One Wrong Move: The UTV Accident That Changed Everything for Years

I went to the bathroom at a gas station on the way home from the hospital and realized I don't know how to do this one-handed. And that's, I think, the moment that it hit me. This is going to be a journey.

And I was the one who put her there. Welcome to the Optimizing Beyond podcast. I'm Josh Negron, and this show is all about sharing lessons, ideas, and strategies that sharpen your thinking, strengthen your habits, and push you to grow beyond comfort zones. Let's dive in. Welcome back to the show. Today we're going to cover more about that UTV accident and the aftermath from that accident and Ashley's elbow that limited her from that moment on. And so to set the stage, we had traveled to Little Sahara in western Oklahoma. And if you don't know Little Sahara, you should Google it. It's crazy. It is basically what it sounds like. You've heard of the Sahara Desert, and it is, I believe, like 1,200 square miles of sand dunes, and it is otherworldly, to say the least. So we went over there and drove some amazing machines in the, in the dunes, in the sand dunes. And what's ironic about that is I remember thinking through that weekend that that was likely one of the funnest weekends I'd ever had in my entire life until everything went sideways the last morning. We were actually leaving that day, and that last morning is when things went from the highest high to crushing lows. And so to set that stage, we had been driving these UTVs, side-by-sides, all around the entire desert, through all the sand dunes, making jumps. We had a couple accidents that we had to work through that we weren't a part of. We had— One of the people in our party jumped a dune and had their machine kind of come apart in certain areas and jarred them pretty hard when they landed. We had another one, one of the ones that seats 4, get a little sideways in a very narrow area and they slid off into, into a ditch and we had to like basically winch them out. And so we had had our share of difficulties that weekend, but the, the fun factor was still absolutely incredible. And then the morning of, they decided like, hey, do we want to go for one more run? Not everyone went. It was just a small group of us, maybe 3 or 4 machines. And we went out to an area that I could only describe as like a Big sand bowl. And we were all zipping around doing things. And I had for the first time that weekend, one of the bigger ones that seats 4. And it was a totally different driving experience. They're a little bit slower, but more horsepower. Throughout the weekend, we would put them in sometimes in 2-wheel drive mode. And so you could get a little bit more sideways and do donuts and figure eights. And it was just, it was sublime, amazing Tokyo Drift style. And, and so Ashley had grown pretty comfortable with us zipping around doing crazy stuff. And so in the bottom of that bowl, I was doing figure eights and doing donuts. And it was unlike any sensation that you can obviously do on the road. And so I just kept tightening those circles more and more and more till at some point we were just locked in that slip angle. And I thought everything was the most awesome thing I had ever experienced. But unfortunately, at one point the circle got so tight That we hit kind of like a little bit of a sand bump that bumped that rear right wheel and started tipping over the UTV. Now, what I should have done is simply let go and the UTV would have slammed back down on the left side and we would have been good. We'd have been like, wow, that was jarring. But I didn't. I held the angle because I, in my mind, it was like slow motion, but it wasn't. Didn't know quite what was happening. So I held on. And the UTV slowly, what seemed like slowly rolled over and we found ourselves upside down. And in my mind I was like, well, this is embarrassing. And I was like, no big deal, they'll just flip us over, we're good to go. And I remember, again, Ashley is usually pretty good with anything. And she, I remember her screaming on the passenger side and I'm like, babe, it's fine. Like we're fully harnessed in, you know, we were hanging upside down, but like, and I was like, oh, she's a little freaked out 'cause she's hanging upside down. It was a weird sensation. So I was like, no, no, we're good. We've got helmets on, we're good. And I was like, hey, we're fine. It's okay. They'll just flip us over. We're good to go. And that's when I realized that things were not quite okay. And she was screaming. I was realizing that pain was involved. I had no way of seeing anything because dust was everywhere because it was settling in that bowl area where we were. And so I had no idea what was going on. I was stuck in my harness and just looking over, trying to calm her down and realizing she was saying, my elbow, something's wrong with her elbow. I'm like, man, how? Like maybe, maybe her arm was out, you know, and I was just racking my brain what was going on. And then we found out that we needed to get her back, still had no idea what was going on. And so Ashley, share, share a little bit about what it was like for you on the other side after, after we rotated over.

Yeah, so I think I must have instinctively like grabbed the door handle to like brace myself for flipping because it was kind of in slow motion. You know, when accidents happen, things are like really weirdly— yeah, slow motion. I must I must have grabbed the door handle or put my hand out. I genuinely don't remember. And that was the most amount of pain I have ever felt in my entire life. I just sort of completely like passed out, blacked out, all the things. My body went into shock and just remember hanging there like trying to breathe and breathe through the pain knowing like, okay, this day has taken a different kind of a turn. And genuinely just like being, honestly, I was afraid it was broken And that I was gonna have to be in a cast for a really long time is my honest thought. Like, I've broken multiple bones, I'm now gonna be in a cast, this sucks. Like, that was all I knew, right? So they flipped us back over and genuinely, like, everything sounded like it was underwater. Everything was this really, like, iridescent-y look to the sky and the sand and, like, everything just looked really weird. And we drove very slowly back to the campsite, which, by the way, even if it's sand, it's not, Smooth and every bump felt like we were being jarred. And I'm sure you went like next to nothing back. Like, I'm sure the whole party went back super, super slowly.

