Daughter, You're Dead To Me! | KARAMO

I'm almost 40 years old and I wanna be respected as a mother and an adult.

Got it. So you feel like your mother doesn't respect you as an adult no other?

No, she doesn't.

Okay. So when did the problem start between you two?

I wanna say when I was about 14.

Okay, what happened at that time?

We were uprooted from Detroit, Michigan and took to Birmingham, Alabama. And that time she just always to me met the wrong man. So it's like the first guy she was talking to, I have a problem with peas. I don't like peas. They look like boogers to me. And I told him, you know, she made food or whatever and it was the peas on top. He was like, "You gonna eat them peas?" I'm like, "No, I'm not." He threw the peas in my face. She did nothing about it. After that, I told him he wasn't my daddy. He fought me.

He fought you?

Yes. I'm the type of person where if I see a grown man fight my child, I'm gonna help my child. Instead, she's trying to break it up and I feel like you should have been beating his ass. But it wasn't until then she left him alone.

Got it, okay.

So it was an incident where I was around 18 and she was dating another guy. One day my mom was gone and he ended up saying, we were in an argument, he was like, "Bitch, shut up or I'll make you suck dick like your mother do." That nothing was done about that.

So you don't feel like your mom protected you as a child?

No.

Okay.

Not to me, 'cause she'll say, oh, I would never let this happen to my child, or I would never have this done to my child, but I've had things said and done to me that you did nothing about.

Got that.

And now it's when me and my girls moved back from Florida, we had to stay with her until my house got ready. I lost my car in Florida. That's the only thing I'm lacking is a car. I'm asking her, "Can you take me to work? Can you take me to work?" It's, I'm paying you for gas and you know I'm trying to save for my car, but you want me to pay you for your time as well. And I'm not understanding it. Like, it's like, I don't give a fuck about you or your job. And action speaks louder than words. So if you say, "I'm not, I don't give a," and you don't do it, that mean you really mean it.

Yeah.

So it's like a lot of things is like sometimes it come off as jealousy. When I moved to Florida and she finally brought my kids back, she was looking around, "Oh, this nice. They gonna fuck." So it's like when she left visiting me, my brother bought a house. She all on Facebook posting pictures. It's like I never get a, "I'm proud of you." And I wanna know why. Like, why you respect my sibling more than you respect me? The things you say to me and my kids, you would never say.

Is she a good grandmother?

Yeah, to a certain extent, because you could be a good grandmother, but soon as you get mad at my kids, you call 'em bitches. The same thing you say to me, you say to them.

Does she show you affection?

Not all the time, it depends. Like, I can touch my mom like this. That's gay to her, don't touch her. I can rub her shoulder or something like that. Oh, I don't want all that, don't touch me. Like, oh, I hugged you. I said, Ma, you haven't hugged me in a long time. Oh, I have hugged you. I hugged you before we left Florida. I'm like, but before then, when have you hugged me?

Yeah.

It's like certain incidents where you can say you love somebody, you want respect, but It says in the Bible, honor thy mother, thy father, but also do not provoke your children. And my mom always provokes me.

I can hear your mother backstage, so she has a lot to say about this. Everyone, well, let's go ahead and bring Regina out and meet her and get her point of view. Everyone, welcome Regina to the show.

Really, Ashley? Like you bringing up shit over 30 years ago?

That's the thing.

And if you got fucking issues with shit over 30 years ago, baby, You need counseling, not me. What I need for you to do is grow the fuck up. You damn near 40 years old, boo-boo.

And so the things that you have done, you never learn.

And you don't choose me. You're dead to this day.

Right now, you dead.

See what I'm saying?

You're dead.

My truth is not—

And I will never break my neck to do shit else for you.

That's not— You gonna bring up some shit over 30 years ago, boo-boo? How do you get from the past to the— You have to take account of yesterday. The past, we in the future. You have to take account —what you did.

And if you got— you need to go get counseling, people. Go get you some counseling, baby. If you got them problems, you're 40. You calling me every day, take me here, take me there, take me to work.

I just started. You done— 2 weeks ago you got into it with me and told me you don't give a fuck about my job. And I don't. Exactly. So she do not care about nothing and don't give a fuck.

No.

So you said that your daughter's dead to you and you don't care. Do you really mean that? I mean it.

She just killed that relationship. She killed it all.

