Silence, Speech, and Discernment: When to Speak and When to Stay Silent

Welcome to the Optimizing Beyond podcast. My name is Josh Negron, and this show is all about sharing lessons, ideas, and strategies to sharpen your thinking, strengthen your habits, and pushing you to grow beyond comfort zones. So let's dive in. Today I want to do something a little different because obviously what's going on in the country is— was the recent assassination. And really, just honestly, a month where A ton of things were going bad. So school shootings, there was a murder of a young woman on the subway who was an immigrant. And it really, it was just super heavy. Everyone's feeling it. So it seems timely to kind of touch on some things that I've been wrestling with. Now, I want to preface this with, I don't want to pretend like I have any of the answers, which I find that a lot of people out there aren't doing a lot of. They They kind of prostrate themselves like they have all the answers. And I really think that comes across as pretty disingenuous and kind of closes off dialogue quite a bit. So what I've been thinking about is, think about when you're in a group of people and you kind of get the sense that they may not agree with you on certain things. But you, you know, based on the conversations going on, that you're the minority in the situation, whatever the opinion might be. And we all know in those situations, particularly when maybe you don't know that group of people super well, you're probably gonna lay off being really contrarian. Now, there are those personality types that really get in there and do it anyway, but you know what I'm talking about. So that general concept of knowing when to measure your speech, when to kind of dial it back, know your audience, and pick a moment to say whatever you need to say. And obviously, the caveat with that is depending on the severity of the situation, if people are believing in an untruth or something like that, that may change how you decide to approach the issue. But in general, when things are up to opinion, It's not super heated and not something that's very polarizing, you may choose to really not say anything because there's really no point, right? So that general idea of when to say something, when not, when to react, when to respond— those two are different things— has really been weighing heavy on me over the last couple of weeks. And so How do you know when to do that? I had 2 people that I look up to say this week, kind of 2 seemingly different things. The first one said, and you can tell me what you think about this, she said that, I mean, it was about 20 minutes long, so it's a lot to paraphrase, but generally the idea was that she views silence, the deafening silence, as cowardice. In a general way that, uh, that people were choosing out of self-preservation most likely to not speak the truth, not speak their mind, um, and also withhold from the world their perspective that, you know, honestly might be helpful to somebody. Um, there might be someone else out there that is wrestling with the same things that you're wrestling with, and by you staying quiet, you rob that person of the opportunity to connect with you, to connect with that idea, and to potentially get farther down the line in their journey, and they're thinking through those kinds of things. And so, yeah, that made a lot of sense. And she also said, you know, it takes self-control still to be purposeful in what you're saying, not just reacting. Again, the difference between reacting and responding. And it was a challenge to— this is the time to speak up. People's ears are more ready to listen than ever before, arguably. And there's a lot of people out there looking for a message of hope, looking for truth, and, and really help sorting out their thoughts about all this. A couple days later, I had another friend who I look up to quite a bit, a prominent person with a, with a decent following that had heard a lot of these things. I don't know if they had heard the other person. Uh, So, so that person decided to also make their own, uh, view known, and their message was a little different. It was that silence a lot of times takes a tremendous degree of restraint. Now, when you think about, you know, social media in general, um, a lot of the news outlets, it is, uh, you know, short-form video. There's a lot of reacting, right? There's a lot of reacting versus responding. And it's, it's based on impulse. The first thing that pops in your mind, you just say it. And usually not thinking about the consequence. And when that kind of stuff circulates, it circulates quite a bit, it gets attention, either because people intensely agree with it or disagree with it. And it just spreads like wildfire, wildfire. So she said that it takes much, much more control and discipline to stay quiet. So that was really, really challenging, that perhaps there is wisdom in restraint, wisdom in being humble enough to not say anything when the whole rest of the world is screaming and is, I mean, really deafening, to be honest. And so what does that look like? Which is the right way? And then I thought, are they really mutually exclusive? Because there's a little bit of both that are shared in that the first person said that you still want to respond. You still don't want to lose the intentionality of what you're saying. And so I really appreciated that. That wasn't a call to just say whatever's on your mind no matter what, and not thinking about what it could mean once you put it out there. But it was also still a call to say something. And so I thought maybe that they were more on a similar spectrum. But then I put the question out there on social media this week, And I had a decent amount of engagement of people being honest with both sides of what they were wrestling with. Some said, you know, it's really been hard to be quiet this week for a myriad of different reasons that they shared. And then other people were like, you know, it's actually been a challenge to say things because, you know, A, who wants to hear it? B, I don't really want to get into an online debate. Or whatever argument. You know, when have you ever changed someone's mind on social media anyway? Right. And so it's just a huge waste of time. Right. And so they're kind of a little bit of a self-discount there. So it really was interesting to see those different perspectives. I do think that there is something to be said for a mixture of both ideas. Again, like