That was the tough part too, because in a state of emergency you want to hurry, right? But the, the sand was like rippled from all the wind from the previous night. And so it was like, you know, and so we couldn't go very fast. And it's a lot of this going back. Yeah.

Yeah. So we get back to the campsite and they get me moved into a vehicle, um, you know, get a pillow put under my elbow. And we had gone out early in the morning, so we hadn't even finished packing our stuff back up from being in the camper for 3 days. So you rushed back into the camper and are packing all of our stuff up. And I don't even know if you finished packing all of it. Like, Tustin might have finished at some point. I, I genuinely have no idea. So I just stayed in the In the SUV and they, yeah, propped my arm all up and I just like laid there praying and breathing and just thinking about getting to the hospital and honestly some pain meds. Like that's really about all I remember on the road. It was an hour and a half drive to the hospital and I don't remember most of it. Like no idea most of it. I am sure that your journey was very different than mine. But you know, this was a work trip and so our owner had actually lost his thumb at this same little Sahara because he got it stuck in a winch several years ago, even before, like a couple of years before my accident. And so I'll never forget him climbing into the back seat and praying over me and praying over us. And he's like, hey, you know, when you get to that hospital, they're going to take really good care of you. And he holds his thumb up and he goes, ask me how I know. Like, so it was just one of those moments, you know. And, and his wife came over also and just everybody making sure that we were taken care of and Having so many people like praying over us all the way to the hospital. And honestly, like, that's probably like, I do think I actually like went to sleep. I genuinely don't remember most of the car ride.

Well, I do. So the— you're right, I went back into the camper and started packing. And I remember the shock was still very real. The adrenaline was still pumping from experiencing the accident itself. And so I just remember Packing, just to be vulnerable, packing is not something I love doing. It's something that you're so much better at it than I am. So it was like, it was magnified in my mind about how you weren't able to help me do it. And, uh, and that just magnified all the, all the horrible feelings of guilt that I had that were starting because I was the cause of the accident and it caused, like, I was fine and it caused you to get hurt. And so I think anyone that cares about anyone and that happens, that's a, that's a very terrible feeling.

Yeah.

And I just had this huge feeling of guilt and being alone as I was frantically trying to gather our things. And I remember my best friend Tustin coming into the camper, realizing that I likely felt that way. And so he's a, he's a big dude, 6'3. And so I just remember him just stopping me and just giving me a big old bear hug. And that's when I broke down. And that was a, that was a special moment I'll never forget. Just when you've had a friend there for you in that, in that moment that you needed it and you felt more alone than anything. It's something I'll never forget. And it was incredibly powerful and special for me because I, again, I hurt the person I cared about most. And so got my things, we loaded up the car, and then they gave me the directions to go. And I'm just— I just start driving. And it was over an hour long. I was trying to speed responsibly. I knew that if I did get pulled over, I could be like, hey, we're rushing to the hospital, and they would Obviously probably escort me or let me go. So I wasn't super worried about that. I did notice on the way to the hospital, again, you're talking about bumps. I think there were 400 railroad crossings that we went over. I was like, what is— what is this place? I mean, each one was like, you know, and you were like exclaiming in pain every time or wincing when those were going on. And I also remember, I'm not a proponent for texting and driving. I hope I was doing some, some form of voice texting or whatever, but I was messaging a core group of friends, of core people of like, hey, I'm trying not to mentally spiral right now. We call it telling on ourselves when you know that you're not quite right in the head and that you need some help, some encouraging words, some prayers, or any combination of those things. We have our people that we say, you know, hey, I want to tell myself here, this is what, this is what's happening. I need some help. And it's been really a powerful tool. We learned that in premarital counseling a billion years ago. And we still use that today. So I was in communication with those people and they were encouraging me like, hey, don't blame yourself. It's not your fault. You didn't mean to do it. All those things. And I, and the way I describe it, I really do think that it was partially a spiritual experience. And that's obviously also coming from my faith. I do believe that in the way that I also believe in God, I also believe in, in an opposite, right? I do believe there's an enemy after us, uh, to that has an agenda.

Mm-hmm.

