Cheating & Stealing, Sidepieces & Bad Moms: Karamo's Best Advice for the Audience | KARAMO

All right, you know, a lot of y'all have questions for me, so I'm gonna take it to the comments and we're gonna do something that I like to call Q and K. So anybody in my audience got a question for me? All right, what's your name?

Hi, I'm Christina.

Hi, Christina.

How are you?

Good.

So my parents aren't talking to me right now. At this point, it's very weird because I'll have this like amazing relationship with them and then like I'll share with them and we'll have like this great connection. And then everything that I share with them, they eventually use against me like it's my weakness. And then when, like, I'm in like, like there's a moment where I don't like call them because I'm like dealing with my own stuff and I can't, you know, you just don't want to like pour that on people all the time. They get like upset if I don't like call them every single day. And I'm like, we talked for on the phone for like 3 to 4 hours one day. Why do you need to like, Why can't you just understand when I like, I'm taking time for myself? So.

Are you the only child?

I'm an only child.

Yeah, I thought so.

Can you tell?

Yeah, I can.

It feels like a control thing with me. Like it feels like constantly they've been like trying to control me my whole entire life. If I don't do something that they don't agree with. My mom, like I love her so much, but she's so freaking judgy and I'm not like a person that can.

My baby too. Oh my gosh, all my babies in this audience. Come here. Here you go, love. So what's going on? So she's judging.

I invited them to come over on Saturday, 3 days before my birthday, 'cause I have a 13-year-old girl. I'm divorced. I wanted family around my daughter just to sing happy birthday for her.

Yeah, of course.

For my daughter, you know?

Yeah, of course.

Called her up and said, do you want to come over? I left a message, I didn't hear back from you. Saturday comes around, I'm like, I'm not gonna not have anything for my daughter to do on Saturday, so I plan to go to the city. 7:30 in the morning, I say, Ma, we planned to go to the city because you didn't respond back. And it was very polite, everything about it was polite. He can attest to that because I read the whole thing to him. And, um, I said, could you guys come over on Sunday? And it just became No, I don't understand. Thanks for doing this to me again. You're rude to us. You're mean to us. And it's just always like outta nowhere. And I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing wrong all the time.

So first of all, you're not doing anything wrong.

And I'm old.

So hold on. So hold on. But I want you to hear this.

Why are you so rude to me?

You gotta say this. I'm not doing anything wrong.

I'm not doing anything wrong.

Yeah. Because the thing is that part of the child in you that's had to always deal with this emotional manipulation, who's always had to deal with this judgment. You're not doing anything wrong. And I think that's the first place that this healing has to start for you is that you have to realize this is their own emotional baggage and their inability to understand how to parent you with love. And so it makes you feel like, am I worthy? What am I doing wrong? Why are you judging me? And as a normal parent-child relationship, you still want to give to them because you're like, I want you around. My parents are alive. I want you here. But then another part of you is like, knows it needs to set boundaries and that's why you take days away. The thing is, is that you have to have some harder conversations with them and you have to understand that when they respond, it's not because you're doing something wrong, it's because they're finally being challenged because you're doing something right.

Can I tell you every time I try to have those hard conversations, it's like a dragon comes out of my mother.

I'm sure.

Now I'm at the point where I'm just like, I don't even need you. Like, you're so toxic to me. Like, I love you. Life is short, so I'm gonna miss out on stuff, but it's like, I'm just like, bye, you know? And I don't wanna be like that.

But you need to be like that. That's what I'm saying. Because part of you is always in this, I understand the dilemma you're in. It's when you have a parent that's still alive and you're like, but I want a relationship with you, but they're not emotionally available to give you the relationship you want. And so that's where you have to make the choice of, is it, Is it my health? Is it my growth? Is it my sanity? Is it my security for myself and my 13-year-old? Or is it me still being 13, reaching out, wanting my parents to be there for me?

Yeah.

It's time for you to make that decision. And when your mother comes with that fire that she used to and always done, that's where you're not a kid anymore. You don't have to stay and listen.

Yeah.

See, that's what you've been doing. You've been showing her, I'm still a kid. I'm gonna sit here and I'm gonna shrink and I'm gonna listen to everything you say and I'm gonna keep hearing you and I'm gonna keep inviting you over. I'm gonna say, Mom, please come see my 13-year-old. 13-year-old, "Mom, please come. Mom, please come." No more. Mom, you don't have to come because I'm an adult and you don't need to be here because the love you couldn't give me, I'm gonna give to my daughter. All right, you got it? Thank you. So no more. You're welcome, love. Thank you for being vulnerable with Karamo. I know who your friend is. What's your name? Michael. Michael? Michael was over here like, "Yes, okay." I saw him through the corner. Y'all saw him? Michael was like, "Okay, we got it there." Michael, support her through that, okay? That was beautiful advice and I'll take it. Y'all got each other. Yes. How y'all doing?

I'm Mariah, this is Messiah, we're sisters.

Y'all look beautiful.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Okay, so I have like, well, I want your opinion. You know, how would you feel if your dad's girlfriend or whatever the case doesn't want you around him or doesn't like when he's spending time with you or, you know? Yeah, that's my dad.

Dad, you might as well, your daughters are here.

You know, so.

To be very honest with you, my solution is gonna be, it really means nothing about the girlfriend. It's all about your dad. And so since dad is here, the question is, is that if your girls feel uncomfortable about comments that your girlfriend is making, what are you doing about it? This right here is serious, Karamo. Okay, so what's going on? So you have a girlfriend. Yes. And she doesn't like you to spend time with your daughters? It's not really that. Okay. First it starts off with their mother. The reason why I'm not with their mother. Okay. I've been with their mother 20 years. So all the things that I done been through with her tore me down, tore me apart. Now they got me ready to cry up here. Made me move on. Yeah. You understand? So since it made me move on, I moved on to find, I guess, sanity. Okay. She pushed me away to find love somewhere else. Got it. Pushed me on to make me feel like somebody cared. And I gotta tell you, I'm happy that you have found that for yourself because I believe that for you as a man, you deserve to find someone who's gonna love you and value you. But at the same rate, as you found the love for yourself, it should never diminish the love that your daughters feel or that your daughters ever feel like someone is getting in between you and their relationship. And so as much as I respect and I appreciate you finding that, your daughters are saying that the woman you're with makes them feel as if they're not welcomed. So for you, though you have that love, what do you say to her when your daughters tell you this? I tell 'em, I tell her all the time, like, they're my daughters. But a long story short, my daughters looked at this person as they don't want me with her because I've been so long, all they know is their mother. You shaking your head, tell me. No. What's your thoughts?

