Co-Parenting Unlocked | The Entire 2nd Season | KARAMO

You was fast. I was fast. You were faster. I was faster. Hey, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Co-Parenting Unlocked. I am here with the beautiful and gorgeous Stephanie Brooks.

Hello.

Who's also the mother of my children, if you don't know that by now. I am. Yes, you are. And today, we're going to talk about a subject that we know all too well. Young parents.

Don't we?

OK, B, a young parent. We know on Mike's show we have a lot of young couples. And there's one young couple that was at odds that I want y'all to check out. Do you think you're a deadbeat? I mean, they can make it that way easy. Just keep— I asked, do you think? I don't think I'm a deadbeat because there's people really out here not trying.

They're not doing half.

They're not even doing half the things I'm doing.

OK, name all the stuff you bought. Name all the stuff you bought.

Stop acting like I ain't spent like $150 on clothes on Temu.

Oh, clothes. I said get 6 to 7 outfits. Stuff, and you got winners. I bought my son—

I bought my sons a lot, a bunch of outfits and everything, sent it to her crib and everything. They was about to send it back. I buy diapers every time. I buy diapers and wipes every time she asks. Every time she asks for formula, I'll put on. But then look, it's this one time, it's this one time, it's this one time, it's this one— every time is that one time when I say I don't have it.

You should send it.

Can you give me to like tomorrow?

I'll say, can you give me to like—

can you give me to like tomorrow? She won't listen. It's, uh, But she talking about something I told her to figure out on her own. I never told her that.

Give her a nice $20 tip and wait till tomorrow, D.

I told her, give me till tomorrow, I don't have it right now. Give me till tomorrow. Let's just clarify, do you use drugs? This is what I've been talking about. Let me ask you, do you use drugs? No. I'm actually withdrawn right now. You're withdrawn right now? Yeah, I'm saying you're off.

And you see why I don't let my son around that because what if my son's at his house and he gets raided? Not only will he get in trouble, but I will. I'm not losing my son over your dumbass decision. Ain't nobody finna raid.

Girl.

Yeah, that's a number of things right there to unpack. Like, wow, girl. Wow, girl. I'm not even going to knock him for ordering the Temu clothes because I know people do that.

But no, the point of why she knocking him is because the size is too wrong size.

Yeah.

What you going to do if I order some clothes for the kid and they the wrong size? You going to be like, why you send me this?

And for the wintertime when they in the summer.

Thank you. You going to be like, what you doing with this? But the baby's going They're going to grow out of that before you even know it.

Dang, but I feel bad.

I remember when the kids was like 8, 9, 10. They was growing out of clothes every other week. If I would have sent you something that's like different, you'd have been like, what am I going to do with this? What am I going to do with this?

For 4 years up the road, but—

What am I going to do? What am I going to do with this?

That man, first things first, he need to address his problem. It seems like he got the baby issues.

Well, that's what she also talking about, you know what I mean? Like, listen, this is why you got to pay attention to who you laying down with.

Ooh, come on. Come on. This is also what I heard too. Why are you asking him the day before the baby needs something? You know this man is struggling financially.

No, no, no, no, no.

Why are you just asking him today when you know you should—

Don't do that, Stephanie. Don't do that, Stephanie. Don't do that.

That's how I feel, Karamo.

Don't do that. Don't do that.

She know when the stacks is getting low.

You a damn lie.

When the diapers are getting low, you know it's time to hurry up.

Stephanie.

At that point, ask.

Stephanie Brooks, you a damn lie.

Tell me why.

And I'm going to tell you why, because you used to call me last minute when you need— OK, OK, I got to hear you.

I agree.

Because if you need something, You need it in that moment as a co-parent. And so parenting is not as easy to be planned ahead for. You know that better than anybody. I can try to plan ahead as much as I need to. First of all, she shouldn't even have to plan ahead for diapers and all that. Let's be very real. You already know that the baby's going to need diapers, formula, everything. So I need to have to plan ahead. I don't need to tell you when the stack low. You know that's coming. The same way you know we need water and toilet paper in the house, you know that's already going to be there.

I agree.

So I shouldn't even have to plan that. And then secondly, things come up. And when things come up last minute, as parents, you have to adjust. And that's just what it is.

It's true. I'mma both empathize—

On top of the plan, you over there using money for drugs when you got a baby that need help? Come on.

Well, again, I'mma empathize and sympathize in this situation because— No, me, girl. —one, I have been the chick that waited because I don't— you said this before, and it's the absolute truth. I don't like asking for stuff.

You didn't ask me for child support. No. But I will say I did think he was stupid.

Why? Because I didn't take it?

Girl, I was like, girl, if I was— the position was switched, I'd have been like, you better cut a check.

So then this young woman being smarter should have known who she's dealing with. I'm dealing with somebody who I got to think twice.

But she should still—

Because he's not in his right mind. No, you know, girl. I know. That's how— girl. We agree to disagree, Karamo. Because I do feel— I feel for both of them. No, no, no.

We don't agree to disagree. Y'all tell me in the comments whose side you on in this one.

I'm not saying that I'm I'm giving it to him. I'm saying the man have a drug problem. He's trying. He's trying right now. His efforts are going to look piss poor or bad because he don't have— he not in his mind. He's doing nothing.

Doing the least he can do for the child.

No, not an excuse. What I'm saying is that, baby mama, you know and you're aware that he have this issue, so then I need you to stay on top of it. She thinks— no, staying on top of it, not asking the day before you need something. I'm gonna empathize with somebody that's strung out on drugs that's trying to be a parent a little bit at their level. He's trying. I don't agree with it, Karamo. I don't think that he's right. Don't get me wrong. I'm saying that in the world of co-parenting, this is why we have to allow each other some grace and to meet each other at our own level. While she might have her shit together and is doing well, he's struggling. They are still two people who came together to raise a child. So while he's not at his best, he's trying in his drug-induced state. Like, I'm just saying, go get some help, clean yourself up, and then come back.

Correct. This is my problem.

I think he's a dad that wants to be involved. Let me tell you something.

This is my issue. This is my issue. Yeah, he might want to be involved, but I'm tired of like setting the bar so low for men that we like give them— just because you've done some stupid stuff, that we're gonna applaud you. I don't do it. I set the bar high for myself, and I met that bar. And I think that every other man should set that bar high.

I agree.

As a single mother, and you have been there before, you have always had to keep that bar high. You were never able to say, well, let me just— oh, I can't— because you always have to. And at the end of the day, it's unfair that you always have to and he gets to have a low bar.

Well, if I was the one that was struggling with drugs and you had my kids and I was struggling— like, there have been some times in our relationship, Karamo, where I struggled. But you didn't—

But you weren't struggling with drugs. But you allowed it to happen.

You weren't struggling with drugs. I was struggling nonetheless. But see, again, I'm—

No, here we go. I wasn't making it. As young parents— here we go. Because as young parents, when you were struggling, we communicated that during this time, you don't need to worry. You will get yourself together. See, there's a difference between the lack of him paying and still doing it. I said, when we were young and when you were in your struggles times, I said to you, Stephanie, I got it. You don't worry about it. Was that not our conversation? Right. I said I wouldn't allow those kids to ask you for nothing. I would not, because I said your mother doesn't have it. Right. So no one's going to put extra pressure on you. You get to heal. You get to do what you want to do. But he's not even trying to heal. He's not trying to have a conversation. So what we're doing is we're keeping the bar low and giving him passes. And that's what I'm not going to do. So when— Put the bar high for them, MF.

Yeah. Well, set it high for yourself in the first place. Don't choose nobody that's down there. Pick from up the top of the tree instead of the ones on the ground.

Well, listen, we got a fan question from Lily in Philadelphia. She said, I met my daughter's father when I was 16 and he was 19. OK. We have a 1-year-old together, but my daughter's father is only present when he picks and chooses. I ask him to buy diapers, buy wipes, but he gets them in his own time. When we're together or he's trying to win me back, we're great and he's a great father. But when we're off, it's like the child doesn't exist. How do I get through to this man that he needs to be present for our daughters regardless of our relationship status? Oh, God. You used to deal with this?

Yes. With your other baby daddy? Yeah, yeah. This— yeah, because I had a situation where he basically said that if he wasn't going to have me, he didn't want any of us. Yeah. So the family could go, and that was just fine with him. So as an older woman, I've realized this. But when I was a young girl, I did not think about it at all. But it is a very real thing when a person is obsessed or want to be with you and then detach from the kids, meaning that those kids are objects. Those kids are not— I didn't lovingly want to be or raise children right now. But because we made them, that just bonds and ties and connects us more. But that ain't it. That is obsession. That is manipulation. And all the red flags that you can throw on the plate is that. That is not somebody who's invested in being a parent, that's somebody who wants to dictate and manipulate you.

You have to watch out for that. Yeah. And it's very real. Oh, yeah. And the thing is, is that what you have to do is you have to understand, first of all, how to really call it what it is. Like how you just called it out. If this man is in your life doing that, where he's telling you, I can only be around when we're good and I feel like you'll give me some and I can come around, then we good. And when we're not, you have to call that what it is. Yeah. You have to call out that behavior. Yeah. Because it's so unhealthy, and it's so unhealthy in the long run for the child. It is. It's so unhealthy for that child.

It's felt. I mean, if he is willing to say that out of his mouth, that I'm not going to deal with you if you— then of course those children feel that.

Yeah, so you have to start setting boundaries and start grieving that relationship. Real talk. Because you can't stay in that type of relationship.

No, not at all. The thing that I would say about that also is to just you can't bank on that person being there. So count on you. You can't count— you know, the things that we have that are in our control are how we'll act, how we'll behave, and the choices that we make going forward. Amen. So I'm saying this. Count him out and count on you.

Amen.

Preach on it. Preach on it.

All right, so listen, everyone. Our next clip is an April Fools' joke gone terribly wrong between two teenagers.

