Did A Social Media Obsession Destroy This Couple’s Relationship? | KARAMO

How is social media affecting your interpersonal relationships as an adult? Is it causing mistrust, miscommunication, loneliness, or isolation? Is an addiction being formed, or is it affecting your family's finances? Because those things are byproducts of social media use, which can unconsciously or consciously lead to the demise of your relationship with your friends, family, or even your romantic partners. Which brings me to my first guest, Jarell, who believes his ex Nolan's obsession, and obsession's a strong word, with posting their relationship on social media is the reason behind their breakup. Everyone, help me welcome Jarell.

Hey. Hey, what's going on, man? How are you? How are you? I'm good. You too.

What's up, Karamo?

Come take a seat. Yes. Hey guys.

All right, so when did you meet Nolan? Tell me about y'all's relationship.

Me and Nolan met We met 12 years ago. We, uh, met in the underground ballroom scene, the house ballroom scene, and we both was in the same house of Garçon. Um, and I always saw him, and I said this was a beautiful kid. I thought he was so beautiful. And so my whole thing was let me get to know this guy. So I chased him around for some time. I was like, "Let's have dinner. Let's have a date. Let's go out. Let's do something." He would always curve me. He would leave out of town, do whatever he wanted to do, and then come back and say, "Let's have dinner." pick up the phone for, "Hey, reservations are made." He's like, "I flew outta town." So that was the whole idea of you making me want you and chase you. And so 12 years we were friends and then finally 3 years ago I said, "Listen, I'm in Boston, this is your hometown, let's make this happen." [Speaker:KARAMO] Good, okay, you finally got it.

So y'all finally ended up together and then you started to post your relationship on social media, on TikTok. Whose decision was that?

Well, we started with Instagram. I think it was a mutual decision like, we're having fun, we look cute together, let's go ahead and post our relationship on Instagram. And I think I was the one that created the account and it was fun at first. We started just putting up our daily lives, having a good time, putting up when we were traveling, pictures of us in the house having a good time. And over time I didn't realize how social media, how big it is. I'm a guy that likes to just kind of stay at home and chill out a little bit. I didn't realize it was going to impact our relationship the way it did and it was going to build the way it did. The followers started building, the people started messaging us and telling us, "Hey, what's going on? We want you to do this thing and do this thing." And then it became a business. And once it became a business, I was like, "We don't have time for our relationship no more because it's always, we gotta post this up for this and that." Work, work, work.

So it went from fun to being something that now it's like we have to do.

We have to do it. And when Nolan discovered TikTok, man, forget about it. Once TikTok came into the picture, it was over. It was over. That was it. That's when we just started to like blow up and have a good time. And he—

Y'all think it was easy? Let me tell y'all something. I tried to do one of these like outfit change videos. That's about 3 hours of work right there. I was over it.

It's hard.

Every time you gotta change outfits, get real cute again, come back, all that posing, that's 2 hours right there.

It was like a whole day actually. Like maybe about 5 hours. And we were just going through outfits and doing different takes and different takes. And that was when we blew up on TikTok.

Oh, okay then.

That video catapulted us and we just got, the numbers just started rising.

And that's when it became work.

That's when it became work for me, you know?

So you said that Nolan is a lot. A lot. What does that mean?

Nolan's very emotional. His feminine energy is through the roof. He has an intense feminine energy. And sometimes if you're not ready for that, it could be a lot to handle. And I'm like, Nolan, I don't know who I am. If I wanted all of this, I could have like stayed with a woman, right? That's what I told him at one point. Yes, because I mean, I said that. And that's the wrong thing you wanna say to your lover, of course, right?

Listen, I like a man who can acknowledge it.

Yeah, I acknowledge that I can be emotionally unavailable and say the wrong things that can hurt my lover. That's part of the reason why things started to kind of end up the way they ended up. You know what I mean? Because when you're not emotionally available, it's difficult for me. He's out doing whatever.

So did you break up?

I broke up with him.

Okay.

2 months ago. See, what happened was—

Don't you love how you said, "See what happened was?" See what happened was.

See what happened was, okay. We broke, we broke, I broke up with him. But I broke up with him through me being, saying the wrong things and doing the wrong things and making him feel like he was lesser than as a human being. My mouth does get me in a lot of trouble a lot of times, which is why I'm composing myself at this moment. And I said, we don't need to be together. It seems like it's just dangerous for where we are right now. I don't know where we're gonna go from here, but we can't be together. I think you'll be better alone.

I like that.

