Feuding Sisters Mend Their Bond After Years Of Foster Care Abuse | KARAMO

My next guest, Desire, is here because she and her sister, Day Day, stopped talking to each other. You see, Desire threatened to call the cops when Day Day let a friend punch her dog in the face. Oh yeah, there's layers to that. I need to hear more about this, so everyone please welcome Desire to the show. How you doing?

Hello.

Good to meet you.

You're real.

May I have a hug?

Nice to meet you, love.

All right. So I have to start off because I'm a dog lover. Tell me what happened with your dog.

Okay, so one, I have a dog named Bailey. She's a pit bull. She's a little crazy, but it's just 'cause she's a puppy, you know? She's a baby. She's just a baby. Bailey is a little on the wild side, but it's like, I mean, if you're in her house, you gotta respect her. Her house. So my sister had a friend of hers. He came in, I guess my dog jumped up too high and like bit him. She didn't. And he decided to punch her in the face. So I guess my sister gets like, she kind of took his side more and then she started cursing me out and she was like, oh, and fuck this, da da da. It's my dog, you punched my dog.

What does your dog mean to you?

That is my child. Like, I love her. Like, I mean, I don't really know. It's just like she's always there. Like nobody be in the room but me and her. It's just me and her, me and her, me and her. So it's like if you doing that, like what's up with you, you know?

I asked that because I wanna know what your relationship now is like with your sister growing up.

Okay, so to start off, my sister and I were both adopted, but we were the only two adopted together out of other siblings. So we was raised up with each other until about, I would say I was 9, 10. Around that time, my sister started running away. She started running away at the age of 12. She was out the house from like 12 till now.

Got it.

I don't know who you are. And with me having other siblings and you're the only one I was adopted with, we supposed to be like this. Like, it's us two, you feel me? But it's like, it's not.

Because were you in foster care during that time?

Most definitely, till the age of 3.

To, okay, foster care and then the adoption.

In my head I'm thinking, well damn, like 14 years passed, but now we here. Like you still alive, I'm still alive. Come home, we could be together, but.

Yeah, when did the relationship change?

I mean we always had like a little rocky relationship because there was like some kind of competition. When she was in the house, I was in pageants and modeling. So it was like, I would say the attention was on me in a way. So it caused like a big, separation between us, but then she came back during a rough time. Like, I was dealing with personal things, and it's like a month in, me and you get into an argument, and it's like you wanna throw back how I was suicidal. What do you gain from telling a person, like, what do you gain from like telling a person, oh, wasn't you just trying to kill yourself? Okay, I was, but when I was, you was the first one crying. People in the street that I have beef with won't even stoop that low. Me and you was raised up together. We went through shit together. It's not like we just some buddy buddy and we calling each other. No, we got abused together. What the fuck?

Nah.

So when she was 13, you said she left home.

Yes.

I'm hearing you said there were signs of abuse. There were signs of, why do you think she left home?

She had a rough start and I mean 13 is a young age, but imagine being 5. She had a rough start.

So when she came back 10 years later, what was the relationship like? Were you excited to be back with her?

I most definitely was. I was trying to fill in the pieces in the time missed, but it's like, I guess we grew up two different type of ways. So it's like, and I'm trying to push for a relationship, I'm trying to push for us to finally be together or something. It just wasn't sitting right. Like something wasn't just, Something was missing, I don't know.

And what do you want from Day Day? What do you want from your sister?

An apology.

An apology?

Yeah.

What would the apology do for you?

I mean, I missed the big part. She texted me an hour later and she was like, "Oh, I think we need counseling 'cause we're starting to hate each other." Don't put we 'cause I don't hate you.

So I wanna talk to Day Day now. So everyone help me please welcome Day Day to the show. Hey Day Day, welcome.

Hi.

So I gotta start off the same way I talked with your sister. She said you punched the dog. You said that, you know, there was, you did something there. What do you have to say to your sister about that?

I personally did not physically hit her dog. At all. Like, you know how like people are very dramatic? She's very melodramatic, you feel me? If a dog is attacking you and you choose to put your hand up or block it in any type of way, she chose to make it seem like I attacked her dog. I did not hit her dog. Your dog got up and jumped up at me and I still did not put my hands on the dog. I just backed up.

So is that true? Is she saying what she's saying?

She personally did not hit my dog. It was her friend that hit my dog.

Got it. So when did the tension start between you two?

The moment she called our mother.

Okay. And why? And why?

Because that's weird.

That's weird to you?

That's weird.

