Most Men Get This Wrong About Love & Purpose

All right, real talk, Real talk here on a Friday afternoon in Lisbon. Just got off a coaching call with one of my clients and wanted to speak to one of these themes or pillars or priorities that you must remember in your life if you're a man. And it's really the pursuit of a higher purpose, the pursuit of the things that bring or the make you the most alive in your life. And how that is directly connected to the quality, the depth and the intimacy that's in your relationship. So how you lead your women especially. So I'm going to explain today in this video what, how you can start to find more aliveness in your life, but why it's so important that you pursue purpose and you don't put your relationship ahead of your purpose. Because I've been seeing this a lot, right? I've seen this a lot in a lot of guys that I coach is sometimes this pattern of, you know, you get your wife, you find your wife, you get your career, you start the business and then all of a sudden you start to coast and you get complacent and you start to think the relationship's going to keep growing and expanding, even though in your career and your work, you're starting to feel like the meh. You know, you had a 7 out of 10. You're not continuously seeking the next thing that lights your soul on fire. And now all of a sudden that lack of aliveness is starting to trickle over into how you show up in your relationship. You're not showing up with the same vigor in your relationship because you're not accessing it through your purpose as a man. Sometimes it's easy to forget the significance of what you do on a day to day basis around your worth. If it's not lighting your soul on fire, it's actually cutting you off from the depth that you really crave in your relationships. Because your purpose is the thing, Your purpose is the juice, it's the spark, it's the flame, it's the initiator, it's your number one priority as a man. And you the biggest mistake you can make is thinking that your relationship goes above that. A relationship with women goes above that, or your relationship with your wife or your children go above that. Because your wife and your children or even your family, they're really relating with your energy, they're relating with your frequency. And your frequency is really defined by your self image, your self concept. It's defined by how you see yourself. And if you see yourself as someone who's not fully inspired on a day to day basis or someone who's doing work because you think that's what you need to do to pay the bills, where you have this deeper calling of wanting to go and travel the world or do this activity or start that business, or go fucking ski on a mountain for a few months. If you ignore that inner calling, then you start to operate as someone who thinks you're not worthy of the things that bring you life, that bring you fucking zest. And then all of a sudden the people around you start to relate with this aspect of you. They start to relate with a version of you that's 60% of his potential. And my friend, that is the. This is the number one thing that needs to shift. If you're watching this going, yeah, I'm not at 100 of my potential right now. This is the number one thing you need to shift. If you want to have better sex, a more lasting relationship, a woman that pours into you, a woman that just like treats you like an absolute king, this is the number one thing you need to shift. Because if you are not treating yourself like a king by saying, no, I'm going to relentlessly pursue the things that lights me up, then don't expect the other people around you to reflect that back. You're going to get 7 out of 10 relationships if your purpose is a 7 out of 10, or if there's no purpose right now. So just reflect on that for a moment, just sit with it. Because the purpose of your purpose will always change. And then maybe there's certain guys who are at different stages where you're maybe on the path to following that purpose. You don't know what it fully is yet. Maybe you have no idea what your purpose is. But the point is, I want you to start asking the question, like, what is it that I've been put on this earth to do? What am I here to express? What am I here to bring? What's the uniqueness that I've got access to that I'm here to bring into the world through my work? You probably, if you don't know what that is, I'm gonna share with you how to find it right now. Because I was in a position in my life when I was 22 and I'd studied for four years to be an accountant. And I started my job as an accountant at Deloitte, one of the top accounting firms in the world. And when I began that work, I realized that this wasn't my, my purpose. I realized when I was doing tax returns every single day Looking out the window, going, man, I feel so fucking low energy right now that this can't be my existence. This can't be it. And that questioning around, okay, if this isn't it, what is? What am I put on this earth to do? What is my purpose? That questioning brought me on this relentless pursuit to figure out the answer to that question. And that was one particular book called A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle that I read. I read it when I was 21. I went back and revisited it when I was, like, 22 at this corporate job at the time. And I remember there's one specific section of the book where he was talking about the two different purposes, your primary purpose and your secondary purpose. And he said that your primary purpose is to be fully here in this moment without resistance, to bring more consciousness into this moment to be fully expressed. And at the time, I was like. I wasn't really sure what that meant. I was like, be fully here in this moment. What does that mean? How do I do that? And what I soon realized was it was to look at all the ways that I was denying the present moment where I was here, but I wanted to be there. And in my case, I was at this corporate job, and I just wanted to, like, work online and travel the