And he had to come pick up his things 'cause he left his things at my house. He came and got his things and that was the moment, you know, we met. I saw him, I missed him, I kissed him, and we had some really great intimate sexual moments.

That sound like an R&B song. I saw him, I missed him, I kissed him. All right. Do you wanna be with Nolan again? I do.

I think it's a possibility that we can make this happen. For real.

All right. Well listen, I'm ready to meet Nolan. I wanna ask you a question 'cause I'm really excited to meet you. I love your energy. I love everything that you are giving right now. Thank you. Why did you wanna start a joint TikTok page?

Well, TikTok actually started for us because, have you heard of the dating app Jack'd?

Yes.

Jack'd is a gay dating app and they wanted us to be brand ambassadors for them. So they're like, hey, could you guys make a TikTok for us? We made that video. The first video that we made went semi-viral, 400,000+ views. It got us 8,000 followers.

Wow.

So I'm biased now because my experience is not the normal TikTok experience. Yeah. From what I found on TikTok was a creative community that I didn't realize I was longing for.

How much have y'all made off of TikTok so far? I'm nosy, I'm getting busy.

On a good month, it could be a little upwards. On a slow month—

Like $15,000 to like $20,000 to start.

Wow. I can understand why this is a job for you now because I think that's good for context to understand like if you making thousands of dollars hosting, I can understand why this is gonna be something that you're diligent about. So do you ever feel, Nolan, that TikTok has become a problem in your relationship?

It definitely has.

In what ways?

In a way that like, I love doing the content. I could do it every day. I can create and—

We saw the walkout.

We did. It doesn't feel like work. It feels like I'm showing up and I'm showing up to what I love and I get to be myself. And like, who doesn't wanna get paid to be themselves? I think where things got tricky is that like we had brand deals, we had contracts, and we have to schedule shoots and like he doesn't wanna do it. And then it's like, we have all this great stuff coming to us and you're showing up like this. Like it just became a, it did become an issue.

But do you also think that that like putting so much emphasis on that, you didn't have time to work on our relationship. So I'm showing up upset and angry because all your time is dedicated to your friends, TikTok, Instagram, your fam, like everybody else except for me. And when I wanna have a conversation like we're trying to have right now, I gotta wait until all of that's done.

What do you think about when he says that?

I think that he's extremely charming and he knows how to sell a narrative. I think that like, what, what, what, what, no, because there's been plenty of times where I've had a conversation with you like, we can be in a relationship and not do the content. But then, you know, a TV show, they would offer, like we've been offered like to be leads of a TV series and other things too. It's not just social media content. Like he would put one foot in and one foot out and one foot out.

But I showed up for a lot of those experiences. I showed up for a lot of social media.

So let's go back. What happened on the Valentine's Day shoot?

Okay, so Jack booked us to shoot a Valentine's Day concept, a video and some photography. And we were on set.

This is the Valentine's Day concept?

Yeah, this is it, this is it, this is it.

Okay, we see y'all.

Towards the shoot, this is also the shoot, Jarrell has wine. So he starts drinking and once he starts drinking, his mouth gets a little—

Since then I've let go of wine.

See, his mouth gets a little out there, right? So on set he starts playing with my stomach as if I'm pregnant, right? Then he says, "Nolan, you are shaped like a whale." Did you actually say those things?

I might have actually said those things.

You might have or you did?

I might have actually said those things. A lot of times when, I mean—

You don't like to commit. Yes or no, did you say those things?

I might have actually said those things. I'm gonna stick to that because you know sometimes I— No, because he's telling, when he says I made that comment about him like being shaped like a whale, I honestly don't remember it.

I remember it.

There were times that I did come for, for your weight in some ways because I mean, you at the same time were coming for your weight. So I'm like, my thing is tough love is my thing, right? Like I'm telling you, I know it's a bad thing, but tough love is like, listen, you worried about your weight, then lose the weight.

Karamo, so I come out here and like I'm the girl, right? But a lot of people don't like me, right? So I'm like, babe, I gotta, there's people who wanna see me fail. Like they don't wanna see me like, so I don't wanna have to come home and battle you too. It takes a lot to show up as my authentic self in this world as a Black gay man who's feminine, who's different, who's out there. Out the box, and I wanna come home to a partner who supports that, you know, not come home to someone who wants to battle me. I support you. I understand.

So I wanna know, because y'all remind me of friends I've had, have y'all physically ever been fought?

