Are You Using Your Man Cave to Cheat? | KARAMO

You know, y'all men have these man caves.

Mm-hmm.

He has one.

Yeah.

He spend most of his time, if not all of his time, in that man cave.

Yeah.

And I just be wondering, you know, what exactly is he doing back there in that man cave?

Does he not invite you in? Because I got my little man cave, but I invite my partner. And you come in there.

He does. But you know how y'all— well, I ain't going to say all men.

OK, yeah, but I get it.

But how some men are, they keep it a little junky. That's not for my taste.

OK, yeah, you can't deal with the junkiness, though. I can't deal with the junkiness.

You know, but a lot of his time is being spent back there. And in the beginning now, mind you, he was talking to two other women.

Oh, okay.

And, um—

In the beginning of your relationship?

Yeah, when we first, when I first moved with him.

And how long ago was that?

That was about two years ago.

Two years ago.

Yeah.

So y'all were already dating and you moved in and then he was still talking to other women?

Yeah.

Okay.

And I think maybe because he probably didn't know what our relationship was gonna be like. So maybe he was keeping them on the side, you know, just for backups.

Would he go down there and talk to them?

I haven't caught him.

But that's the assumption.

But that's the assumption when you're accusing me every time you see me on my phone.

Oh, so he's accusing you? Yes.

Oh.

So if I'm getting accused, my mama always told me that if a person is always accusing you of cheating, then 9 times outta 10, it's something that you're doing. So.

All right, so when he's in the man cave all day, does he come to bed at night or does he sleep in the man cave?

Nah, sometimes Sometimes he comes to bed and some other nights that he don't, he'll be up in there literally all night. Like, will sleep in there. And he know I can't sleep without him, so that questions me 'cause I can roll over and I'm like—

What's going on?

Where my husband at?

Has the intimacy in your relationship changed?

Oh my God, yes.

It has?

We went from humping like rabbits, let's say, getting it on 2, 3 times a day, like every day, to like now once. Once a week.

So why do you think the issue has changed?

I mean, it just still comes from the fact that I still can't get over the fact that, I mean, because we both have pasts. My past has hurt me tremendously. His is vice versa. You know, he has hurt him. But it's just this one particular woman that he was texting. I kind of feel like he's still texting her.

And when you bring that up to him, what does he say?

He tells me, you know, that I'm the only woman for him. He wanna marry me, but You know, when we get into it, it doesn't feel like that. I feel like you're venting to that particular woman there. But I don't have the proof, I don't know, you know, but that's just my intuition telling me that.

When y'all argue, does it get heated? Does it get like—

It gets heated to the point where we're yelling at each other but not putting our hands on each other. And then he goes to his man cave, I go to the room and close the door. And once them doors are closed, he don't know what I'm doing in the room. So he's assuming I'm doing something, I'm assuming the same thing. Got it. Which I admit, you know, I flirt. Okay. You know, when guys get in my inbox, but that's as far as it go.

Okay. So in the time, 'cause y'all been together now for how long?

2 years.

2 years.

Going on 3 years.

3 years and married?

Yeah, we trying to get married next year.

Trying to get married. So y'all just engaged right now.

But before we get married, I gotta make sure that we have a solid foundation going into this marriage. He's been married already twice and this would be my first marriage.

Got it.

And I want this to be my first and last.

Got it. Understandable. Does Mark disrespect you in those arguments?

Sometimes, like, you know, like if I'm texting on my phone, he'll, you know, ask me, come in the room and be telling me something and I'm texting on my phone. Do you hear me? And I'm like, that's something that, you know, your parents say to you. You're supposed to be my husband, my future husband, my teammate. So with that being said, you know, don't talk to me like, you know, like I'm nobody, like I'm your child. You have 4 kids. I'm not one of your kids. You have 4 of them. But I'm not one of them.

So you asked our Unlock the Phone investigator to unlock Mark's phone because you wanna know if Mark is texting other women while he's in the man cave, if there was any suspicious activity while Mark is in his man cave as well.

Yeah.

Will these answers help you make you feel like you're ready for marriage?

I think so too. I think it'll help me in the long run. I'll be able to trust him a little bit more.

Well, listen, I think it's time to meet Tori's fiancé. So everyone, please welcome Mark to the show so we can hear his side of the story. How you doing, sir?

All right, how you doing?

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you, sir.

Yeah, good to meet you.

All right.

So how do you feel about what you just heard?

I think it's two sides to everything.

I believe that as well.