That's wrong. The disrespect that his girlfriend brung upon from the beginning, you feel me?

This is a simple, my producer's saying mom's in the audience too. Mom, you, everybody, listen, everybody, let me show y'all how, let me tell y'all how messy my family in the audience is. Everybody talking about this the mama right here, this the mama.

You see all the, why y'all?

Hey mom.

I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.

See, this is what we do here. Families come and we solve their family issues. So mom, so what, What's going on here?

It's a lot going on. However, that's my kid's father. I have 4 kids by this man. My oldest is 21. At the end of the day, we've been together for a long time. When what happened between me and him, it happened, it happened. My kids didn't, his girlfriend didn't respect them. She didn't respect me. And by that, my kids didn't respect her. But again, it starts with their father. He's the only one that can fix it and make them feel like they felt before.

I'm gonna ask you a question. Are you happy that he's found somebody?

I mean, I'm happy for him. If he's doing what he wanna do, that's fine. However, me and him not together. But if she showed respect and she was mature, then I would say, okay, that's fine. We can all get along. I try to get along. I try, I can tell you, I try all the time. But I get her disrespect and by her she be disrespectful, he allows it and that's where everything break down at.

[Speaker:KARAMO] I get it. I'm gonna tell you this. The thing that I realized is that there's communication and language that needs to change on both parts. Dad, for you, the way that you communicate with your lady and with your daughters has to change. Because what happens is that everyone's looking for you to dictate how this is going. So if you don't communicate with your daughters and say, listen, I'm dating this person, this is who I am, it might last, it might not, then of course they're gonna be like, well, I don't know who this chick is. And then they're also picking that energy up from mom a little bit. Because as much as you say, yes, I'm here, I'm gonna be respectful, Mom, there is still a strong influence on how your daughters look at you and see how they react.

I agree, I agree.

And that's why I asked you, are you happy for him being in this relationship? Then I'm gonna say to you, Dad, you gotta make sure that you're communicating them, this is who I'm with. But then this third party, this third party, the minute she ever shows disrespect, you gotta shut it down. Because what's gonna happen is you're gonna end up losing the respect, not only of your daughters, what of a woman you're potentially growing with. And I don't want you to lose that because I do believe you deserve your happiness. What I appreciate is how y'all communicated right here. I mean, everybody came and was able to hear each other and was able to listen. That what this is, is that this is this, y'all already, I can see as a family, y'all have the safe space for that to happen. You just gotta practice it more. I mean, y'all, even though y'all had 20 years that turned out not to be the best, y'all are doing a pretty good job. For y'all to be sitting in my audience together as a family, for the daughters to be here, to respect both of y'all enough. I give y'all y'all respect. Respect, seriously, I gotta give y'all respect on that because some families couldn't even do this. Dad, you gotta take a lead in one way and Mom, you gotta take the lead in the other way. So next time another woman, if this woman comes, this woman has to be checked by you, Dad. So there's nothing that these three can do. This woman has to be told by you, there can be no disrespect. These are teen girls. Yes, they're gonna have to learn and you're gonna have to be clear with them. Don't be disrespectful. Mom's gotta be clear as well because I can show Mom has taught them like if somebody step to you, you step back. I got it. So that's what mom's taught them. But in this moment right now, mom, you're gonna have to say, listen, listen, listen, you gotta cut the mouth on this. If this is dad respects, we gotta respect it. But she also has to lead that way and that's gonna come from you, dad. All right? But going forward, if this woman doesn't last, whoever you get with, you gotta involve your daughters from the beginning and say, listen, this is who I'm talking to. These are grown women with smart minds. All right? And if you want them to feel like they're respected and they have a place in your life, you gotta include them. Include them and not wait till the end, all right? And then vice versa for you, mom, you gotta let them know we happy no matter what. So even if the woman come in and we don't really like her, it don't matter, we happy for dad. And that's how the communication has to change, all right? I wish y'all the best of luck.

[APPLAUSE] [Speaker] Question is, so I've been seeing this guy for about 10 months now and the courting is amazing. I've met his family and his kids. Holidays is coming up and he asked me to join him for Thanksgiving. Here's the thing, he has not asked me to be his girlfriend yet. Am I wrong for being caught up on that title thing or should I just embrace the moment?

[Speaker:KARAMO] I think both can be true at the same time without needing to negate the other. Because what I'm hearing from you is you wanna understand that y'all on the same page for commitment. And what sounds like to me is that you're not getting that clarity. So just because you're inviting me to meet family members, that's not communicating to me that you actually wanna move forward. So what I think you should be saying is, hey, before I can come to your family's house, I wanna sit down and have a real conversation about where we're going. Clarity is what you're looking for right now. And just because you got an invite don't give me clarity on nothing. And I think sometimes men don't realize that because sometimes men feel like, well, I'm showing you that I want to be around my mom and my kids. So like that's, but like you're saying, no, I need it to come out of your mouth. I need this title. And I think sometimes letting him know I appreciate the action, but I need there to be communication with that action that gives me clarity will allow you to feel more comfortable about making the decision to go to Thanksgiving. Forgiven or not. If he does not respond with, okay, I'm ready to be clear. If he responds with any, oh no, I mean anything that's not, I wanna communicate, take that as a sign not to argue but to walk away. Thank you, thank you. That's it. Okay, all right, we're gonna do one more. All right, so what is your name?

My name is Ria.

Nice to meet you. You just told me before you made that brooch for me.

I did. I definitely made it just for you.

Thank you. Y'all know I like a little couture, ma. I do, I do, I do, I do. I love it, I love it. Okay, so what's your question for me?

So Karamo, I am a young and fabulous, beautiful single woman.

Yes, you are.

I love being single. However, I think I'm ready to be in a relationship, but I'm not ready. I think I'm ready, I'm not ready. How do I decide if I'm ready?

Well, first you gotta start being honest with yourself because you're pro— professing, "I love being single." So you haven't even found out really yet what is the fear that's holding you back. And I think that any work that needs to be done in intimate relationships starts with ourselves. So let's be real. What has made you feel like you have to profess, "I love being single," because that also comes from a certain place. What was it? Were you hurt before? You were hurt.

Yes.

So because of that pain, instead of saying, "I'm scared that the next relationship might not be what I deserve," You've said, you know what, I just love being single.