We broke up for like 6 months because of arguing and his anger issues. And I just couldn't deal with it. So— How long did y'all date? We was dating for like a year and a half.

So like, it was like senior year for you?

Sophomore year till junior year. And then we broke up and then I found out I was pregnant halfway my junior year. And then for senior year I didn't go to school. I finished online and finished early. Tell me what has happened in the past 2 weeks with you and Darius. A lot. He has a lot of anger issues. He broke his hand by punching a stop sign. He ended up kicking me and the baby out. Oh, I remember this little boy.

He fell in my arms and just cried.

Yeah, I remember him too. And he tried stopping Darius from locking the door on me and the baby.

Girl. So what do you normally argue about?

I don't try to argue with him. I try to keep it away from it because I don't like arguing around the baby, that's toxic. Good for you. That's good. I will say something and he'll put it into an argument or he'll get an attitude with me and I'll get one back and then it just creates an argument. She used to joke around and say I wasn't the father.

Whenever, first month after he got here, she would tell me that, we would get into arguments and everything, you understand? Relationships always have up and downs.

But when we have our downs, she will go, "Oh, I'm gonna take my child somewhere else," and say, "Oh, you're not the father of Grayson." Did you do that a few times? I have said my child, but I just think it's a mother instinct saying it's my child. Yeah, you're not being petty with it? Oh, being protective.

And let me tell you something, you both get grace. You're 18 and 19, so if you were immature, no one is gonna judge you. Why did you kick kick Kaylee and the baby out of your house? I would never kick her and the baby outta the house. The only reason I put her outside the house is because how you kept joking around saying, "Oh, Grace is really not yours.

You're raising somebody else's kid." Okay.

And why did that doubt hit you so much?

Because that's not a joke.

You don't joke about saying you're raising somebody else's child. Regardless of how much you were joking, that's a human being that needs priorities before anything else. Okay. Girl, if you would have ever made a joke like that, girl, girl, you would see— this would not be co-parenting unlocked, okay? This would not be, okay? Not then. That is never a joke.

There ain't nothing funny about that at all.

Listen, don't play with that. But these young people, they so sweet. Yeah. Like, they're so immature and they don't know any better. And they're just trying to figure out how to handle these adult situations as like little babies.

Yeah, I see that.

You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, obviously we were young parents. Yes, we were. Bleeding. OK. Um. You was fast. I was fast. You were fast. All right. I was fast.

I was with it.

OK. I love that we can joke about that now. But seriously, what I loved about it is that, you know, children have desires. It's true. What was it like for you being a teen parent?

It was difficult. All of a sudden, this is life, and you're responsible for it. And it's like, what do I do? Still needed some guidance, I think so. But yeah, it was difficult.

Yeah. Point blank, difficult. There ain't nothing else to say. The end, period. Period. I mean, for you 15, me 25, being a teen parent, especially with the fact that I wasn't around for those first years— You know, our story was we were young.

We were kids. We were in love. We were in love with our friendship first. Yes, of course. And we did stuff, and we made us a beautiful little brown baby.

Still even then, I still was like, I don't know what to do. Yeah. I do not know what to do. Yeah. There were so many nights that when Jason would come over and I used to be like, OK, how am I going to pretend today? Really? Oh my gosh. What would it be?

What would it be around?

I think of everything. He would come in. I remember the first time he did something at school and I was like, that I would have done myself. But I knew that as his parent, I had to pretend like that was wrong.

Unheard of. Unheard of. What did you just do?

And I'm sitting there like, how am I supposed to pretend right now? Knowing darn well that, like, I would have cussed this teacher out. I would have did the same thing. But, like, you're a child, so you can't. And I had to discipline you on it. Yeah, exactly. Oh, I remember trying to discipline him when I was tired. I really didn't want to discipline him.

But couldn't let that ride. Couldn't let it slide. Couldn't let it— mm-mm.

Oh, there were so many times I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing here. It is difficult. They wanted junk food. So did I. But we couldn't stop. It's like, I'm not supposed to give it to them? Yeah, exactly.

It's so tacky. Yeah, it is. It is. I don't know anybody. It's like, what? It's hard for most adults. So being a teen or even very, very young, yeah, it could be a very big culture shock.

What advice would you give to somebody who's a teen parent that might be like— or a teen parent or a young parent?

My advice for somebody who's young, especially at a teenage, is to stick closer to the adults around you, the responsible ones.

The responsible ones, yeah.

The responsible ones. Listen up close when it comes to them. And then also, just do the best you can. Don't compare your journey with parenthood to anybody else's, and especially like someone older, because then you could feel inadequate.

Also, reminding young parents is that your dreams are not done yet. And this is real. Because people will make you think that just because you're a young parent that there's nothing more for your life, that this is it, that now, like, you know, you're never gonna be able to get back on that path that, you know, where you're gonna be able to accomplish what you want. And you can always get back on that path. That path ain't going nowhere. Just because you have stepped to the side to be a parent does not mean you can't step right back over when it's time so that you can get back and do what you gotta do. That's right. I'll tell you the one thing that always would have worked. If you can keep a friendship— I'll say this for young parents— That is the biggest— the tip that I would have. Yeah. Keep a friendship. Yes. Because the more you can keep a friendship as young parents and not become enemies that you have to then heal later, it allows your co-parenting journey to be so much easier. Oh, God, yes. Yeah. And I specifically— I mean, it's true for your entire relationship, but specifically for younger people, the more you can see that this is your friend—

Yes, exactly.

—and this is despite— whatever relationship you have before, if you're boyfriend and girlfriend, whatever, whatever. Exactly. Remember, this has to be your friend.

Exactly.

If you can keep yourselves a friend, it really is a foundation for really great co-parenting. Yes, it's true. It is. I mean, it kept us.

Yeah, it did. And it does keep us.

I mean, honestly, when we left each other, we were friends. Yes, we were. So when we reconnected, it was not hard to connect the friendship.

Pick up on our friendship and continue.

Which allowed there not to be resentment, which allowed there to be support. Support, because all the things you want for your friend, it is, it's not, oh my gosh, this woman I don't like, this man I don't like, this and that. It's my friend. Yeah. And I want my friend to be happy. Yeah. And I want my friend to not be stressed.

Yes. And I get— and I allow my friend for some grace because we were kids, we were growing up and learning. And so we're navigating this thing. Yeah. Like you just said, navigating very older adult situations as teens. Yeah. So yeah, I think that's spot on.

So were you a young parent? What advice would you give young you? Leave that in the comments. And also, if you want more advice about how we dealt with being young parents, let us know. We also like to reply to the comments. We do. We be reading. We be reading. We be reading. All right everyone, welcome back to another episode of Co-Parenting Unlocked with my son's mother, Stephanie Brooks. Hi love. Hello.

You look beautiful, by the way. Thank you. Same to you, gorgeous.

So today we're going to be talking about abandonment, an issue that we know a lot. Real. Of not a lot about. Too well. Too well. Too much.

For real. Right? Way too much.

There's actually a clip between a mother and daughter that I want to take a look at that deals with abandonment.

Oh, gosh. Let's see. You don't know how to take accountability for your actions. I sit up here and didn't want to fight for her. Her daddy, after he kidnapped her, he gave me an ultimatum. It's not kidnapped. Either sleep with him— Called being responsible for your child. You see what I'm saying? By the way, her dad was on drugs, too. Either sleep with him or see my daughter. But see, he wanna talk about everybody. He would beat me up every time I went to go see Diamond. So my fight was not longer in me. I love my daughter with every being inside of me. Then why you wasn't around, Mama? Then why you wasn't there? Because Diamond, you wasn't there. I was already going through things about me. You still not there. Because Diamond, I got 4 kids. First of all, I got 4 kids. If you don't develop a bond with your child, tell me how this works. How is it that there's communication between y'all? I just got one question. Yes, what's the question? Can she name any one of my children? I got 4 kids. Can you name any one of 'em? You never let me see 'em and I don't care to. Can you name any one of my children? I don't care to see 'em. Oh, wow.

You don't care to see 'em?

Wow. You don't care, period. You don't care about stuff. I know I'm such a logical person. Took care about none of my kids or none of my grandchildren.

Why would I wanna be around my grandchildren?

Exactly, because you wasn't a mother. Why would I wanna be around my kids and my grandkids, you see what I'm saying, if I know I'm psychologically messed up? But you chose to have kids knowing that you were incapable. Listen, darling. That doesn't even make any sense. You got 2 other kids. Every time. That's deep. Wow, very deep. Wow, wow. Two beautiful women hurting at different levels. I feel for both of them, to be honest with you. I can understand where the daughter is coming from and how she is asking her mom to be accountable for her actions or her inaction when she was younger. But I also hear the mother saying that she was not in a mental space, did not have the capacity to be there, and showing up was, you know, something that she wasn't able to do. Navigating through mental health and a drug problem on top of that, Ouch. Ouch. Ouch.

I mean, because once she chose the drugs, she already abandoned her child. And then also with the mental health issue, without getting support, your child's always going to feel abandoned because you're in your head. And so it's a difficult situation, like you said, for both of them because the mother was young and probably had no understanding of how to do it. And so one of the things about my show is that I always see both sides, similar to what you just said, because I'm like, I can see this woman at, you know, 22.

Yeah.

And talking about, I'm on drugs and now my mind is messed up. I don't know what to do. No. And then she just becomes into a pattern of these things. Yeah. And not knowing how to get out of that pattern. But at the same right, the child's like, but you chose for me to be—

you chose for me to come here.

