Friend Or Mentor? You Can't Be Both ⚖️🙅‍♀️ | KARAMO

So Bonita and I met about 6 years ago through my credit restoration business. You know, just looking for people that wanted to educate others about financial literacy.

Okay.

And then when we actually got to engage with one another more frequently, I really noticed how amazing she was.

Yeah.

I was like, oh my gosh, this young lady is so articulate. She's so smart and she's only 21 years old. Her mindset was off the chain. So I really saw myself in her and was like, wow, I really would love to groom Benita to help her be even more successful than I am.

So when did you start to worry that the friendship was going down the wrong path?

So maybe a year into the business, of us traveling and doing things together, I noticed her lack of interest. So I said, Benita, is anything going on? What's wrong? She didn't admit it at first. But then maybe a few days or weeks later she says, Natasha, I'm sorry, but I think I'm gonna move to Atlanta. And I'm like, why? She says, because I wanna be a rapper. I was like, you wanna be a rapper? You wanna leave this amazing business of what we're doing to be a rapper? Why is that? And her response was, you know, she has a passion for it. She likes doing that. And me per se as being her mentor, I told her that I didn't feel that that was the right thing to do. But if that's what you wanna pursue being a young lady and go ahead and try it and see.

So there was some support there.

There was support.

Yeah.

There was support.

So I heard after she moved, she blocked you on social media. How did that make you feel?

Oh, I was raged.

Yeah.

I was raged because I was like, why would she want me to, why would she want to block her life from me?

But you all reconnected again. How did you reconnect the second time after she disappeared?

So we reconnected maybe 8 months after her moving to Atlanta because she reached out to me and she basically reached out to apologize and say, you know, Latasha, you were right. I just couldn't find my way in Atlanta. I felt like everyone was using me. I'm so depressed, you know, can you forgive me? I wanna move back to Maryland, you know, to be closer to you. So I did forgive, I did forget, and it was like we didn't lose a beat when she came back to Maryland. So we came back, back into the business of things. You know, the rap is gone now. So now we're into real estate. And so she's doing very well in that. You know, she even sold a house.

So, but she moved outta state again.

She moved outta state again.

And how did you find that out?

So I went on vacation and when I got back from vacation, I calls Benita, hey, how are you? What is going on? And she told me that she was going back to Atlanta for a visit. And I said, are you sure you going for a visit? You know that place is not good for you. And she says, no, I'm going for a visit. I'm taking a friend. I'll be back in a few days. So a few days goes by and she calls me while she's driving on the road and says, I decided that God told me to go to Texas, so I'm on my way to Texas.

Oh, okay. Interesting.

And I'm like, why in the world? What is in Texas, Benita? Do you know anyone there? What is your plans to do once you arrive there? She's like, I don't know. God just told me to go there and that's where I'm going.

Yeah.

And I'm like, why would you leave me once again? And I thought we was on a great path. To be able to groom you into being more successful than you don't see within yourself.

Understandable. All right, so let's see what Bonita has to say about this situation. Everyone help me welcome Bonita to the show. Oh wow. So I see both of y'all don't play with the fashion. Is that what I'm getting?

Karamo.

How are you doing, beautiful?

Hey, thank you. Thank you for having me on the show.

You look gorgeous.

Thank you.

Stunning. So how do you feel about what Latasha's been saying?

I'm really upset because Latasha, like, you are my best friend. I see you as a big sister, but you're not my mother. God told me to go to Texas and then turn around and say that you think that you could guide me and be a godsend. God is guiding me, just like I told you.

So what has God told you to do now? What have you done in Texas that God has given you this message?

But what makes you think that I need to be doing something in Texas? What makes you think that what I'm doing—

Because you need stability. You need direction.

But again, that's you acting like my mother. I'm 26. I am your mentor, young lady. I understand.

I am not your mom, I am your mentor.

Latasha, you were my mentor at one point in time, but that mentorship ended when I moved to Atlanta and then we became simply friends.

And moved to Atlanta, but yet, are you kidding me, Benita? So you don't look at me as your mentor?

No, Latasha, I look at you as my friend, as my big sister. Yes, I will come to you for advice, but as far as business, as far as what I wanna do with my future, like, no, you're— You're not a mentor in that area too.

Bonita, do you think you're making bad decisions?

I absolutely do not think I'm making bad decisions. But even if I am making bad decisions, I'm 27 years old. I can change. I feel like people from Latasha's generation, they are used to doing the same thing for years, right?

Yes, my generation has stability. We have direction.

And also, the pressure is lost. And y'all also have depression. Y'all have sadness. Y'all stay in relationships y'all don't wanna be in. Y'all wanna work in jobs that don't bring you anything good like that. You do the same thing for years and that's not me. Like at the end of the day, like—

I see more for you, Benita.

And I see more for myself as well. Then act like it.

Ooh, so Benita, I got a question for you. What is your relationship like with LaTosha?

My relationship with LaTosha used to be great. It used to be amazing. We used to talk all the time. We would go out all the time. I felt like I could confide in her. Going forward, my relationship with LaTosha has not been good at all.

