Does My Daddy Hate Me Because I'm Not His? | KARAMO

Nice to meet you. So please, Ricardo, tell me, how was life growing up?

I would say that it was kind of rough.

What was your father doing?

Traveling. His mom raised us.

So he was absent?

Yeah.

Okay. 'Cause you raised yourself is what you said to my producers. Yeah, basically. In what way?

Like helping with my brothers and sisters. Doing whatever he may have been doing.

Yeah.

I couldn't tell you.

I see the confusion because you're like, it seems like you don't even have the answers to what was going on back then when you were a kid.

No, I don't.

You just know that you were alone. Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Who did you stay with exactly again?

My grandmother.

So you stayed with, was that his mother?

His mom.

Okay. And was she older?

Yes.

So Grandma tried to step in and do the best she could, but she was older at that time.

She was, In her 40s or 50s.

That ain't old. You tried it.

I think about 50 though. Yeah, I think about up in her 50s though.

He just tried it, didn't he? I'm messing with you. Yeah. I'm messing with you. But I get it. So the thing was is that at that age she had already raised her kids in your point of view.

Yes.

Yes, okay.

She only had one child.

Oh, yeah, she only had one child.

Yeah.

Okay. So when did you start living with your father then?

At the age of, I would say 10.

At 10.

When she was murdered.

Oh, that's when she was murdered. I'm so sorry to hear that. Okay, so how, was your father abusive to you?

Not really. He chastised us, but as I got older, he began to put his hands on me.

Okay. Did he ever apologize to you for any of this?

No.

Nothing?

It's always been, Excuses.

And how many other siblings do you have?

11 of us total.

Oh, there's 11 of you total?

Yes, he has 11 kids.

And what would they say to the way that he treated you?

I couldn't say that.

Yeah, they never comforted you and they never said anything about what they witnessed?

Me and my brothers have talked about a lot of things and they do agree with me on how he has mistreated me and how I was done wrong. And just like last week, I was talking to a brother and he said that he think that it's too late to restore our relationship. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Do you have a hard time trusting others?

I do.

And what do you think that stems from?

My mom.

So why weren't you raised with her?

She was doing her too.

Your parents were off doing their own thing. So what do you want most from him today?

What I want from him is I want him to be a father. I want him to be receiving of corrective criticism.

Got it.

He needs to understand that I am 34 years old and I no longer have no more fight in me to keep alive. Of people to hurt me.

I'm sorry.

I can't do it no more. Yeah, I take that. So I have to let go.

Yeah, you're tired of fighting.

I don't have any more fight in me.

Yeah.

And I don't even know what to say. I'm just speechless.

I get it, I hear you. Yeah, you're looking for more love and validation now at this point in your life. And you wanted the DNA test today because you think he mistreats you because he thinks you're not his son. Is that it? Right.

I feel as though I'm not.

Yeah. Makes sense. Years of mistreatment. And he doesn't treat your other siblings like this, right?

I've never seen him do them like that.

Yeah. Yeah.

But love is not a word, it's an action.

Yeah. Yeah.

You have to show it.

I'm probably one of the coolest fathers that you'll ever see.

Okay.

Raising 6 children on my own, starting in 10th grade, being a child when I first got my first 2 children.

Yeah.

And then as time went on and I had to get the other 4, you can't be a father to a child who's not present. If you're not in the house and you're steadily going to programs, not because of nothing I've done, but because the choices you make you can't be a parent. You can't be a parent to someone who's absent.

Okay, so you feel like he was out of the house and so that's therefore you couldn't be a father? Is that what you're saying? Or you were out of the house?

No, what I'm saying, him going to programs, getting in trouble in school, okay, and being away keeps me from being that nurturing, that loving father that he needs. 'Cause I couldn't, I couldn't go all, yeah, all over the state of Florida to, you know, Yeah, but— Try to find him and just be there for him. I mean, I love all my kids the same. There's no different kid.

Yeah.

You love each one different.

I acted out though. And because I didn't feel as though I was loved. And that's the truth. So do you— There's no lying.

Did you raise him?

I raised him and his brothers.

Okay. 'Cause he says the first 10 years of his life, more so he lived with your mother.

We did.

That's not true because what happened was when I got custody of them, My mother stepped in because me being a teenager.

So how old were you when you had him?

16.

16, okay. And he's not your first. So at 16 you already had 2?

Yes.

Okay, got it, okay. And so 16 to 26, I understand. So you are going through your own things, you're trying to figure out your own life. He's craving his mother's validation and love. Was she 16 as well? She was.

Yeah.

And so you just want your parents around during that time? Right. So you were there, but you couldn't fully be there because you were younger?

Right, I was in high school.

Yeah, okay.

And you know, just going to school, trying to be a parent. I mean, learning how to be a parent early age. But at least I did step up to the plate to get them. I could've just let them go into foster care or go into the care of the state, but I stepped up.

So what exactly were you doing as a young father, a young teenager? From your opinion?

Well, I was going to school, just pretty much trying to live and then be a parent. I was doing, I was dancing for rap groups going in and out of town.

Okay. Oh, that's where the traveling comes from.

Yeah, that's where the traveling comes from.

Got it.

Doing concerts and my mother was stepping in.

But he was never present though.

Got it.

'Cause he was always gone. So he doesn't understand that that is a void that I still live with, but I no longer live with as of today.

Got it.

Like, that won't happen. Yeah.

What does Ricardo accuse you of?

Huh?

What does Ricardo accuse you of?

