24 Years & Living On The Same Block, Is It Too Late To Be Your Dad? | KARAMO

I was told through my mother that he wants to have a conversation with me.

Okay.

I was told through his family that he wants to have a conversation with me. And you know, he also reiterated that to the producers as well. He has told everybody that except for me.

Got it.

So I was honestly like, okay, if you wanna have a conversation with me, then we're going to do it my way. And honestly, so I had—

Good for you.

Yeah, good for you.

Thank you.

Set your boundaries.

I had found out about you and your show because I was on Instagram, in my business being nosy. And then I had saw a clip of Haneefa.

Oh yes.

And honestly, the, like, literally it, she reminded me so much about myself. So I just, you know, became obsessed with the show. I was like, I think this is the way that I wanna do this. Oh, I appreciate you.

So yeah. I appreciate you trusting me with your story. I really do. I appreciate it. So I gotta go back. So what do you know about your father and why he disappeared from your life?

So according to, and this has been confirmed through my mom, her family, and both his family, he disappeared between the ages of 2 and 3, around the time my mom was diagnosed with lupus.

Oh wow.

Yeah, so that's that. As far as what I know about him, I know that his birthday is September 25th, and that's about it.

Wow. And so during that entire time, did you, Did you live in the same neighborhood? Did you see him?

Oh yeah, it was actually at one point in time where he lived right on the next block from me for a couple of years.

So would he ever reach out to you and what would happen?

The only time that he actually reached out to me was when someone told him to.

So as a child, did you get teased for not having a father?

Yes, and a lot of that played in with the fact of me being gay. People were saying that I was gay because I didn't have a father in my life.

What does your mom say about your father? What is her reaction? Mom, I guess I'm gonna ask you. Hello, Myesha.

Myesha.

Ooh, you are stunning.

Ain't she though? Ain't she though?

Okay. So for you, from your experience as his mother, what was this like for you?

Javon was an easy child. He would go to all my lupus walks with me. He's always, "Go, Mom, you got it." Have you forgiven Jim? Yes.

You've forgiven him?

Yes. I just don't believe in holding grudges that long. It's like, okay.

And honestly, I'm the same way, but the difference between me and her is I do believe in forgiveness. Forgiveness is within yourself, but reconciliation is like a whole nother ballgame.

I agree. All right, before we meet Javon's father, Jim, take a look at what he had to say about the situation.

Javon, I know I was an absent father for most of your life. I wanna make up for that. There are many reasons why I was gone out of your life, and I need to explain that to you. I was pretty young when I had you, and there was a lot about parenting I didn't understand. I was upset when your mother put me on child support. I actually thought she did that on her own. Later on, I found out that I was automatically put on child support because I signed the birth certificate. There was more talks about her just wanting the money than it was about me being in your life. Also, I felt that your mom was letting the family intervene with me and your personal relationship. I got a lot of backlash because I was a couple of years older than your mom. She was 16 and I was older. I made this joke one night when I was taking you home about you being a little woozy because you had snuck one of my alcoholic drinks. I thought it'd be a funny prank. Your mom's friend definitely didn't like that. After that, I slowly just felt like I should just stay away because the backlash was coming more and more heavier. I no longer felt accepted. So I pretty much stayed gone.

Before we start, Myesha, I wanna ask you, how do you feel about what you just heard?

I always explained to him that I didn't put him on child support. The child support came because I had to take Javon to get his shots. I didn't have any medical insurance. Jim has always had good jobs and he always had Javon on his insurance. So because he would ne— I kept asking for the insurance card, he wouldn't give it to me. I went naturally to DHS. I went to DHS and they provided me with a medical card for Javon.

To be honest with you, you shouldn't feel guilty about it even if you wanted the money because you two made this child together. So you have full right and authority to say we share the financial responsibility.

Right.

And Javon, thank you so much for that. Javon, I just heard out that you found out today that your father has 3 other children that you didn't know about.

Yeah, I thought, So I knew that I had a little sister, but it wasn't until like literally a couple minutes ago I found out that there's another child, child.

Wow, okay, child, child. I hear you. Well everyone, I think it's time to hear Jim's side of this story. So everyone please welcome Jim to the show. Hey Jim, thank you for being here.

How you doing?

Nice to meet you. You too.

How you doing? Hey, what's up?

I have to ask you point blank, why were you absent from Javon's life?