And why would he not want to capitalize in a scenario like this? I know I would if I was up to bad things. And so I can tell you the amount of negative feelings, especially because I had done a tremendous amount of work against negative self-talk and had pretty much at that point eliminated it and gotten over my self-loathing and gathered some healthy confidence in the right ways. And so I could definitely spot things that were no longer common in my mind that were entering in because of that accident. And so that Because for me, I think that was— you can call them intrusive thoughts, you can call them whatever you want, but my label is going to be, I knew the enemy was like, yeah, I got him. I, I'm gonna— I got him right where I want him. I'm going after him. So I remember that. And then we got to the hospital and got you checked in, and they were, they were pretty, pretty incredible. One of the main things I remember from that time was the, the, the proximity of our community during that time.

Mm-hmm.

And that's a thread that, that continues to pull through this entire And that community was critical for me to keep me in the correct mindset. I had learned that I couldn't do things on my own and surrounding— that's why we talk so much here in Optimizing Beyond about community, friendships, and the people you keep closest to you and making sure you select amazing people to gather yourself around to also help you in these times. And because oftentimes in moments like this, if you surrender to those dark thoughts, To all that guilt. If I had done that, I knew that the depression that was going to come after that, the inability to move forward, uh, was going to be serious and risky. And in a lot of scenarios like this, especially when you hurt someone you care about, there's all sorts of things that people find themselves at the end of a bottle, at casinos, you know, on endless porn sites, whatever, whatever vice you want to, uh, to select. This is just what people find themselves doing to cope with something Like this. And so I knew that the stakes were high even in just that hour drive. And I needed, I needed help and I needed to not be alone. And obviously my wife was being, in her pain, was being amazing, knew what I was going through. I was able to sense and understand she knew me well enough and was already saying the things that I knew she was feeling by telling me like, hey, it is not your fault. Do not blame yourself. And so those, those were helpful to hear to help me fight those negative emotions from multiple angles as well. And so I think all of those things, even in the first day, were useful to me to set that foundation to be able to allow me to function and start the journey of figuring out what our new normal was going to be, because I knew looking at her arm even before we had a diagnosis that something was very wrong.

This would've been September of 2020. And so we would've been smack dab in the middle of COVID and COVID protocols in hospitals. And so that did mean, uh, having to, you know, we had to wear a mask in the hospital and all of those things. And then that meant that our friends, after they finished packing up, that, that came with us, they couldn't come into the hospital. They had to wait outside until they released us. Those kinds of things too. So, you know, sitting in that hospital room, it was just you and I, but Also, one of the byproducts is that meant that hospitals weren't genuinely as full at that point, I think, by September. And so the emergency room, they actually moved so much faster than I thought that they were going to.

Hmm.

You know, I felt like we were barely in the room by ourselves for not even like 10 minutes before here comes the doctor. And she's like, okay, I'm gonna order an X-ray, and I think this is what you did, and all the things, and then we'll get a game plan after we have an X-ray. Great. She orders pain meds, she leaves. I haven't even gotten the pain meds when they come And they're like, hey, we're here for your, your x-ray. And they take me and wheel me down the hallway for the x-ray. Oh, by the way, this x-ray requires me to like hold my arm and put it on the table in all these different directions. Mind you, no pain meds yet. Like, still in the most amount of pain I've ever been in. Yeah, no, no pain meds. So they do the x-rays, they bring me back, they're hooking me, you know, re-hooking me back up in my room. They show up with the pain meds and my blood pressure is Too high. And my heart rate is too high. And they're like, we can't give you this right now. Okay, cool. So they have to wait for it all to kind of level itself out because I've now stressed my body from taking this x-ray. So before all of that can come down, the doctor comes back in, pulls up the x-ray. She goes, yeah, no, you just dislocated it. We're great. There's no fractures. Everything's good. So I'm gonna put you under. We're gonna reset it. We're gonna bandage you all up, splint it, and put you in a sling and send you home to do a follow-up like On Monday.

Okay, cool.