He accused me, he accuses me of not loving him, not doing for him like I do for the rest of the children. Mainly he thinks because of his sexuality. I don't have a problem with his sexuality. I have a problem with it when he gets overboard. He start doing things, saying things that he shouldn't say. When I come back with the lashing of the tongue, it's because of the words that he said. See, it takes two to have those things. I'm only gonna take so much of you talking to me any kind of way. I'm the parent. I'm not saying that the parent is right, but I'm just saying you have to respect your parent and you have to be careful what you say because when you, I do. Always be ready to handle the heat in the kitchen if you're gonna throw the heat out.

Got it. So why don't— But as his father, why don't you just walk away then when he starts to get it? Because we understand, and you're a very smart man, when kids lash out, it's because they're going through pain. I was a young father as well. So my child was born when I was 16. So I understand that there are moments where, like, even now, there's only a 15-year difference. And so when he says stuff to him, sometimes I see a grown man. I'm looking at him like, If he was out on the street, it'd be a different situation. But I have to click myself into, I'm the father. So your words are coming from a state of pain. There's something that's hurting you from what, something in your childhood from your mother, something that's hurting you. So I can't match your pain. So why don't you, in those moments when he hits, as you said, brings the heat in the kitchen, why don't you just walk out the kitchen? Why don't you just say, let me walk away?

Well, I'm not that guy.

Got it.

I'm not that guy.

And I'm not either. And that's the thing, like, yes, he is my parent, but he has not been the role model as a father.

How did it make you feel that he wanted the DNA test?

Well, I was shocked.

Yeah.

But at the end of the day, a DNA test does not make him not my son.

I want to know from you, can you acknowledge—

My daddy don't care about me for real, sir. And that's it. Like after I act here today, he will be blocked.

No, he doesn't. I actually disagree with that.

How?

I actually disagree.

Tell me how. Because— Tell me how.

Don't say that there's not dysfunction here. I believe there's dysfunction. I believe y'all got into a pattern of hurting each other.

He's going to prove it so, sir. I promise you.

But I also saw the breakdown in communication. I saw him say several times. I had communication with him. I do believe that you should have still walked away. I saw you get to your point. Did we all see it?

That doesn't hurt my feelings.

We all saw it, all right?

It don't hurt my feelings. I didn't ask for what I got.

I know.

So it don't matter. But as you're trying to heal yourself. I'm good on him.

As you're trying to heal.

I'm good on him and I'm telling him that to your face. I'm good on you.

Well, let's figure out, let's figure this out because I think the thing is, is if you're saying that you are done with your father, it's what you least need to know if he is your father or not. So this has the DNA results to show if this is your father or not.

He does that all the time though, so yeah.

This is yours to see.

Okay.

Yeah, he is my biological father.

Okay.

Yeah.

And it's all good. And 'cause I did this for my releasing.

Yeah.

I would no longer let him hurt me. I have a lot of anger towards him, but I still love him. But one thing I'm not going to do, I'm not gonna let him disrespect me.

I understand that part.

Period.

I understand that.

He didn't raise me. Period.

We have confirmed that this is your father.

Yeah.

Horace, this is my question for you. Yeah. Would you be able to commit to walking away? Because I saw, this is the thing now, now I saw what happened. I saw where you tried to say for about 2 minutes, and this is not taking away your pain, let me be very clear. I see your pain, I understand what you're going through, but I also understand, and I'm looking from you to father to father, I saw you get to a place where you just like, we're not gonna go there, we're not gonna do this, we're not gonna do that. And then you said, okay, we gonna go there. Can you commit to in those moments when you hit your moment, just walk away? Because in this moment, even if you would've got up and just walked off, then he wouldn't have felt the embarrassment. He wouldn't have felt whatever he's feeling, the disrespect that I, and I could have probably broken through. But right now there's no breakthrough for me because what happened is any wall that was down got built right back up.

Oh, that's it.

And so now he goes right into the attitude and he's mimicking your attitude. You know that, right? This is, he mimics your attitude. No.

But can you commit to that with him?

What? Can you commit to like when you feel like he's getting you to a point, when you feel that way, I'm not saying you are, but when you feel like he's getting to a point where you feel like you gotta respond, can you just commit to just walk away? It's the pain of a child feeling lost, isolated, alone, confused. That's all I'm hearing. And it turned into an adult who's still lost, isolated, confused. And you're his father. You're his father. And as his father, you gave him this pain, unfortunately, because of the absence. And so you're not gonna fully be able to heal it, but for him to have— What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? Talk to me. I'm done.

Cut the show. I'm done. Take me off. Take me off. Cut the show. I'm done.

Can you make that commitment for him?

No.

Can you make that commitment?

No, I don't want it.

I came here.

I do not want it.

Against my wishes, against my family's wishes. I don't want it. I came to the show 'cause he wanted closure.

I don't want it.

I came because I do love him.

No, he does not.

Regardless of the outcome.

I'm done. I don't want it.

Regardless of the outcome, whatever happens from this point forth, I'm good. I'm good.

You're gonna have to reconcile when you're ready and if you're ready to do that. But it sounds like right now you've decided that you wanna let go.

I will be blocking him when I get back there.

Which I think for you, whatever choice you need to make that's gonna make you feel healthy.

And for the better of my life, I have to make that choice.

And I respect that choice. You have the choice to say, I'm gonna commit to doing better or you gotta walk away too. He's already setting the boundary. But if you really want your son and you don't want to like end up one day not having your son, you gotta make the commitment. Do you want to commit to try doing the work and maybe one day he'll be open or do you want to walk away?

I could commit whether he does the work or not. As long as I do the work, the door is open.

Well, that's good. Listen, I appreciate y'all both being here. May I have a hug? 'Cause I'm sorry for what you're going through.

I'm sorry.

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