So if you didn't want me here, should have— and you didn't know how to handle this, then you should have made a different choice. Yeah. Sometimes I wish that parents could just hear that when it comes to abandonment. If you could just realize that your child is just saying you made the choice. I know you had your own things, but you made the choice. We didn't make the choice to be here. None of us as human beings made the choice to be here. Somebody else made that choice. And so once you made that choice, you now have to acknowledge that you didn't do right by that choice. And that's just the end of it. Point blank, period. All right, so we have actually a fan question. We've been asking y'all to hit us up. And Christina from New York says, hi, Karamo. Hi, Stephanie. My daughter is 18 and a freshman in college and now has an interest in connecting with her father who left us when she was still an infant. My ex and I were together for a bit, but my pregnancy was a surprise. I decided to keep my baby and he left me, but we reunited after I gave birth to my baby. Soon again, he left and never looked back. I didn't want to bring him to court for child support because I didn't want to leave my newborn with him or his family. But now, 18 years later, my daughter is curious about this man, and because he is Black and I am Filipina, she is interested in knowing him as she embraces her Black identity more and more. She looks Black, by the way. I want to support this decision, but I am terrified she would just be rejected by him again. What should I do?

Ooh, girl, there was a lot there. Girl, that is a lot. I would say this. You already gave him 2 turns to hurt you and your baby. Don't give him a third. In my opinion, his decision was made, and let him rock with that. He want to be over there, let him be over there. You be fully present. About your daughter learning her Blackness, that is not an issue. It's never going to be an issue unless you guys make it one. If she have other relatives that are, uh, present, if they represent his side of the family, okay, great. I would be all for setting that up. But as far as him, um, I would, I would not encourage that.

So this is the funny part. So this is the thing. I agree with you to some piece. So like the part you said about the relative, I agree with the relative being involved. But I also do believe that she as a daughter does need her opportunity to see if this man is going to show up. Because most of it's— yeah, because most of the decisions were made. I think about our situation. Jason could definitely feel like I abandoned him.

How? No, how?

Because I wasn't there. It doesn't matter what our situation was. As a child, all he knows is my dad wasn't there. And so when I came back in his life, the opportunity was given to me to show up for him. Now, I could have did the exact opposite. I could have been like, dude, I'm gone. I'm out of here. You know what I mean? But the opportunity was given for me to build a relationship. Now, what I do believe you said that I agree with as well is bringing in a relative who then maybe might be able to say, just in case this person— Right. You know? Is that that person? I almost said son. Yeah. Okay. Doesn't do what he needs to do. I want you to know that we're not rejecting you.

Right. We're here for you.

Yeah. And that will allow her to both feel like a connection, but also to learn about that Black identity. And I think for you, Mom, I think this is an opportunity for you to understand that you're going to have to show her and tell her, explain to her that there are individuals in your life that are not going to always show up. Oh, yeah. And that this is the point where you is going to have to help her to grieve that relationship. But I understand your point of view. You like, don't give that shit another chance. And I get it.

If he— I mean, I would tread lightly for sure. Yeah, you got to tread lightly. Give him a little grace, but I watch his ass. I wouldn't give him too much. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I think she deserves it. Deserves a chance. Good question. All right, so there's a lot more on our show of abandonment. We got a lot of that, OK? Yeah. Deep ones. We get deep over here on the Karamo Show. So I have another clip that I want you to check out. All right. You told your son that we just heard on that tape that you said you wish he was never born.

I don't mean that I wish he was never born, but when we going through something and he calling me bitches and hoes and stuff like that, that's when I say stuff like that. And he don't get when he say stuff to me, it hurts me and I just retaliate.

So why do you say hurtful things to him? To your children?

I don't mean to say hurtful things to my children, but I've been through a lot and they just like sometimes don't give me a chance. And especially Kenneth, he don't give me a chance. He just all the time try to scream at me or tell me I'm doing it wrong and never give me a chance to be a mother.

So why is he still in foster care then?

Especially when you have the other 4 kids? Well, when he first came home, he would start trying to break up my things, cursing me out. And it was like being an ongoing situation. So it was like, okay, you cannot stay in here with me because we not getting along. I don't want you to hurt me. And I didn't wanna hurt him.

Kenny, what was going on there? Why were you in that space where you felt like you had to break stuff? Because I felt like, you know, I'm the child, you're my mother. You should at least take the time out to hear me with my traumas, what I went through. Like, you know, I love my mom, but I'm your child. So because she didn't feel like she heard you, to get her attention, you started breaking things? Yes, 'cause that's what got her attention. But it been plenty of times you went on trips without me, without me even knowing. I call you, you already there.

And the reason why is that because no matter, like I said, he don't never, nothing enough for him. I could take him on a trip and he would spoil a trip for everybody. Because something didn't go his way, it's like, oh, I'm gonna mess everybody up. And that's not right to do. So sometimes I had to leave him home.

Yeah.

Well, you didn't have to. In order to have—

Well, hold on, I gotta tell you this. You didn't have to. You made a choice to. Okay, there goes that word choice. I didn't even know what the clip was gonna say.

You're right. That was a choice.

It's a choice. It's always a choice of parents to, it's always a choice of the parent. And this is the thing they realize. It's always a choice of what are you going to do. And you have to realize that children are hurt by those choices. 15, 12, 18. And children don't know how to manage their emotions, especially if they had a parent that abandoned them. And in this case, over and over again. Right. You took in the other kids, but you said, I don't want you, Steve.

Right. Because he was difficult. See, that's the thing. You don't get to choose the reaction, the response, and the pain, the level of pain.

You better preach! What? You don't get to choose. You don't get to choose. So because you can't choose the reaction of your child, you choose to do other things that will make them feel abandoned.

And that's making it work. How about this? It's time to clean up what you messed up. And that means to put the time— Period. Do what? Keep going.

Keep going, girl. Keep going.

That means to put the time, the effort, and no matter how long it takes, you don't get to decide decide that he should be OK because everybody else was OK. Period. That's not it. Yeah. No.

No wonder why she my baby mama. Period.

Period.

It's OK. Yeah. Listen, abandonment can be healed, but it starts with the parent deciding that they are going to acknowledge their choices. That's right. And your children have the right to be angry. They do. One of the things that, you know, like, this is a different situation, but our child recently acted a fool. And was angry. And my response to him was not to match his anger. I listened to him. Yeah, you did. I said, I'm sorry you felt that way. Yeah, acknowledged it. I acknowledged it. And I said, now we will change courses.

Yep, that's it.

Yeah, that's what you do. You don't start matching energy. You don't start saying, I'm going to do this and make another choice to make them feel bad.

That's right. Because all you're doing then is putting nails in coffins. Just sealing the deal. Sealing the deal. We always remember this too. These children are going to be adults, and you're going to want your adult— it is a joy of a parent to have an adult child who is actively just as much in your life involved as you are in theirs.

Yep, it is.

And so, you know, these decisions that you make, and like, you have to literally show them, I'm here to nurture you through the hurt. Yes. I'm willing to put in the work because I am investing in you. I love you. I want I want your future to be our future.

We were 15-year-olds at one time. Yes, we were. A long time ago. OK, a long time ago. And during that time, I would say that I felt completely abandoned when we were 15. And I could speak for you and say you probably felt abandoned then.

Yeah, most definitely I did. I felt abandoned then, Karamo. If I can even flash forward a little bit, I feel abandoned today, if that makes sense. I mean, like, really for real, just being transparent about it all with my good grown 44-year-old self. There are times when I very much feel that the love of my parents or, like, the attention from them would make me whole in some ways. So, yeah, even at this age, I can say I can relate to that.

No, see, this is one of the things— what you've done is you've just so clearly articulated what happens when a child who's never had an opportunity to deal with their abandonment issues— That's right. —and they grow with a parent who's not willing to acknowledge that they abandoned their child. That's right. Right. We still grow up, and we still feel that abandonment. We still feel that loneliness. We still— feel like, why are you still not here for me? Why can't you show up for me? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I was at my mother— you know, my mother turned 70 the other day, and we had that big birthday party. And I felt very abandoned by my father growing up. Like, the minute that I told him that I was gay, it was done. Even before then, he was already checked out, quiet as kept. That's why me and you was running the streets.

Doing what we wanted to do.

Because ain't nobody was around. You know what I mean? Wasn't nobody around. We was just running the streets. You know what I mean? When he was around during the party, I was like— I was like, there's still no connection here. And you're telling me that everything is OK, everything is fine, we're good, I should forgive you, the past is the past. But the acknowledgment and the healing that is needed, the conversations have not been had. And so thus, we are sitting in this circle where I still feel the same way I felt. And I don't think that parents understand that, or those who don't want to understand that, we end up still feeling this way.

Elsewhere. Oh yeah, the impact of that, um, is lifelong, I believe. Like, I don't think there's a time in your life that you cannot use, benefit, or get by, if you will, from having the love of your parents actively involved in your life. Yeah, you know, different stages and different phases that we're going to be addressing, but we need them. Like, what?

Amen. Listen, anybody, if you have issues with abandonment, we want to know how you dealt with it. We want to know how you support each other, how you talk to your friends and families. Hit us up in the comments. We read them. We want to know. We do. And thank you for watching another episode of Co-Parenting Unlocked with me and my baby mama, Stephanie. Hey. Hey, everyone. Welcome to Co-Parenting Unlocked. I'm your host, Karamo. I'm here with the beautiful and the fabulous Stephanie Brooks, who just so happens to have a child with me.

We do. We do.

Hello. So today's episode is about couples that just broke up or are always breaking up. Or maybe you never were really a couple and just in a situationship. Or just had that fun one-night stand, y'all. You know, y'all kids like to have them situationships. Oh, they do.

They love to have them situationships. They do.

You like to have them situationships too. What? No, I don't. Girl, don't even play. Girl, don't even play with me right now. Girl, you know you love a little situation ship. But not a one-night situation ship.

I didn't say a one night.

Oh, oh, OK. But you like a situation ship.

To be clear, like a couple months.