What did she say that would kill that relationship?

All that old shit.

Girl, please. So just because she was talking about the past.

I don't care.

She ain't have to vent like that. We could have talked about this at the home.

And we did. No, we didn't. So don't sit there and lie. You didn't cuss me out in front of my aunt on the phone and told me what you just said now? And what still? You still say fuck the past. Exactly, you never apologized or taken responsibility. And I'm not, I'm not. She don't care.

I'm not. She don't care. And I don't, believe that, I don't.

So how do you expect for someone to think that you love them when they don't take accountability for nothing? You don't take accountability for nothing. You never said, ask me if you feel a certain way, I'm sorry I made you feel less than a child or less than a mother. You don't treat me like a mother, you don't treat me like an adult.

Act like one. Can I ask you this, Regina? I understand that for you, the past is not important, but if she's saying it's important to her, why aren't you able just to say, "I apologize," and—

'Cause I'm not, and it's over with, and I'm not apologizing for shit. Never have and never will. And she's not. And I'm not. And she means it.

And I mean it. I know that my producers told me that recently you've helped your daughter. You've been helping her? A lot.

I does everything. I kept her kids while she ran around. From Ohio to Detroit. Shut up, I'm talking.

Is that me talking? She left, went to Ohio.

Then she went to Detroit. Then she ended up in Florida. Who had her kids? I did.

And you choke slammed my baby and I brought my baby daddy in. Exactly.

Stressed out. So you harm your grandkid 'cause you're stressed out? Whatever.

She can't explain to you why she let them men say that to me. She can't explain to you why that happened. I can't stop nobody from what they say to you. I wasn't there. But you didn't do nothing about it. What the fuck you want me to do? You been whooping their ass, whoop their ass again. Bitch, you sound stupid. See what I'm saying? Grown man say that to your child. Man, whatever.

You shouldn't have been in there fucking with him.

He was messing with us and you know that's a lie.

Ashley, bye. I understand that you want to ask your mother something.

What did you want to ask your mom?

Like, do she really love me?

Because if you tell somebody you don't give a fuck about them and you show them. I ain't never went through all this.

My mama, hey, I love my mama. My grandma ain't never talked to you like you told me.

My mama used to call me bitches 24/7.

You think because your mama called you bitches it's okay to call you, that's what childhood trauma come from. She spin around in a circle at my auntie house telling my grandma, you don't love me, but I'm bringing up the past. So obviously you got issues from your past where you feel my grandma don't love you. No, my mama love me. Okay, so why you told her she didn't in my auntie house You spent around in the circle crying, talking about you don't love me, you don't love me, and you don't love me. I meant everybody in the house.

I was talking to everybody. My mama wasn't even in the conversation, so.

Yes, she was. No, she wasn't.

Now you're lying. No, she wasn't.

Okay, okay. Ashley, can I talk to your mom for a little bit? That's fine. You can ride in the back? That's fine. Thank you. Regina, come on close. All right, so I asked your daughter to leave because I could tell with y'all both being out here, we gonna get nowhere. Somewhere. And I know when I asked you what your, you said you came out here with the hopes of the relationship being better or having a nice time or figuring something out. That's why I was like, let her leave. Because if that's somewhere in you, that means, I know right now you said she's dead to you, but there's somewhere in you that still had that feeling just a couple hours ago. So that means it's not fully gone yet. I wanna know what hurt you personally about what she just said.

Because she went back over 30 years ago. Like if that shit bothered you then, why you ain't say nothing to me? Don't talk about me then. Let's talk about the new shit. Let's talk about you. Okay, yeah, I called you a bitch, so what? Everybody done called they child a bitch. I'm not the only one.

You said that's what your mother said to you? Yeah. And sometimes you'd be called that? Yeah. Did it make you feel any way?

It didn't bother me. It didn't bother me because I knew that was my mother and that was her way.

So you just accepted it?

I accepted it. I mean, you know, I know I ain't no bitch. I know I ain't no dog. You know what I'm saying? So it never bothered me. But Ashley can't sit here and act like she had no shit in her life 'cause she didn't. My kids ain't never wanted for shit.

She did say that you gave her support.

She said you were there for her. Oh, I did. I always supported her and still support her. I don't have no problem with helping my children. I would give them the world. But what you're not gonna do is sit up here and bring up no old shit that I can't even, I can't.