Oh, I'm sorry, I can't give you any pain meds because the ketamine that I'm gonna need to give you to put you under lowers your heart rate, and they couldn't give me pain meds on top of the ketamine. She's like, but you'll be fine, it'll feel so much better when you wake up. Uh, elbows are not like knees and shoulders when you reset them. It's still very, very, very, very painful. Uh, so they kick you out of the room, put me under. I have the trippiest dream of my life. I am high as a flipping kite. And they reset my elbow and she did an incredible job. There are no breaks, no fractures. Like, it is crazy. I find out later it is because I have been strength training and I'm double-jointed. So those 2 things, the doctor later told me when he checked the x-rays and looked everything over back here at home, that those are the 2 things that kept me from seriously breaking any bones. And I've never been more grateful for those 2 things, you know, that I had been working hard and had muscle built up. And then that double-jointed came in handy in my life. And And so, you know, we got home. It was better because I didn't have to try to hold it up. I could use the sling, you know, and had it all wrapped and it was in this splint and the whole thing. And yeah, we stopped at a gas station to get a snack and a drink. And I think our friends had been at the hospital and I wanted a smoothie and so they brought that to me. And we stopped to go to the bathroom and I went into the bathroom and I don't even remember. Oh, I do remember the pants I had on. They had a zipper and a button. And fortunately Holly, one of my coworkers, was with us and she's in the stall next to me and I have this realization that I cannot get my pants back up one-handed. Like, I'm gonna have to figure out a different method to this. And so she just helped me, you know, obviously like we're fresh off of this injury. So by the time a couple days rolled around, I figured it out pretty quickly. But that mental, like, I couldn't process that right away. So we got home, I immediately got into the recliner and I don't remember moving for a hot minute. Um, and people showed up with meals and, and took care of us. And I had a pillow that traveled everywhere with us for a long time that I had to rest my elbow on because I couldn't let it bump and jar a lot of things. I actually ended up borrowing someone's like Boppy nursing pillow, and that worked really great because it tucked around and was there, and it would fit under my desk even because I'd have to sit at my desk with that. And just so many things. But yeah, that was, that was a day that's like, that's one of those core memories for me. Like, that day is pretty Burned into my brain. So, um, the crazy thing after that was I think that accident was on a Friday, maybe Saturday. We came home and you actually left like 3 days after the accident for a work trip that had been planned for a long time. And so at that point in time, your mom was still living with us. And so I would have to have her help me get dressed and do some things, you know, to, to take care of that. Also in that period of time, I had gotten to where I could, I could drive and, and do okay left-handed, but I'll never forget one of the mornings getting ready for work and the dog was laying on the bathroom floor and I stepped over her to leave the bathroom, and at that exact moment she went to stand up and tripped me. Yeah, I think one of the biggest things that came out of that was the real realization of like how injury and trauma works with your body, and then like how long that it actually takes your body to recover from something like that. You know, I don't know if it's the combination of the shock and being put under and all of those things, but yeah, my body just— it wore out very, very quickly. You know, I, I would try to go to work and I would maybe only be able to work like 3 or 4 hours at a time, and I would just hit a wall and be completely fatigued, completely done. Fortunately, I am left-handed and I dislocated my right elbow, so there was a little bit of, you know, the silver lining and gratitude in that way as well. I had to Learn how to do things at work one-handed and realizing like, oh, I do accounting for a living. Like I use the tin key with my right hand. I can't do that right now. Like just all those random things. And we, we kind of had to restructure our lives for a while. And, and it became about like maybe we were gonna go meet someone for dinner, but we weren't gonna go and like stay at their house for a long period of time. Or we were gonna take our weekends and just be at home, you know? Um, I think at that point in time you were still working every Saturday, and so I would spend the day just like resting and not doing anything and trying to recover. You know, we, we stayed at home on Sundays, um, and watched church online because I was just so tired emotionally, physically, mentally. Also, I was doing, you know, PT multiple times a week, and that was exhausting. And so just learning to listen to my body and to read those signs of that trauma and that fatigue, and yet not pushing it too far. And you know, as, as you're recovering and as your body is healing, like, you can push it to a certain point and you find a new, okay, here's my line, and now this is, this is the new, this is the new way I can push it. And then I'm gonna, you know, keep, keep it here, and I'm gonna maybe dial back a little bit. And then the next time you're gonna push it a little bit farther, and you just— it's like coming back from when you have a cold, you know? Like, you're like, all of a sudden I'm like, oh, I feel pretty good. Okay, cool. It was just learning to listen to my body and all the things that it was telling me and to, for once in my life, not just push through that wall because I knew I couldn't and I knew the long-term ramifications of if I tried to do too much too soon and what might happen long-term if I overdid it and pushed it too far.

Yeah, and I think for me during that time, the focus was to obviously be as helpful as I could possibly be. And I think that was good 'Cause in seasons of difficulty and challenge, a lot of times people will choose to do, they're doers, right? They're fixers. They'll, they're like, well, just gimme something to do. Even in times of grief, you know, they'll bury themselves in their work and those kinds of things. But from a healthy standpoint, I think it was good for me to be able to serve you. And I think that was a helpful piece of the equation in keeping the negative thoughts at bay. And fighting and combating the guilt and regret that we're, that we're trying to, to attack that we talked about earlier. And I think that when I was able to help you do whatever, you know, whether that is, you know, wash your hair or cook or get ready in the mornings or whatever, those kinds of things were just very practical ways for me to be present and help you. And it was tough to leave, especially 3 days after the accident, and just be like, well, I hope she's okay. And so, you know, obviously you mentioned we were, we were caretaking for Mom at that point, so she was present. And helpful in, in that regard to you. And so that gave me a lot of peace for sure. And so that is one detail that I'll highlight, that, that serving you wasn't out of— because some would say, well, yeah, but you were probably just serving out of guilt. And I can honestly say that's not true. I, I think that was actually helpful in combating those kinds of things because I was able to put my energy into not trying to like make things right or make up for whatever. It was more just like, no, this is my opportunity to, to be there, to be present, and to serve.