Mostly a lot of it was bad decision making. I was young at the time.

But how do you feel about what Javon just said here?

I mean, everything he said was true. It's valid.

What has your life been like not having Javon in it?

Oh, I've loved it.

In the beginning, it was just a lot of ignorance on my end. Especially in the early times being young as I was, I was more focused on financial means instead of his means, especially him being my firstborn, my son.

Tell us about your other family and kids.

Oh yes, please do.

So your older sister, she's 19. Then there's, he's 15. And then of course that you mentioned, the little girl at the front, she's 9.

You saying that you have 3 other children? One being only 5 years younger than him.

Yes.

Who you actively took a role in their life. Yes. And I'm confused of why you assumed or thought, well, now I'm ready to be a parent to this one and yet I'm not ready to be a parent to this one. And I think that's a valid question that needs to be answered.

What high school did I graduate from?

I don't know.

You are my father.

A man who was completely ignored by his father He lived a block away.

You walked right past us.

Now his father wants to have a relationship. Tell your son why you want to be in his life. But is it too late?

Javon, I know I was an absent father for most of your life. I wanna make up for that.

Javon, I just heard out that you found out today that your father has 3 other children that you didn't know about.

Yeah.

Well everyone, I think it's time to hear Jim's side of this story. I have to ask you point blank, why were you absent from Javon's life?

Mostly a lot of it was bad decision making. I was young at the time.

You saying that you have 3 other children. Yes. I'm confused of why you assumed or thought, well, now I'm ready to be a parent to this one, and yet I'm not ready to be a parent to this one? And I think that's a valid question that needs to be answered.

That was the thing that really bothered me because it was damn near thrown in my face by your family how you was always taking care of and her siblings, yet I live down the street from you. Yeah, I did.

Again, a lot of the decisions was still stemming from when I was younger and everything. And again, it just carried on with me for the years throughout up until recently.

Okay, so what about when I became an adult?

When you became an adult, that was on me. I felt like a lot of lost time was pretty much lost and I just didn't figure out or couldn't figure out the exact right way to approach you. To try to step back in your life as your father and not just some random stranger guy that's just walking past?

[Speaker] Okay, this is my thing, right? I'm an adult, I already graduated, and I have my own apartment. So when I did reach out to you, it was literally just to have a relationship with you beyond parentally or monetarily. Yet it was still like no resolution after that.

To respond to that is, again, it's just me still not being in the same mindset that I am in right now.

So what brought you in this mindset right now?

The mindset was always there. It was just when I'm getting ready to push towards it, going back to my younger days and everybody intervening and saying stuff.

But that's an excuse though. Like, because that had like, I honestly don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck about what anybody has to say, whether in your family or mine. It's up to you and I to have a relationship.

Exactly.

And at this point, our relationship has nothing to do with my mama.

Do you regret missing 24 years of your son's life?

Of course, of course. I mean, if I'm actively involved in my other kids' lives, his brothers and sisters, should be no exclusion now. When I, the most recent time when me and him got back in contact with each other, I still felt as though there was still some gap there.

Because I don't know you for real.

I know, and you really don't. It's been a lot of lost time.

Because of who?

Because of me.

I don't know if you recall, but back when I was in 6th grade, I was running late for school. My momma, she had to drop me off. As she was at the car and I was locking the door, you walked right past us. So how do you justify that?

I can't justify it. I can't. It was just bad decisions on my end.

What was you even thinking in that moment?

I wasn't thinking anything. I felt like I couldn't say anything. I couldn't just hop back in and just immediately be welcomed with open arms and everything, especially because of the absence.

You are my father. Father. It's not about just popping back in my life, like a good hi, what's up, a head nod. We could have like dapped up or something.

We could have, we could have.

Jim, you said something constantly. You said, I was in a mindset, mindset, mindset. You said it 6 times so far on this stage. And you also said, what I kept thinking, thinking, thinking. There's a lot of analytics in your mind. You're being very analytical, all about my mind. I think the best thing you need to do right now, if I can be honest with you, father to father, man to man, is speak more from your heart. Tell your son why you want to be in his life. What have you missed? What do you love about him? What are you sorry for?

What high school did I graduate from?

I don't know.

This is your opportunity to tell your son how you feel. You have yet to say it. And I really want to give you that opportunity so you can walk out of here.

Like, I love him dearly and I miss—

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, your son.