Yeah. No, it'd be a situation ship that ain't never defined, girl. You ain't lying. You know, on my show, there's a lot of times that we have couples that come on that have had one-night stands that turn into them having to be co-parents. And this is one of those clips. Y'all check this out. She told me she was pregnant. I said, OK, all right. I'm going to have my first child. She asked for money. I gave it to her, you know, support. And then she just—

But I feel like in that moment, you could have at least, we could have at least moved forward with at least saying, hey, like, can we at least do a paternity test? Or let's, I just feel like instead of ghosting, there could have been something for you to be there for me instead of you just completely walking out.

It's just the you asking for money part, it's just problematic. So why did the money part throw you? I know you said that before another woman had did this to you. But why did that throw you? How she broke it down to me, she was like, You can just financially be there without physically being there.

But going back before money was in the equation.

I've been buying things, which hasn't been the easiest. If you wanna Zelle this number or Apple Pay me, you know, help financially support our child, that would be very much appreciated.

And then you say Happy Father's Day. Before even asking for money, why from March to May we couldn't figure something out there when I sent you a closer house? Right.

So did you tell 'em about the phone call we had when you first called me? What was the phone call? Tell me. When she first told me that she was pregnant. Yeah. When she told me, she told me that I didn't have to physically be there, just financially just support him. Then I didn't agree with that. I was like, if I'm gonna have a son, I'm gonna be in his life. Yeah. I'm gonna go both ways, you feel me? Yeah. Stephanie, you know, they from our town.

They from Houston. Okay, shout out Houston. Hey, Chase. Yeah. I love it.

Yeah, but no, seriously, like, this is crazy that, like, literally people forget that you enjoy that little one-night stand, a little situationship. If you're not doing it right, they'll be in your life forever. Yeah, that is, uh, I can't imagine if you knew somebody I didn't like. I know, I think about that often, actually.

I'd be like so grateful when I pray and thank God for things. Thank God for our relationship, the dynamic, the way it is.

Seriously, I think people really should think about that. Like, sometimes I had a girlfriend once, and she was going home with this dude at the club, and I stopped her and I said, girl, I know you feeling cute right now. Mm. I know you feeling cute, and I know you use protection, but things happen. Yeah. And I want you to stop and look, and if this turned into your baby daddy, would you be happy with it? And she turned and looked at him, and she turned back at me, and she said, take me home. Hey, girl. Sometimes you got to remind a friend, like, girl, this situation shit, this one night stand shit.

Don't do it. I'm so happy. I know she was glad you—

looking back, she is very happy. We have talked about this situation a couple times, okay? Yeah, listen, we got a fan question from Jesse in New Orleans who says, how can you co-parent when your ex-husband can't mentally let go of the past? My ex-husband is unstable. I feel like anytime we get to a place of being cordial, he brings up our divorce. Anytime he doesn't get his way, he flips out. It's gotten so bad that I just refuse to talk to him. But now my daughter, she's 6, notices that I won't even acknowledge him. He's a good father when he's happy, but every 3 months there's a new girlfriend, or he's so down that he can't even be present for our little girl. Can you help? This is not your issue to deal with. Yeah. I gotta tell you, this is not your issue to deal with. Your only job right now is to set a clear boundary with him. To make sure he respects that boundary and to make sure your child is prepared for all the shit that he does by helping them understand what could come without bashing him. Because you can prepare a child about the other parent's behavior without bashing the parent. You understand? And I'll give you an example. You know, your phone needs to stay off. This is back in the day when you struggling, girl. You're not struggling no more, girl. We're not ashamed of our past. Your phone needs to change. I talk about it. We talked about it in the first Co-Parenting Unlocked. I'm going to tell you how the day I knew that Stephanie was serious about this healing growth. Sorry, this is going to be a little funny thing. Stephanie, her phone number used to change constantly.

Oh, God.

Girl, it's the truth, though. It is. It's the truth. Your phone number used to change. I had Stephanie in my phone as Stephanie 2005, '06, '10, November of '18. And I remember all of a sudden, the phone number stayed the same. I never once bashed you in front of our kids for you not being stable at that point. Moment. So for instance, they would say, Mom's phone is off, and I would say, oh, you know what, we have another way that we're going to contact her. Give me a second, I just need to make sure that— they were none the wiser because it was never about letting them know that you were unstable at that time. It was about saying, I'm still on the same page, so I will— there's another way we'll contact without doing it. Everything's okay. So I was preparing them, and this is what I would say to them. I would say, listen, if we can't get in touch with Mom right now, there's always another way we can get it. Just call me first and we'll make sure that we get in touch. This way I was preparing my child to know that sometimes your number might be— and this, you weren't a bad mom or anything, but we already know that. It was just to let them know that the number might be changed. This is when Jason wasn't in your house. Right, right. So for your child, if the father's unstable, you're going to prepare them without bashing him, but then to him say, you got to get your stuff together. And here's the clear boundary that I'm about to set with you when it comes to us and when it comes to this child.

Yeah, boundaries, period. That is over. You know, with consistency, every time a person come back to you, you give them the same answer. Oh, same answer. When it comes to advice, close the door, the same thing. And then finally, tink, tinkle, catch them.

Let me tell y'all something. This is the best thing I ever learned in life, is when you argue, say one word and don't say nothing else. Because the more consistent you can be with what you say, it's going— listen. When I argue with people, I'd be like, no, that's not going to happen. Mm-hmm. But no, that's not going to happen.

But I already told you no.

And I say the same thing and it don't happen. I'm not giving you 5 different versions of my no. I'm saying the same thing. And I think in this instance, stay consistent with your messaging. Yes. Listen, I like that. That's great advice. All right, everyone. So this next clip is a bit of a doozy. This couple was on and off again, and the mother in this situation Ooh, she went to some extreme measures.

Y'all wanna check this out? Uh-oh. We were going through some financial troubles and I felt like I was being the breadwinner and I ain't like that 'cause I just feel like a city girl. So I feel like I should be taken care of and I just didn't feel like I was being taken care of. So I did try to break up with him.

Okay. And— This is how, in the beginning that you tried to break up with him?

Yeah.

This is like a month in, 2 months? Yeah. Okay.

When I first found out I was pregnant in the same week. Got it. So then I was like, oh, Well, you can come back, I guess, because I'm diabetic and I'm high risk and I already know how this gonna go. I'm not gonna be able to work. I'm gonna be, I have a daughter already with someone else. So I already knew that he needed to be there, but he didn't come back. I was trying to reverse my car, but we were arguing, so I wasn't paying attention and it was in drive. So I ran my car from his car into their house. And as that was happening, now the police was coming down the street. So they saw it with their own two eyes.

And plus, hold on, my producer tell me this was actually caught on tape. I wanna see what happened.

Girl. Yeah. Oh, she backed up and did it. Yeah, yeah, she out. She, yeah. Sis. So why did you leave Naomi during her pregnancy?

Honestly. You see why? I felt like I was— Okay, did you see why? You see why? That. That. What?

That was the straw. And look at her smiling. Yeah, homegirl. Yeah. Hitting the net.

Our business hitting the net. Oh yeah, okay. When you put it on the net. Your sister put it out there. No. Were you the one that called the police on her?

She think it's funny.

Who was the one that called the police? The police on herself. You called the police on yourself?

Okay, because I wanted the baby back, remember?

Yeah, I remember. I just wanted clarification just to see if maybe he had called the police before you had called it. I heard you in the video saying I called him. I heard it as you were reversing to go back.

Wow, wow. I won't lie, I've had a person on my hood of my car maybe once.

You had someone off the hood of your car?

I did. Were you on the hood? I never— no, me? Yeah, you're very classy.

I've never seen when you're in a situation where you get—

I'm mostly classy. I get ratchet.

I've never seen it when you got ratchet.

You don't know. I will, Karamo. First of all, OK, an ex of mine that I had that you were familiar with, yes. Ah! OK. On the hood of that car.

I wish I could tell you to give a name, but Legal gonna sue us.

On the hood of that car. He was on the hood of the car? Yeah, he was on the hood of the car because he and I got into an argument. This is right before we were breaking up. Uh-huh. But you know, like, you can feel it. Like, it's breaking up. Communal thing, the items involved. So we had two cars. And the nicer of the two cars, naturally, you know, I've got the keys.

I'm me. I'm taking the car.

You taking the car. So I'm getting in the car. And I don't know. I've given him the keys to the other car. I've told him, hey, we weren't living together. So I told him, hey, you go here. You can take the keys to this car. I'm taking this one. I took the keys. I got down the stairs. I got to the parking lot. And I guess while I was getting down the stairs to the parking lot, his mind was getting crazy. And he was like, no, I want to keep the better car. I'm going to keep the car. I'm going to keep the car. Chased me down to the parking lot. I was like, move, move, watch your feet, move. He didn't do it. The next thing, he jumped on that hood, and I hit the gas. But yeah, I won't deny it. I've had them days.

Oh, the things that happen when you're breaking up, and it just is not working.

And then to now have a baby involved with that type of thing.

Um, yeah, listen, people just got to really make sure that if you are going to co-parent, that you learn to break up peacefully. Yes, yes. Okay, that is the only way to do it. You really have to— breaking up as co-parents, you have to know how to do that because it will always come back to them children and to that family. And so my advice for anybody out there, if you're in a situationship, any of those anything going on, you about to break up and you know that you're done, for the peace of your children— again, this is for your children's sake— I want you to stop for a minute and create a plan for how you're going to amicably separate. Yes. So that it doesn't affect the children. Yeah. And then when you figure out that plan, you talk to the person about the breakup. Because the thing about going into a breakup when you need to still co-parent is the calmer you can be, the clearer your true. That's right. And so you have to remember that. I've always needed to know what I'm gonna do or what I'm gonna say beforehand, because with you and I, if something goes awry, it just doesn't affect us, it affects everybody. It does. Because could you imagine them kids would have came out there with a song? Oh my— they daddy on the hood of the car?