Yeah, because we definitely did have to learn a new normal, you know. I had always done all of the cooking, and so I think we've kind of highlighted on this a little bit before, but like that dynamic had to change because, you know, there's only so much cooking you can do with one hand. And so I would sit at the counter and walk you through like what I had done so that we weren't just eating like whatever fast food kinds of things or eating out all the time, you know, trying to still stay healthy and, um, you know, walk, walk through that process. But yeah, that would, that It was just honestly, there are so many times I have moments of like us just laughing because what else are you going to do? Like we can either laugh or we can get mad at each other and getting mad at each other was not going to solve any problems. What good would that have done? We learned to find laughter in the pain and in those, in those moments. And, um, yeah, but it was, it was just, I also have like some of the sweetest memories from 2020. Coming out of that, that season of our life and, um, watching you, you know, help, help take care of me and, and serve me in that way and knowing like we were in this for the long haul, right? Like we're gonna make it through, we're gonna make it through something like this. And so yeah, I don't, I don't even necessarily look back on that entire season with like being frustrated or bitter or any of those things. Like yeah, it did change really like my gym life. It's really the only thing that it changed, but it also brought us closer together and changed our marriage in so many good ways. And so, you know, that's honestly one of the things I'm thankful for on this side of it.

Well, and you say that it really only changed your gym life. Obviously, that's long-term change after you recovered, right? I mean, when you regained your function to cook and do the other things outside of the gym that are considered like normal function. Yeah, no, for Sure. That journey to even get there was very painful. Now I wanna highlight before we get too far into your recovery, the PT. Like we are in the fitness space, we know a lot of physical therapists and the follow-through rate on PT after surgery, after injury, whatever, whatever, is like compliance is like crazy low. It sucks, it's painful, it's time-consuming, it's easy to forget. And once the pain goes away, like I've had shoulder issues before that have nagged me and gone away and I've had PTs give me stuff to do. And if I remember to do them at all, which again, tough to remember, then once the pain goes away, that like the pain was almost your reminder to keep going. But I saw you doing it every single day. And I was like, dang, like, so share a little bit about, you know, why, why you had that commitment, why it was abnormal, and why you could beat the norm in that scenario.