What she's not telling you is when we first started, she gave me the impression that she had other people that she could reach out to. Like when we disagreed, She, it was one time that she told me that she was leaving. She said someone was gonna come pick her up. I thought she was gone. I came in the house, she leave me this note. And when I tell you this note wasn't something that anybody would wanna hear. It was so mean and she was saying that the guy, well, we're gonna do this and we're gonna do that and we might even do it in your in your house or—

Oh, so you was playing dirty.

Yeah, she—

In the beginning.

No, no, no. I call her, she's still my wife. But she has a mouth, and I tell her this all the time. You have a mouth like one of the worst dudes that, like, when she shoots, she shoots darts.

Yeah.

And that situation that she's speaking on, with the girl, I told her about that girl. This was something that happened before her, and I never, we were never serious. Because one thing about me is I don't like to share, and I won't put anybody else in a position where they have to share. So we didn't have that type of relationship. But we communicated with each other a lot. We might go out from time to time, but the fact that she had underlying things going on, I would never give her the treatment that I give her.

Got it. And so you're saying I'm ready, I was there, but I'm also hearing now, 'cause you left out the whole thing about your mouth.

Yeah, I got a mouth on me.

Okay, you left that all out.

Look, I'm from Alabama, so I got a mouth on me. I don't let nothing slide.

Nothing slide.

No.

All right, so one of her concerns is that when you're in your man cave, that you're down there and she doesn't know what you're doing. So what are you doing in the man cave?

I love to relax and have my peace. I play my games and she knows that. I always try to make her feel like she's number one.

Well, she doesn't feel that way 'cause what she said at night is that sometimes you don't come to bed at nighttime. And also that when y'all do argue, from her perspective is that she feels like you talk to her like she's your child.

No, I try to express myself to her of what I expect for our relationship to grow on.

Okay.

And it's things like, Being on Facebook and live, I don't do that because I just wasn't raised that way and that just, it kind of makes me feel uncomfortable and it makes me feel like she's opening the door.

For other people to be in y'all relationship?

Yeah.

I just don't have nobody else to talk to because if we arguing, then I can't talk to you because every time we try to sit down and talk like adults, it still blows up into an argument.

All right, well listen, I think it's time to unlock the phone.

Okay.

Mark. We unlocked your phone first. Actually, we did not, 'cause Mark refused to unlock his phone. Okay, Mark, why you decline to unlock your phone?

I believe I'm old-fashioned with that. My elders used to tell me, if you keep looking for something, you gonna find it, and it's gonna be something that you really don't wanna know.

And that make me feel like then you got something to hide.

But that's just my beliefs because I've always did that. It's nothing personal to her.

Because that's the only reason why I have a lock on my phone is because he has one on his phone. And I felt like, you know, you got something to hide though. Because why not unlock it or why not keep the lock off your phone? We can agree to not put our phones on lock, period. And I'm cool with that.

Yeah.

But if you're not agreeing to it, that means you having something to hide. I don't want him entertaining no female and feelings for her the way he did for me.

But I've shown her, she's seen my phone before. She secretly unlocks my phone.

Is that true?

I can't no more 'cause I don't know what the code is now.

But before you used to?

Yes, she sneak around and yeah.

But there was nothing that when you were looking at stuff, was it stuff that he was cheating or just?

No, communicating with people.

No, just talking.

But nothing, no cheating, no nothing at all? No, no, no. Okay then. All right, so it sounds like to me that up until recently you've had full access.

Yeah, for a while.

For a while.

Yeah.

I mean, y'all been together for 2 years, so you're saying what, a year and a half you had full access?

Yes.

Yeah.

I'll say that, yeah.

So a full year and a half you had full access, and since the last couple months, you haven't?

No.

Okay, so in that case, professionally, I say you're in the right for setting your boundary of not unlocking this phone. I will say that, I really will. Because if you gotta take it, if you've had full access to my phone for a year and a half, you ain't seen nothing, you know I've been not doing nothing, and now, for the last couple months when I'm setting a boundary because of your behavior, that's respectful. You get to set your boundary as you're trying to figure out where to go.

And I've only had this man cave like a month, a month and a half. Oh. Now let me say something that she didn't tell y'all. More perspective, right? She didn't tell y'all that she used to go back there to that room when she caught herself being upset with me.

All right, Tori, well, we unlocked your phone. All right, here we go. Mark, you want to know if there's anything suspicious on Tori's phone. Tori said there's not. Why your leg shaking, girl? Why your leg shaking? What you nervous about?

Nothing.