Oh my goodness, no. Nothing— I probably would have never lived it down. But more than that, like, it would have shown like a division. We still had to go on. Yeah, yeah, we still had vested interest with, you know, with each other. So we still had to go on. But yeah, he was riding that hood for me.

Listen, I want to know from y'all, if you have broken up from a situationship, a long-term relationship, and still had to co-parent, how did you handle it? Or if you need my advice and want to come on my show, please bring it and bring the receipts. I like a little messy video like that. Please bring the receipts, okay? Bring the Ring Cam video. I need to see, okay? All right, everyone, welcome back to another episode of Co-Parenting Unlocked with one of the loves of my life, and I know my children's love of their life, their mother, Stephanie Brooks. What's up? Hi. Listen, everyone, this week we're talking about DNA drama and a lot of those stories that come on my show about solving the DNA truth and helping my guests feel whole again. Listen, these stories always get me. So one of the things people don't know is that I don't ever know I don't want to know what the answer is going to be.

Well, for real, I don't want to know. Just as surprised as we are, because this is my thing.

This is— this is not my truth to open. In this envelope is the DNA truth you waited 33 years for. This is not my truth to open, this is yours. So here we go. That's what I say, everyone. This is not my truth to open, this is your truth to open. So I don't want to know what's on there. And I like to be gagged with everybody else. Yeah, like, I want a little gag. Yeah, if I already know it, my face gonna read it. All right, look at this hilarious clip, y'all. This, uh, mother and this potential father, and the baby is giving Stank eye. So what happened when you saw your baby in the hospital?

He looked nothing like Charlie. I was just shocked. I was kind of stuck laying there on the little thing where they cut me open. I had a C-section. I had a C-section. And that's how he looked at Charlie.

He looking at me like, [MASKED]. That's how he looked at you? He looking at me like, you ain't my daddy.

So yeah. He looking at me like, bro, you ain't my daddy. You're not. And he gave you the side eye because like, what? You like, "Go ahead, put me down, you ain't my daddy." So when I saw him, I was just stuck like—

I mean, and I see— He might not have been giving you the side-eye, he could have been giving his mama the side-eye at that time.

No, no, that was Charlie holding him.

He could have been giving his mama the side-eye.

Charlie was holding him, Charlie was holding him. But I was holding him at the time. So yeah, so then immediately when they were rolling me out after they stapled me or whatever from my C-section, I'm texting my mom, I'm like, He's really little, he does not look like Charlie, he looks more like Boyd. So I'm sending pictures and I'm like, he looks like him.

She's sending pictures and everything to everybody, but she ain't tell me nothin'.

I told you the first chance I got in the room.

You didn't tell me until about an hour later, like, uh-oh.

I gotta wait till I go through recovery. What are you talking about?

As soon as you got out the hospital, you got a phone. The medicine ain't even kicked off yet, you telling your mama.

It doesn't matter.

I seen you sending pictures while you was in the bed to everybody.

I just wanted to get their input on how they felt. Why you didn't just buy the input?

The my, my, me, my. I am too. Mm. She was nervous. That baby did. That stank eye. I mean— Hold up, girl. Who my daddy is? Hold on. She's just looking like— Who my daddy is?

I don't know what this is.

I need answers. I need answers right now. I swear, sometimes these babies come out and they look like they've been here before. I promise.

That baby looks like a grown-up with some wisdom.

Grown-up that came back and said, I'm back.

With some wisdom.

I'm back in with this stupid stuff. And we on national TV. I just got here again, OK? Who we got?

Who we got? Okay, so people get on my nerves when the baby is born and they're like, oh, he don't look like you. This baby was just born.

It doesn't have—

yeah, in this small space for now, we don't know who he looks like.

Stop it with this thing right off the bat. That's annoying. I mean, you have sometimes the baby come out and they have specific features, but that's very rare. It takes them a couple of days, some weeks, sometimes months for the baby's features to develop, and people forget that.

They be jumping the gun. And I think if you are not sure You definitely gave yourself away. Exactly. If you're not sure, gave it away. Like, I'm not sure. And then get to calling everybody who don't look like him. Stop it. I can't remember.

I think that was his child. I think that was his child. It was his child. I believe it was his child. I mean, we can say nothing about our child because our child looks like a dead image of the both of us.

He does. But you remember when Jason was born? Now here go a funny story. I just said, don't be judging how he look and all that. It was Karamo's fingers and his toes. I know that sounds so crazy. I was like, uh-uh. And then that baby was so hairy. Oh, yeah.

Hairy. Yes. Hairy. That baby, yeah. We all have very distinctive hands and toes in my family. There's one toe that is longer than all the rest of them. Yeah. So it's very clear if a child's mine, if they got that toe.

He got them toes.

He got them hands.

That same type of toes. Take the shoes off.

No, we're not about to do that. Okay. So one of the things that people always say in the comments is they think that DNA tests should be mandatory when a child is born. And I have very strong feelings on that. You do?

What do you feel? I have very strong feelings as well.

I think they should be.

Me too. That is how I exactly feel. Like, what? That would alleviate so much.

I also think that the same way you need a driver's license to drive, I think you need a license to have kids. Yes. But hear me out. Hear me out. Hear me out. Hear me out. This is just me. Here it is. But if you're having classes that children start taking about understanding their emotional, mental, and physical health throughout school so that by the time they get into school they have these classes, it will give them the license to then decide if they want to have children. Wow. Same way you would not put a 15-year-old in a car, same way I think that you should prep them just for the rest of their lives. We think that just because anyone can do it, that like anyone— I mean, because what we see clearly, I have a show because most most people don't know how to.

Hello, right? Just because you can don't mean you should.

We see how many people have train wreck, car wrecks of relationships with their parents, right? It is bad. They end up hurt and pain, suffering.

Yeah, yeah, right?

Yeah. The same thing happened with car accidents. Oh, and they put all of these things, all these measures. Oh, so it's so funny that in this club we've decided that we want protect people. And this also— let's think about kids. Wow. In a car, we decided that, you know what, a child can't sit a certain way. They have to be in a certain car seat. They have to do all these things. But with children, we're just like, oh, it'll be—

don't figure it out.

Don't figure it out. Wow. I just think we should put the same rules. I like this. We're not saying that you can't— we're going to tell you how many to have. You have as many as you want. Right. But just know that you need a license. Yeah. And also, just like every couple years, you got to go in there.

Yes, got to be. I love it.

I love it. I think that as someone who worked in social services for years, I see what happens when a child is born and no one wants them. Right. I saw what happened when a child is born and no one's there to protect them. Right. And so for me, I'm like, if we're going to have some DNA mysteries, we also need to make sure we solving what's going on. All right?

I love when you call out the dads that have like 20 kids and like they all be his kids. Like, I don't understand.

How— I can ask this question to you because most of the dudes— can we do a little clip show of this?

They said this man has 15 kids. You got their daddy to question mine? So I've been a father to all 12 of my kids, no questions.

17 daughters and 10 sons, and I have 12 grandchildren. 12 grandkids from the age of 29 to 1 years old. Most of these dudes, every time when they got 20 kids, how do they get y'all to fall?

They got— they got that one. See, they got the going on.

But I don't be understanding how they be getting 20 kids.

Because let me tell you, those men have mastered the one thing that they are great at. Manipulation. The what? Of that back. Yes. Manipulation of that back. I'm sorry. Yes.

Always got a ping, which is a fan question. Alexis in Tampa wants to know, I met my ex when I I was a freshman in college and he was a few years older. We were engaged and I had our child, but I left when he started to put his hands on me. I don't bother this man when my son is with him. We don't speak on the phone or in person. We just communicate about our son through text. He's always on my case about having a boyfriend, which I don't. He says I leave our son with random people, which I don't. Now he says he wants a DNA test, but refuses to come on your show. How can I find him a girlfriend? So he'll leave me alone. All right, listen. First, forget about the boyfriend and the girlfriend. Let's take a moment there. Because when you start saying, I want a DNA test, what happens for that child is that child then starts to feel like you're rejecting them. So be aware of that because the child starts to say, well, hold on. You've been around. I thought I was yours. But now you're saying that maybe I'm not. That will cause so many different issues of abandonment. It will start to make them feel They will harm their self-esteem, their self-worth. It causes so many issues to their emotional well-being when you start to say later on. Now, I do believe that if he's saying it, you need to get it done to prove it, to cut it down. And then once it is proven, you need to start with some clear boundaries immediately.

Yes, come on. Clear boundaries. I know you— Yes, come on.

Don't talk to me. Don't ask me about this.

Don't do this. Yes, period.

And if you can't do this, then just know there's going to be these ramifications.

Yeah, he being too damn nosy. It's not his business whoever she's dating and seeing unless that person has taken on some of his old traits of putting hands on somebody. Other than that, the attention does not need to be on who's dating and all of that kind of thing. Take that out of the whole equation. It's not— it's a non-factor. I don't know why boundaries— I don't know what's to be up with these guys like that. It's control.

Manipulation He wants to control the situation. He wants to be in control. And unfortunately, it's coming out in this— it's a very insecure way. Yeah. And like, a real man is not going to be concerned about who you got over there unless that other man is around your child. And then he wants to know, like, what type of man this is. Right. But like, all this other stuff about you got a boyfriend, all this stuff, that's your insecurities. And you're trying to control this woman. And you're just mad because you can't control no one.

Right. And I ain't even trying to— you know, I'm not judging anybody's past because I believe— Change is possible. You put in the work, you put in the time, you really address yourself. Okay, so maybe he's not physically abusive, but his abusive ways are still coming out. Because who you think you're trying to run and tell? What I'm doing over here? Mind your business. Get out of here, sir. Your child. Your child. Your child, sir. Your child. Well, that's it.