You can laugh all you want to, but I know how I'm feeling about this. Every time they ask me, do you got kids? Sometimes I mention your name first all the time. Then they say, oh, you got any other ones? Well, oh yeah, yeah, I do. But when it come down to you, like, my freaking email address is still your name. Like, I don't change that. Like seriously.

So, okay, because it's like the thing that I'm trying to like really wrap around my head is like—

What to wrap around your head is that I'm trying to get back in your life. There was just this barrier. Like I felt like I'm trying to love you, I wanna love you, but there's this barrier for whatever reason that just kept it from happening. That barrier has long since been gone.

What was the barrier?

Again, me having that, I don't wanna keep saying mindset, but being young and still got that whole mentality when I still see these same people.

You keep saying, your exact words were, "Why I was afraid and scared to speak up for myself." What were you afraid of?

Just the backlash from people. Me feeling belittled, like I couldn't handle my responsibilities or anything like that, which actually led to the whole financial part.

So you were afraid of rejection?

At the time, yes.

And so are you realizing that your fear of rejection caused you to reject yourself? Your child?

At the time, I didn't think that that was gonna be the case, but over time I realized that.

You apologize to him for rejecting him?

Javon, I'm definitely, definitely sorry for rejecting you, betraying you, denying you, because I wanted to tell you first. Because I wanted to tell you first.

But you didn't answer his question. Actually, speaking of the topic of rejection, do you know how it feels to be a child at any age you know, even like to not even know yourself for it, but for other people, adults and other kids to say, "Oh, you're gay because your father isn't in your life." Me being gone because you're gay has nothing to do with that.

Jervon, what do you need from your dad today?

Oh, be free. Say what you gonna say.

I'm good at where I am in my life. Honestly, I really don't necessarily need a relationship from you, but I'm not declining one either. My whole thing is I'm at peace. I personally feel like, especially because you told my mama that you want to like reach out to me so that you can repent, that feels like you want a relationship that would be one-sided. And I feel like if we do have a relationship, then it gotta be like more than words. Like, dude, you have my number, you can feel free to like, like contact me, be like, "Hey, what's up? What you doing?" However, if it's not gonna go from here, then don't even bother speaking to me. That's my thing. Like, I personally feel like you are interrupting my peace by trying to bring yourself peace, and that's where my issue is. Come here.

Look, I gotta be here for you though, seriously, okay? Like, anything that took place happened when I was 19 has no bearings on the now. Like, I understand, I totally get to understand that you're upset and frustrated about it all, okay? That's why we're here, so hopefully we get a resolution to this because I was making too many mistakes. I was denying you and rejecting you and everything. Like, you're still my son regardless of how you look at it. Okay.

I just want you to know that like from here on out, like I don't want to hear that. I like literally want you to like show me that like in real life.

All right, well can we leave right now?

No.

Can we leave now? I mean, let's get it started now.

I gotta tell you this, I am, I'm thankful for the man that your mother raised you to be. I need you to commit to your son two things. Say, "I commit that I will carry the emotional burden of this relationship." I commit that I will carry the emotional burden of our relationship. So that means you don't ever find yourself feeling like you have to be pulling from him. He needs to be coming to you and telling you how he feels, asking you how you feel. You never should do that because I can see this role flipping into something very quickly where you're the one having to be basically parent again and you don't deserve that. And secondly, your son needs a lot of action steps. You've already displayed for years that you didn't call, you had excuses, you had a ton of excuses. And as I know, excuses are tools of incompetence which build monuments of nothingness. And if you wanna build something right now, you need to show him day by day that I'm going to do this do that and do this to show you I love you. Can you commit to saying, I will show you the action steps?

I will show you all the action steps starting today.

Now you have those commitments. If he doesn't do those things, you stick to your boundaries, you protect your heart, and you keep growing as a strong, amazing man you are. And I'm glad y'all had some resolution. Well, give your father one more hug. I appreciate y'all being here. I really do. I really do.

Everything that had happened on stage was amazing, but I feel like the most important thing is, you know, when we leave the studio and where we go from here.

It starts with the consistency of the contacts and just doing more than just texting him, giving him phone calls, seeing if he want to hang out, if he's free to do anything, because right now I can definitely make time.

I'm not going to always be here. He's going to need somebody besides me, and the next best person will be his father.

Oh, somebody please help me!