatever is unfolding. And I thought you guys did that beautifully and the idea of resilience. And I got to tell you, I am overwhelmed with everything I'm reading and watching and learning about this resilience work that we've chosen to bring to our community. I can't think of one that didn't say it's necessary to take time out for yourself and not to judge, but to notice the narratives that are going on. Noticing is a form of awareness as we teach leadership with itness. We talk about leadership, presence and awareness. And I thought that was appropriate for us today as we're moving forward and as an entity, JLC is maturing. I know, I'm working on it. And as a community, I think we are all collectively and individually working on maturing. That's really nice work, folks. Thank you very much. So, ladies and gentlemen, those of you that are watching this or listening to this, this is an opportunity to observe how the folks who practice this JLC work just relentlessly go through something called the checkout. But we're going to do it still around. This sense of resiliency and personal resiliency is critical. It's one of three areas that we will speak about in one of our podcasts. But today I'm going to invite the gang to respond to a simple provocation. One of the areas of focus is personal, meaning myself and my family. So what are you doing either individually or with your family to find some time to enable that relationship to mature even more? What is something you are personally doing to enable the relationship that you have with yourself and family to mature even more? Who would like to start?

Well, the first thing that came to this is Julie. The first thing that came to my mind is my father. My mother took care of him and did everything and then she passed away two years ago with cervical cancer. And so I, as the eldest child and only female, took on the role of taking care of him and doing the store and making the dinners and all of that sort of thing. And we have slowly been working on him being able to take care of himself and not feel overwhelmed. And it's been hard for both of us because I already cook anyway, so it's easy for me to say, well, here are your meals for the week. And then what happens is I'm not always home. And then what the hell is he going to do? Right? So that's the first relationship that I thought of that has changed. Not only have I changed from daughter to sort of caretaker, but then also he's now having to take care of himself. And that's different for him. And I'm out.

That is a maturing relationship, shifts and matures. And it's really stunning to me how many people are experiencing this, how family, personal family relationship shifts and matures. That's elegant. Thank you. Who'd like to go next?

You can go next. I have a family example as well. And for me, what came to mind in connection with what we talked about in our check in about that, Putting down our devices. I'm always asking. I have two teenage boys, 16 and 14, and. And when they come home from school or soccer practice or wherever they are, whatever they're doing or done with online school, I always ask, you know, how'd it go? How was your day? And usually you get a very short answer. You know, it was fine. I don't remember. It was boring, whatever their short little answer is. But there are always times later where they really want to talk to me about what happened. They'll just start, I'll be doing something else and they'll start in and want to tell me all about the thing or all about their interactions or their teacher or the goals they scored. And I've been in the past, I think I will still remain distracted while they come to me and want to say these things. But I've been trying to be very intentional lately about giving them my undivided attention during those times. If I'm on my phone, I'll put it down and not touch it. If I'm doing something else, I will very, you know, intentionally say, I really want to hear this from you. I'm going to be right back. I was running to the basement or whatever, and I want to hear about this as soon as I come back. So just being really intentional about opening up that space when they're ready to share and talk with me and I'm out.

Okay. That is absolutely a maturing relationship. And the fact that you're doing that is about letting go of and holding on simultaneously. It's the most interesting and elegant relationship between a mom and children or between a dad and kids. And it doesn't end. That's the part that's really interesting. It does not end. And then we can let go and allow them to find the time to be with you. Be with you in an environment where you are mono. What do you call it? Mono tasking. Joe, you gave us that earlier where I'm just with you right now. That was really very cool. Who would like to go next?

Yeah, I will go ahead. And just to say very similar. I think from my perspective, just thinking about this resiliency and really this sense of staying connected, I think that it's having the self awareness to meet people where they are. And so what I've done with even my mom with my kids, it's recognizing, you know, she needs more frequent communication. So I've done that, been very intentional to make sure that I'm reaching out to her more frequently. Whereas my son who's 18, Connor, you know, he's like, every time I talk to him, first thing out of my mouth is about school. So I'm recognizing that because he doesn't call me back anymore or text me back. So I'm recognizing that I need to like temper myself with him and give him more space. So I think part of this relationship is meeting people where they are and where they're at and I need to be cognizant and aware of that. So I'm not kind of pushing myself in, but just really, really having the self awareness to give them what they need when they need it. And I'm out.