Always, that's the focus. Thank you. All right, so we're gonna watch another clip with this. It's a pretty dramatic story where this man is questioning his woman's loyalty and now is also questioning if he's the father of her children. Uh-oh. I really have doubts about these kids. Yeah. No. So what do you mean she says that she's been with such and such? Well, she'll say, like, we'll be arguing, then she'll say, "That's why I been sleeping with my ex." Oh.

Have you said that before? Yeah, I have. Okay. But it's, like I said, I do stuff too, like, out of spite to make him mad, you know what I'm saying?

Uh-huh. It's so detailed, like, why is it so detailed? The stuff she say is— Bruh, come on, I done caught you over and over and over again.

Quit acting innocent, bruh, what about you?

So you're saying, have you physically cheated? No, I never physically cheated on her. I love this girl with all my heart, but it's so much trying to be happy with her, it's so hard.

How you think I feel though? How you think I feel? I had these kids. I gotta do everything. I gotta go to my mom and daddy constantly and my man not helping me, but I'm still with you.

It makes me look stupid. I'm not the kind of guy that's just finna deny some kids because I don't know the fact if they are mine or not. I know it's a possibility they are mine, you know what I'm saying? I don't even agree with what he's saying 'cause he already disowned the kids. So what you mean? Make it make sense. Okay, so. You already disowned the kids. This is your brother, Timothy? I do more for him than he do. I'm more like the father to my niece and nephew. Is that true? Yeah. How do you feel that her brother has to do so much? Man, this, it is what it is, man. Like I try my best. I can only do so much. You're a 30-year-old man. You somebody to deal with what it is. When it's time to step up and be a man to your kids. They look just like you, right? They look just like you. You know I got a daughter myself. I take full responsibility of her.

You feel me?

So come on now, it's time to step up and be a man. Listen, I'm going to say this. I feel for this brother on this. Because you play around and tell me that you slept with somebody else and that they ain't mine, yeah, I'm going to have doubts. Going with that. It came out of your mouth.

Going with that.

I don't care if you talking about it's fights, it's jokes, but—

Yeah, no, never that. Yeah. That should never be the joke.

This child being mine biologically should never be a joke. Once that becomes a joke to you, it's a joke to me. So don't be asking why I'm not around. Okay. There's consequences to our words and there's consequences to our actions. Yes, he needs to step up, he needs to do whatever, but I also fully understand why.

Yeah, I do too. I won't blame him for not being fully involved. Like, I still feel like, okay, until you know for sure that it's not— of course. But, but it is an absolute deal breaker. It almost make me feel like we should not even be together if we get into an argument and and your toxic trait is that you tell me my kids are not my kids and you've been cheating with somebody else, go ahead and be with them.

Go and take the kids and go be with them.

I'm not happy. I'm not happy. And we're not going to do anything good together for our children with that. Yeah, you do that. I just think that that is like the cardinal sin of a woman to— I don't care what state of emotion that you're in, that you will tell a man that he's not the father to some kids he's been parenting and raising with you. Then, girl, you kind of get what you get at that point. Like, yeah, now it's on you. Amen.

All right, so I want to know, how do y'all feel about DNA mysteries, about the DNA truth? Do you need help with the DNA mystery? Because, you know, I'm always here to help you solve that. All you got to do is click that link and be a guest on my show. Also, I want to know how y'all feel about my point of view of that people should have to get licensed to have kids. Just tell me your thoughts. All right, everyone, welcome back to another episode of Co-Parenting Unlocked. I'm here with the beautiful Stephanie Brooks, who is the mother to my two my wonderful sons. How are you, Stephanie? I'm wonderful.

All right, listen, everyone.

This week we're talking about the new boo. You know what I'm saying? This is something we talked about before on Co-Parenting Unlocked. Yes. Because you remember I had to check one of Stephanie's little friends once. He came out there and he said— he told me that you had said, hey, listen, this is our friendship. This is what it's going to be. And we got to stay strong for the kids. And he was like, I don't care what she say. I see you. And like, as if like he thought that I was going to do something. Are you serious? And got up in my face like he wanted to fight me. This is in front of my sister's house. Because a lot of you had questions about navigating co-parenting with your ex as a new boo, or if you have a new boo, or your children are meeting the new boo. And so y'all kind of want to know, what do we do here? We deal with a lot of dynamics of like new boos coming into old relationships and how that always affects it. So let's watch a clip that has something to do with that. Does Summer cause drama in Keon's life?

And is that why you're stepping in? Yeah. Well, I stepped in because about my child. And anytime anybody try to come for my child or be disrespectful to my child, I'm gonna be on they ass. And that's why I came to her about my child. Your child was looking at— I was trying to protect your child. That's all I was trying to do. I don't have no beef with you. I don't know why you keep coming for me. There's no need for that. I am a good woman. I love Kiana. I love, I love I love your daughter and I love your other daughter. I love your other daughter and I love Kiana. I'm not— the way you talk to her, I'm talking to her nicely. What are you saying? No, you have not. Yes, I have. Yes, I have. I bought drawers for your daughter. I bought— girl, what? Show me the receipt. Show me the receipt. I divorced him. You didn't send your daughter with no drawers. What are you saying? I don't like being disrespected. I am not a little girl. You're not gonna treat me as that way. You are. I'm a grown-ass woman just like you. You can talk to me respectfully. Don't talk to me at all. Respect is due to a dog. I'm a dog? What makes you? That bitch. You're really not that bitch. You really not. You really not. Look who has the man. You're so worried about the relationship relationship. Look who has the man though. Like, be for real. Does that make sense? You're literally in my relationship every single day. Every single day you're worried about what my vagina does. You're worried about what my vagina does. You wanna fuck? Is that the point? You wanna have sex with me? Yeah, that's what it seems like. Look at me. Look at you. Look at you. I don't care about your vagina.

See, this is what you can't have in a relationship. No. A new boo coming in and y'all arguing like this. Mm-hmm. First of all, when someone says that the child told me that you talked to them about that, I do believe there's a bit of truth. Yeah. Because I do believe that sometimes we forget that the things— when you're a new boo in a relationship, that, like, children are hypersensitive to anything you say or do. Yeah. And so for you, it might be one simple interaction, but a child who is interacting with a new adult who's trying to understand the dynamics of where do these people fit in my life? And what does that mean to my security and my stability? Anything you say can be misconstrued to a child. But in this case, what should have happened? Whatever brother was on this— going to come on the stage next— should have came in and stepped in and said, we need to talk about this. Put some water on it. Because the communication is not right. And also setting clear boundaries of what this other woman is doing and how she's hanging around my child.

Yeah. It's so true. Looking at them two going back and forth, it is definitely the dad is the common denominator. And he needs to set some order, or at least, what do you call it, construct some order. Yeah, seriously, seriously. As far as the new boo, though, if she's stepping in and doing all of that, I just don't see any problem. It seems like the mom kind of is a little bit jealous, if I can say that. She act like she a little jealous, a little bothered because the new boo is kind of stepping up and stepping in.

And I don't— She came on. And she did a confession and said, "I wanted your man back." Okay, what is the confession you have?

I feel like, you know, for the girls' sake, I would like to have my family back. You was a lot happier with me. And I feel like for the girls' sake— Bitch, you dirty-ass bitch. Well, like I was saying, Kian, for the girls' sake, 'cause the girls, end of the day, they don't like her. So it's better for the girls' sake that we just work on being a family.

Kian, what do you want? What do you want? I see that. Yeah, I see that smile on your face. You wanna be back with her? Y'all really put my ass on the spot right now. You wanna be back with her? Right now? I gotta answer these questions? Well, the fact that you can't say no immediately already lets us know that you wanna be back with her. So the answer is yes, you wanna be with her? Yes. Yeah. Wow. And then she did a second confession. Monique, what is the second confession?

The second confession is, Karamo, I love you, but I do not want to be back with you. I just had to prove a point that if I wanted you back, I could have you back.

She's in the middle. Either way, you can't have all this negative communication because at the end of the day, what happens is this only affects one person.

That baby. That child.

That baby is the only person that gets affected by this because they are involved. 3 adults who can't get they shit together. Right. Well, listen, Stephanie, we actually have a fan that wrote in. It's Kelly from Chicago. And she says, Karamo, I need your help. But maybe more importantly, I need Stephanie's. Me? Yeah, that's what she said.

OK, what she said?

I had a child with a man I didn't know who had a whole separate life. He was creeping and dating men in college while we were together. Oh yeah, girl, she need your advice. Okay. We were together for 8 years and have a son. We broke up because he finally accepted he likes men and now he has a new boo. I met the boyfriend and he was dry. Now my baby dad wants to bring my child around this man. Honestly, I feel embarrassed that my son's father is gay and now I'm mad that I don't feel respected by his boyfriend. Ooh, that's a problem. How soon is too soon to introduce your kid to a new boo? And how do I make my ex make sure the new boo is treating me to my standards? Mm. Baby, get up.

Get her ass together, Saddy Love. That was a lot. That was a lot. Coming from somebody who does have an openly gay baby father— Yes, you do. Yes, I do.

Yeah, yeah.

OK. I understand the hurt, or there's a pain behind that. Of course. Because when you envision your family, you know, you see the future, and you see yourself with that person. And so ideally, you want to have to be that way. But allow yourself the space to let that resonate. Let it sit in and realize what that means. Yeah. So although it is difficult, trust me, I know it's difficult navigating the situation. You have to consider that long term. We made a long-term, lifelong agreement. Yeah. We made a pact when we decided we were going to bring a baby here. And so now we need to put— refocus.

Because her exact words were she feels embarrassed.

Embarrassed that he's gay. That's not for her. In my opinion, that is not for her to feel embarrassed about. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. Be embarrassed that he's not a good father. Be embarrassed that he's not present. Be embarrassed that he doesn't hear you, doesn't acknowledge you.