You can't do anything about it. I can't do anything about that. Internally, there's something else going on. Internally, they want to be successful.

She got daddy issues, I get it. You know, her daddy never been in her life and I never gave a damn 'cause I took care of mine. And I never let her want it. I still done, you understand what I'm saying?

But I don't think she has daddy issues. I think she has mom issues.

It couldn't be mom.

Yeah, and the reason, and the reason, and this is not, and I'm gonna tell you, and this is not, I'm gonna tell you this, and this is not, and the reason The reason I asked you to be out here alone, because what I was doing is I was taking notes. And so I was tracking to see if like you're the horrible mom, because I've had horrible moms. I'm serious. And so your language, you can admit and you know is bad.

Oh, I can cut deep.

Yes, and you know it. Your language is bad.

And I will cut deep.

'Cause I see two issues here and I'm gonna be very transparent with you. And the reason I wanna talk to you first is because I do see an issue from childhood and adulthood. I see an adulthood where you become exhausted and you've been giving and giving and the relationship to me seems transactional where now you feel like she's just asking you to do something and you do it and it's not really like she's concerned about you or what you need. Am I hitting that on the nail? Got it. I understand your point of view, but I also understand her point of view where there's an issue for her where it seemed like when you were younger, that same transactional relationship was there. Like mom was there, she was supporting me, but when I'm telling her what I'm feeling, she's not hearing me. And so what you're saying as an adult, she's also complaining about when she was a child. So you're saying as an adult, like you come to me with your kids, you saying this, you doing this, like gimme a break. How often do you feel like she calls you just to say, hey mom, how you doing? Never, never. No. And that bothers you?

Every time she call, it's like when I answer the phone, it's like, what Ashley? Yeah. What you doing? Can you come take me to the grocery store? Transaction. Oh, I need to go get the kids some milk, juice, this. That makes sense. And you're exhausted by it. And I'm tired of that. And it's like you only uses me for what you want, man. I get it.

But so what I'm trying to help you to see here is that the same way right now you're asking for that as an adult, what she's trying to say is that that's what she felt like as a kid. So every time she bring in the past, what it's not is really about the past. It's not about, 'cause I'm hearing this, she started going to stories about peas and all this other stuff. So it's not really about these men. It's not really about these things Because what she still needed was mom just to say, "I'm sorry this happened. I love you." I didn't have them emotions right then.

I had left everything I knew, came to a whole nother state, had to start all over. I get it. So I didn't have that to give right then. Yeah. I had to worry about my kids and me. I had to grow up. Yeah. Because I was missing my mama. Yeah. But I couldn't call my mama. Yeah. I couldn't say, "Mama, I need you." I had to stand on my feet. And that's the same thing she's asking for.

Let me give you a hug. Let me give you a hug. I know. I know. I know.

I just want her to be a strong girl and do what she gotta do.

But there is a piece of a similarity where what you needed in that love, she's just the— That's all she's screaming out for as an adult. And so if you can just acknowledge that, I promise you this conversation in the past will be gone. You can tell me what words you wanna use 'cause I don't even wanna give you the words 'cause you know. What will you use?

I'll just tell her I love her and I'm sorry. All right.

Can we bring her back up? And thank you for sharing that. Thank you too. Thank you for coming back. Your mother and I had a talk. Can you be open just to hearing what she has to say? For your sake, we talked about some stuff, she wants to tell you something.

I apologize, I'm sorry, and I love you.

I love you more.

Okay, man. Now, your mom and I talked about the past. What's making you emotional right now?

She never told me sorry.

What?

This is the first time you ever heard it. And if you can accept it today, y'all can be on a path. So can you accept her sorry today? Yeah, I can accept it. Did you hear that? Is this a step where y'all can now start moving forward and for you that you feel like the past has been acknowledged? Yeah. So I'm gonna leave this here. At least you were acknowledged for the past. And at least we've started the conversation to open up to show how you feel. And I believe that there's a lot of love here and I believe that with some work, this relationship could be even better. I wish y'all the best of luck, all right? You wanna give your daughter a hug one more time? Give her a hug one more time. It's gonna be all right. It's gonna be all right. Y'all gonna be all right. Do you love the Karamo Show? Yes. Well, we're back for season 2. So make sure to subscribe to the Karamo Show.