Yeah, I think I just decided like from the get-go that not Getting back my full range of motion and not fully recovering was not an option. Like, I was going to figure this out, and I was going to do the hard things to make it happen, you know? And as we were thinking and talking through this yesterday, I, I think I told you, like, I realized because I had done the hard thing, like running a marathon, and I had done one of the most physically challenging things that there is to do with your body, I knew that I could do And I knew that I had it in me to do the hard thing, you know? And so I— physical therapists can tell if you've done your homework or not, right? Like, when you go 3 times— I think I was going like 3 times a week. When you go 3 times a week, they can tell, right? And I made sure that I was doing my homework. There's nights that I would sit in the chair and while we were watching TV, I've got my band out and I'm doing all my things and I'm moving my fingers and I'm doing my stuff and I'm— I'm stretching my elbow and I'm all the things because, you know, it had been in a sling for, I don't know, like 5 days. And then, then they are splinted for like 5 days. They took it out of the splint, back in a sling for like a week just to kind of let it like settle down a little bit and, and do that. And then I'll never forget the first night that I went without a sling. The doctor was like, okay, be done. We don't want your elbow to stiffen up too much. We want you to start physical therapy right away. Like all the things. I was so terrified of sleeping that I was gonna hurt it. Like, I think I had kind of gone back to sleeping in bed, but that point, cuz I had figured out like how to prop it all up and how to protect it and being a pillow and like it was in the sling so it was protected and I could do all the thing. And then I was without all of that. And so it really like freaked me out and was back in the chair cuz I was afraid of hurting it or rolling over or, you know, doing whatever. But I did every single day my gym time every morning. We still got up, we still went to the gym. My gym time every day was I was doing my physical therapy. And I was spending my time doing that. I was riding a bike, I was doing some, you know, leg things that I could do one-handed, but I made sure that I did that, you know. And I— it was like, I think it was 4 to 6 months of physical therapy. I think I finally was done maybe right after Thanksgiving, right before Christmas, somewhere in there. And she was like, I've done everything that I can do for you. And, you know, Shannon, the lady I saw, specialized in elbows and wrists, and so she really knew what she was doing and was just such a, such a blessing. blessing to get her and to, you know, be able to have her help me walk along this journey. And so did all of that. And then she's like, I've got you as good as I can get you for like everyday life. She's like, my specialty isn't getting you back like to CrossFit, that level of like gym kinds of things. So one of our friends is a physical therapist. And so I started seeing her outside of just, you know, on— she has her own practice. And so I started seeing her to try to get it back to like, okay, we're going to pick up a barbell and we're going to be able to do A clean, and we're gonna try to do snatches, and we're gonna try to get back on a pull-up bar, and we're gonna try to do picking up more weight than what we had been doing, and all of this stuff. And so, you know, we continued that journey well into April, May, all those things. And then that was when I started having a lot of nerve pain, and like random shooting nerve pain out of nowhere. It would hit me at the weirdest times. I would be doing nothing and it would hit me, and it was unlike any sensation that I have ever ever experienced, and it gave me a whole new understanding for people who deal with any kind of like chronic nerve disorder or pain or, you know, whatever that, that might look like. It was crazy. And it got bad enough that Jen's like, okay, we need to do an MRI because it's not calming down. Like, she had given me some, you know, arthritis cream to try putting on. I was taking ibuprofen. We were trying to get the swelling down. We were trying some dry needling. We were scraping, all the things. Nothing. Like, nothing was working. I was resting it and then going back to it. Nothing worked. And so ordered an MRI and discovered that I had a grade 1 tear in my ulnar ligament. And you know, the reason that it didn't show up initially was because for most average people, just your normal everyday human, that is totally fine. You can live your entire life with that and not even have symptoms and not even notice it. But because I was choosing to be in the CrossFit space and to be in the gym face, it was rearing its ugly head. And so she's like, you know, do you want to continue doing gym things? I'm like, well, yeah, like, I, I need, I need this in my life. I needed, you know, that consistency. I needed that outlet, all, all of those things to continue to stay fit and healthy. And so, so we found a doctor who specialized in PRP, which is plasma-rich platelets. It is a not-covered-by-insurance procedure, um, because it's kind of considered Like, yeah, fringy. Fringy. Yeah, it's kind of considered like fringe medicine kind of things, and so insurances don't want to pay for it. But honestly, like, it was one of those things that once we learned about it and started doing some research, it was really a no-brainer because he said surgery is not an option for you. He's like, I actually think you'll have less mobility and more pain after surgery than you do right now. Okay, great. So it was either A, you're going to learn to live with it and back off the gym, or we're going to try this PRP injection. So I had two of them, and they drew my blood and brought in a thing that spun my blood and separated out my platelets and my blood. And then they took those and injected those platelets back into the site of my injury, and like I think like moved the needle around in my elbow to induce trauma so that the blood rushes to that area. And what's already there is all of these platelets to be able to help like immediately start that healing process. And so we did two of those. I did more physical therapy. Still kind of having some nerve pain, better, significantly better. I also did a 90-day regimen of a peptide that is known to be helpful in strengthening ligaments and tendons. And so there was a doctor here in town that would prescribe those. And so was able to, to do some things that not traditional quote unquote medicine would allow, but that gave me that my life back. And so after those 2 injections, after all of that peptide therapy, I really was able to get back. A, a large chunk of that. The downside is that in that season of all of that, trying to get it all okay, my shoulder and back had atrophied so badly. Um, you know, because I was still able to do a lot of things on my left side, so I kept doing all of those things, but that right side had atrophied. And every time that I tried to be on the pull-up bar, or I tried to put a bar up overhead, or anything like that, it would lock up my shoulder and my back for like a week. And I was continually spending time in the chiropractor. I was having my ribs out. The, the muscles would just like get so knotted up. I was having to have a lot of massages to like re-loosen those up. And finally, you know, Jen's like, we can keep working on this, we can keep trying. I finally was just like, I'm okay. I don't need to be on a pull-up bar and to do pull-ups and toes-to-bar. There's other ways to do abs. There's other ways to get that same thing with a machine and my full body weight. You know, I don't need to snatch. Didn't really like it before, wasn't really good at it before. It's okay if I don't do that. I still can go like straight up overhead just fine, but it was the out and then bringing that barbell back down. The down and out is what really just— I, I never, I never got that, you know. And we would, we would try all the things, it just never came back. And that's okay, you know, it became a new normal and I found a new, a new way to do the gym. Or I would modify a lot of CrossFit stuff, or I I would spend a lot of time with dumbbells or machines or whatever that looked like and just figured out what new gym routine was going to look like.

That's so true. And I remember helping you find those limits, you know, and it was, again, from my side, still that nagging frustration that because of that event, your life wasn't the same and how you were before, what you could enjoy before, what you could challenge yourself in before. And so it was a constant reminder to stay on top of my mental game because each time you, you, you know, we, we went 6 to 9 months and we're like, okay, everything's good now. I mean, as you started encroaching back into gym life and the things that you wanted to do, and then, you know, it's like we thought we were out of the woods, but then it was like, nope, something else is wrong. And then, you know, like, who gets an MRI 6 to 9 months later after an incident? You know?

Mm-hmm.

Well, there was no reason to have one And so then we were like, ah, crap. Okay, there's more to this. And that was another, again, just a continuous layer of tough in going, okay, like, this is just another thing. Like, let's figure it out and figure out our way through it and ultimately find the new normal. 'Cause there are some things, you know, like, we're all fixers. We want to put things back. And sometimes that's not reality. And sometimes the only way forward is a new path. And that is challenging from all angles.