world. And I just hated what I was doing for work. And I was in so much resistance to it that I was blocking the flow of life. And what I took from Eckhart's principle of the primary purpose being to find peace and joy and lightness in this moment, to bring full acceptance into this moment. It required me to examine all the ways at my job where I was denying the moment. And I made it a daily practice to fully accept the fact that, okay, right now I'm an accountant, right now I do tax returns for a living. Right now, this is my existence. Can I be okay with that? Can I go so deep into that and allow it? Doesn't mean I settle for it. I allow it so that I could discover a level of presence and joy and lightness without nothing needed to change externally. And it took me about 12 to 14 months to do that. I made that my daily practice. And I did things like meditation and spending time outside of my work to nurture this deeper level of acceptance so that when I got to the point after 12 or 14 months, I was coming to my work actually feeling like, yeah, you know what? I feel okay. I actually like my job. I started to attract friends. I started to attract opportunities that allowed me not to not be so micromanaged. All of a sudden, I had some freedom in my day to day. And I could say to myself, hey, you know what? This could be my existence and I would be happy, I would be fulfilled, I would be content. And that's when the secondary purpose gets unlocked. And this is what Eckhart Tolle speaks about, secondary purpose, which is what do you do on an external level once you've mastered your primary purpose, once you've mastered the ability to make peace with the present moment. We all share the same primary purpose, but the secondary purpose is different. Everyone has a unique expression of their secondary purpose that gets unlocked when you master the ability to make peace with now. And in my case, I got the clarity of, yo, right now I'm meant to travel. I'm meant to fly back to Canada. I meant to spend more time in this country because I just came back from an exchange and I loved it. There was just more stuff I wanted to explore and that was it. That was the only answer I had in that moment. There wasn't the clarity of, okay, now you're meant to be a coach, your purpose is to be a coach, and now go and do it. It wasn't that it was a thread, it was a spark, it was a pull that all I had to do was say yes to. And because I'd mastered the primary purpose, the courage to quit my job, to let go of this familiar comfort, to pursue this great unknown was there. The courage was born because I knew if I could master the present moment here in this current situation, I could master it anywhere. So that was the ability, that was the unlock. And then all of a sudden, the more I followed the thread of, okay, now I'm going to travel, now I'm going to. I'm going to get a new job at a meditation studio that I found in Toronto. Then I met my first life coach. And then there's all these threads started to unravel just through me following this feeling of aliveness. So perhaps maybe you're in a situation right now where you have a sense there's something else you want to do. There's something else. Maybe you're in a job that you don't like, or maybe your business needs to shift and evolve. And you know what that is. You had this thread which it just says, don't do that, go do this thing I want. Like just there's a calling that's trying to pull you. But maybe you haven't practiced the primary purpose enough and the courage isn't quite there to Just go, fuck it. I'm going for that thing because I know I can't fail. So that means your practice right now is to do the primary purpose. Look at all the ways that you're resisting and denying life. And it can be very subtle. A little story that you're telling yourself that says, fucking why the hell I have to work with these people, I hate this activity. Or blah, blah, blah, blah. And then your body contracts and then you're in resistance. Then you block the flow of life. Your purpose then is to notice that, to see that, to connect with the part of you that's watching all of that. And watch your avatar develop this meta awareness even when you're in your waking state, not just in a meditation, to practice operating from your future self before anything else, it changes. And I've made a separate video about that. It's called reality morphing. I'll maybe see if I can get it linked up somewhere around here. But this process is just repeatable. This process is. Once you figure it out and once you master, once you tap into it, you know that the feeling of aliveness then becomes your greatest indicator. And that is the thing that will transform all of your relationships. That is the thing that will maintain and deepen all of your relationships. Because your aliveness, the thread of purpose, is always changing. It's not going to be the same thing. Yes, right now the expression of my purpose is to coach men and to run online coaching businesses and things like that and run retreats. But it's, it could change. How I operate in my business is going to change. My purpose may change when I have a kid, boom. All of a sudden being a dad might be my purpose for that period of time. So be willing to accept the flexibility and fluidity that comes up. But the point is, don't expect your relationship to change or don't expect your relationship to go to this all new level of just excitement and joy and passion. If you are not accessing that already in your career or in your work or in your business, don't expect it. Make this your number one priority. Everything else in your life will reflect it. If you want some additional help with that, click the link in the description below. The men's group is where we do it. Bringing men together all over the world to make this a priority. Because we know everything else in life gets so much better when you've got the right men around you. Big love, my friend. Thanks for tuning in. Subscribe if you haven't already. I'll talk to you soon. Peace.