I said, I don't— you could, you could Tell me if you think I'm wrong. But I think where I'm arriving to it is that I think it's a mixture of both, especially when things like this that happened this month, the weight of them is so serious. The result was someone's death. And there's a lot of implications in that, right? And so, you know, again, like we said at the very beginning, When something doesn't matter, oh well, whatever, you can choose to keep your mouth shut. When something is much, much more serious, that's when, you know, maybe the conviction to say something, to share a message of hope, to take a stand in something that you believe is right, is the right thing to do in that time. Another thing that I was thinking through, Again, all relevant to this week is the difference. There's been a lot of talk online about freedom of speech, which, you know, I'm a big believer in. But then, you know, what's that look like with cancel culture? And now that, you know, the roles seem to be a little bit reversed politically, There's a lot of commentary around people getting fired from their jobs for saying certain controversial things. And there's a strong push of, is that really freedom of speech? Especially when the people on the right say that freedom of speech has such value. Are they hypocrites in that when they'll call to get somebody fired for making certain comments. So I've been wrestling with that too. I think initially, I had some really uneasy feelings about people petitioning for people to be fired. Websites were built so you could report people. And I was like, man, wow, that's a little interesting. I mean, I'm an entrepreneur, I'm an employer. So what does that look like? And I was just thinking through, You know, freedom of speech exists, and it is protected by the Constitution. However, I keep hearing you know there's freedom of speech, but there's not freedom of consequences. And so, and there's also the nuance. There's so many layers, right? There's also the nuance of there are some types of speech that are illegal, right? There's slander. There's defamation of character. There's things that there's you you're it's illegal to. to incite violence or show intent to harm. And so those things are prosecutable. You can get in trouble for doing those things, and rightfully so. Those have always existed for a long time. And so there's a lot of conversation around these concepts. And so, but what about the freedom of consequences, right? You know, like, When private enterprise decides to let an employee go, I've read a lot of people say that what they do on their own time when they're not on their employer's clock shouldn't matter. But that gets really weird when you, when you're sharing things in public life, right? So I don't care what my employees do on their own time. In private. But when an employee does something in public, which I would count social media as public, there could be some consequences for the things that they post or say or do, especially if it doesn't align with the company's values and those kinds of things. And so it's been really interesting, all the different conversations around that. And one thing that I love to do, and I don't know if you're like this, if you're not, that's what I would encourage you to do. So a big takeaway for today is, and you can hear the thread I keep pulling across, is that's what makes you grow, to encounter ideas and conversations and people that you don't agree with, right? So a lot of this is I have people that I purposely follow that are competent, that I respect, but that I have differing views with. And so By that, I get to really understand different perspectives. And, and it really does help me grow. And comment sections are also pretty helpful. Now, they can also be super toxic. But usually when you're following someone of that stature that you respect, that you know is competent, that, that usually puts things out there that makes you go, hmm, in the comment section, you can skip across the crazy people. But you can see other people offering different perspectives even in those things. So it's really helpful to gain that understanding. And there's been a lot of those discussions around the freedom of speech situation. There's a lot of conversations around hate speech, right? The idea that if you say something that is hateful against a group of people maybe, or things like that, that that's defined as hate speech and it should not be allowed. And it shouldn't be protected by the, uh, by the First Amendment. Now, I tend to, I tend to lean towards— I don't know, I heard someone say that there's, there's no such thing as hate speech, there's just better speech. And what they were meaning by that phrase was that, um, anyone can say anything, and that's one of the benefits of living in a place like this. However, when you say stupid things, you could invite people to disagree with you, and you are unlikely to amass a significant following. And I think initially, like in the public square scenario in Greece and places like that, they weren't too worried about someone getting up there and saying really radical things. Because that person would likely not gain very much traction. You say things that are hyperpolarizing, um, you know, they say, uh, in marketing they say 33% of people will love you, 33% don't care, and 33% will love you. And so the odds just aren't with you when you, uh, when you do that. Think about this, think about like, um, a large election. Right? Whether you're trying to run for city council or something as big as the presidency. You see this all the time in presidential elections. You'll see someone that maybe was more far right or more liberal in their leanings, and when they run for office, they'll start to drift. They'll start to come towards the center because they know that they need the center to win, especially in a 2-party system scenario. So By that same logic, the thought kind of always was if someone says things that are extreme, it really won't matter because your average person's going to hear that and say, that's rubbish, I'm not interested. And they will remain insignificant. Now in the digital age with social media and And digital avenues where people of like mind can find each other more easily and amass larger groups, I think that's where this has really gained some ideas, some, I should say, gained concern. Yeah. And so people have gotten— these people seem to be larger in numbers. And is that why there's