I'm just afraid that I'm gonna lose myself again. I have come to just have this amazing confidence that I haven't had before, and I'm just afraid that when I meet this amazing man that now I'm gonna be—

Lose who you are.

And lose who I am, and now I'm just Ria in a relationship.

So first of all, thank you first of all for that vulnerability and also of being aware of what the real issue is. But secondly, I wanna tell you, when we have these irrational fears, I learned very early on from, I can't remember what teacher it was, that said fear is false evidence appearing real. And that is what's happening right now. This false evidence that I'm gonna lose myself because younger you didn't have the knowledge, younger you didn't have the life experience, is going back to that and saying, hold on, that might happen again. But what did you start off by saying? You said I'm a strong, confident, beautiful woman. The you now knows better than that. The you now can trust that I am aware that if I meet somebody, they're gonna be an addition to my life, not take away from my life. And so you have to stop stop having that fear that is not real at all and remember who you are. The same way you walked up here and said, I'm full of confidence, I know who I am. When that man comes, he's gonna see that, respect that, and he's gonna understand this is a woman that's not gonna fold into me. This is a woman that I'm going to add to to allow their life to be better. So trust yourself. It's more about trust. So every morning you wake up, just say, you know what? I can trust me. I got this. I got this. And I'm ready for a relationship because I trust me. Say it.

I can trust me and I'm ready for a relationship because I trust me.

There you go.

And thank you, Karamo.

Did that help?

This is in regards to someone that I used to love.

Okay.

Who is now trying to come back, you know, sending all the fake pages and all this stuff trying to get back. But he was really cold to me. But I still have feelings for him, but I also have other options. And—

Why he come back through fake pages?

Because I guess he, I'm assuming he just doesn't know how to come back to me now that the bar has raised and I've raised it up now that I've really got my—

You got yourself worked up. He don't know how to deal with that.

Yes, yes, yes.

Okay.

So I have other options, but I still have the door open just a little bit for him, but I don't know if he's deserving of that.

I can already tell you anybody who can't step to you as the beautiful queen I'm looking at doesn't deserve a second option. I'll tell you that. Question answered. And if I could really be honest with you, I'm gonna be honest with you. What I'm hearing when you say I'm leaving the door open means that I never fully got closure and there's things that I need to get answers from. I did not. Because the way you're responding to him doesn't sound like it's a romantic, maybe I need him. There's always love that still lingers after a relationship ends. But when it ends in an abrupt way that doesn't give us all the answers we need, we need that closure. You deserve that closure. So what I suggest to you is be very clear and say, I see you creeping on these fake pages.

I've been doing all of that.

I've been calling them out. I see what you're doing. I see what you're doing. Listen, say what you need to say to me and let him say what he needs to say to you so you can understand where he's coming from. Do you have the question that you need answered from him that will give you closure?

I just wanna know why he just treated me the way he did. I'm such a wonderful person and I think that's what he realized now. So I don't know if I should make him suffer or make him work harder.

It ain't gonna help you. Listen, and you already— Yeah, 'cause it's about him. What I'm hearing right now is you already got so much light and love around you. Making him suffer. As much as it's fun to make somebody suffer, I ain't gonna lie, it's cute. I'm a Scorpio. I love to cut somebody off and make them know I don't like you. It's my favorite thing to do. But at the end of the day, that type of negative energy only really will affect us. So focus on the healing and getting the closure. And so I want you to take a little bit more time because even that question you just said about why did you not treat me like I should have, you can actually dissect that even down a little bit more because that's an open-ended question. And he gonna be like, I don't know, like I just wasn't ready and all this stuff. It's still not gonna give you the answer. So think about what it was. Was there a moment that you said in this moment I need to feel blank and you didn't give it? Why? In this moment I need you to step up. I need you to do this. Be clear about the question that's gonna help you get closure. Ask that and then say then brother, I've moved on and then move on and just be done.

[Speaker] I need to say this 'cause all I needed was 2 days of the show. Shake it. One to miss them and one to mourn them. And after that, I'm good.

What's your name? Justin. Justin. What's your name?

Carla.

Okay, Carla, what's your question? My question is how to get over bereavement and loneliness. Got it. So have you lost someone recently? Uh, my grandfather and my mom. Got it. Okay. And how long has it been? Uh, going on 2 years for my mom. It is a year for my grandfather. I'm so sorry. So I think sometimes when we have loved ones that have passed, and especially when it's compounded, it's going quick, it's over and over again, it feels like a lot. Do you have a support system? This is her? Yeah. I'm sorry, come here, come talk to me. It's all right. I know, it's all right. It's all right. I'm trying to start my own story, but it's hard. Yeah. So I think right now, before you share your story, the thing that I would tell you to do is continue to go through this journey grief. Continue to go through this journey of understanding that you're here and that those people who have passed on are still with you. Their energy is here and they're watching over you. They love you. They're here to support you. And I think you got to keep healing yourself. As you keep healing yourself and you keep learning about yourself, you're going to get to a place where you feel so strong and you're going to understand what you need to learn from their passings, and you're going to be able to use that to inspire someone else. But right now, I want you to use this as a moment to heal yourself, to reach out to people as you just reached out to me, so we can tell you that we're thankful you're here, so we can tell you how happy we are that you're here to share with us and be here, and to understand that you are loved, okay? Sometimes it feels like it's gonna keep going forever, but it's not. You're gonna get to a place where you understand, and you're gonna be able to breathe again. You're gonna be able to sleep through the night. And when those moments come, we're gonna all be here by your side, okay? All right, I love it. What is your name?

Skylar.

Hi Skylar, thank you for being here. Hi Karamo. All right, so what's your question?

So I have a complicated family situation.

I was kicked out by my mom when I was 16.

And she's tried to make up for it, but I still struggle with the forgiveness aspect and not feeling guarded. And I was wondering if you have any suggestions.

[Speaker] Yes, so first of all, I'm sorry that at 16 that happened to you. And I know it doesn't matter if a stranger says that, but I think it's important to always acknowledge that you were a child and you didn't deserve anything that you received. But I will tell you that the parts of what I do see in that moment that gave you, it gave you in you becoming this amazing strong woman that I see before me. And we sometimes don't understand the harder moments that help build the character we have. But within trusting your mother again, because this is what it's about. As a child, you were abandoned, you were rejected, and now you have a hard issue Trusting. I'm sure that trust issue doesn't just go for her. I'm sure it goes for a lot of people in your life.

It's mostly just her.

