Cheating With An Exchange Student? Karamo Responds to Wild Confessions | 1-844-4-KARAMO | KARAMO

Welcome back to 1-844-KARAMO, where I'll be reading anonymous DMs from viewers just like you. I asked for your deepest, darkest secrets, and I asked what you need advice on. I'm 32 years old and have been married for 13 years and have 5 children with my husband. I cheated on him while I was working at a prison with an inmate. We had sex in the walk-in freezer twice. So baby number 5 is in question. Oh, okay. So let me just stress, I never condone cheating. I'm always like, just be honest. But girl, get you a piece. Oh my gosh. Listen, I watch Oz. So girl, I get it, girl. You up in there, girl. I can only imagine what you was going through. And you in your little uniform. Ah, it's like a whole little situation. Oh my gosh, okay. So you have 4 children with your husband, so means that there is some love there, I'm hoping. Is your relationship on the rocks? I ask these questions because being honest, when, when, you know, you have this, is this something that you all could work through? Because I think sometimes people forget that men are a lot more forgiving than, you know, they think. We always hear about stories where women forgive a man who has cheated or had a baby outside of the relationship. But there are a lot of men who are very forgiving. They love their wives. They don't want to break up their families. And so I'm trying to figure out where's your man mentally and emotionally. I think if you're going to share with him, or when you share with him, because you should, what happened, I'd leave out the details of like the freezer and how cute it was and you walking in your uniform and you like throwing the key in there and then him coming out. I don't know if none of that happened, but in my mind that's what just went down. Like you threw the key in the cell and he got out and opened it up, and then you're around the corner and you unbutton your shirt and you're like, oh, take me. I don't know, I don't know. That's what I think happened. So leave out all those details with your husband, but tell Your husband, The Truth. And girl, write me back, 'cause I wanna know what happens, okay? This is so good, okay? Oh my gosh. So the girlie's been in the DMs, so I got another DM for y'all. Okay, here it goes. It says, "Hey Karamo, how can I come out as gay to my family and not be rejected from them? I love you and your show." Girl, well, first of all, I don't think you have to come out. I have said this a million one times. I do not subscribe to the term coming out. I think that term is antiquated. I think the actual act of what we're doing is letting people in. And when you realize that when you let people in, you realize that you have the power, not them. So, you let them in when you want. It doesn't mean that you're ashamed of yourself or that you're not comfortable, but everyone does not have to be let into your life. I think that old outdated thing of like, I got to get up, make a grand announcement at Thanksgiving dinner is not the tea no more, okay. You let people in when you feel comfortable. And if there's one person you want to let in and not someone else, that means they haven't earned your trust. They don't deserve to be in your life. I want you to think of yourself as a home. Okay, this is your beautiful house in here that you decorated. It's great, you feel comfortable, you feel safe. If someone knocks on your door and you feel like they're gonna come in there and mess your stuff up, would you let them in? No, and that is okay because you're protecting your home. But if somebody else knocks and you say, yeah girl, come on in, let's have a cup of tea, that's fine. So understand and reframing that you get to let people in when you want to. There is no closet, girl. I know y'all been, they've been telling the girls that there's a closet you gotta come out of. There's no closet. And if there was, I would have found it a long time ago, and there should have been a pot of gold in there for all the BS we've been through, okay? So let people in when you want to. This reframing gives you the courage to know that this is on your timeline, not someone else's. No one has the power to accept or deny you. It is your power, your power, all right? I tried to get pregnant from my husband for 15 years and nothing. An exchange student from Argentina moved in with us. He was 18, I was 33. It absolutely clicked. We had unprotected sex since I thought I was infertile. I had my first orgasm in my whole life. I immediately got pregnant and secretly got an abortion. Girl, oh, you know I never enjoy anyone cheating. I don't agree with cheating. It's not my thing. But girl, get your life, girl. Get you a piece, okay? No, but all sincerity, I can only imagine how tough that was, that emotionally you were wanting a family and weren't able to get one. And I'm almost sure that probably caused distance between you and your partner. To then get pregnant and have to have an abortion, though you wanted children, is another layer to it. If you want my advice, is I'd be honest with my partner and I would tell them what I did and what I had to experience, because holding onto this is only going to hurt you mentally, emotionally. And it's just going to eat away at you for a long time. All right, so someone wrote, hey Karamo, I am a lesbian— hey girl— who has been disowned by my family for over 5 years. I'm sorry, girl. My mother died last year and I couldn't even grieve for her. It's been so hard and I can't put into words my emotions. What should I do? I'm blaming myself and telling myself that I don't deserve to cry because I wasn't in