17 Years Without My Mother & Father | KARAMO

Hey Tyrell, how you doing?

What up?

Nice to meet you. Can I have a hug? You're fun, man. Nice to meet you. How you feeling right now?

Good.

All right. So tell me, you're here for a big moment.

Yeah.

When was the first time you heard about your father and heard his name? Or potential father?

To be honest, I didn't even know there was a guy named Steven once in my life before. 'Cause the name that I was told was never Steven.

Got it. And so this is gonna be the first time you ever see Steven today?

Yes.

What are you thinking about? What are your thoughts?

I don't know for real, to be honest.

Yeah, it's a lot to process.

Just if he my dad, then he owes me a lot. It's gonna be more than what I have to ask him for. Makes sense. But if he's not, then I don't know.

How long have you been waiting to know this information?

Pretty much ever since I was able to speak and walk and do everything.

So what would your mother say to you when you'd ask her about your father?

It was more like, she would be like, "Oh, you know who he is?" 'Cause the name on my birth certificate was a guy who I really thought it was. And she would tell me that he was a rapper or some other junk. I was like, "Oh, all right." And then I started to realize, I'm like, "There's no way, there's no way that's my dad because if he was a rapper, that would mean that he would be able to support me and support anybody else for real." So she told you it was someone famous? Yeah.

Ah, wow, okay, got it. How did you not knowing this information about who your father is put a strain, did it put a strain on you, the relationship with your mother?

Um, a little bit. It kind of did hurt, and I did distance myself from pretty much like half my family because of that. I just took time and really thought about it, and it just— it hurts to grow up and not have one. And as I'm growing up, I also grew up without my mom, so it was like, it's As I'm growing, it hurts because I don't really have nobody beside me. So now that I have my aunt, which is, I'm glad that I have my aunt because she's really working hard to help me and stuff like that. So, you know. I hear that.

Why was your mother not in your life?

I think about like 6 or 7, something happened. She told me not to tell the school and I wasn't telling anyone. So it separated and then I went through DCF and then switch, switch and then—

So something happened and she told you not to tell the school and you just said something at school?

Yeah.

And it, yeah. I need you to know before we go any further 'cause I used to work with kids who were in that situation and sometimes you can think it's your fault that you were separated. It wasn't your fault because you were honest. I need you to know that.

Yeah.

It wasn't your fault. Just because an adult said, that don't say anything and you said something, that's not your place to hold a lie or a secret. It's your place to always feel safe and secure. And you should just know that. So how's your relationship with your aunt? Is it good?

Oh, it's more than good. I take my aunt as if like she a real parent. Like she's probably like the best parent you can ever have for her.

Do you love her?

More than anything.

Good, good, good, good, good. Well listen, I'm gonna have you go back to the green room because while I figure some things out with your aunt, your mom, with Steve, this potential, your potential father, I wanna make sure that we can talk as adults and you don't have to be involved in any of that. Okay. So I'm gonna have you hang in the green room and then I'm gonna come and get you when it's time. Does that work?

Yes.

All right, perfect.

All right, thank you.

Listen, you're a very intelligent man. You know that. Very intelligent young man, okay? All right. So when did you first tell Tyrell about his father?

Well, I haven't had that conversation with Tyrell since he was a kid. He was under the impression another guy was his father.

Mm-hmm.

He said there was a rapper on his, what rapper name did you put on the birth certificate?

That's the guy. What he did is, so he said he went behind my back and he did his own DNA test. And he wasn't the father.

Why weren't you in Tyrell's life?

I had custody of Tyrell when he was a baby and I had to fight for custody from the alleged father because me and him had joint custody and he took the baby, ran and hid for 3 years. I found the baby because he enrolled him in school. I dropped my lease in Connecticut and then I moved to New York and that's how I caught the DCF case.

So why is he not living with you now?

He doesn't want to.

Okay, do you want him to?

I do.

You do want him to?

I do. And because I feel as though he needs structure, he need discipline.

And you don't feel like he gets that in your sister's house?

No, that's why he wanted to go there. So he, 'cause she gives him leeway. She lets them be men when they should be, when he should be a child.

Mm, okay. So do you agree with her or disagree with what she's saying?

I disagree with what she's saying.

So she was saying that she feels that he only is living with you because he gets to be a man and he doesn't really have strict rules or anything. Do you put him, do you have discipline?

I let him make the choice on how he wants to live his life. If it's a good choice, follow through with it. If it's a bad choice, you're gonna hear about it.

Got it, okay.

He's going to job—

Drop out of school equation?

He's going to Job Corps because he wanted to get a trade and I wanted him to get a diploma.

Mm-hmm.

He's actually going back to Job Corps. He leaves Monday.

