Confronting My Body-Shaming Sister-In-Law! | KARAMO

All right, I'm about to talk to sister-in-laws Carla and Shaylee who say they haven't spoken in 2 years and now need my help. Carla is married to Shaylee's brother Jeremy. She says Shaylee has never accepted her into the family. And Shaylee is here and we will hear her side of the story later. But first I wanna welcome Carla. Carla, come on out. How are you doing?

Good.

Well, don't you look fabulous?

You do too. Thanks for having me on the show.

Nice to meet you. Come on, sit, take a seat for me. All right, now, so tell me, Karla, why are you not speaking to Shaylee?

So first of all, I don't trust Shaylee, but the truth is I have been trying to talk with her. So there's a lot that goes behind that. So let me take you on that experience of what exactly happened. So to start things off with, Shaylee and me, we went out to eat and I was feeling under the weather, so I got a soup. And so she started questioning me, asking me like, what do I eat? It made me feel uncomfortable. It made me question my body. And then later on I found out that she would go behind my back and ask my husband, what do I eat? If I work out, how often I work out. Sorry, this is hard.

No, I get it.

To talk about all of this, 'cause it was like, the whole thing about it is it made me question my body, the way she handled all of it. Yeah.

So— And she was rude to you that first time, outside of just questioning your body. Tell me more about that.

Yeah, so after that whole experience, I had learned to find out that she had asked my husband, who I was dating at the time, if I was a virgin. So she would ask very personal questions and I didn't like it. So I would tell my husband how I felt. And so my husband thought it was a good idea to reach out to her and say, hey, you need to say sorry to Carla. I personally never needed a fake apology from her, but she messaged me and she's like, hey, Jeremy told me that this is bothering you. And I was like, yeah, of course. Like, why are you gonna ask my husband these personal questions about me.

And so— And talk about your body, which is a big one.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I asked her, I was like, why did you ask this? And she got very defensive and she started throwing like Bible scriptures at me saying that I'm not a Christian. She knew nothing about me ever for her to like throw these assumptions about me.

So I wanna know how has Shaylee talking about your weight and asking these personal questions affected your relationship, not only with her brother, who is your husband, But also the rest of the family.

This is the very funny thing about it is I've never told my family of the encounters I've had with her because I didn't want them to see her in a negative light. But she did the complete opposite. She started telling everybody that I'm this terrible person. And I'm sure other things that, you know, I know nothing about that she's told them. I know this because they started like messaging my husband saying, "You shouldn't be with her." On our engagement night, her husband messaged the group chat when we were all celebrating with my friends and family saying, "You guys shouldn't be together. No one likes Karla. You shouldn't be with her." And so it really kind of downplayed our whole engagement party because we were just trying to celebrate and enjoy our time together.

So my producers told me that you said that you and Shaylee have different opinions about body positivity. What do you mean by that?

So I'm actually learning a lot about body positivity and I'm learning that I am for body positivity, but what I'm not for is the toxicity behind it. That's what I'm not for.

So then why do you feel like Shaylee is hiding behind the body positivity movement? Do you think she's toxic when it comes to that?

Here's one example. She has said on several occasions referring to as skinny people or straight-sized people where, you know, are this, and she kind of compares. And so I don't think that's fair because you're skinny does not mean you don't have curves. I think every body shape has curves.

I think sometimes when we talk about body positivity, we only think of someone who might be of larger sizes. There's different ways we see our bodies no matter how it looks, and you have to love your body at any state. So do you believe this relationship can be fixed between you two?

I don't know, personally. The last thing, and it was like the last straw for me, she had questioned me, and this was the last time we went out to eat together. She started asking me if I'm legal, if my parents are legal. And you know, I'm a first-generation American, so for me that was super sensitive. Topic, and I wasn't like trying to make a big deal out of it, but I went home and my dad has like a noticeable accent, so I asked him. He's been in the USA for over 50 years, so I asked him, has anybody asked you if you're legal, if you're a citizen of the USA? And he said, Carla, that's a really weird question. Nobody should ever ask that. And then that got me thinking. I was like, she's, she's asking these questions not to like get to know me because she's never said Hey Carla, what do you do for fun? Hey Carla, let's meet up and go out to eat since you're in town. And she's never made that effort. And when I try to be a grown adult and tell her, hey, you know, like this is what bothered me, let's fix it. She started getting defensive and telling me that I wasn't Christian, I wasn't this, I wasn't that. And I even gave her my phone number and I said, you know what? Just call me so we can fix this. And she never did.

Let's meet Carla's sister-in-law and hear what she has to say. Shaylee, come on out. How you doing? Hi. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

You look beautiful.

Thank you.

Both of y'all just, hey.

I match you.

Yes, you do. All right, so Shaylee, we heard what Carla has to say. She said that basically there's issues because in a sense you're bullying her about her body. In a sense, you're also bullying her about where her family comes from. What is your perspective on that?

I wish this was a conversation that we could have had on our own together, but I had reached out multiple times to you. And I remember one specific time when you came into town, I said, "Hey, can we meet up for coffee? It's really important for me to have a good relationship with my brother. And it would mean so much to me if you could tell me what I've done to you." 'Cause you were telling my whole family I did something that you couldn't forgive me for, and I didn't know what that was.

I never said that. I never once said I couldn't forgive you because your mom told my husband that I didn't forgive you, like saying that I hate you and all these things. And I said, where are these words coming from? I never once said that. And you never have. I never have this text message saying that you wanna go out with me. To begin with, I think I have the right upper hand to say like, I tried to have this adult conversation with you and you got very defensive and I didn't know what else to do. I said, why am I gonna have this conversation again? Is it because I'm married to your brother?