contact with her. Can you help me? I understand this story too often. I talk about my own daddy, me and my daddy. He loved my entire life, told me I was the most amazing person. And the minute that I told him who I was regarding my sexuality at 15, we stopped talking. He got abusive, tried to beat me up. He was the worst man ever. And now he tries to come back in my life and I don't trust him at all. And so what happens is when a parent takes away your safety and security, it's hard for you to believe them ever again that they're not gonna do that again. It's a very hard thing because the person who's supposed to show you unconditional love, when they take away your safety and security, how can you trust it from anyone else in the world? So I understand why there was distance, and I also understand how hard it probably is because even though you might not get along with somebody, and even though there might be distance, they're still your parent. So at the end of the day, when someone dies, you're still going to grieve the life that they have, and you're also grieving the relationship you wish you would have had, the closure you wish you would have had. And so I understand why you think like, maybe I don't deserve to I didn't— wasn't there for her. She wasn't there for me. But you got to release that. You can cry now. You can cry later. You got to stop putting a timeline on what your emotions are going to do because there's a lot you have to process. And the thing is that we sometimes think that grieving is a linear journey. Like someone passes, I cry, I'm over it. And that's not the truth. You can be in shock for the next month, year. And then one day something could trigger something in the middle of a grocery store. And then you start to release and cry. And so I want you to release that pressure on yourself, feeling like I don't deserve to cry, or maybe I'm not crying now, or maybe I'm not having the right emotions. You're processing this exactly how you need to process it. And I also want to leave you with, though your mother wasn't able to provide you with that safety and security, there are other people out there who will give you that, who will replace that. It might not be the same as a mother's love, but it comes damn near close. Karamo, how can you make someone realize how great you are for them. Girl, you don't. That is the most toxic thing that you can write. What I want you to do is realize that you should never be trying to convince somebody how great you are for them. If they can't see your greatness, girl, you got to move on. You got to move on. You got to go away because they don't get it. They don't see it. Okay, um, the last thing you want to do is try to convince somebody to be with you because all they're going to do is wake up realizing that it was not their choice and they don't want to be there, and then you're going to be left heartbroken. You need to have somebody who sees you for you, who sees how amazing you are. You don't gotta convince them. If you gotta convince somebody to do something, it ain't the one. It ain't the one. So there is no way to make someone realize how great you are. You just continue to be who you are around them, and if they can't see it, they're not your person. We just got another DM. It says, Karamo, my mom and I really need help, but I've been so scared to come on your show. And she says it's all fake and scripted, but I really need your help. Girl, come on my show. This is— my show is not fake or scripted. There's been an episode. Somebody play the clip. The reason my mother dead, he don't want to do with you. Okay, I just want to make sure y'all know, because a lot of people get— watch these shows and they like, are people staged? Y'all not paid actors, right? No, no, y'all are not. Where literally people thought this was scripted, and I had to say to them, y'all not paid actors. People come on my show and bring their real emotions, they bring their real issues. And the reason that I have this show is because I want to be able to use my skill set to be able to give you a first step to move forward in your life. So tell your mama it's not fake, it's real. And then she comes on the show, it's all about figuring out how to make your life better. I am not for the salacious stuff. I'm all about like, how can we give you the first step to be the best version of y'all? Me and my dad have always been close, but for the past 3 years, He either goes MIA and blames it on me and says the phone works both ways, or he'll let his mom, my grandmother, get between our relationship. Mind you, she likes trouble and loves to be right. I blocked him, but am I wrong? If you want to have a relationship with somebody, blocking them only sends a signal, I don't want you around. And if he's really older, he might not even know you blocked him. So, I realize that that's one of them tricky things. It's better to communicate like, I'm going to take a moment to step back, versus blocking someone and thinking that it's hurting them because truly it's not hurting them. So communicate, I need a moment to step away and not communicate with you. And then when you don't respond, they understand why. When you just block somebody out the blue, I promise you it's not as effective as you think it is. I found the perfect man. We are engaged and he is a great stepdad to my kids. He has no kids and wants at least one, but my tubes are tied. I don't know how to tell him without losing him. Girl, we had the same situation on my show. Somebody roll the clip. So you did not know that her tubes were tied? So you thought that when you got married, y'all were going to be able to have a