So that shoot was the first time. So after the shoot was over, I said, "Babe, listen, you call me fat, you do this all the time, it's fine." And it's not fine, but I said that, you know, it's fine, but can you not do it in front of other people? We're on set in front of the people, the creative directors of photography, and you just not do it in front of the people. And he said, y'all being too sensitive, y'all being too sensitive. And he said, you know what, Nolan? I said, all I'm asking for is respect. He said, I'm not gonna respect you, you're weak.

You're dragging it, you're dragging it.

So I got up, I punched him in the face, and that was the first time we fought.

Coming up. Nolan, do you want to get back together with Jarrell?

Do you want the honest answer?

Yes.

I met somebody.

Have y'all physically ever fought?

I said, "All I'm asking for is respect." He said, "I'm not gonna respect you, you're weak." So I got up, I punched him in the face, and that was the first time we fought.

I know I've said and done things that has hurt this man. I know that there are some things that I said that I hit below the belt when I get angry, upset, or when I feel like Why do you think you do that though?

Because I don't believe violence should ever be the key.

Absolutely.

Ever, ever, ever. And when I was younger, I didn't understand that because I had witnessed violence before. So I thought that was okay. And I was a young gay man that thought like, oh, this could be something that we could do because this is how we are informed as young Black men sometimes, that violence could be okay, but it's not. And domestic violence between gay couples is something that's prevalent that people don't talk about enough.

You know what I learned, Karamo, about domestic violence though? Just because abuse isn't physical doesn't mean it's not abusive. Exactly. And then so what I learned in that moment was that I've been sitting in an abusive relationship abusive relationship or there's been abusive natures to abusive aspects to our relationship. And I didn't realize that like you putting me down all the time or you like, there's also other forms of abuse and I have just been sitting there and taking it and just holding it all in.

So why were you doing that? Why do you think that behavior was okay?

I mean, because I think it's important for people to deal with their issues the way they need to deal with their issues.

Why do you think you have to be the one to tell them what to deal with?

Because if you keep talking to me or telling me about it or asking me about it or verbalizing it around me, then that gives me license to say something.

The only reason I'm saying it The reason why I'm saying this to you is because sometimes when people are venting about what they're going through, it's because they trust you. And what you're doing is you're manipulating that trust by then hurting them. And I'm not gonna say, I'm not gonna say hit here and call you the bad guy or whatever, because clearly that behavior has come from somewhere else for you. I don't know where that behavior has come from, but something within you is making you feel as if you think that you can be emboldened by telling somebody what they did. And I would just challenge you to say, check that behavior. Because the thing is that you're a lovable person. You have a good heart in you. I can see it all over you. You fun, you sexy, it's all there. But the fact that you feel emboldened and feel like, oh, because you tell me what's wrong with you, I get to tell you right back. That's not okay. That's not a friend, that's not a family member. And you're better than that. You are better than that.

I receive that.

And you have to really check that self because right now what you're doing is you're saying, oh yeah, well you told me that you fat, so I'm gonna tell you you fat back. Just because somebody's expressing their insecurity doesn't give me a right to build on that insecurity.

I understand that. I respect that. I respect that. Totally.

And I appreciate it. I can tell you're gonna receive it, but it's just something you gotta work out. So Jerrell, I wanna know this. Do you wanna get back together with Nolan?

I wanna get back together with Nolan. Like I said, but I don't think Nolan wants to get back together with me.

Nolan, do you wanna get back together with Jerrell?

Do you want the honest answer?

Yes.

I met somebody.

I know. Did you know that?

No, that's okay.

I've been blown away by the experience that we've been having. It's been a contrast to the experience that I've been having with you. And I thought like, my eyes have just been open in a different way lately. If we were to get back in a relationship, what would be different?

I guess I would listen more, pay attention more, try to be more understanding. Take into account your feelings more. But I even think taking into account your feelings more as a friend, right?

What about the verbal abuse? Because you even just did it right here again. Every time you say he's a lot, that's still verbal abuse.

He's a lot because he's not what I'm used to. Okay, so it's the but. It's the but. It's just not what I'm used to.

So then if he's not what you're used to, so hold on. The difference is what happens is every time you have to say you have to cut it out, come to terms with somebody doesn't mean you really want them. You are forcing something that in your heart you don't really want. And at the end of the day, I do believe that you wanna do the work on yourself and I do believe that you'll find somebody that you'll be happy with. I don't believe this is the man. And the thing is, is that as sad as I am because y'all pictures were cute, I wanted to scroll this page. I was about to kick life. We gonna log off this social media page. Logged off. All right, listen, stay with us after this. There'll be more when we come back. Hold on, where you going? I'll tell you where you're going. Right here to subscribe and right here to watch more. Period.