Mm-hmm, okay, okay. Do you feel like your sister ever took responsibility for what happened?

I don't feel like she's taking responsibility for anything that's ever happened.

That's a lie, what are you talking about?

There's always an excuse for something that's happened, so at the end of the day, I don't get involved because it's not me, I got my own problems.

You don't feel like I take responsibility, Koisha? I've been out here, I take care of them kids from a distance. How do you think they come and find me?

And that's what they're supposed to do, you're their mother.

So what am I not doing?

You're their mother, they're supposed to come find you.

What am I not doing?

I never told you I never told him he couldn't come see you. I never told him he couldn't talk to you. What I told him was you need to have a conversation with your mother.

No, if he talk to me or if he come and visit me, then he gotta deal with you. And you have that attitude with him.

No, he does not.

No, he does not. I've witnessed it.

You witnessed nothing. What I said to him was, I asked him what was your point and what was your purpose? When you come at him with a vulgar attitude and you're talking to him crazy, You don't have that right.

I'm his mother.

Remember, you said that.

When was the last time you were in contact with Steven?

Monday.

Monday. But prior to Monday, when was the last time you were in contact with him?

Like 2 weeks before that. And then prior to that, it was like a couple, like maybe a year I kept in contact with him.

Oh, so you've been keeping in touch with contact with him throughout the years?

Yeah.

So have you ever at any point told him that he has a child, that he potentially has a child?

I told him, When I found out that went behind my back and did the DNA test.

Well, let's see what Steven has to say about all this before we get to the DNA outcome. So everyone please welcome Steven to the show.

Her son should know who his father is, you know what I mean? You know, he's grown and stuff like that at the same time, so.

If we find out that Tyrell's your son, what will change for you, Steven?

You know, a lot would change. I would have to my family and my kids, we would have to be a part of his life.

Got it, okay. So you're open, Steven, to him being your son?

Of course I am. You know, I feel like my father wasn't there in my life, so if he's my son, I'm gonna be there. You know what I mean? Even if he's not there, even if he's not my son, I would like to still be there for him. He could talk to me or contact me, you know what I mean?

'Cause I understand when you don't have that father figure around, Yeah, listen, I do know that there has been a father figure that's been in his life. Kwesha, it's your boyfriend. Lamond is your boyfriend's name?

Yeah, they have a good relationship.

Yeah, I was hearing that from my producers and—

He's definitely not no role model.

I heard today that he's here. Lamond, can you step up for me?

Definitely not no role model.

Lamond, thank you for being here. So how do you feel your relationship with Tyrell is? It's strong. So from your point of view, does Tyrell have a good relationship with Your girlfriend? Of course. They do?

Listen, they talk all night long to the point where sometimes I can't sleep.

Yeah, got it. I asked him backstage if he loves you and he said he loves you very much.

I know, he made me cry.

Yeah. Hey Tyra, how you doing? So listen, I've been talking to your aunt, I've been talking to your mother, I've also been talking to Steven and we're about to get to the point now where we're going to get the truth, the DNA outcome, to find out if Stephen's your father. I wanna ask you if you feel, if you feel, you wanna come in? Come on in. Okay, excuse me. I'm gonna ask you if you feel as if you wanna come out there for these results. Either way, we're going to bring the results to you so that you can find out. But I wanna know, do you feel like you wanna sit out there and receive these results?

Yeah.

You do? Okay then. And you feel secure with that?

Yes.

Okay.

This is why I said ask him. I knew he would want to sit on the stage and be able to see the person and voice his own opinion.

Okay then. Okay. I want to make sure that you're always protected. Whatever the information is, 'cause I don't know the results. If it's positive or negative, I want to make sure that the adults are able to have conversations without you feeling like you're in the middle of it. Like you have to protect anyone. So I just ask for you that no matter what these results are, that the adults on stage don't have any conversations.

He knows he can talk to me about everything.

Listen, you have two adults that we know, your mother's out there as well, but we know for sure with you coming back here, you have two adults that will be able to manage and help you and support you. So let's go on out and so you can get these answers. All right. Okay?

I am trying, I am trying.

Yeah, I can tell. This is never my truth to open. So which one of you'd like to open this?

You wanna open it?

You can sit back down. And if you could read it out loud for us.

Steven is not Tyrell's father.

Oh.

Okay.

You okay?

I'm about it. Okay. Okay. Steven.

Sorry, Steven.

It's all good.

Thank you. Let me say something though. At the end of the day, man, you know, if you still need somebody to talk to or anything, please feel free to holler at me, man. Your mother got my information. I'm not your father, but I could be your friend.