Why was that weird to you?

'Cause for you to get upset is crazy, especially over a dog. And nobody that you bring over likes your dog. You ask me to hold your dog or you kick your dog out the room. People come in here, people are scared of that dog.

Is this really about a dog to y'all?

No, no.

Okay, what is it about?

It's damn sure it can't be about no dog. She has some type of resentment and anger and feels like I abandoned her.

You did. Well, why did you tell your sister that she was no longer your sister? My producer said that, that you told him that you told her.

Because I really like don't care. We do not have to be related. We do not have to talk. Like we could be blood, but if we not talking, like what does it matter? I'm not gonna go around calling you my sister. You definitely, I definitely remember her telling somebody that she didn't even want people to know we were related.

But you're bypassing the whole simple fact that we are siblings who are separated And it seems as if 13 years was not long enough for you that you have to continue. Then on top of that, you're talking about I have some type of resentment. I have this, speak on why, 'cause you know why. You was in that room. Same way you was saying I was trying to kill myself, right? Cool, keep it at that. But talk about in the attic when you was sitting there bawling your eyes out talking about, oh, I'm sorry I left you. I'm sorry I left you at a young age. I'm sorry I did this.

You wanna speak on that?

I wanna know something.

How old are you?

Speak on that.

I'm 23.

I'm 20.

23, 20, okay then. And so you say that you think that she needs to grow up.

I wouldn't, I don't remember saying I think she needs to grow up.

Do you say that you think she needs to grow up?

Yes.

Okay, so let's do this then.

Sometimes I feel like she looks at my situation and she's very childish about it. We're only 2 years apart, girl. Whatever you were going through, I was going through and I'm 2 years older, so that means I was feeling lonely way before you started feeling lonely. I was depressed and suicidal way before you started. So I'm not understanding. And then she keeps talking about this time apart. We have a lot of siblings that I have time apart from.

So why do you think Desire is holding a resentment towards you?

Because in a way, I guess she feels like we were adopted together. We were in the same house together. I'm the only person from the—

In a way, that's the reality.

I'm the only person that she knows from our birth family. So it's like she feels like I owe her something.

I wouldn't say you owe me anything.

Were y'all close in the past?

Yes, when I tell you—

I wanna hear from you, 'cause I know you said y'all were close. Do you think y'all were close?

I mean, I don't know what she considers close. Living together doesn't make people close.

Do you think y'all were close together?

Living together don't make people close.

I just wanna know, do you think y'all were close?

Not really, no.

No. Because what do you define close?

How are we close? Because we have the same, we have rooms on the same floor. That doesn't make us close. We weren't doing things together. Like she said, she was in pageants and doing her things.

I could tell you how we was close. We was close enough when— Nah, I'm not gonna lie. This about to get real deep.

We was all close when each and every one of us was all getting touched on. You was in a room with our so-called family member and you was supposed to protect me from them people, not freaking become one of them. You was not supposed to sit there and touch people. What did I tell your producers in the back? I cannot blame her for that because she went through way worse than I did. And I don't ever fail to let people know that. I cannot sit there and bash my sister for what was done to me as a child, 'cause I know it was done to her 10 times worse. Way earlier before it was done from me. But you cannot sit here and tell me we was not close. We sat there and stayed in the same bed. Every time one of us got beat, do you know who I'm crying to? This one. Do you know who's sitting there wiping my tears after I just got my— Bro, honestly, bro. I mean, I'm an older sister. Okay, but you cannot sit there and tell me—

I do what all older sisters do, but that does not make—

This is not my sister that left the house. I'm not gonna lie to you. This is not the sister I had when it was like 13 years ago and I understand it won't be because of the things she went through. 13 years is a whole hell of a lot of years. You don't know me and I don't know you.

Have you ever had a conversation about your relationship honestly with each other? Because I'm hearing moments of like, this was in the past, I felt close, you didn't feel close. You come together now and it's like, I'm apologizing for this, I wanna be here for you this, but then I'm separate. Have y'all ever talked about y'all relationship and why?

We tried. Like I said, she's melodramatic and it's gonna been anything in her way to make her look bad.

I see two sisters that are paid.

I don't have to try to look good.

I see two sisters who are paid, who have a lot going on here. Their past and their present are combined.

I don't wanna see what's going on. She had plenty of opportunities to call my phone. We're not far from each other. You chose to come on TV to say why in front of all these people.

I wanna talk to some of y'all in the audience and get your point of view.