family? Okay, listen, I want you to know that it's going to be worse if you don't tell him rather than telling him. You need to tell him right now. If you get into a relationship with this man, get into a marriage with this man, and y'all are trying to conceive and have a family, and he's like not understanding why it's not happening, it's it's going to be worse in the long run. So always be honest up front. The minute you start lying, the minute it's going to hell. Let's go. What is your advice on toxic racist in-laws when they disrespect their own son because of my race? Oh, they disrespect their son because of your race. Is your husband or your partner— your husband needs to set some clear boundaries and not talk to his family anymore. Listen, I'm all about trying to communicate and work things through. That's why I end every show, we can keep talking and growing. But when people don't want to talk, they only want to say horrible things, when people don't want to grow, you got to know when to step away. And maybe some absence with them will let them understand. If his family can't understand how hurtful it is that the things they say to him are causing him distress and also your family distress, then they don't deserve to be in your lives. And that's just the truth of it. So good luck, but get rid of him. I'm in love with my boyfriend, but also have feelings for a woman I used to work with. My boyfriend is polyamorous, but I don't take his relationship style for granted. I'm not sure what to do. Okay, so your boyfriend and you already have an agreement that other people can be in this relationship. So that means there's a space for open, honest communication about what you're feeling about this other woman. So I would say sit down, have the conversation, talk about it. This is something you might feel a little uncomfortable with, but clearly he's let you know that this is something he's cool with. So therefore it means that there's a non-judgment zone. He's going to listen and he won't judge, right? So go ahead, talk to him about it and explore. Have your fun. I love that the girlies are out here trying to get them a piece too. About time, girlies. About time, ladies. Explore, have your fun, enjoy what you want to enjoy, and do it with honest communication. I got a DM and it reads, Karamo, I'm in love with my girlfriend. I'm a woman. Thank you for the clarification. But there's a big boulder in the way that's stopping us from being together, and it's not distance. It's her girlfriend that she has tried to break up with for a while. So, okay, all her attempts have failed due to the girlfriend's narcissistic tendencies. What should I do? Girl, the first thing you have to do is not call this woman your girlfriend because she's not. She's already in a relationship, okay? You are her side piece that she strings along. And I'll be real with you because I don't care how narcissistic someone else is, they can give you the excuse for year after year, I've tried, I tried to break up, but it's not happening. It's either we break up or we don't. And if you're trying, I'm sure she's going to try to gaslight you, say, but there's nuances here, there's things. No, no, no, no. Either you want to be committed to me or you want to be committed to them. And their behavior, no matter how narcissistic they are, if you're going to cut it, you cut it. And if you're not, you're not. So what you need to do is wake up and realize that your girlfriend is choosing somebody else and they are stringing you along. And what's going to happen is one morning you're going to wake up and they're going to say, you know what, I've just been trying, but it's not working. And now we're engaged. Or we're married. And you're gonna be like, what? And just say, cousin Karamo already told me, okay? So girl, you're gonna be with somebody who doesn't have anybody else and only wants you. I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years. We had sets of condoms on each side of our bedside tables. His half disappeared over the course of the past 6 months, but we haven't used them together. I still have my half. We do have intercourse and he still appears to be caring and loving. His behavior seems normal. Is he cheating? It's not what I think, girl, it's do you think he's cheating? And clearly you do because you calling into 1-844-KARAMO. Girl, he cheating. If the condoms is gone and y'all don't use them, girl, he using them on somebody else. Listen, this is not 1999 where people are like, let me borrow a condom out of your drawer, bro. Not happening, girl. The girls go get their own. Instead of assuming, to be honest with you, just ask. Say, what's going on? And trust your gut. You've been together for 6 years, you know his behavior, know how he acts. And if you feel like what he's saying is not honest, be clear about that. Say, listen, I know you and this doesn't sound right. Hopefully he'll be honest with you and tell you what has happened to them. But it is suspicious that if you don't use condoms, that, you know, that they're there. So, but also I gotta ask you why y'all both had them on the bedside? Because it sounds like there's some more layers to this. It sounds like y'all might have been open at one point and y'all both had— because if y'all have been together for 6 years and you're saying y'all never use— y'all don't use condoms, why y'all both had them on each other's bedside, huh? See, it's always stuff left out the story that, like, luckily I could fill in blanks because that don't make no sense. All right, everyone, thank you for reaching out. Keep sending your voicemails and anonymous DMs. I got you. And your secret is safe with me.