Yeah.

From you, the person who is having to accept that new normal and to avoid the negative emotions of bitterness and resentment. And then me on the other end of guilt and regret involved in those negative emotions that try to swallow you from those things. So you mentioned that one of the gifts from all this was the benefit of you feeling that mind-body connection so much more.

Mm-hmm.

And just being aware of your body because you were having to always find that new normal, find that new limit, not push beyond the cliff per se, but always trying to, you know, the body is incredible and will find and adapt really, really well. And so discerning for yourself what was a boundary to be pushed and what was a boundary to be respected. It was cool to hear you kind of reflect on that in how that serves you now, even today.

Yeah, I will say I think that that's one of the— yeah, that's one of the coolest things that came out of that. Anytime I go to the chiropractor now, I'm like, I can tell you exactly where it hurts or what's out or whatever. And he He always just laughs because he's been on this journey with me for this, you know, been seeing him long before this whole thing happened. So yeah, just that awareness and learning how to isolate. Honestly, like, I didn't grow up doing any kind of like physical activity. And so, you know, I've been running and whatever for a while, but like learning how to isolate muscle groups and how to target certain things and learning how to engage, you know, my lats and my traps and all these different things in my back very differently than what I'd ever had to worry about or think about before. And figuring out like I had maybe been lazy in the way I had been doing this particular movement and wasn't actually using the muscles it was supposed to be, but I could like just push through it because I was strong. And so, you know, learning, learning to do that and spending the time to, to, yeah, just be more body aware. And so that's been, yeah, that's been a cool thing that's come out of it.

Yeah, for sure. And we were, we were talking about yesterday about how you're the only one that can control your inner work. That was something I thought was really key that I wanted to highlight is that, you know, We, we say often that you're responsible for you, and you can't control anybody else. So you have to give up that obsession. You and I are 2 different personality types, but those types still have the quality of liking control, just in their different ways. But in something like this, I had to— I think trust was extremely important.

Mm-hmm.

So I had to do my inner work and trust that you were doing yours. Of course, because in an unhealthy dynamic where there's things like codependency, insecurity, lack of confidence, self-loathing, guilt, shame, all those things, it doesn't leave place for trust. 'Cause if you're insecure, you naturally distrust others. And so in, if this accident would've happened 10+ years ago, I would've been very insecure, not confident, and I would've had a harder time to trust that you were doing your work.

Hmm.

And I would have even maybe been trying to find ways to verify and maybe even ask you or find ways to ask you to find out if you were blaming me or resenting me, or if you were really truly forgiving me. And so I say that, that that's a very important thing that I was doing my part and working on myself. And then I had, I had to just trust that you were doing your part. Because we have built this culture together in our marriage that we were doing the hard things from the mental side in fighting those battles, to win those battles over time, daily, every single day. It's not about perfection. It's about that pursuit of excellence. So maybe 2 steps forward, 1 step back, but each day, if we're making that progress, then the mental fortitude is going to be amazing at 3, 5 years. And it really was. And I think that that was one thing, the trust piece. And I guess that's where trust and faith come together. Because one thing that I wrote down was I wasn't able to verify verify that you didn't resent me or you weren't bitter, right? I mean, there's cues, like I get it, you know, you're, it's like you're gonna, you might be able to pick that up if your partner is feeling those things. And so, but, but I just remember thinking that was key for me as I was reflecting back on my side. And I remember you mentioned some things about how it helped you that I was so involved and so intentional, right? Versus like maybe 5 years ago or before, if I would've like collapsed into myself. Can you walk us through a bit about how that helped you and how if I had done the opposite, how that would have actually fulfilled what I was afraid of, what I would have been afraid of in the, in that past. They call it the past life.

Yeah, I think, you know, as we were talking through this and reflecting yesterday, you know, I told you, I said I wasn't, I wasn't bitter or resentful about the accident itself. Like, it happens. Things are, they're gonna happen, you know. But I, I think for me, the, the bitterness would have set in post-accident If, you know, when we got home, if you weren't as willing to help me wash my hair, help do the laundry, figure out how to cook. Like, if you just had, like, self-collapsed and been in this deep, dark place and just left me to figure it out on my own, you know, I think that is when the bitterness would've set in, and that's when it would've been hard because it would've felt like then I was an inconvenience to you, and taking care of me was an inconvenience. And the reality is, is that a sacrificial, selfless marriage is never convenient. And it's never gonna come on your terms, or when you have time, or when you feel like it. It's gonna be in the hardest moments. And so, I think that was one of those, like, practically living out those vows of in sickness and in health, right? Regardless of the fact that maybe you had caused that, you still chose to show up every day and to help do the things that I couldn't do anymore, you know? And so I think for me, it was one of those moments of like, not that I ever doubted, but you proved in the middle of the pit that you were willing to live out your vows. And I think that the accident actually ended up bringing us closer and helped us develop, you know, a new language and a new way of doing our schedule and of doing life. And right, like, I had to have your help. And so, you know, it genuinely was something that brought us closer together.