such concern around hate speech? I'm not sure. That's really interesting. Um, or is hate speech just like the things I mentioned earlier, the illegal acts such as defamation of character, slander, threatening people, and those kinds of things? It's just interesting because both sides of the political spectrum use that phrase hate speech. Um, there are people on the right saying that, uh, because, uh, extreme left people are calling right individuals Nazis and those kinds of things, that it really invites the conversation that, or at least even the idea that they should be stopped at all costs, which at this point has some concern because we have someone on the right that has been murdered. This has also been used on the other end where, um, the left views the things that the right says as hate speech against certain people groups, um, that are more common on the left. And so it's really interesting. I, I— it's definitely not, uh, black and white, but it's something that I want you to think about. What, what do you think about hate speech? Do you think it's real? Do you think it should be regulated? Or do you believe that people can say whatever they want? But again, there could be consequences. The lightest one might be that nobody gives you any time of day, nobody pays attention to you. And again, you don't gain any significance whatsoever. And some of the more severe consequences might be, should somebody lose their job if they say something extreme enough? Should— because certainly they can face jail time or prosecution if they say something as extreme again as the protected, um, conversation we talked about earlier about defamation of character, slander, and those kinds of things. So it's really interesting. I, I've been, like I said, I've been wrestling through those things. I definitely don't have all the answers, but you know, when you ask someone what they're vibing on, you know, for the week, um, those have been some things that I've been honestly wrestling through. Um, so I want you to think about some things. One of the things I want you to think about is, is there an area in your life that you're staying quiet out of fear? Like, is there something that you are convicted about, something you believe that you're afraid to say something about? Or even more so this, um, that you don't think anyone would be interested in your perspective. If the answer is yes, what would it look like for you to say with some clarity on what those things are? If that's on social media, if that's in a video, if that's something more long-form, I'm not sure, blog posts maybe. Another thing is, do you know of somebody that has differing views than you? And have you ever engaged them in conversation? I find that the Coolest thing is, especially if you have an established relationship, and you know, that person has a degree of respect for you, coming in and asking questions and what they think of something can be a really good icebreaker. Because initially, especially if you ask about something like the recent assassination, that can carry some epic weight already. And they may start out in that conversation pretty guarded. But if you can really demonstrate a spirit of curiosity, it can be really powerful for them to open the door and give them the opportunity to share what they think. Again, this is why dialogue is so important. I mean, one of the things that Charlie Kirk said that I think is pretty powerful is that conversation and dialogue are super important. So again, identifying those key people in your life that are opportunities for you to learn something new, to see a different perspective, are really, really powerful. And so would it take a significant act of courage for you to approach that person? You know, ask them out to lunch and say, hey, you know, I've been really wrestling with a lot of things. It's been a heavy month, obviously. But I really wanted to get your take on, on a couple things because I respect you and, and I, and I know that you think through things pretty intentionally, and I wanted to have that conversation. So today's episode is definitely more unusual in that it's about wrestling with that tension, wrestling with— I feel like a lot of the people I've encountered in the last couple weeks have really had a hard time with the things that have been going on and, and continue to go on. There's a lot of strong emotions and people reacting in different ways, in extreme ways to different things, not just the assassination itself or the murders that are going on, but instead reacting to individual things in those that are, that are attached, you know, kind of like a hub, if you will, to all of those things. And so, I think it's good to reflect on those tensions, to challenge the assumptions that you might have. And again, what would it look like to find ways to optimize how you think about those things? Because 2 things will happen. One, you'll gain clarity on your understanding and your position on the situation. Or you can gain a different understanding and change your mind entirely and come to the conclusion that you weren't, you know, you were wrong. And, and now that you have more information, you can, you can really look at that differently. And I think that's a powerful thing. That's why I wanted to talk about this. Again, it's, it's, it's difficult to talk about because it's, it's so polarizing, especially with the intermesh of politics in there as well. But I think there's a lot of meat on that bone if people are willing to talk about it. And so just something I want you to wrestle with this week. And yeah, I'd love to know your thoughts. What do you think about the tension between speaking up or staying silent? And then what more pointedly, what do you think about the freedom of speech? And, you know, this kind of movement to hold people accountable to the things that they're saying with penalties, social penalties really, of them losing their job. Is that an infraction on freedom of speech? Or is that, you know, you're free to say it, you're not going to get jailed for that, but you might lose your job? You know, what do you think about that? I'd be curious to know. So thanks for listening. This is an interesting episode for the Optimizing Beyond podcast. Remember, growth happens when you take action. So subscribe, share this with a friend, and most importantly, put into practice some of the things we talked about today. And remember, daily anything changes everything. Until next time.