All right, Tori said there's nothing suspicious on her phone. My unlock the phone investigator searched her texts and found that Tori is telling the truth. Mark, you want to know if there's anything suspicious suspicious on Tori's phone in regards to other things. My unlocked phone investigator searched her phone and found that Tori is not telling the truth. My investigator found that Tori visited two dating sites in December, Zen Dating and Sugar Baby Sites Agreement.

I was just checking on that. I saw it on TV, so I was just checking it out. I didn't really make a—

There was no activity. There was no activity.

Okay, see.

Let me get clear. There was no activity, but she did go to the sites.

Now with that being said, you can understand why I'm— I get it. Kinda a little distant when it comes to stuff like that. Because I feel like if you're looking for something, then I'm not the one for— Then you claim I'm the one.

You are my soulmate.

You say that I'm your soulmate.

You are my soulmate.

But yet, and still you So you feel like you have to look somewhere else?

He is the only man that can put up with me and my attitude and my mouth. That's 3 things you have to put up with.

But why do you need that?

Why do you need that?

If you feel like I'm the one.

Why do you need to be in that man cave all night?

I play games.

Well, let's keep going here. All right, so Mark, you want to know if there's anything suspicious in Tori's DMs. Tori says there is not. My Unlock the Phone investigators searched her DMs and found that Tori is not telling the truth. He found a DM on January 1st that said, "Hey, are you married?" And Tori responded, "No, I'm not." He did find 17 other messages from men telling Tori she's beautiful and she responded, "I'm married." So, but with this guy on January 1st, if we keep going, my investigator's telling me that later on you did admit, "Yes, I am married." Yeah. But in the moment you said, "No, I'm not." Yeah. Okay.

'Cause I was mad.

Okay.

But now it gets to the point now where I tell them I'm married. I straight up just tell 'em now I'm married.

I'm gonna back this up 'cause I see what's going on here. You said that Mark is the only man that can put up with me, put up with my attitude and all this stuff. Mark should not have to put up with you.

Well, you know what I mean? Like, nigga. No, no, no, no, no.

I love you, girl.

I do. But he should not have to put up with you. Because what happens is that by putting him in a position where he feels like he has to make a choice between his peace and putting up with you is gonna continue to cause strain in your relationship. And that's where the moments that you have to grow. 'Cause what I've heard in this from your own mouth, and I'm taking notes, you see this car full.

Yeah.

Okay, it's full.

Yes.

Is that he gave you transparency, you had access to this phone, You knew in the beginning the people he was talking to, he told you he was stopping. You were able to go look through his phone during that time, correct? These are your words. This is what you said. Yeah, that's true. Okay. Even though he gave you transparency for the year, he showed you that I'm here, he showed you that I don't, I wanna, your thing, you said that when y'all argue, he gets calm, he still tries to love on you and then you still have your attitude for 2 days. Yeah. So what I'm hearing is I'm trying, I've given you transparency, I'm trying to show you love even in hard moments. But what I'm asking you is to not make me feel like I'm second in our relationship. Not to make me feel like I'm disrespected. And what I'm seeing is every time you get upset, you like, I'm sure you could be second. Hold on. Nope, nope. Doesn't matter. I'm sure you could be second. But are you hearing him? Because again, you're not. If you don't want this relationship to cave, you need to straighten up. I agree.

And it's the truth.

Yeah, I agree. I agree.

Now I'm gonna tell you real quick, the way that you can rebuild this trust is two things. First of all, you have to watch your actions. You gotta get off Facebook. What you need to rebuild now is trust. And trust takes time. And so what do you feel is gonna be the timeline for you to say, you know what, I can see that you're committed to not going on social media, not talking to people.

Give me a year showing me that I'm the important person in your life.

Can you commit to a year for him?

I can.

To no social media? I can. And when I say no social media, that don't mean you can't go on there and scroll, have your little fun. But I'm talking about if you get upset, before you start typing.

Typing, yeah.

You don't?

I can't.

You can't?

Yeah.

You also too have to commit to doing something. This is the together thing. When you argue and isolate, instead of isolating and staying in the anger, I want you to write Write down what your issues are. And when you come back together, don't talk. Give the other person. That is gonna be a key step. If y'all can do that, I promise y'all within 6 months, communication gonna be better. And then y'all can get back to that intimacy that I'm sure you miss. Yes, I do. Okay, I know you do. 'Cause the same way you miss it, I know he missing it, okay? Let me do this. Let me send y'all to a little sexy dinner tonight so y'all can get the intimacy back.

All right?

All right, y'all gonna be all right. I believe in y'all.