Yeah. So that obviously is a maturing and you're maturing in this relationship and so is Connor and so is your mom. And your mom is going to be able to say, you know, I don't need to talk to you every 30 seconds or, you know, once a day is enough or you're driving me crazy, whatever it is, and I love you. Brought forward the sense that we have as executive coaches to meet people where they are. It's almost like the opening of any coaching conversation. Somehow in that first couple of minutes, it's how can I serve you best today? How can I serve you best yesterday or tomorrow? It's how can I serve you best today? That is a maturing relationship for an executive coach. It's magnificent. Thank you. Who'd like to go?

Well, I'll go. Mine is along the Same lines. I have children who are transitioning. So my daughter's 18, is getting ready to go to college. So the relationship, she's home for just another few months and then she's off someplace. And so I took her to her appointment today. We ride in the car and they don't say very much. You know, I get the two words. How's everything? Fine. And so today I just decided to have a different conversation to say, hey, you know, you're gonna go. You gotta make some decisions. And, you know, I'm always here if you need me. You know, you're gonna. You could just call me about anything. I won't judge you. So our relationship is changing from when she was daddy's girl, and I used to read her books and give a lot of directions. So now having to change the dynamics of how we engage. And the whole time I was on active duty, I worked. My wife really didn't work while I served. She was home with the kids. So now in retirement, she works full time. And so our time has shifted because I'm the stay at home dad. And so I try to make very intentional, deliberate efforts on the weekends to prioritize what she needs, how she would like to engage, since we really don't do that very much now. And our roles have shifted and changed. So resilience and change are the two things that are going on in my household. And I'm out.

That's magnificent. And there's a certain personal narrative that you're telling yourself about how you want to be different. And I can't tell you how many kids will say in my. I mean, I would talk to hundreds of kids every day, how you doing? Fine. And I didn't say, you know, F didn't stand for fucked up. I did. Frenzied. I'm frenzied, intense, neurotic, and emotional. And it is like. It's almost like a dismissive thing. It's like when a kid used to tell me, whatever, you know, what that really means, Right. So how to get past that into a whole nother space. And congrats to you, brother. And I love this sense of thinking about our relationships as maturing. And not just today I'm this way and tomorrow I'm that way. It is a maturing relationship. And I think that's true with those that we coach. Same. Same kind of thing. It's magnificent. Thank you. Jill, how'd that stuff land on you?

Yes. Good. The thing I want to share is something I did probably about a month ago. Where I deleted the, off of my phone, the for profit news applications that I had on there. So I just found that I was really, you know, a real junkie. I've always been kind of a news junkie. But of course the for profit 24 hour news cycle just constantly pounding away, you know, I found that frankly I was emotionally frequently distraught over the things that were being reported and the way they were being reported and it just was not a good pattern for me. So, so I decided I was going to step back. So I deleted the applications and went to the hard news places, so npr, AP and BBC frankly. And so I let those be my source of news. So it was interesting because I spent the first couple of weeks still dialing up some of the for profit news organizations because it was difficult to give up the sugar, right? Yeah, it's such a strong thing. But I really discovered that after. But again, because I didn't have the apps, it was more difficult to get to those things. And so over time I made the shift and I gave up, you know, going to out to still look at those things and just relied upon the hardcore news organizations. And so then what I fell into was a space where the pace was far more deliberate, the news was far more factual based and it began to moderate my emotional state around the developments that are going on. So that's my story and I'm out.

So that story is unquestionably a maturing for self and I have become equally distraught about news channels and because I spend time in that area of how do you get somebody's attention? Well, you know, incoming missiles, News at 11, that gets your attention, right? And so many of these authors, editors, whoever's managing the particular news cycle, their interest is to get you distraught so you continue to pay attention. They actually receive bonuses and kudos from their leaders if you can keep that person hooked on whatever the story is. And we all know this, it's like anguish, worry, concern, it sells, it sells and people want to see it. And so that what you just offered us, all of you by the way, is an elegant way to see self in the context of development in this world where that relationship with yourself is the first relationship that has to be attended to so that you can move successfully with those closest to you. Great checkout gang. You guys are wonderful. Those of you that are listening to us, please dial us up. Go to www.gojlc.com and there'll be more for you to see. Thanks everybody and thanks everyone for listening. Sincerest thanks for listening to this episode.

Of the Everyday Leadership Conversations podcast, the Jorgensen Learning center offers a variety of programs for individuals and organizations to enhance their communication and leadership skills. To find out more about programs and upcoming webinars, check out our events page@gojlc.com.