Yeah. Okay. So, Thank you, Steven, so much for being here. I have to tell you, I find something very difficult right now is that when we heard these results, your first response was to say sorry to this man and not to your sons. Sorry. What is your thought right now? Yeah, it's a lot to process. I understand, I understand.

I have no thought. Kinda seen it coming.

Yeah. Your mother said she told you about another man named, did she?

I told you it was two possibilities. I told you it was two possibilities.

Yo, who's bro?

I told you the one your grandmother keep bringing around you.

Your grandmother brought around you?

Yes.

That's what I'm saying.

Who's? He's seen him.

No.

No. Yes, he has. No, I have not. Yes, he has. Yes, I still talk to him every day.

So hold on. So what I don't want to do, you got that information. Lamond, would you do me a favor? I know that you've been a support. You and Lamond have a good relationship, right?

Yeah.

Would you do me a favor? You can come on down here. I think it'd be great for you to come down. Tyrell, again.

I can't never see him again.

Tyrell, I think you've been— No, no, no, no. I'm gonna ask y'all to actually, would you take him backstage for me?

Of course.

I think y'all have been great. Tyrell, you've been awesome. I'm gonna come back there and talk to you I want you to go back there and y'all can be there for each other. Okay. What I have witnessed right now, and the reason I didn't want him around this, is that infuriated me. That infuriated me. I mean, more than you can understand. Like, I'm actually shaking in my legs because for me to watch you as his mother apologize to a stranger and not to your own son gave me all the information I needed. It showed me about your concern and where you're at. Okay, I think what you have to do you, and this is honesty, is that you have to start understanding that unfortunately you have not been the best mother.

No, I haven't.

Okay then. I went backstage to go talk to your son and when I turned around, I honestly thought I would see his mother and I saw his aunt. His mother figure came and protected and made sure that I gave him free choice and free will and made sure I was there. I'm giving you a rose 'cause I saw what happened. I'm going to apologize because my tone was not what it should have been. And it was not for you to feel like your past choices, that I'm here to judge them. And I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I sincerely mean that. My intention by doing that, though the impact was different.

[Speaker] Yeah, because if I knew you wanted me to get up and run back there, I would've went back there. The whole day.

Hold on, so I gave you an apology because I wanted to make sure you understood that I understood your point. Now you're, you saying that I, if I wanted you to, this is what I mean about your instincts with him being his mother. Your son was backstage and getting information about a critical moment in his life. You did not come. So what I want you to understand is that if you want to have a better relationship with your child, You have to make amends and peace with yourself. Your own words was, "I feel guilty." You have to release that guilt because the only thing that guilt is doing is keeping you clouded of the information you're giving him, is keeping you clouded of giving him support. That's the only thing it's doing. And the feud you have with her is only gonna drive more of a wedge between you two. Because again, why I brought up her running back is that in his mind, the person who ran back to protect me to make sure I'm there wasn't mom. So if you start talking about the woman who is protecting me, who do you think I'm gonna defend? That's what your son is doing. He's like, this woman has my back, this other woman doesn't. So for him to understand you have his back, you have to make peace with the fact, yes, I wasn't a mother that you needed. Have you ever said that to your son?

Yeah.

Have you?

I've had conversations with him and I apologize to him for not being there for him. Because what I wanted to do the most was be there every single day, every waking moment.

Mm-hmm, okay. I'm not gonna bring your son back out here because I can't, I'm not gonna re-trigger him. He's 17 and I'm not gonna redo it. If you would like me to help you with another DNA test, I will keep paying for them because he deserves to know who his father is. And I think also the transparency that you have, if you want my advice, is tell him you're gonna try to find this because he deserves it. Use that type of language. My second piece of advice is that you're going to have to make sure that you give her respect when it comes in front of your son because this is the person who's taking care of her.

It's the same thing vice versa. She gotta respect me too. I'm not any less of a woman.

I don't speak negatively about you around your son.

I'm pretty good at discerning character.

I don't care how you feel either now.

Okay. Do you care how your son feels?

Absolutely.

So then take my advice and only talk good about her when you're around him. And tell him what you're gonna do through actions to show him that you love him now, okay? I'm telling you, that's the only way you're gonna reconcile this where he doesn't turn 25 or 30 or 40 and feel like he doesn't know you and that he doesn't love you. He wouldn't have to go to work.

No, he loves his mother.

He does. I believe it, I believe it. She's telling you that he loves you. I know. But before that love is lost, because you're at a tipping point, this is where he's gonna have to either see the respect for you and the love for you or it will tip the other way. So do that work. You, you keep up the good work. You're doing a great job.

Thank you.

You're doing a great job. You're doing a great job. I wish you both the best and I'm here for both of you if you need any more support, okay?

Thank you.

You're welcome.