What Are You Missing? Leadership Presence & Awareness

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us at JLC Media, where we talk about everyday leadership conversations under the larger context of conversational leadership. We've been working on change for a while now, and I'm going to identify a little story for the gang so that they can recognize that there are some ways to move forward. Once I understand how I am thinking about a given situation, and sometimes how I'm thinking about it isn't so apparent. You've got to look, look, look really deeply, say what's going on with me. What am I saying to myself about this situation at the end of this. This simple little story I'm going to tell you will give each of you an opportunity to recognize that you've had the same experience. The story is just a story, but it's a story about our lives, my life, your lives. And it helps us rejuvenate our practice so we can notice how these very significant stories from the field allow us to work on our own mental models, our own mind states and our beliefs. What are you hearing me say I'm doing here today, Vince?

So I'm going to ask you to go to my colleagues. Ray. I was momentarily distracted by something I.

Want to come that's actually called safe space, ladies and gentlemen. Thank you. Pay attention, Vince. Colleen. What is your.

Colleen?

Sure.

I heard that you're going to share a story with us and really we're going to be kind of focused on and really thinking about our mindsets and kind of our mental models and how they impact. Impact conversations.

That's beautiful. Yeah. And giving us that space to say, how might I do it differently? Nicole, what did you hear?

I heard you say we're going to talk about change and how change occurs for us, whether that's in our self talk or in our actions or behaviors.

Because how you think eventually is how you behave. So that's going to really catch this one today for sure. Vince, anything to add?

Yeah, I just. The word that really popped in my mind was being careful of being aware of biases. So your self talk and how you put things in a context can set you up if you're not careful for bias with how you interact with other people. So we're going to be able to explore that a little bit today with stories.

That's perfect. Perfect, perfect. So I have. My story will actually go right into what Vince just said to us, and I hope you enjoy it. So I have a young man who's learning to ride a mountain bike and he's about, I'd say, 12 years old, and he's out there with his teachers, and they were all riding, having a wonderful experience. And he starts to ride his mountain bike, and he's a little unsure, and he's kind of wobbling a little bit on it. And about 100 yards out in front of him is a big rock. The rock's sitting there by itself in the field, and the big rock's out there. And he starts to ride his bike, and he's looking out there and he's thinking to himself and saying to himself, I don't want to hit the rock. I don't want to hit the rock. I don't want to hit the rock. I don't want the rock. Damn. Rock. Rock. So he smacks it, right. So what he does is he recognizes there's something in his way that he would like to not hit. And he kept saying to himself, I don't want to hit the rock. I don't want to hit the rock. I don't hit the rock. I don't want to fail at this. I don't want to look like a bad xo. I don't want to look like a bad leader. I don't want to see what I mean. So how does that story resonate with you guys? As you were doing your coaching and consulting with people and talk about your own practice? How does that resonate with you? Nicole, you get to go first.

So it making me think about the idea of what you focus on grows and what the eye sees, what the mind looks for. So if you are focused in on, what I'm hearing is that rock. Hit that rock. Hit that rock. Whether I'm putting a don't in front of it or not, my mind is still thinking about hitting that rock, hitting that rock, and how important it is to frame what we say to ourselves, what we repeat to ourselves in the positive. If we want to be the best leader, have the best conversation that we can have with our team, we don't want to go into that thinking, like, I hope I don't screw up this conversation. I hope I don't screw up this conversation, or this is going to be really hard. This is going to be really hard. Rather than coming into that with a mindset of this is going to unfold the way it's meant to, I am prepared to have this conversation.

So what Nicole just did for you was the essence of the talk. She shifted. I'm worried about this. I'm worried about that, too. This is what I affirm. I want this particular meeting to work out toward this is my end state. And in terms of the rock, if we keep thinking about the rock. And the first time I learned of this deeper psychological structure was from a neuroscientist who said that the subconscious, which creates our mental models. Right. The subconscious doesn't hear the word don't. So if I say don't hurry, what do you hear? Hurry. You know, don't be late, be late. So there's so much about this that functions in our subconscious, and you just beautifully concocted two or three affirmations on the other side of it. So I see the rock and then I almost. If you can do this in your self talk, say, what's my way around the rock? Where's my end state? How do I get to my end state where the rock is out there, but just part of the landscape. This rock could be somebody in your next meeting. This rock could be your boss. This rock could be your partner. Who knows? And the roles change all the time. But notice, once I recognize a situation or potential problem, if I shift my language and my self talk to the solution, oh, I go around the rock. That was beautiful, Nicole. Colleen, what are you thinking and learning?

Yeah, I think when you were talking about the rock, my wondering is, because I agree with Nicole, what you focus on grows. If I'm so focused on the rock, I miss that.

Guess what?

