An Audience Member Asks For Help! | KARAMO

So my next guest, Sharon, actually sat in the audience of my show last week. And as soon as the taping ended, she immediately reached out for my help with her own daughter. Let's meet Sharon and hear what's going on. Hi, Sharon. Can I have a hug?

Hello, Sharon.

Nice to meet you.

Yes, how are you?

You look great.

Thank you.

I love this little pant and boot situation.

Come on.

Thank you.

It's cute, right?

That is cute.

All right. So what made you call the show after being in my audience?

Well, you're so good with the mothers and the daughters and the families and your background. I just needed the help with my daughter.

I'm glad that you felt that way and decided to reach out. So what happened between you and your daughter that day?

What hasn't happened? Well, she was supposed to be with me at the show actually. I asked her to come to the show, but again, she wasn't ready, so I left her. So she wanted to argue back and forth. I had to block her. Because I couldn't—

You blocked her?

Yeah, I couldn't argue and drive.

So why not just ignore the calls? Why block?

Because I was driving and her texts are extensive.

Got it.

Like, I just can't.

And how long did it take you before you unblocked her?

There's been times she's been blocked for a long period of time.

So there's a pattern of blocking?

Yes, pattern. I block pretty—

You like, I don't got time for it.

Yeah, before I go back and forth, I block.

Okay, okay. How has that relationship been in the past? 'Cause you just said like you, there's been times.

Well, Lyndie's been acting up for a little while.

That's a cute photo.

The first thing she did was sent me and her dad a letter saying we wasn't in charge of her academics anymore. Then once she, that didn't mean we didn't pay for graduation, we didn't pay for makeup, we didn't pay for prom dresses. That didn't go along with the letters. But they allowed that at her school.

Yeah. But I don't understand, what do you mean they allowed saying you're not in charge of her academics?

At a certain age in your senior year, if you turn, I wanna say 18, you can make that decision.

So like if she wants to change a class, she doesn't need to ask you?

She don't need to ask us. Got it, okay. Any information. She can do that on her own. So then after graduation, everything that just went downhill from there. Once she started making her own decisions, it's like she stopped listening to us. It's still going on to the day. And this is why we worry about her.

And how old is she now?

She is 24.

She's 24, okay. Do you think she's a responsible person?

Not at all.

And you lost a daughter in the past, my producers told me.

I did. She was 18 when I lost her to a car accident. So it concerns me about Lindy. I wanna see Lindy show up as her best self.

How many years has it been?

It's been, I have, I was pregnant when she died. So Karamo is 17, just turned 17. So it's been 17 years.

16, 17 years, okay. Are you afraid of losing her too?

Yes.

So what do you want to happen today?

I wanna see Lindy show up as her best self.

Well, listen, I think it's time to meet your daughter. So everyone help me please welcome Lindy to the show.

First of all, I've been blocked. You've had me blocked. This is what you do. You block me all the time. You just had me blocked for 3 months. Yeah, I did. That's showing me blatantly that you don't care to communicate. No, that's not showing you that I don't care to communicate.

That's showing you that I don't care to argue with you.

If you can't come to me correct and have a conversation— Half the time, it's not about me not coming to you correct. How I communicate, how I express my emotions when I'm texting you, I'm expressing myself to you.

I can't read a whole book and drive at the same time.

You don't have to read a whole book and drive at the same time. I'm not pressing you to get a response. I'm letting you know my feelings and respond when you feel the need to respond. Some of my feelings are all the same.

Some of your feelings are all the same. Really don't make no sense. You need to show up responsible, show up as a grown woman. You talk as a grown woman, but you don't act as a grown woman.

I understand that 1,000%, but at the same time, you're talking about I'm spoiled and I'm this way and I'm that way. Whose fault is that?

I've been straight up forward with you. I might have given you too much. Yeah, I tried to do better for you than what was done for me. I paid cash for you to go to school. You don't act like I paid anything.

That's besides the point.

My money is beside the point?

Nobody's saying your money's beside the point.

It caused Karamo to lose her job.

We're not gonna talk about that.

We're not. Lindy, take a seat for me, yeah. Thank you for being here. I wanna ask you this directly. Do you think you're a responsible adult?

I have room to work on it.

I do. You have room to grow.

I do. I'm accountable for that. There's like, I have it comfortable. I'm not gonna lie. Like I've, been, like she said, she set me up, my dad set me up, they've done their part.

We've done our job.

But at the same time, they feel like they've done all this much, but they don't show, I don't feel like they've shown me all the responsibilities that they feel like I need to have, if I'm being quite honest.

So you're feeling like they need to show you—

She want us to do more? What more could we do?

My thing is not— What more could we do? My thing is not about you doing more, my thing is you're, Nothing I do for you is right.

I've set up everything for you.

Nothing? What more can I do for you?

We can't even work together. We can't even have a conversation.

Why wasn't you ready? Why wasn't you ready to be? You're doing it right now. You just keep talking, talking, talking, and you're not listening.

You have been irresponsible.

I have been, have, past tense.

Tell me this, were you supposed to come to my show with your mom?

Yes.

And what happened?

Okay, we live a couple hours away. We were supposed to get on the road for, 6 or 7. I was ready. I call her around 7:45.

That's not what happened.

I mean, 6:45.

That's not what happened. I called you.

No, you did not. You called—

I was in the shower when you called me.

Yes, I called you.

She missed my call.

She sent me a text.