Shaylee, do you have a problem with Carla being married to your brother?

I do not have a problem with Carla being married to my brother because I want my brother to be happy. I am, however, very sad because since the beginning of them being together, my relationship with my brother has dissipated. I wish that I could state my side to everything that was claimed here, but I have a whole completely different side. I have a different story.

So then what are your issues with Carla? You tell me.

From the beginning, I've tried to be friends with you. I've tried to have some kind of connection with you. I remember the very first time where you had complimented my brother and said how great of a husband he was and how awesome of a person he was.

Again, we're married, and you—

right, at least And I said, and I said, I agree, Jeremy's awesome. And then I found out later that you were offended by that because I didn't say anything about you, but I didn't know you.

No, that wasn't that.

Okay, well that was the first.

It wasn't anything about that. Okay. No.

That was the first issue. And then I feel like things got brought up to me later on. The whole conversation that we had where I asked if you were legal, that has been stretched to a different proportion. You were talking about your family in Peru.

No, no, no, no, no.

Let me talk to you.

No, no, no, you don't ever, ever, ever ask somebody if they're legal.

Hey, Tess.

You, me, don't do that.

That is insane.

I don't know who taught you you can do that, but that is not okay.

Context is important in this conversation, and let me say why. Because you were talking about your family in Peru, and you were saying how they wanted to come to this country, and they wanted to become legal citizens.

No, I never said that. I never said that.

This was a conversation we had in that Starbucks.

My family is, they do have a citizenship where they can come. So I think you're remembering things wrong.

So I wanna hear about this lawyer chat.

Well, we clearly have two different sides.

Because I wanna know, so what she did say as well is that you were shaming her about her body.

Yeah, and I do not even remember that conversation. I would literally, my entire message, I'm a body positive, plus-size fashion YouTuber. My entire message, my entire message is about loving our bodies as they are. I would never purposely, ever purposely hurt somebody in that way, ever. And I'm sorry. Like, I really am sorry that you felt that way. I wish that you would've like said it in that moment. Like, hey, when you say that, that means that. But I had no idea this entire time.

Yeah, because the thing was, we were married at the time and you started asking him questions questions. Does Karla work out? What does she eat?

I don't remember asking these questions.

Okay, but do you realize when you ask these questions, it makes me question my own body? How are you gonna make someone feel that way and then have the nerve to be a body positive influencer?

It makes no sense. It really doesn't. And I agree with you.

Chaylee, my producers told me that you said that sometimes you've been discriminated against.

Yes.

Have you ever been shamed by Karla?

Second-handedly, I guess.

Yeah.

I mean, there was a public figure that had made a video basically bashing plus-size people and the body positive community. And I had conviction in my heart to make a video about it. So I posted a video and all I'm doing in this video, as you can see, is like rubbing my stomach and embracing my body for what it is. Because I'm proud of myself. Like, it's taken me a very, very long time Took a long time to get to a place where I am happy with myself.

I took a long time and you made me relive a trauma that I wasn't meant to relive. I'm so sorry.

I really never meant to do this to you.

I wanna know what happened though when you said you posted this video in response to this person who made a video and you said, I'm loving myself. And then what happened?

And then this person who has millions of followers actually made a response to me. Was not expecting it at all, but it happened and I was scrolling my phone and all of a sudden I was hit with thousands and thousands and thousands of comments, messages, all of these.

You don't have to worry about getting kidnapped, we don't want you. Oh my God.

Fat shaming comments, like tons and tons and tons of fat shaming comments.

So what did Carla do in that moment?

She had liked that person's post.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

And my— I did. My response to that was, I have tried so hard. In my side, I feel like I have tried so hard to make amends with you.

I can't swipe by that 'cause you nonchalantly just said yes, you liked a post.

Yeah, I did.

But if you felt pain and hurt, she's getting attacked online and we all know what that can feel like. Why would you then like it?

'Cause I was hurt. Hurt people hurt people.

I get that. But that still doesn't make it Right.

No, it was wrong and I'll own up to it.

Because the thing is she's trying to own up to her behavior and saying like, I'm sorry. And from my perspective, 'cause I'm on the outside and you asked for my help, it seems like you don't want to hear her. And so what I really do want to start, and I think a great baby step is to at least apologize to each other for shaming each other on their body. You made comments about how she was eating that made her feel uncomfortable and you liked the post when she was being bullied about her body online. So can you both apologize to each other for that and allow that to be the first step?

I'm sorry. I didn't realize.

I appreciate that.

I didn't realize I hurt you like that.

Yeah.

I would never do that on purpose.

Thank you. That means a lot. That means a lot. I appreciate that. I'm really sorry that what I did hurt you and I didn't mean it to hurt you. I'm so sorry. I really wish I didn't do that.

Thank you.

It's gonna be baby steps for you all. Yeah. Because there's pain that you were experiencing from before and you just have to now acknowledge it and not minimize it. And I think if y'all can start doing that, you can start taking the steps to move forward and be healthier as sisters.

Yeah.

Because I do believe she wants to be in your life. I know it's gonna be hard for you to believe, and so I'm not forcing you to believe now, but I do believe it. Can you give your sister a hug? 'Cause I believe it's sincere.

Yeah, of course.

This is a big step. Y'all saw each other for the first time today, I think. A little bit, right?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah. Hold on, where you going? I'll tell you where you're going. Right here to subscribe and right here to watch more.

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