There was a really good path to the left of the rock that was in some grass, and that was a single trail. And that was the way I was supposed to go. But I was so locked onto the damn rock that I didn't see anything else. And it blinded me that I actually went off of the path right, right to the rock. So I think sometimes with some of the leaders that we work with and that I've coached over the years, they lock onto something. Then they miss out on perhaps other pieces of information, data, and that limits their decision making capabilities. So they move out and move ahead. Making a decision, perhaps, but maybe not as well thought out as possible.

That's brilliant, Colleen. So, Colleen, those of you listening, she put two enormously important leadership concepts on the table. If I lock onto the rock, I lock out other possibilities. I know you've all seen the old lady, young lady picture, right? If I lock onto the young lady, I can't see the old lady. If I lock onto the rock, I can't see potential paths around the rock. In fact, if I lock on too hard to the problem, I create what's called a scotoma or a blind spot, which means I can't even see the other things. I didn't even know they're there. I'm ignoring them and walking in a whole different direction. That was great. Vince, what are you thinking?

So I want to build onto the analogy, man, because it really hit me. So I'm a motorcycle rider. And when you go to motorcycle safety school, the very first thing they tell you, if you look at something, that's where your motor, where you look, that's where the motorcycle's gonna go, right? And so if you don't wanna hit that rock, man, don't look at it. You know, you gotta turn your head almost the other way so you can turn the bike around. So that was my analogy. And then if I looked at a job, when you start talking about scotoma. So there's some leaders out there over the years I've learned who are not people centric, right? They're introverts. And so they spend their time in their office looking at the files of paperwork and on the computer answering emails. And so what did they miss? That's their rock. They didn't get out there and interact with their people and go and find out how people communicating the message. And so those are the two examples that I thought of as I listened to the story. You can have scotomas based off just your mindset if you're not careful. So anyway, what my colleague said with.

That, Dan, sounds beautiful. So sometimes I get locked on to working in my office because there's so much to do. My to do list is now 10 pages long. I'm locked on to getting my to do list done. And I now have a scotoma or a blind spot to the other possibilities that are out there. And I lose resonance with the people that we were with. Big concepts today, gang. And these concepts are all about leadership, leadership, powerful leadership messages. So I'm going to each of you to give me check out with what is the biggest leadership message? And just one, not more than one, one. And then you can all add one to this. What's the biggest leadership message that came out of this conversation for you, Nicole?

So something that keeps coming up as we're having this conversation here is the question that I like to ask clients sometimes when I see that they're struggling with the rock, when they're focused in on the rock is are you advocating for your limitations or are you advocating for your possibilities? And just that notice of what it is in their language, in their self talk, what are they advocating for? Sometimes it's the limitations they get stuck on that or the possibilities that they're missing.

I had heard a great talk in preparation for this where no one's really interested in your woe in your past problems. They want to know what is your wisdom from all that you've learned so far. But if we're not careful, we'll drift into that place of let me tell you what's wrong rather than now. I'm not saying we don't recognize things that are wrong. In fact, I like worst case scenarios, but only from a learning standpoint. That's brilliant, Nicole. Thank you so much. Vince, what's resonating with you in this conversation? Big leadership takeaway.

Big leadership takeaway is just to be aware of your strengths and your weaknesses and your scotomas and understand that the organization is going to always focus on your priorities, not your personality.

I love it. Oh boy, do I love that. Yes, the organizations were not very interested in your self talk, are they? They're very interested in the priorities that they if readiness is our priority, what are you doing about readiness? Right. If we are supposed to do production, how are you helping the team win in the context of production? Really good stuff. Thank you. Leadership idea Colleen.

Words matter. I think one of the number one things that people ask us about that they're focused on is communication. And something so simple is your words matter. The words you use internally in your internal dialogue with your self talk, as well as the words that you choose when you're engaging with your colleagues, when you're engaging with those you lead, and also those perhaps that supervise you. So I think it's just to be intentional and very deliberate about the words you choose.

Words matter so much. Colleen. Thank you. So those of you that are listening to this, if you are aspiring leaders, if your parents, if you are leaders today, are you just somebody hanging out, not doing anything other than say, I want to hear a podcast about X. Thanks for showing up. I think it was good. A few things to leave you with. Everything's about choice and if we risk, we risk. And some people are so risk averse, it's their risk averse because their self talk is if I try this and it doesn't work, here's the bad stuff that's going to happen versus if I try this and it works, here's the good stuff that could happen or if I try this and it doesn't work, here are some of the things I can learn so my next set of behaviors are even stronger. Leadership, presence and awareness are everything to us at JLC and what you really heard today was all about leadership, presence and awareness. What a pleasure to be with you everyone. Please come see us@gojlc.com and feel free to contact any one of us if you'd like to learn a little bit more about locking on, locking out, scotomes and choice. Pleasure to be with you. Hope you have a wonderful rest of your day. Thank you.

Sincerest thanks for listening to this episode of the Everyday Leadership Conversations podcast. The Jorgensen Learning center offers a variety of programs for individuals and organizations to enhance their communication and leadership skills. To find out more about programs and upcoming webinars, check out our events page@gojlc.com.