She asked me if I was ready. I said yeah.

You did not.

Mine's still getting ready.

She said she was coming in the house at last night.

I said I was gonna come to her house at night.

So when I woke up, I thought I heard her come in. 'Cause she could just get in. She could just put the code in.

So I thought I heard her come in. So I'm thinking, okay, all I gotta do is get her ready.

When I got up and she wasn't there, I was like, yo, where are you? Oh, I got—

Hello! I had to work. She always acting like she my equal.

You're not my equal.

This is not about being your equal. You're not my equal. And that's how you talk to me.

That's why I can't talk to my mother like that. And I would never speak to my mother like that.

And I would hope, like, I don't know, I don't know.

How do you feel when she blocked your number?

Never mind how I feel, like, that's an ongoing thing. Like, at the time, like, there'll be times I wanna communicate with her, might need her advice on something, just wanna go to my mom for something, and I just quite can't go to her. You can't? I call her, she's blocked. And then her whole thing is, oh, you know the code to my house. You know, you can come over. She come when she want anything else? This is ridiculous how you're doing it. You call for everything else? You're like, you're not letting nobody Can somebody talk?

If you were saying something. I am saying something and you're not listening.

That's how you get. That's how you get.

That's how you get.

That's not weird.

You're crying for no reason. Like, and this is what I have to deal with all the time.

Stand doing business. Stand doing business. Like, this is what I have to deal with all the time.

And this is what I have to deal with.

Lindy, what do you need to happen to fix your relationship?

I need to be heard. Like, in this moment right here, like, you can clearly tell that nothing that I say, she listens to.

So if I can say this though, I do see some red flags.

My emotional problems doesn't come from her. My emotional problems, I feel like stems from my sister dying at a young age and me not knowing how to handle my emotions and just me seeing my mom was doing what she had to do for her at the time and she was pregnant. So she had to make sure her emotions was regulated. She couldn't lose two kids at the time.

But I did make sure my emotions was regulated.

She did and she continues to do that and I'm never taking away that part of her mothering.

But how old were you when your sister passed?

7.

I gotta say, some of the things that I noticed very quickly off is, I'm just gonna go to actions and I'm gonna tell you this. You know, she models your actions. Thank you. You guys know that. You guys know that. I do. You do not know that.

Thank you.

And this, I'm not coming for you, but you do gotta know that.

And she says it's me trying to be like her.

But I will tell you this, I will tell you this, I'll tell you this. It's not, you do say about you wanna have growth, So you have to also take your own accountability. Like, if you don't like her actions, then you gotta stop modeling. You're not a child. But my question is, is when do you make the choice to be different?

That's what I'm waiting on, to see something different. You know what I mean? And I tell her all the time, I come from a time where my opinion didn't matter. So I try to make her opinion matter.

What you need to remember, you are not responsible for the decisions she makes. And I think right now you have too many expectations about the decisions she's make. And within that, you're not seeing her growth. Because what I will tell you though is that we forget that at 24, if we were to go back to 24 and we, and this is for me too, if we go back to 24 and have somebody sitting across from you, I'm sure they would have some things to say about you at 24. And what I do know about us being younger, and also 'cause I feel you, sometimes my son is not too far from your age and I have the same conversation.

Well, when I was 24, they didn't have to be, they didn't have to agree 'cause I was kicked out at 18. I had to leave early.

I get that.

So by 24, I already knew what it was. So this is what I'm saying, I didn't have some of the options that she had.

But see, but what I'm saying to you is that you then blame her for the options you've given her.

Thank you. I do.

I'll tell you this as well. The biggest and most unhealthiest thing in this that you gotta stop, the blocking your child. When a child has experienced loss at 7 years old, that's the first time you understand security and abandonment. And at that young age, it was taught that like at any moment, things can go. And so though in this moment you are trying your best, and I ain't gonna hate on you, you're trying to protect yourself in this moment, but then she unconsciously is being told that like, listen, at any time she's gone.

I'm trying to let her show up as her best self and support her in that way is what I really wanna do.

Yeah, I get that.

So I don't know how to be a support in her life.

Can you tell your daughter that you believe in her?

I believe in you. I've always believed in you.

But I'm not seeing her that.

I think we've spoiled her where we are not getting what we need.

I'm not seeing her put her foot in this. But again, different times. Let her be.

Let her be. Yeah.

She's gonna get there. Let me tell you, there's people that I can see on this couch and I'll be like, it's gonna take some time. Oh girl. I be looking, you know, like I listen and I don't judge, but then I get backstage and I'll be like, girl, hold on, hold on. It's gonna take a little time. I don't think you gonna take that much time. You're there, but it's time for some things to be cut. If you wanna be independent, she can't bail you out no more. You can't have the accent. But at the same rate, you got to listen, empathetic listening again, so that she can feel heard. Because right now all she does is feel shut down. It feels like, again, we're going back to unfortunately the passing of your daughter. That still lives in her. And every time you block and shut me down and you don't wanna listen, all I feel like is, okay, I'm gone next. So if you wanna solve this problem, you gotta stand on all 10 toes and all you gotta do is open your 2 ears. But Lyndie, now you have to say, Mom, I'm not gonna be disrespectful anymore.

Mom, I'm not gonna be disrespectful anymore.

And I am going to stand on my own.

And I'm gonna stand on my own.

10 toes down.

10 toes down.

There you go. Can you give your daughter a hug?