Just her? Okay, we're good. I'm glad that that hasn't bled into other parts of your life. What I do wanna say to you though is if you're having trust issues, the only way to solve trust issues is through communication and actions. Have you ever sat down and told your mother what it is you exactly need to be able to trust her again?

Yes.

And what happened?

We came to an agreement, but it feels like we take a step forward, but then two steps back.

I got it. So that's been an important piece of this whole thing because you can never build trust with someone who's not gonna do the work for themselves. Because when I say communication action, it's not just actions for you, it's actions of how they're showing up for themselves, knowing that they can be better. And so if your mother is unfortunately telling you that she's not going to do the action for herself to be better, that's just clearly going to remind you every single time that you're never gonna take the steps to be better for us. And so what you have to do is now have to set a clear boundary. Within that boundary, you're gonna have to tell her until you can do this, I'm going to have to put some parameters on relationship. Because what you have to do now is safeguard yourself as a woman. And you have to start making sure that your personal peace and your surroundings, that you start to feel safe. Luckily, like I said earlier, I'm so glad this hasn't bled into other areas of your life. And so that it never starts to bleed to other areas, those boundaries and safeguards have to be put in place. And then as you put those boundaries in place and be very clear with her, I'm putting these boundaries in place because you're not taking the steps for yourself, which lets me know you're not gonna take the steps for us. You have to start grieving. And I think that part of, there's a child in you that has never let go of the hope of maybe she'll get better, maybe she'll do what's right. And I think unfortunately that this moment is where you start to grieve I see the tears coming. What's going on in your mind?

I think it's just difficult because I know that. It's just hard to accept as myself.

Yeah, I get that. I've been there. Understanding and starting to grieve someone who's still around and still alive, it becomes difficult because our mind says, no, you're right here. You can just do this work. But our heart our hearts know the truth of the matter. And so I think a small step for you is after you do those boundaries, just waking up in the morning every day and saying, though my mother's here, she's not, and I will be okay. If you give yourself that small mantra, it will start to help you as you grieve and as you start to build this new relationship in your mind around what it would be like not to have the mother that you deserved. So I wish you the best of luck with that. Hopefully that helps a little bit. Does it?

It does. Thank you. Okay, so I'm 25 years old and I was in a 10-year relationship and it just recently ended last year. And I just wanted some advice on like, what would you tell a young Black woman who is like still processing that and like getting through that, but also kind of wants to mingle, but just doesn't want to like hurt guys' feelings?

Well, first of all, it's going to take you some time to grieve that relationship because A lot of your formative years, and you're still in your formative years, were spent with somebody who you probably built a life and a future with, correct?

That's true.

But I need you to understand that that was supposed to be for that season. That was supposed to be for the lessons you learned from that. It was supposed to be so that you could be in this space, and now you can use all those lessons to go into the rest of your life where you can say, you know what, now I know what I want. Now I know more about myself as a woman. Do you ever say that to yourself? Now I know more about myself as a woman?

I used to be better at that. Like the self-affirmations, I should get back into that.

Well, we gonna start it right now. Did that relationship, 9 years, teach you more about yourself as a woman?

No.

It did not? It had to have been. I'm not gonna lie to you. There's no way you could have been in a 9-year relationship and you didn't learn more so about yourself. What did you learn about yourself?

That I am resilient.

Thank you. Taught you more about that as a woman. What else did it teach you?

And that I should be a little less tolerant to certain things.

You saw how she just sat here and said, my 9-year relationship didn't teach me that. Though I'm over here resilient and realize I'm not gonna tolerate BS no more.

I had to think about it.

Thank you, thank you. So understanding and remembering that that relationship taught you that because you needed that lesson. Because I got people who I've seen on this stage who are 40, 45, 50 who still haven't learned to not deal with certain BS. You've learned that at an earlier season in your life, which is a blessing. And so to not hurt other men's, to hurt other people's feelings or men that you're dating, You say, hey, right now I'm in a new season where I'm still learning about myself. And that means that I might not be able to commit as I'm learning about myself. And if you can just say that, put it on you. I'm in a season of learning about myself, which means I might not be able to commit. Use that language and I promise you they gonna get it quick. They gonna be like, okay, I understand. You got it, you feel it. And stop forgetting about what you learned because the more you forget about the lessons, you gonna end up repeating them.

[APPLAUSE] You do outfit changes so fast. You have to be a model, low key.

Like, I'm just saying. Just don't play with me, girl. Don't play with me. Okay, okay. No, I'm joking. People don't know, yeah, when I'm on this show, I change outfits so much. Let me tell you something, fashion brings me joy, okay? I love it, I love it.

Yeah.

All right, so what's your question?

Well, Karamo, I think I'm in love.

Yes.

Yeah. I'm in love with my situationship currently at the moment. Here's my thing. Like, I want to tell him, but I've experienced DV and narcissists, and I just don't want to bring my trauma and dump it on him or my insecurities. So besides time, what do you suggest to do to heal so I could tell him I love him in a healthy manner?

Hmm. Well, first of all, I'm sorry for the things you've been through. And I think that it's important, no matter how much in your healing process you is, that you continue to hear that. I always tell people, I still see kids in all of us because I see the little kid in all of us that didn't get the proper love support. We also have these kids in us that need healing. So I'm sorry for what you've been through. I love your awareness. The fact that you're aware is really important because awareness means that you know that you want to heal You know that you don't want to bring this into your unhealthy and make your relationship unhealthy. And that's a really great strength. I think my question to you would be, why do you think that communicating about what you've been through is going to be dumping your trauma on him?

That's a good question. You know, I guess social media has like really put in my head, you're supposed to be talking healthy. You're not supposed to be trauma dumping, all these red flags. You know, I don't wanna be seen as a red flag.

But who said that if you find somebody who's emotionally intelligent and who's willing to build with you, that talking about what you've been through is unhealthy? I'm in the dating process right now and the person I'm dating right now, we have really honest conversations about the things that we have been through and how we're, the work that we've done through them and how we hope to support each other so that we don't retrigger each other. We have very honest communications and at no point do I feel like I'm dumb I think that the question you have to ask yourself is the person you're dating, are they emotionally intelligent enough to be able to handle that conversation? And I think that's the more of the better question because what you deserve is somebody who's gonna be willing to make you feel safe, who's gonna make you feel like you could talk about these things. 'Cause that's what real love is. That's what a real healthy relationship is. I don't want you to say I love you to anybody until you know that you can say whatever you need to them and they're not gonna judge you. They're not gonna make you feel like you're crazy. You're bad for that. They're gonna be able to say, you know what? Thank you for sharing. And how can I support you? How can I love you? Yeah. Yeah. Are you in a space where you feel like you can trust him enough to say, this is what I'm feeling?