I think this is a critical conversation that is not had. Yeah. You don't often see women and men who identify as gay, or even the men who have women who now identify as gay, right? Or if there's a relationship where one of their partners identify as trans, bi, or pan, you don't see these conversations is being had enough. And what I think is important about us is that it is so true. You should not be embarrassed that he's gay. You'd be embarrassed by bad behavior if he's not even the father of those things, right? But also, we do want to acknowledge that because of society, right, you can feel embarrassed. Yeah, you can feel like, well, what am I going to say? Because people do judge our family. It's true. They have judged it from day one. Yeah, they still judge it today. Yeah, people will say things to you. They'd be like, oh, your son gay.

Like, oh, you know what I mean? People judged.

Like, if me being gay is all of a sudden going to turn our kids gay, right? Like, they judge so many things. And somebody who is new to that can feel embarrassed by having to constantly have to interact with those. And I think that's where you have to find the space in yourself to say, well, but what y'all are putting on has nothing to do with me. Right. I think that's your self-esteem and your self-worth is what allows our relationship to be great. That's exactly it.

So what she needs to do, in my opinion, is detach from what society is feeding in her head. You have a family now. Your family is non-traditional. The dynamic is different now. The two things that you should focus most on is going to be your own happiness and then the happiness of your child. So— Amen. Forget about what people— this is what I wish people would do. Just forget about what people are saying.

Amen. Amen. Amen. Because I'm going to equate it. It's not the same, but I'm gonna equate it. It's not the same to like the shame that people try to put on a woman for being a single mother. Right, exactly. Like, and being embarrassed of saying I'm a single mother and being proud. Exactly. I was raised by a woman who had to become a single mother and who took charge and who did what she needed to do. You're a single mother who stepped up, did what you need to do, said I'm gonna support y'all the best I can. There's nothing embarrassing about someone, and I think what you just said is you have to then focus on your own happiness and the happiness of your family and not worry about what the outside people say. And that will help you with the embarrassment.

It will. Now— Right.

About that man. Now let me talk to you. What? Let me talk to your old boyfriend, Kelly. Listen, I'm pointing like this, OK? This is how you know when you're trying to— Somebody come like this, it's a little crooked. Listen, I'm talking to you, OK? OK, straight up. Don't you ever have have some new dude come in the picture and disrespect your child's mother. Tell him, don't you ever, ever think that that's okay. And Kelly, I can't even imagine if this man don't understand that. Yeah, then there does need to be some new conversations about how he is as a man. And then maybe you should be embarrassed about his ass. Yeah, enough to let some other dude come in here and disrespect you or not be— uh-uh, we don't play those games. The person who brought our this life into this world must be held up to the most. You must be. You must be supported. You must be talked about in only the best light. You must be loved. And nobody should ever have the feeling of comfortability to say one thing about you.

Ooh, you too comfortable to say— Don't yell at me. Who made—

If anybody about you, Stephanie, ever says something, I'd be like— Who?

I know you. I'd kick them in the throat.

I'd kick them in the throat so quick. That they'd be like, how you— In they throat, quick. Quick. They wouldn't have a chance. There should never— and this is not just— this is not even just for straight. I mean, just because he's gay. Yeah, this is about anybody.

Matter's not about that. That is the least of the concerns, right?

You should never have a partner, a new boo, come in and feel that they could say something. That new boo's job should be to, to be trying to gain your trust, getting your respect, wanting to be around you, wanting to understand. And it is their job to try. Yes. All right, so we have another clip from another show where the new wife didn't feel like her husband was on her side. Okay, let's see. How'd it get to this point?

I don't know, I just don't like the way, I don't know, she too controlling, man. I don't like all that. She be forcing stuff too much. I require him to be a man. Okay. He don't know how to be a man, basically. He don't know how to, he be letting stuff escalate too far. He don't know how to speak up for himself.

This is your father? Yeah. Your husband, he doesn't, he doesn't speak up, he doesn't do these things.

That's partly true, but he definitely don't stand up to her. Okay. See, she was his only woman in his life, so to speak. So everything was about her until First Lady come. So things had to be, they had to be changed.

You feel like there's disrespect in her language, that's what you feel?

Yes, and she's controlling, she think her opinion matter. It doesn't to me. Opinion does matter when it comes to my family. Well, and that's why you where you at. You need some help. You do too. That's why you're on the show.

You feel like you're in the middle of all this drama. Oh yeah, for sure. But the reality is, is you are in the middle of all this. It's you, 'cause you're only 19. You're still a baby. Yeah, still grown. And you know that. Of course she has adult—

And that's what I'm saying, by her being grown, she made herself an issue. She could have just been chilling in the house in the peanut gallery like the rest of the kids.

No, no, she didn't make herself an issue. Definitely. She didn't. She didn't make herself an issue. No.

Yeah. By assuming that I control him? By thinking that I tell him what to do?

But that's not her issue.

It's dear in my heart. That's what she said.

Yeah, I know.

Because I still want to get back, what is your problem with me? You control my daddy.

See, again, in this case, this is language that the father was saying. That the child adapted. Because we forget that children are sponges. They hear what we say, and then they adapt it, especially when it comes to security and safety. Yeah. So if I hear my dad saying this and I'm not feeling secure, I'm going to adapt that language and say, you're controlling my dad. Right. I'm going to say whatever is being told around me. Right. It is so crucial for people to understand that what you say around a child will be repeated. Right. The feelings you have will be taken in in. They will feel those feelings. Yeah. And so that's what we have here. So, you know, the mother is in her feelings because she's like, you know, well, she's calling the issue. No, it's not. It's that man sitting next to you. Yeah. That is not handling this properly. Yeah. And saying things around his 19-year-old daughter, not putting you in a position for you to feel like you can be the one, you know, supporting the family. The man right there needs to step up.

Yeah, majorly he needs to step up. And instead of conversations being had around, they need to be having conversations with and together. Like, and at those conversations— what? Stop having them conversations around and have them with and together.

I'm gonna give y'all a sound bite. Listen, I'm telling y'all, okay, this is good.

To their face and with your chest. Because again, what we're talking about, it seems like, uh, what we witnessing is people fighting to be heard, fighting for to be loved and seen. That needs some boundaries set. And like you said, conversations between a husband and a wife are not going to be the same between a dad and a daughter when it comes to the wife. So they definitely need to be sitting down and having a talk.

I can't wait for them to meet your next boo.

What? Where is he?

Listen, this season 2, you got people watching. You want to— let's see, everybody, Stephanie is a great woman. I am. I'm of a 44-year-old nature.

OK.

If you are— Still got some good tread on the tires. OK, OK. Good tread on the tires. Listen, if you're in the Texas area, let me know.

Hit me up. Not Texas, all over the world.

All over the world? You don't mind dating?

International. You know what?

I would love to hook you up. Really? I would. Really? I would. You wouldn't like anybody I gave to you.

Really? Why? Why would I like them? Girl. Could you go give me what I need, not what I want?

Thank you.

A little bit of what I want and need.

No, I'm going to give you what you need. OK. Exactly. But you know what I need. I know what you need. I know what you need, need, but I'm gonna give you what you need, need.

Okay, yeah, need, need, need, need.

Yes, that's what I'm gonna give you, girl. Listen, everybody, listen, listen, uh, I want to know how you deal with your new booze. If you got a new boo, what's going on in your family situation? Make sure you put in the comments. And also, if you have an issue in your family, remember the Karamo Show. I'm here as a resource for you. I will help you navigate these conversations. I don't know if you watch these shows. I'm pretty good at my job. Okay. All right. So make sure you hit us up. Let us know of your support. And always come back next time for another episode of Co-Parenting Unlocked. Hey, everyone. Welcome to Co-Parenting Unlocked. I'm your host, Karamo. I'm here with the beautiful and the fabulous Stephanie Brooks, who is my baby mama. I am. Today we're going to be talking about blended families. We have a blended family.

Yes, we do. A beautiful blended family.

Yes. We have our child biological together. Yes. We also have our second child that is yours biologically, not mine. Yes, we do. You have your other children who I know and I adore. Yes. And they love you too. Yes. We got my mama. Okay. We got— girl, this family is blended all together, girl.

Okay. It is. Okay.

Sometimes it tastes good and sometimes it don't.

Sometimes it's flavor a little off, but mostly, yeah, the sauce is good.

Yeah, we try it. Yeah. Well, listen, you know on my show that we deal with a lot of these blended families and there was this dramatic episode where this mother and father could not get past their past hurt. And you can see how it was affecting their children. Take a look at this. You told my producers that you feel like Mo's the reason that you have a hard time spending time with your daughters. What do you mean by that? I've contacted several years, the summer's coming up, can I get my kids from the summer? Spring break, oh, I'll see. I mean, when me and my wife first got together, the conversation from her was, oh, I don't trust my kids around no man. No female that I don't know. Not a problem, I'll put y'all on the phone. They had conversation, everything was okay and said yes until I got on the phone and apologized to her.

I let my kids go stay there with him and they came back smelling like smoke.

Before me and my current wife got together, I was having an issue living in the same state seeing my children.

I have one parent and that's it. There's nothing else, no one else I can like turn to. Room and I have like no father figure, so it's just empty. And that's, that's what I'm saying about this whole thing, is that he doesn't get— is that he's trying to say I try to keep him— I, I'm—

that part I truly understand how my kids feel, and I understand all of that. When I was a kid, when I was a kid, kids got to see both parents whether they live together or not. And that is my only thing. We have our issues, we don't live together. Why can't I still see my kids regardless of where I lay my head.

We made that agreement.

That should not matter when I want to be a part of their life.

Why we not together, Renee? Why are we not together? What's it have to do with them? Understand why, because you made a promise you wanted to be in these kids' lives.

We are not together because I cheated, you cheated. So what? The relationship now is about them. So what I'm saying is that—

And they should be allowed to be a part of their life.

