5 Year Relationship...We've Never Met! | KARAMO

Welcome back everyone. My next guest got her groove back and fell in love with a man she met online. Now that she's fallen in love and ready to get married, she says her family is trying to stop her plans and she needs my help. Please everyone, welcome Tamika to the stage. All right, so Tamika, before we even started, you were getting emotional. What's going on?

It just means so much to me. I've been through a lot. It took me some time to love again. You understand what I'm saying?

I do get it. What was going on in your life before you met this guy?

Before I met him, I was married for 13 years and my husband passed of a massive heart attack.

I'm sorry.

So I had like a 2-year period where I was by myself and I had to find me, I felt like. Part of me went with him, you understand?

I can imagine.

I didn't see myself loving again, I didn't.

So then who's this new man? Tell me about him.

His name is Christian.

Mm-hmm.

He lives in Nigeria.

Okay.

We actually met on Facebook. When I first met him, we were friends, and then I blocked him.

Okay, why? Did you have concerns about him in the beginning?

No, that wasn't the issue. The issue was, In Africa, they don't talk the way we speak in America. So he said something to me online that I thought was out of order. He said horny. And I'm like, wait a minute, brother, you got the wrong one.

Okay, hold up, wrong one. We're not doing this today.

Right. But he was actually saying honey.

Oh, got it.

So I'm strolling on Facebook one day and it says suggested friends, right? And so I just, pooh, I hit the button. So here we are talking, having conversations, and he goes, well, thank you for friending me again. And I'm like, what are you talking about? Then I find out it's the same guy.

So when did you realize that he was the one?

I realized he was the one when I had something tragic happen.

Okay, what happened?

After losing My husband, I lost my son.

Oh, very sorry.

My son was murdered to gun violence. And so he was like, he began to be a support system. But at that point we went through all these different stages. He was my friend, my lover, my homie. You know, he was just that go-to person. Yeah. And so at that point I'm like, wait a minute, hold on. I'm looking at him different.

Yeah, 'cause in your time of grief he stepped up.

He did.

Got it. And so how long have you been together now?

5 years.

And you have been, how many times have y'all met in person?

We haven't.

You haven't met in person.

We haven't.

Got it. Got it. And why haven't you met in person?

I went to Africa. Because me and 4 of my friends went on a girls trip and he was supposed to come over from Nigeria to Ghana to see me.

So you were there and you were like, come on over, I'm close now, I'm on your side of the world.

Right.

And he didn't show up?

He didn't. In the car here, we can get in the car and go to Georgia, Charlotte, whatever. But over there they have to have passports.

You know, if he lives there, he should have made an effort to come and see you is for my thing. Is there anybody in your family that supports this long distance relationship?

Relationship?

My son was my support system. My son actually met him on video before he passed away, and my son loved him. They would talk all the time. They were very close. And then my son passed away, so there went my support system.

So that was the only person who said he likes this relationship for you? Okay. That makes sense as well. You send Christian anything, any money or anything?

I've sent him money maybe 2 or 3 times.

Does he send you money?

I never asked.

Got it. Do you think that this relationship is healthy?

I do.

And what makes it healthy in your mind?

We always there for each other. I could talk to him about anything. He's my best friend. Nobody is without fault. We all have made mistakes.

We've all made mistakes. But just because we've all made mistakes doesn't mean that we should accept somebody who's not giving us fully what we want. Joining us now is her daughter-in-law Jenna and her cousin Angela. All right, you both have been backstage listening to what she has said. What are your thoughts?

She doesn't need to go.

She doesn't need to go to Africa? No. Why do you think so?

We not feeling it and we're not feeling it not because we're biased, not because we don't want to see her happy.

Yeah.

Jenna, why do you not want this relationship to happen?

It's not giving. She's very deserving.

She said point blank, it's just not giving. It's just not giving. Okay. Jenna, what are some of the red flags that you see?

Honestly, she might go donate, you know what I'm saying?

Hold on, what do you mean she donates what? It's okay. It's the only way I can help you find all the facts.

I'm sorry.

She may go donate plasma.

So you donate your plasma to get money to be able to help him out?

I did when he needed it.

Okay. Listen, you don't see judgment on my face. I'm just trying to hear how this level of love is and the things that you're willing to sacrifice and do for this man.

But he didn't ask me to do that. That was on me.

No, no, I didn't say that he asked you. I said that willing—

Why is he blaming me for something that I did?

Because he needs to man up and he needs to understand that if I have a woman that's willing to go this far for me, then I need to show up for her and he doesn't show up for me.