Yeah.

You do?

I do.

And you feel like he's healthy enough to hear it?

Yeah.

Great. So what I'm gonna encourage you to do is when you go home, write down the things that you've been through that you feel like you wanna share with him. And this way, because that word dump is all about like sometimes it might come out come out. If you write it down and sort of structure it, now you can say, you know what, hey, these are things I wanna share with you. I'm not gonna go through all of them today, but I wanna talk about this first one. And this way, if you find yourself going on some other page, you could find yourself looking on that list and saying, I'm gonna go back to this. What this does is allow you to not have that feeling or that guilt or that whatever misconception you have that you're gonna give too much. But it also allows you to have proper time to have each conversation. Where you can really hear his feedback, where you can really feel supported. And this is a tool that I use so that way I'm not getting cluttered in my thoughts, but I also know that my partner or the person I'm dating is truly there for me and listening and trying to step up for me because there's clarity. Sometimes we gotta write things out because in our minds too much is gonna come out. And so if you can do that, if you feel that he's a safe place for you to talk to, go for it. It's not trauma dumping. What it is is you trying to start a healthy communication with him where you two can be there for each other.

Thank you so much.

You're welcome. You got this. You got this. Your awareness, your awareness lets me know you got this. It lets me know you're wise because with that awareness, I see trust and I see trust in yourself and I see growth. And when I see trust and growth, the things you've been through in the past, you've learned from and you're never gonna be back in those situations. I know that. And so this next relationship or this relationship will be healthy because of that awareness and that trust in yourself.

Thank you.

Yeah, you're welcome.

I just wanted to ask, how do you deal with a toxic relationship?

Ooh, is it a boyfriend, girlfriend, mother, father, sister, brother?

It's my friends and my brother.

Oh, okay. Can you be a little bit more specific about what's happening?

Yeah, so for my brother, he really puts down on me. We don't have a healthy relationship, and especially, the age we're now, like it's just kind of getting worse.

What type of things did he say to you?

Like, you're never gonna be where I am and like—

So he compares and devalues.

Yes.

Well, first of all, I tell people comparison is the thief of joy. So he's stealing his own joy by trying to compare y'all two. So don't steal your own joy, okay? There's no need to compare yourself to him and what he's doing. You stay on your own journey. So remember that. Anytime he tries to compare himself to you, you don't do the same, okay? Because there's no need to steal your own joy. But secondly, don't allow him to devalue you by it getting in your head, okay? You gotta keep reminding yourself of the things that you're doing and what you're building. Because what he's trying to do is there's somewhere in your brother right now, and I don't know you, but I'm gonna tell you right now, you're hurting. Because for you to be trying to take your sister down, there's something going on in his own self-esteem. Do you see his self-esteem? You know stuff that went on in his past while he's down on himself?

Yeah, I do. It was like a lot for us growing up. My dad like raised us both by himself.

Yeah.

So—

Was your father hard on him?

More like he was harder on me kind of. And that's why I feel like I like grew up the way that I did. Like I'm very responsible and mature.

Got it. That makes even more sense. Lemme tell you this because if father was putting you down or saying things or being harder on you and he's supposed to be big brother, big brother is picking up the bill. Behavior that he mimics from father. And so now he's putting that on you. And so it is not your job to change their opinion. It's not your job to show him. It is not your job to say, look, I'm doing— like, you just keep doing you and let your actions and let your success and let your happiness show him who you are. If you need to take that time to set a boundary right now, that's okay. It's okay. Call it a boundary though, because that's what you're doing. I stopped talking to him. Sometimes that can make you sound toxic. Right now you've been in an unhealthy situation. You're setting a boundary to say, until you can respect me and stop devaluing me, I'm not talking to you. So I would encourage you maybe say that to him one time and say, listen, I would like to have a relationship, but until you stop devaluing me, I have to set this boundary. And then he doesn't have the ability to say, you know what, she just, she didn't wanna talk to me, she stopped talking to me. No, no, no, no. This is a direct consequence to your actions.

Yes.

And so, and then you continue just Be on your journey, focus, do what you're doing, and just be you, period. Cheers, man. You got this, you got this, you got this, you got this.

Okay, so first of all, Karamo, I'm a licensed, uh, therapist.

Yes.

I'm a mother of 5 and I'm a wife.

Yes.

And so my schedule is pretty busy, and basically my question for you, I want to be able to be a better a lot of my friends have been complaining that I don't support them. And I'm starting to realize, for me, I love them and I feel like being a good friend is just showing up when it's important. Like if somebody dies, if somebody's sick. The things that are important to them are just not important to me. And so how can I be more intentional about being a better friend regarding things I don't care about?

[Speaker] Well, I first of all gotta say that I think that friendship is a two-way street, just like any relationship. And I think that the same way that you're being thoughtful about how to be a better friend for them, they should be thinking that same thing about you. And the reason I say that is because when I hear about your life from what you described, being a therapist, I understand what it is to take on other people's trauma, to take on other people's issues daily. That's a lot, it's heavy. So that's the first thing. Also, you're a mother. You're also, which means you have to tend to your kids. Also, you're a wife. And then with all those things, you still gotta tend to you and you still gotta figure out how to spend time for you and do things for you. And so it's sometimes selfish for someone else to say, well, listen, I don't have all those responsibilities and I need you to now talk about the one thing that I do have a responsibility about or the one thing that's important to me. Like, I get it, girl. And this is why I say a two-way sheet is important because it's like, are you also looking at what I have to deal with? Because if you understood what I was going through, you would say, you know what? Let's figure out a time where we can both feel like, okay, I can be calm, you can be calm. And I think that maybe having a new conversation about how can we meet each other in the halfway that I can understand what's a priority for you. You can understand what's a priority for me, and we can match those priorities on certain days. Because I don't want you to put all this pressure on yourself. Because what I just heard was, let me put pressure on myself to figure out how I could show up for one more person. And even in that list that you gave me, I still didn't hear you showing up for yourself. So I'm gonna show up for kids, I'm gonna show up for family, I'm gonna show up for my husband, I'm gonna show up for work, and now I'm gonna show up for friends.

You got it.