You chose to come to say what in front of all these people? Like what is it that you wanted from Dede? Like what exactly did you bring Dede on this TV show to do? Because you want me to apologize.

This is not the same person I was texting.

Apologizing, I'm not doing.

What are your thoughts on this?

Oh, we all heal from trauma at different paces. And sometimes when someone is healing ahead of us, we lash out because we can't stand to see them not in the place where we are. And then we have to look at ourselves and that's really hard.

So who do you think is in a space who's healing faster right now from your perspective?

Well, I think your older, the older sister seems to, because she said she's had some therapy, be a little bit more ahead, but it also just feels so painful and I'm so sorry that we have to experience that for you today.

I agree. What is your perspective, sir? Yes, both sisters, do you still love each other? Do you still have some type of love towards each other? That's a great question. Do you love?

Yeah, I love her a lot. Like, I mean, I don't even mind that she brought me to this show. I don't even care.

When was the last time you looked at your sister and said, "I love you"?

Then that's what I wanted. I only agreed to come up here to help her get closure on whatever it is that she needed closure on.

When was the last time that you looked at your sister and said, "I love you"? Hmm? When was the last time you looked at your sister and said, "I love you"?

I'm not sure. We haven't talked since we argued.

When was the last time you looked at your sister and said, "I love you"? It's been a long time? Got it, okay. Thank you for that comment. I have to tell both of you that I echo what some of these some of our guests said, my heart breaks for you both right now. It breaks for you both. I can see how it's still raw for you and I can see how even though you might be trying to heal, there's also walls that you're putting up. These are walls of protection that you have up.

This is not the person that was just texting me like 30 minutes ago.

Like she's my sister, I still care about her, but like I don't really see how this benefits our relationship.

The first thing that I wanna ask you both is if you can commit to stop hurting hurting each other again in the present. Because what happened in your past was horrible and I'm sorry and I appreciate you being able to come on my show to find closure and to find healing and to give other people a voice that might not have a voice. So I respect you both for that. But you two have to stop hurting each other now. So when you say things and you say things, you both know unconsciously that it's gonna hurt your other sibling. So can you two commit to at least saying, you know what, I could say something right now that's gonna sting. I could show you how strong I am. I could say something. I'm not though. Can you make that commitment first?

I can.

You can? Can you tell your sister, I can commit to not hurting you in the present with my words?

I can commit to try my hardest to not beat you down with words and tear you down, your self-esteem and you as a person.

100%. Can you make that commitment to your sister?

I could stop doing it 'cause I do it on purpose.

That's a good acknowledgement because the fact that you can even say you did it on purpose is at least you being vulnerable.

'Cause she act like nothing hurt her feelings. She act like she better than everybody else. She acts so selfish, like nothing hurts her feelings. So yeah, sometimes I do say things that I know would deliberately hurt feelings, just words.

Yeah, and the reason she does that, the same reason you do it sometimes because both of y'all are— It's the same thing. Because y'all are both trying to protect yourselves. And this is a key step. You all don't know each other. And I think that before you start having expectations, and this is specifically for you, before you unfortunately have expectations of what a sister is and what a sister relationship should look like, you two have to relearn each other. You two have been through things apart that neither of you probably have even talked about, expressed to each other. You would like it to be like, we went through this, so now we should just be here. But at the end of the day, she's saying she doesn't wanna relive that. So you have to relearn each other with who you are now. Can you try to, try to relearn her as who she is now without trying to bring up the past and how the past brought y'all together?

I can't stop bringing up the past 'cause I'm not over it.

I understand that. And I'm not telling you to get over your past because what I'm gonna offer you next is some therapy. I'm gonna say give you some therapy so that you can get those tools you need to heal. So I would never do that. I dare suggest to you, 'cause I can see how raw the wound is, can you commit to trying to get to know who she is now?

Yeah, I've been trying to get to know her now and all she does is hold me accountable to who I was when I was 12.

Well, I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this. You think it's just her, but I even heard outta your own mouth that you resent her and that resentment comes from something in your past because you said she got different treatment. Those are your words, not mine. A sister bond is a beautiful bond, but it's a bond that y'all two have to work at at the same pace. Someone said this before, y'all are healing at different paces. You can't expect the other to be where you're at. So throw those expectations away. The one thing is that, can you commit that you say you wanna at least learn her so that y'all can grow together?

Yeah, I'm willing to learn everything new about her, everything that I don't know. Do you wanna hug this out?

Can you hug?

Give me a hug, sweetie. Come on, you give me a hug.

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