So she sends more gifts 'cause she made it seem like she only sent money once. She's supported him a lot more than that.

No, I said 2 or 3 times.

Okay, you think it's more than 2 or 3 times?

I just say who knows the truth for real?

Got it.

He's supposed to pursue you. If he was a real man, not only would he not ask you, but he wouldn't accept from you.

I actually asked my producers to track him down and to get a video from him since he can't be here. So we have a video from him that I want you to see. I haven't seen it yet either, but He's in a video for you.

Hello, Mika. I miss you.

I love you, honey.

I can't wait to be with you. You're so beautiful to me. You have all it takes. Like, I can't wait to, to, to, to be a husband. I can't wait for you to be my wife. Like, seriously, I missed you so much.

So much.

Woo!

Um, what do you think when you see that?

I miss him.

You miss him? I'm gonna tell you something. I study body language and when someone talks, you can see how they act and do stuff. Every time he said, "I miss you, I love you," he does this, which is a body action of saying, "Though I'm saying these words, what I'm really showing you is with my action." So if I say to you, "I really want you happy." How do we get to know him when you don't? That's a good question. They're saying you have never met him in 5 years. So do you really know him?

He's picked me up at the airport.

He all the way in Africa.

Oh, and we've had so many stories as to how he could not. This came up, that came up.

But if the paperwork wasn't at the passport office in time, why are you holding him accountable? I'm not gonna tell you that.

So why hasn't he made an effort to come and see you? Whatever paperwork you need, you can get it in 5 years. Thank you. Why hasn't he made an effort to come and see you?

Money.

If you do everything else, I'm pretty sure you get him here. So money's not an issue.

So that's a good point. If you've given him money for other things, why don't you just pay for him to come here?

I wanna go to Africa to get married, but I wanna live here.

But you're saying you wanna get married to a man and move your man back here who has not even made an effort to come here and see you. Do you see the logic behind it?

But he has though.

He's come here to see you?

That's not what I'm saying. He went, he got the passport, he did what I asked him to do. He's in the process of working on the visa. These things take time.

Not 5 years.

Who do you know outta his family in 5 years?

I met a sister on video. I met his mother on video once.

So they're okay with this? They're gonna be at the wedding?

When I asked you, have you met any of the people in his family? Your answer to me was no.

5 years to meet a sister and a mother that you've only met once. And to be honest with you, you really don't know if those people are his sister and his mother. And I have to tell you, I 100% agree. But let me tell you why. I believe that you are grieving and I believe that you haven't processed the grief that you've been through.

I believe this is a grieving period.

And I believe from losing your husband to losing your son, you have went through a lot of traumatic events and you have found somebody who is using your grief to groom you to get what they want. People will see you in a vulnerable state and they will use that grief to say, oh, "Well, look, I'm here for you, but I'm actually just not gonna ever really show up for you, and I'm not actually going to give you what you ask. I'm just gonna use that grief to make you feel like we're connected, like we're bonded together. And then during that time, I'm gonna groom you into feeling like, 'Oh, one day I'll come.'" See, the thing is that when someone grooms you through your grief, your rational mind goes. You're no longer thinking clearly. Because any of us, we're all hearing this and we're like, clearly like, hold on, this man in 5 years can't get a passport. This man in 5 years can't get a visa. This man ain't come here.

I'm trying my best, boy.

No, no, no. See, that is the grooming. Tell the truth, you're grieving still. Do you still feel pain sometimes?

I do.

I know. Do you still feel loneliness sometimes? It's okay, you got people who love you here and I'm one of them. Do you still feel lonely?

I miss my son.

I know you do.

We were very, very close.

I know. And when you said something, this is how I know that you're still grieving. Because when you said to me, my son was the only one that approved of him, you're holding onto this man who is not really in your life, who has nothing to offer you, but because your son loved him, it's sort of as if you two have a connection there. Again, he used your grief to groom you and to get into your life. He makes you feel like the bad things he does, it's okay that he does them. That's called grooming. It's where you start to feel like, even though I know this shouldn't be happening, even though I know I came all the way to Africa, you should've found your way to me. He made you still think that was acceptable behavior. Seriously, this man is not for you. And if your son was here today, he would not want it.

Absolutely not.

Would not want it. I don't want it for you. You deserve more than that. I believe you got a lot of support around you. They're gonna switch the conversation to you grieving. You're gonna start to figure out how to make better decisions as you start to heal that grief, and you're gonna be okay. I believe it. I'm gonna check in on you. Hold on, where you going? I'll tell you where you're going. Right here to subscribe, and right here to watch more.

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