Yeah, and so have that conversation. If they're really your friends, they're gonna say, "All right, I hear you. I understand what you're going through and I'm gonna try to meet you halfway," because you're willing to meet them halfway. And that's a true friendship. And if they're not willing to have that conversation, let them go because you don't need to put more on your plate. Thank you, Karamo. You're welcome. You're welcome. So what's your question? Do you have any general advice around grief? I lost someone very close to me recently. Well, first of all, I'm sorry. How long have you been dealing with the grief? Months, like 2, 3 months. Months, yeah. Grief is a process and it takes a while for you to deal with it. Do you have people that you can reach out to? I'm relearning all of that now and seeing who's like actually in my corner right now. Yeah. And what have you been discovering? That a lot of friendships have been kind of a little surface level and these are friends that I've always been able to support and be there for. They don't seem to have the skillset to kind of give it back. I mean, well, one of the things that you just said right now is a lot of times people get very sad because the people that leaned on them, they can't lean on as well. And you're learning that lesson. But what I love about your intelligence in this situation is that it sounds like you're still looking for other people who can give you that. Yeah. In that search, have you been able to find it? And I'm revaluing certain friendships that, kind of not word to the side, but they're stepping up more and I'm putting my value more into them now that we're sharing this space here. So lemme tell you what I love about people who ask me for advice. They're actually always smarter than they don't need my advice because the only advice I will tell you is to lean in and put value into those who are showing up for you. For sure. As well, make sure that if you ever have a moment of grief, you don't try to stop that because a lot of times if you have feelings that pop up and you try to say, you know what, let me hold it down right now, I can't. That's always going to be a negative in your life because at some point the grief will just overflow in the wrong situation. So if you have a moment where you're feeling sad, let it out. If you have a moment where you need to scream, let it out. You walk away, you can talk about it because you can't hold it down. And then again, just reach out to those people who are reaching back out to you and put value in them. Yeah, will do. You already had the intelligence. No, I needed the reminder. You need the reminder. There you go.

There you go, brother. So my question is, I realize I've been burnt out for the past 10 years and I'm on my way to recovery from being burnt out. So my question for you is, have you ever been burnt out? If so, what advice do you have for somebody that's recovering from burnout?

Okay, so burnt out from family, kids, or work, or all of the above?

All of them.

All of the above. Okay then. Life is, you're just, you're tired. You're exhausted by it. Okay then. And this has been happening, you said, for the last 10 years.

I realized it was the past 10 years.

Yeah. So the question that I usually say to someone who's burnt out is, first of all, is what support system do you have built around you?

I got a few people. I think my thing is I don't like asking because I notice that whenever I unload, it's a lot. So I try to like not unload.

Well, the reason you're unloading is because that support system have never been built properly. And so what it is, is now when you try to get somebody in, there's so much that you have built up because you never had that real community around you. So anytime, the advice I can give you is going forward, focus on building a community so that when things come up, they're already there, set into place, and they can see the signs that you're not feeling good, see the signs that you're overwhelmed versus being in the day-to-day struggle and saying, oh now, hey, oh, you in my life? Oh, can I unload on you? No, no, no. Because that's not fair to them, but it's also not fair to you. You deserve to have a group of people around you who can see you, understand what you need, and support you. So what I always suggest to people is, you've been through the burnout. How life works is, unfortunately, it's a pendulum. It might happen again. So it happens to all of us, no matter how successful you are, no matter if you got kids or you don't, it happens to all of us. So what you should do right now is start cultivating a community and start saying to people, hey, listen, I wanna build people around me who is gonna see me and support me support me and wanna be there for me. And let that be your attention. Don't let it be, let me talk to you about my issue, let me tell you what's going on. Be about building community. 'Cause what happens is that the next time you're going through this, the community's already set up and it's not like I'm dumping and you won't feel that guilt of like, I don't wanna let out on people. So that's the first thing. So can you build community?

Yes.

Secondly, now that you have community or once you start setting up community, do you know what's going to bring you the most joy?

I have different ideas of what gives me joy. Like completing my to-do list. I don't know if that's what you mean by that.

Hell no, that's not what I mean by that. Girl, she talking about a to-do list. Girl, don't nobody want a to-do list to bring me joy. I mean, listen, I got a little OCD, so I do love checking off things on my to-do list, but you know what I'm talking about. I'm talking about what is the moment where you like, you know what, I'm sitting back, I feel relaxed, I feel good, the stress of them kids kids, life, whatever, is not around me right now because this is the moment that I'm doing something I love. It could be scribbling on a piece of paper, it could be painting, it could be walking down the street, it could be petting a dog, it could be doing whatever you love. It could be shopping in the store because you just like picking out the clothes. What do you do that brings you joy?

Swimming.

Swimming. Where the pool that you got?

The gym that I go to or the recreational center.

Okay then. So what you need to let everybody know in your life that listen, for the next month you're gonna carve out 2 days, not 1, 2 days to do what you love. Because what happens if you can start to create a pattern in your life where you are doing what you love, as the burnout starts to happen, you have a release. So now you have a community, you also have what you love. And those things, 2 things combined, allow you to manage the burnouts better because now it's like, okay, yeah, life is stressing me out, but you know what? I also know I have people who love me and I also know I have something that I enjoy doing and people know that you can't, these two days, you not taking away my personal joy. And those things balance out the burnout, okay? Because burnout, the only way to solve burnout is through balance. Say it with me. The only way to solve burnout is through balance.

The only way to solve burnout is through balance.

And so if you can find balance in community and balance in doing something that brings you joy, it will help the burnouts to be less. Trust me.

Thank you.

How are you doing? What's your name?

Trinity.

Hey Trinity.

I have a question for you. After watching you and how the way you conduct yourself throughout all of the chaos that ensues on this show, yeah, it is awe-inspiring to watch you stay calm, to watch you never raise your voice. I'm curious what, what it is that you you tell yourself or how you speak to yourself even when you walk off the stage after a hectic moment, if I could call it that, like to bring yourself back into your own body, to not be as affected by the energy of the people around you.

