Dad, Stop Calling Me A "Ghetto Black Girl!" | KARAMO

So Aaliyah, you contacted the show and I want you to take a look, everyone, what you said. You said, I have a strained relationship with my father, my only Black family left, which is important to me. I am half white and half Black. My parents got a divorce 7 years ago and everything has gone insanely downhill since then. My father has been so hurtful to me. I gave my father an intervention and he called the cops on me. "I want Karamo to give it one last chance before I go no contact, Aaliyah." Okay.

Yeah.

So there's so much in that for me to unpack. I mean— It's a lot. Yeah, there is. Okay, so what does your father say that insulted you, where he tries to insult you?

He called me a ghetto Black girl. Yeah. Which as a Black woman, woman really hurt my identity. And it was all—

As a Black man, that pisses me off.

Yeah.

Because, you know, I mean, obviously I'm gonna be fair, I'm gonna hear your father's side of the story, but from hearing that, I can only imagine the pain you hear for someone who's close to you to call you that.

Yeah.

Here's an excerpt from an email your father sent you that you want me to see. How did you respond to this type of language?

I'm more of a quiet person. Yeah. So I ignored for a bit and it's always been back and forth. It feels like I'm in a toxic high school relationship.

So do you and your dad talk right now?

No.

And what are you both arguing about the most right now?

I wanna see my siblings.

Siblings right now.

He lives 15 minutes away from me. They go back and forth from him to my mom who is 2 hours away. 2 hours away from me. She'll let me see them, but you know, it takes a bit to go.

To go all the way out there. Yeah.

And when they're there, why can't I stop by, say hi?

Got it. Well, I appreciate your perspective and I think it's time to meet Aaliyah's father, Allen, so we can hear his side of the story. So everyone please welcome Allen to the show. Hey Allen, how are you doing?

I'm well, how are you?

I'm good, thanks for being here.

Thank you.

So what do you think about what Aaliyah described, how she described your relationship?

I think some of that was true, but on the other hand, there's a lot of things that weren't explained correctly.

Okay, please tell me, I wanna know.

Well, first, I mean, calling her, you know, a ghetto Black girl, I just think that she's very spoiled and just always runs to me when there's— How am I spoiled? Always runs to me when—

How am I spoiled?

You get everything you want. You've gotten everything you want.

How?

And I've absolutely been there for her all her whole life. Definitely looked up to you.

You bully, harass, insult. You spam us with messages. You scream in our faces. You called the cops on two Black kids who were sitting on your couch.

And the reason why I called the cops, 'cause you would not leave. And I asked you to leave and you wouldn't leave.

Because I'm talking to you. We're having an intervention.

No, we weren't having an intervention.

We're trying to make you understand.

I didn't wanna have an intervention.

We're trying to make you understand that the way you talk is not respectful to your kids, and respect goes both ways.

What did you think of that intervention?

Oh, I thought that was unnecessary. I'm the parent here.

Everyone who gets an intervention thinks it's unnecessary. We did it because we care.

But the way you care and the way you showed that was disrespectful towards me.

So my question is, 'cause you said she was disrespectful, why did you call the cops on them? I know you said just to have them leave.

Well, it wasn't just me, it was also my mom, you know, and we're in her house. So my mom didn't want her there and they wouldn't leave. And that was just like, hey, we're just asking you to go.

What about when I asked you to come outside and talk then?

I didn't wanna talk to you anymore. I was done talking with you. It's time to end it. But you wouldn't leave.

Well, she says you don't allow her to see her her younger siblings, is that true?

Yeah, after, it was just after that fallout. The fact that, look, being brought in this light and looking like no good dad, you know?

Because there's more problems besides you just being there. You just being there doesn't, isn't enough. It's not enough to just be there.

What would it take for you and your daughter to find forgiveness today? In your opinion?

For me, I would just need her to change just the way that she, her attitude and her disrespectful. She's disrespectful towards me and ungrateful. You are ungrateful.

But have you ever even given the answer of why I'm disrespectful? You're the one calling me ghetto.

Yes, because.

I don't call you a ghetto Black guy.

But you call me a—

I don't tell you that you're not shit.

Right, so this is what I'm seeing. I think you're confusing the words respect with empathy. Because everything you're saying is about her to have empathy for your experience, her to have empathy for what you're going through. And when she doesn't have that empathy because she describes her experience, you then call her disrespectful. That's what I've tracked the pattern.

I agree 100%.

Great. I want you to be validated in your feelings. Because if you're validated in your feelings from another man who could say, I see it and I understand. Maybe that will give you an opportunity to validate her feelings feelings. But what she's really asking for is more of the emotional support, the emotional connection. She's asking for that from you. And that is what's missing right now. She needs you. You're the man that comes into, that is in her life that she has to turn to. And that's compounded not only by being a young woman, but also by the fact that she is also biracial. And she's saying, I'm also needing that support from you and that validation. Do you hear that and understand that?

I absolutely understand it 100%. I do.

And there's a bigger piece on top of that that I gotta say to you. Black man to black man. Right. When you call the police on your daughter, when she's been told by her father in an email, I saw your own words, that she's a ghetto black girl, it's your job to make sure that no police are called on her. It's your job to make sure that no one ever calls her a ghetto black girl. That's your job. Can you see that?

Yeah, I admit that I've made mistakes and that, you know, I haven't been mature in a way and showing my anger towards you and I shouldn't be taking that out on you. And I definitely would like to try to reconcile our relationship. By taking baby steps at a time and see what we can do in order to heal it.

So moving forward, and I appreciate you saying that, she mimics your behavior in the fact of like her, I'm gonna even not call it anger, it's in this strength of like, I need to be heard and seen.

Right.

So when you talk about like her behavior, She's mimicking yours. Be aware of that. And the fact that she brought you here knowing that this is a place where I try to always cultivate healing and growth, she brought you here not to berate you. She brought you here because she was hoping to get her father back. And if you've never seen this show, I'm gonna be the first to tell you, people come on this show because they're hoping to reconnect. They're hoping to get better. And so she brought you here because she wanted to be heard and she thought this would be the only place a place to be heard. But she hoped that after she was heard, you could reconnect. Am I telling the truth? Yeah. What are you thinking about right now?

Don't touch me, please.

Oh God. See, that's what.

Here you go, love. What made you emotional right there?

'Cause it doesn't matter.

What does it matter?

Like how I said.

What do you love about your daughter? What do you like about your daughter?

Oh, I love so much about her. Just her talent. She's extremely talented and she can do anything that she puts her mind to. I just love the fact that how she interacts with her siblings and How she's not almost like a motherly figure to them and—

That's why I should be able to see them.

Hold on, but what he just did there is he validated that you were a good big sister. You have to help her to build herself, to see herself as a strong, powerful, amazing Black woman that she is.

All right, I agree with you and I'll look forward to taking those steps to have her see her siblings.

Can you believe that?

I hope so.

Good. Listen, this is the first step and I'm glad I could be here. Listen, I wish y'all the best of luck, all right?

Thank you.