But you wanted to— Don't be fooled by his point of view, girl.

He just faking. I'm not fooling.

So the kids are allowed to be a part of that. I moved on with a wife. My wife is a part of my life. So being a part of— Yeah, let them have—

Yeah. Wow.

Yeah, girl, you know, I'd take them kids off that stage. My thing is, because of how our childhood is and the way what I did for work, I will always protect children. Yeah. This is my only goal. And I'm just thinking to myself, like, if y'all want to sit on the stage and argue, yeah, ain't no point of the kids being around.

Right. They don't have to go, baby.

You— because now you dig below the belt. Talk about it in front of the kids. You cheated, I cheated.

Now you put the kids—

because now what you're hoping is the kid's opinion of their mother is going to change, right? That was an intentional dig because you— everyone— you feel like you're the bad guy, so you're going to say something to make it be her the bad one, right?

And I hate that type of stuff. It sucks because, uh, who's being hurt is exactly right.

The kids. The kids.

Yeah, their relationship was over. It seems like people have a hard time getting over the relationship being done.

I think sometimes people get get stuck in narratives in their head, right? Of like what it is. Yeah. And they don't know how to move on from that narrative because this man right here is telling himself that I've tried everything, I've done everything. And then when the child came back out, the child made it clear, no, you have not tried everything. Yeah. Because I asked you to come to my graduation and you asked me to send you bus money. What I wanted my daughter to do was give her father a ride because he doesn't have a license. So if you needed me to steal You didn't step up and do what you needed to do. It's not about her. And so anyway, but I think sometimes in blended families, the thing, the part about this that always gets me is that when he talks about the, you know, the wife and the things, again, she said, I set my kids around you and your new woman and they came back smoking like smoke.

Right. So I can't trust. Yeah.

I can't trust you. So what you said at the beginning, trust. Yeah. We trusted who we're going to bring around. That was your main point. And that was the most, that was the most important point to make. Yeah. Because I I can trust who you bring around.

You can trust who I bring around.

She gave you a chance, and she couldn't trust. Because when your kids came back, they smelt like smoke.

Smoke, right. And on top of that, your daughter is sitting there saying that you don't put in the effort.

So, yeah. Exactly. And so I think that we also have to make sure that when we have blended families, that we're looking at our own actions, looking at what we're bringing our children into, looking at what's going on, and being real with yourself. You want to know?

That's what was going on. —was making me think about Karamo is that sometimes a trusted, like, mediator, friend, family member, somebody else that can kind of help navigate conversations.

Yes, call the Karamo Show, girl. Drama, girl, that's what you come here. Yeah, I am that trusted third party, girl.

He wouldn't shut up, so you could tell him though. You know I got to the end.

Girl, you know I got that. Girl. You are stuck in a narrative of like, I needed somebody else. You need to figure it out. There's other choices you can make. And I'm just telling you, there is. I hear you saying it. I'm listening.

You know. You can talk to him.

OK. You know I got that. How do you think we've been able to maintain such a healthy blended family?

A whole lot of respect, number one. You're my friend, so I'm always like wanting the best for you. And I also trust you. Like, that comes with a huge level of trust. When you bring or introduce somebody, I can trust that you, with the interest of making sure our family is great and, you know, the dynamic continues to be good, are not going to bring anybody around who is not with us on the same note.

I mean, that is the thing. We've all been on the same page, and I can trust it. You know what I mean?

Again, it's just celebrating our differences. Like, we don't all, you know, we don't all have to have the same walk and all of the same journey. It's going to be different, but the thing that's beautiful about it is that we're here to support each other in it. So yeah, as long as you happy and you good, I'm good.

We got a fan question from Jonathan in Phoenix, and he says, hi, Karamo and Stephanie. I love your relationship. I'm reaching out because I married a great woman a year ago, and she has 3 daughters who she has primary custody of. I have a son who splits time between me and my ex. The question is, My wife's daughters aren't very well behaved, but my wife does not discipline them. Oh, gosh. That's— At all. She's a loving mother, compassionate. She listens, but there's no consequences to their bad behavior. I want to step in and say something sometimes, but especially as a man, and I'm not their dad, I feel like I can't. What should I do? Oh, my God. You got to sit down. You got to have a conversation with her. Yeah. And the father of those children immediately. And y'all need to figure out together what you all feel comfortable with you saying. Because again, y'all need to be on the same page as parents. Y'all got to sit down. Don't just say something and then become an argument, or he find out, she find out. Y'all sit down together immediately and talk about what it is. Express, say, I want to be here to support your daughters. I want to make sure they know that I love them. And sometimes in love, it comes structure. And I want to make sure that I can support structure. And I want to know, what do y'all feel comfortable with me saying and doing? Once y'all get that boundary, then you and your wife sit down with those girls and say, hey girls, mom, dad, and myself have talked, and we have decided that I'm going to step in and be on in the structure. Because now what's happening is that kids understand everybody's on the same page. Yes. I'm telling you, the way you succeed at parenting and co-parenting is letting the kids know everybody's on the same page. When kids know everybody's on the same page, they can't do nothing.

Don't even try it.

They don't even try it. Think about your own lives. When you knew your mom and dad was on the same page, you was like, I can't do it. But when you knew one wasn't and the other one, you knew which one to go talk to, which one to get in the— Yeah. So you get on the same page, and then you sit down in front of those girls, let them know they're on the same page. Because as their stepdad, you deserve to help in the structuring of their lives. That's right. It is important. It's imperative that they see you as someone who could help in the structuring of their lives. That's right. And see, I'm using intentionally the word structure and not discipline, right? Because your job is to help them to understand how they can step and move forward to be better. And sometimes as co-parents or as a bonus parent, disciplining them doesn't always work because they're going to see that as like, I don't like you now. But I'm going to help you structure this so you know that this structure is going to get you to the next level.

First of all, how he said that his wife doesn't do any disciplining or structuring That just won't work. I mean, between the two of them, I can imagine that he's incredibly frustrated having his own child and that not being the case. So it's probably like torture, him watching that situation, especially because he's thinking, I need to protect my wife on top of that. Like, we here, we're going to raise— we want to raise our children, make sure that they are raised in love and they're raised well. But also, I got a wife, and my wife can't be ran over. 3 little girls will turn into 3 teenagers one day, and 3 teenage girls. Girl. What?

And also, let me tell you something, kids pick up on each other's behavior. So you bring your son over there on the halftime, you got him, and then he watches those girls disrespect y'all and do nothing, watch, he gonna get what it's—

he gonna get what it's—

and you cannot have that. So trust and believe, this is important for you to sit down and get on the same page with everyone. And again, use the term structure as your tool, as your guide of having that conversation. You don't need to discipline them, you want to help make sure that the structure is in place. I love that. In. Girl, I love that. Let me tell you something, structure them up. Okay, structure them up. Better get them structured.

You got to structure them up, girl. Do some structure sizes. Okay, structure sizes. Go do it.

Up next, we're going to take a look at a clip of a couple trying to make their big, beautiful blended family work for the kids' sake. Okay. At 20 years old, you took in her children and became a great father. She says you're a great father. That had to have been tough on you. It was tough. See, my father wasn't around when I was a kid, so I just didn't want her kids to take or go through what I went through as a kid with my father not being there. So I seen her situation and I just wanted to step up and just take that responsibility. And even though you brought up your father, it's really your mother that you're actually mimicking here. Because if you said your father wasn't around, that mean your mother had to have been alone and struggling.

Yes. Ooh, Karamo. Yes. You know, I be outta there.

I be over there, you know. And so because you couldn't save your mom, you're hoping to save her? Yes. Oh, get outta there, girl. That training working. That training be working, girl.

Oh, Nick. Do you not love me no more or something?

Yeah, I do love you.

Are we gonna be together or?

I do wanna work things out.

Like you just said, it's just the kids though. So what about the emotions and the feelings? Feelings we have for each other.

I know I love you, and I don't want to lose you. I do love you.

No, not if that's the reason. And that's the only reason.

It feels some type of way between our relationship. Like, the spark's not there like it used to be when we first got together.

Oh, ouch. How old are you now? 24. Oh, young.

Do you feel like there's more out there to the life that you want to live that you can't live? No, I'm happy where I'm at. I just want more freedom. That means you want— No. Yeah, you don't say no. I want more freedom. Yeah. So I can, you know what I'm saying, experience things being young with my friends and family and stuff. And then her not trying to hold me back from that situation. So you actually said what I said, but you only put on— Right. But then, which is basically an excuse. 'Cause I just said, is there something else out there that you wanna live? And you're like, no, I'm happy, but I actually wanna go out here and I wanna be with my friends and I wanna do stuff. I'm happy with our relationship. Which by the way is okay.

Right, it's okay. Okay. It is okay.

It is okay. Listen, what I love about these young couples and there are some good guys out there that do want to step up in situations where there's blended families, and they want to make sure that things are okay. They want to make sure they step up. And like in this case, this young man had a mother that he couldn't save, and so he's going to try to save every other woman he can.

Save every woman he can.

But when he's, he's too young to be doing that. Yeah, he's too young. So he's getting overwhelmed, he's burning himself out. And the problem with situations like this in blended families where somebody's coming in, they're taking care of your kids, is that But if they're not ready, they're eventually going to burn out and it's going to affect the kids anyway. Exactly. Because then they're going to end up saying, I can't handle this anymore, and disappearing. Yeah. And so I always try to encourage people, like, make sure you understand when you come into a blended family, you have to be emotionally, mentally ready for everything it takes and understand that it is a long-term commitment. It is, yeah. Because you can't come into a child's life and then think that 5 years later, I'm out. I'm gone. Because if you do that, then you're scarring the child intentionally. And that's the hard part.

Do you have a big, beautiful blended family like ours? Let us know how you made it work in the comments. And thank you so much for watching "Co-Parenting Unlocked."