Oh yeah, well, I stay calm in most moments by remembering that everyone's story is true to them. And if I can remember that, it allows me to understand that everyone gets to tell their side. That's why I always say on this show, I'm ready to hear her side, his side of the story. And it helps me to remember like, okay, you're telling me this one piece, but then once we get the transparency, my goal is always to help them figure out how to be better. And that's why like, my goal is always like, can you talk and to help them grow? Can we talk to help them grow? Can we talk to help them grow? And as I'm repeating that to myself, it helps me to stay calm because I'm like, I know everyone doesn't grow at the same pace. And when I say those type of things to myself, it helps me not to be so, anxious because I remember when I was younger, I used to be anxious if somebody wasn't changing at the pace I wanted them to change at. And so now I don't have that anxiousness because I'm like, okay, I might need to repeat something 6 times to you. I might need to say something a little bit more. I gotta be a little bit more patient. And then once I get off this show, I'm in that back twerking like you can't even imagine. I just find my joy how I can because I think in this world we have so many stressors and we forget to walk away from them and find our joy. We will take that stress home and we will continue to I don't talk about that stress. One of the things that I don't do is I don't talk about my work when I get home. It's rare I do that. And that's not just about this show. That's been my entire career because it's so easy to wanna continue to bring that energy into new spaces. And I believe it's so important that whatever space I walk into, I have to come with new energy. I gotta leave whatever happens. No one's ever seen me in this place walk in and talk about what just happened before I walked in here. Usually when I walk in here, I got a smile on my face. I'm saying hello to everybody because it's new energy. And I want everybody's new energy. You're not gonna hear me say, "Oh, outside somebody pissed me off and now I'm pissed in here." Not doing it. I gotta release it. And I think it's an important lesson that I learned and that I try to encourage people because it's so easy for you to bring the storm into your house and you're not realizing why it's raining all of a sudden. You're like, "Why is it always storming where I go?" And you don't realize you're the one bringing it with you. And so like, I try to bring sunshine to wherever I go so that way that I can release it and feel the pressure's off of me. And so those are the things that I do. Thanks for asking. I've been watching you since you were on The Real World, so like, yeah, Philadelphia season, so I know you know you. Um, it's not so much more of a, um, advice or whatever. I just want to know, like, how do you work to sustain longevity in this industry when you're forced to constantly conform? And what, what advice would you give to me? I'm currently an undergrad student pursuing a social work degree. So what would you— what would you— what advice would you give me in terms of staying true to who I am? Because it's always hard when you have people constantly analyzing and critiquing and judging you. Yeah, well, first of all, when you asked me about my career and what's— what you said, how do you— when people want you to conform, I don't conform, right? I am myself in all areas. So how you see me here is how I'm at the house, how I'm with my friends. Because I believe the intersections of my identity is what makes me great. And I will never deny any part of my Blackness, any part of my gayness, any part of anything. I am who I am. And that makes a lot of people uncomfortable. It does. It makes a lot of people uncomfortable. And then when you shine, not only in your confidence of who you are, but you're also smart and intelligent, people are always gonna try to tear that down. That's unfortunately human nature because they're not fully where they need to be. Right. And so what you have to do in those moments where people try to get into the back of your head is you need to verbally say to them, you can't. One of the things, my greatest gifts, that when someone tries to break me down and say, oh, you're not gonna get it, you're not that, you're not this, I say, that is your opinion, that is not my truth. And I say that to them. It's not something I walk away and say to myself because I want them to know that I stand I am firm in who I am and that there's nothing you can do to move this. And so as you're going through school and as you're doing something that is great, like the career you're about to embark on, you know, I worked as a social worker for over a decade. You're going to help so many people. You're gonna touch so many lives. You are going to be a gift to this world. And if anybody tries to dim your light, that is their issue, not yours. And you tell them, I am who I am and you ain't gonna change me, boo. You know what I'm saying?

Thanks, Karamo.

I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of you. I know, stop aging me. I was only 10 years old back then. Stop aging me.

My question is for my friend.

Is the friend here? No.

She's constantly dating bad boys and that's always breaking her heart. Do you think I should tell her to grow up and consider more mature guys? About these stable guys? 'Cause I have to hear about it.

[Speaker] No, you shouldn't tell her because she knows what she's going after. She knows what she's attracting. She knows what, it's not even what she's attracting. She knows what she's accepting. And so you telling her that, you know, that she's in these relationships is not gonna help anything because she's still accepting these invitations from these men. If you wanna have a conversation with your friend, every time she starts talking about a man that's a bad boy or that does something, you should just switch the conversation and say, I don't wanna talk about that anymore. I'd love to talk about your self-esteem.

Right, right.

Switch it to that. Put the mirror back on herself. Let her have to look at herself and ask her what does she deserve? Where is my worth? What happened in my past that made me feel like this is what I deserve or what I don't deserve? Anytime you bring up the man, she's always going to say, well, I don't know. And she's gonna make excuses. She's gonna fall back in the pattern. So as friends, it's pointless for us to keep talking about it. I'm gonna talk about you. What are you doing? What self-work are you doing right now? Because if I bring it in context of the man, she's always gonna have a defense. But if I bring it in context of yourself, then you gotta be real with you. And I'm your best friend, I'm your friend, so I know what's up. So let's talk about it so that we can help each other grow.

Right, I like that.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Good luck. How's it going, Karamo? Good, brother, you fly too. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Hey, hey, hey. So this is a little weird question. I'm a wild boy. Okay. And so— Oh, you the bad boy she's talking about? Nah, I'm messing with you, I'm messing with you. I could be. So I've been dating this girl for a couple weeks now. Yeah. And I'm a tattoo artist. Yes. So for me, I live kind of a wild lifestyle and her mom is a free spirit and I kind of wanna have sex with her mom. Oh. And my thing is I don't necessarily know how I should break it to either one of them. Got it. Well, you just told them on the Karamo Show. I just said, hey, let you know. They know now, okay? They know now. So this is the thing. Have you been intimate with the girl, the daughter? Oh, of course. Okay then. So for me, I would tell you that now mom is off limits. Now, if you would have only been dating her and you may have had to went on a date or something, now I could say, well, listen, there hasn't been any intimacy. But just like when you in somebody food, double dipping ain't never cute. So— Well, the kicker is they kind of have that like best friend relationship type thing. I don't care how best friend they are. Let me tell you something. No mother-daughter, unless they are really, really unhealthy, want to be having sex with the same man. I'll tell you that. But what I'm telling you is that at some point in our lives, we don't need to add extra drama. And you clearly have a successful business. You clearly are not having problem dating. There's enough women out there that there's no reason for you to do that in a family that could cause chaos to them, but also bring chaos to your own life. It might seem cool in your mind to have sex with the mom. TV has taught, Some movies have made us feel like that's the cool thing to do. It ain't. And it's also just distasteful. So don't do it. Don't do it. I feel you. I feel you.

Elliot.

Hi, Elliot.

I'm young. I read a lot of news, and sometimes it can be distracting. How do I stay healthy and responsible in times of global chaos?