Yeah.

You know, I, I actually saw not that long ago on Instagram a post that said, don't marry someone that you can have fun with, marry someone that you're willing to suffer with. You know, and it made me think about, um, it made me think about that, that situation in particular. And there have been several other things in, you know, moments in our lives of, of our marriage together of suffering. And the fun is important. I mean, we talked about that last week, the rest and the fun. Those things are important, but where Your relationship is really forged, and who you become individually and who you become as a couple is forged in the pit. And we can either choose to wake up every day, tackle it, and work to figure out how to get out of the pit, or we can just sit at the bottom of it and just let it rain down on us. Like, we, we have 2 choices, right? And so I think, you know, we chose to figure out how to get out of it and to find— to get ourselves to a place of healing. Now, that's not always an option. Healing isn't always an option, maybe this side of heaven if you're a believer, but you know, you can still choose every day to show up and to fight and to keep pushing.

Well, and that's why I think it's so important to do the work in all times, right? Because you say there's 2 choices and we made the choice to fight. However, I would say that in, in the same way it's wise to prepare for storms, we all know that challenges, trials, and suffering happen in this life. And, you know, we don't want to like expect them. We talk about the expectation effect in that one of the, one of my first episodes, and that book is crazy and it's super powerful. So I'm not talking about that, but we're talking about being wise, shrewd, prepared. And the reason why it's so important to work on your mindset daily is because when the storm comes, whatever storm it is, there's so many different versions. But when the storm happens, when there's an accident, when there's a tragedy, when there's something you have to cope with as a couple, especially in this context. It made it so much easier to make that choice and make it automatic or experienced or successful because we could have made the choice to fight and then like lost the fight. And so, you know, and if I would've been all self-consumed like you described, it would've had a totally different outcome. Again, if this would've happened 5+ years ago, I don't know if I can confidently say that I wouldn't have self-consumed. Collapsed under that guilt and regret, and then it would have been like double trouble. I caused the accident, and then I was completely unhelpful in helping you get through it because I I was so shattered inside myself is what that would have been years ago. And so I think again that's why it's so important. That's why this channel even exists. We're continually trying to optimize, and one of the reasons we do that is to prep for times of difficulty. Times of challenge, like we talked about in Eric Dwyer's episode. Like, how do you— the whole premise was how to optimize when life isn't optimal. You know, how do you take care of your wife who's suffering from cancer and it doesn't look good? And that episode, many people don't know, but that episode was shortly before we lost her. And I highly encourage people to go back and watch that episode with Eric. I'll link it right here. And the reason why that's so powerful is you wouldn't necessarily know that that husband is being a version of a hospice nurse in that during the filming of that episode. And you can see, if you're not a believer, look at that guy and tell me something. I mean, he's a preacher, so maybe he has a superpower or something. He absolutely does. He's an incredible human. But it's one of my most watched episodes and listened to episodes because this is a guy who's living out, living out his faith, living out his, his, his beliefs, his mindset, and what he has worked towards. He's not a perfect human, but he's an inspirational human who was choosing to fight to support his wife and to sit down and talk with us about why optimizing is important for so many reasons in business, in life, in marriage. And it was just a beautiful picture of watching what fighting looks like when you don't get the result that you want.

Yeah.

Now, for us, the consequence was you don't get to have the gym life that the you had before. And ultimately, through that journey, you restored so many aspects of your life. But that's an important thing to remember, that while we don't expect the worst, sometimes there isn't the full restoration on this side of the veil, right? So again, that's why, that's why she also came to mind when we were discussing this yesterday, uh, because sweet Sarah was an inspiration for us to choose to fight every single day. And that's what made it so beautiful and So you're right, we do have 2 choices. The choice to roll over and accept it and not fight, or to choose to fight, to pivot, to find alternatives, right? Like surgery wasn't an option for you. You're like— and we had good practitioners that were like, it's— the surgery is terrible. They're like, do not do it. It's the last resort, whatever. But choosing to be like, no, like what other things are out there? What can we explore? And, uh, and kind of being stubborn in that way, right? To like, no, there has to be another way.

Mm-hmm.

their way, to choose every single day to make that call, to fight, to find a new way, to forge a new path. And so that is why it's so important and why we say daily anything does really change everything. And that includes what you choose to do on your hardest days, as we've experienced in our story, but then also in that inspirational story with the Dwyers. So thanks for listening to the Optimizing Beyond podcast. Remember, growth happens when you take So share this with a friend, subscribe, and most importantly, put what you learned into practice. And until next time, remember, daily anything changes everything.