To be very honest with you, we are in a hectic time. I think more so than staying sane, is I think how are we managing relationships? Because what I've realized is that in this moment, some of us are grieving while other people are celebrating. And that's a difficult thing when you wanna be in a space where you're like, why isn't everybody not upset with me? Or why is not everybody not happy with me? And that's where most people are feeling the stress because we've always seen chaos in this world, unfortunately. That's the unfortunate part of human beings. We haven't learned to love and support each other as we need to. But the thing is that when I walk through the world, I wanna feel I'm around people who get me and understand me and are aligned with where I'm aligned. And I don't know where you're aligned. So in this world that we're in right now, you might be celebrating or you might be saying like, this is a crazy world, I don't get it. And I think the conversation is how do I protect myself when other people feel differently than I'm feeling? 'Cause you feel like you can't protect yourself? Talk to me. What do you think?

I mean, there's just a lot of, there's a lot of stuff that I don't have control over and it's easy to feel sort of hopeless.

There's a whole lot of, I don't know really what the truth is. You know what? Thank you for that because it actually gave more context. So if you feel hopeless and you're like not in control, that's an emotion that we can handle on a surface level because when things are bigger, So what in your life that you can control that could help you feel like you're feeling more safe and secure? Is there things in your life that like, you're like, well, you know what, if I support this, if I help out here, if I show up here, I feel like maybe I'm contributing to more of the sanity and I'm contributing more to things being better. Because when you're not feeling, when you're feeling hopeless and out of control, the only way to deal with that is to find something that you can control, find something where you can get power. Can find that security and safety in? Is there something in your life where you can find that? I could drink less. I can make more friends locally and I can— So, look, you've already done two things that you can control. You control your drinking habits, which will allow you to find yourself in a clearer mind. You can find more connection nearby, further than further away, which will make you not feel as lonely. And so you're already finding the steps to give yourself more control which in essence is gonna give you more safety and security. So I think if you just keep on that pattern, you'll be able to say, you know what, in this crazy world, which we all feel the same way, I don't think there's anybody in this room that doesn't feel like this world is chaos and is on fire right now. We all feel like what is going on? But I think the more that we can understand that there are pieces of our world that we can control to make it better, there are things we can do, is when we find that there is hope. And that there is a better tomorrow that we can all look forward to. Yeah. You're all right, Karamo. Congrats on— I encourage you, and we're gonna be praying for you on the journey to stop drinking, or drinking less, and finding new friends. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you.

I was just wondering if you thought it was ever good advice to go back to an ex after a period of time. I'm like, dating again and—

You gotta access, reslide back in them DMs? Uh-huh. Listen, sometimes they know what they lost. And you cute, girl, so I know he's probably like, "Hold on, what did I do wrong?" Okay, so there's several different factors that play in here. Why did you break up in the first place?

Well, I was really young when we dated, so I was like 18. I'm in my 30s now. And so when we were talking, like, things seemed really great. For the first few months and I'm starting to, things feel too familiar. So I guess feeling like the, that you're sort of in between the like running out of time in the dating scene to like wanting to entertain.

[Speaker:KARAMO] Okay, so you switched the, from my question altogether, but by you switching my question, I heard the real thing. You're making a fear-based decision, not a love-based decision for yourself. Because when you just said, am I getting older and am I running outta the dating scene? That's a decision you're making outta fear. Like what's going to come next? Am I going to be lonely? Those are the subtexts of all that stuff you said. When you make a love-based decision about a partner, then you're saying, you know what? I know there's an abundance of love out there. There's someone who's gonna give me what I deserve and I'm never going to settle. And so you have to make love-based decisions, not fear-based decisions of like, well, because I'm at an age and don't get me wrong, I understand some women, because if they have a desire to want children, they might feel like my biological clock is ticking. So now if you're in that space, then I would say there's a different approach to dating. But if you're not in the space of saying like, well, I'm worried about having kids and all that stuff, first switch by not being fearful of what could come, okay? If you're alone, you'll still be surrounded by love and happiness. That doesn't mean that you're lonely. But if you want companionship, and it's with somebody you had in the past, you gotta ask yourself, why did we end? I heard you say you were young, so that means you weren't emotionally ready probably. Was there cheating? Was there no truth telling?

I think it was, I think it was kind of a lot of those reasons.

Got it, got it.

Yeah.

Well, I think in this case, you gotta ask yourself as you're going on dates, if the first sign you see of any of that, that means there's no growth and you have to end it. Is it? Because the thing is, is I'm all about an ex coming back in if there's growth. Because if there's growth and I've learned my lessons and I've said to myself, you know what, I can be better, then sure, let's give this a shot. Also, you gotta ask yourself, have you grown? Because it's not just on them. Start making more love-based decisions for your life and not fear-based decisions. It's okay if you're not ready yet for a relationship, that's fine. Just be honest about that. And then also know that when you are ready, what you want We'll be there. Yeah.

Thank you.

How you doing, love?

I'm good.

What's your name?

My name is Diamond Sweetheart.

Diamond Sweetheart? Oh, that's cute. Okay. Thank you. Come on, bang too. What's up?

You're a busy man, right? Mm-hmm. So I feel with me working on my career, I start to feel guilty of not having much time to spend with my family and my kids. My friends. How do you navigate life with your career and still trying to show up and be there?

That is a common feeling for all of us because it's like you want to show people like, I still love you and I'm there for you. But you're also in a space right now where you're trying to show them that like, this is your life. You're trying to do what you gotta do. And so have you ever communicated to them and said, listen, just because I'm not talking to you as much doesn't mean that I don't love you. Have you told them that?

I feel maybe I don't know how to say it sometimes.

Right now, turn to 'em right now. Just say, "Hey y'all," right there. Say, "Hey y'all." Hey y'all. Listen, I'm just focusing. Tell 'em.

I'm just focusing, but I still love you guys and I still care. I'm just a little more busy, but I'm working on me and I'll still be here for you guys if you need me.

Perfect. And what I need your family to do when y'all watch this, Is y'all send her a text and say, it's all right, you do you, we still love you. Because you need that affirmation as well.

Thank you. My question's about career. I'm a black non-binary person. I work in the arts field. I find myself running into issues primarily with these predominantly white institutions. Institutions, not really being valued. And I'm at a place in my life where I'm able to kind of step back and take stock. I'm fun-employed at the moment.

And so I— What fun-employed mean? You said not unemployed, fun-employed.