Okay.

When I was making a lot of the bad decisions that I was making in 20— like last year, LaTosha was there. LaTosha was not mentoring me through those bad decisions. I made a TikTok video talking about the transition of where I was and where I came to now. And she's seen that. She's seen me through all those times and you were not so worried about what I was doing or the actions I was taking during that time.

We actually have a video of that TikTok. I wanna watch that TikTok you made because I think it gives context to where you are.

All my life I thought that when I made more money, all my problems would go away. But when I finally made the money, I realized that money was never my problem at all. My marijuana addiction started when I was 16, and the alcoholism followed right after. And I was hooking up with random men, and of course crashing cars, drunk driving. And I was so broken, hurt, and insecure, spending money on trips, alcohol, drugs. I found myself in a very toxic and abusive relationship. When I was finally able to free myself from it, instead of getting the help I needed, I went and got my boobs done. The pain was still there. I was still so broken and unhappy. I finally decided to just pack my stuff up and move. Cross-country. 'Cause the girl that I was 6 months ago is not the woman that y'all see today. And I just wanna welcome you to my journey of peace, love, and healing.

What's going on?

What's happening?

I'm getting really emotional right now because I just think back to who I was, you know, 6 months ago, a year ago, the things that I went through, the people that I was around, and to just even see myself now and to know that Since I moved from, excuse me, since I moved, I have not drank alcohol, I have not smoked. Like everything about my life has changed. I'm not out here dealing with random men anymore, like any of that. And I see more in myself spiritually. Like yes, Latasha may not see me going places as far as a career right now, but I see me going places spiritually. I'm a lot happier than I was.

[APPLAUSE] I'm really happy for you that you're at that You're in a different place now. When you moved away, why did you block her then?

So when I blocked LaTosha, it was not when I moved to Texas. Okay. It was when I moved to Atlanta. And when I moved to Atlanta, I was still going through a lot of things, right? I was still relying on alcohol and men and I stopped smoking, but then I started doing shrooms. And one day I did shrooms and I had a vision to where I saw LaTosha and some other people that I considered my friend. I felt like they were not my real friends. I felt like they were using me, they had betrayed me. And so I went on Instagram that night and I blocked about 7 people, including LaTosha.

Have you ever told her that you thought she was using you?

I think that when we reconnected I told her that, but I didn't consistently— That girl has never ever told me that I wanted to use her. I didn't consistently feel like she was using me. That day when I was on the shrooms and I had the bad trip, that's what I felt. And I know that it was just me doing drugs and being in a state of mind I shouldn't have been in. So I don't feel that way. And when I reconnected with her, I told her like the reasons why I blocked her, I didn't feel that way. It was a mistake and I apologized to her. 'Cause she says that she—

But that's why I wanted her to change.

She says that we came right back together after I blocked her, but I really had to beg her. I had to apologize to her. She's like, I don't know, you know me. But you blocked me on social media. Exactly. So don't come up here and tell these people like, yeah, we just got back together. Like everything was great. No, you, I had to ask, beg for your friendship back.

And you should.

Why do you think she should beg for your friendship back?

Because I am a good friend. I treated Bonita better than the friends that I've known for years. I never done nothing to hurt you. I've only done things to help you. I help you build a business. I help you make money. I mean, what else did you want from me?

But that's the thing, Latasha, I'm not asking for anything from you.

Bonita, you say that she was a bad influence on you? You told my producers that?

At certain times, absolutely. Because LaTosha knew that I had battled with alcohol. LaTosha knew that, you know, girl—

I did not know. Let me see what she did.

Okay, that's a perfect example of our friendship. Every single place that we went, every time we were supposed to meet up to do real estate stuff, LaTosha would be like, let's go to lunch. Lunch would turn into one cocktail, into two cocktails, into us going to dinner. Listen, I celebrate my successes.

Stay out till 2 in the morning.

Okay, after a business meeting, if I wanted to go have a cocktail, I'm gonna go have a cocktail.

No, you go and have multiple cocktails.

Yes, I do. Just because I'm having 3 cocktails doesn't mean you have to have 5.

Okay, but if you're giving them to me, if you're buying them, if you're assisting me in the—

Excuse me, I don't buy your cocktails, Benita. You buy them.

Sometimes you do.

You're grown.

Exactly, and now in my grown state, in me prospering and learning who I am, I know how to say no, but at that time I didn't know how to say no.

Benita, do you wanna tell us the truth?

I do wanna salvage this friendship.

Okay, and why do you wanna salvage it?

Because I love LaTosha. Like I said, for 6 years, LaTosha has been my big sister. I grew up with all brothers. LaTosha has helped me through a lot of my depression, a lot of my sad times. LaTosha has been there to help me and help me support me.

You're contradicting yourself. You just sat here and told everyone that I was fake, that's why you blocked me. Girl, which one is it?

Well, I gotta tell you because listen to this. I think I understand where the breakdown is in this friendship. And a lot part of it comes for you, LaTosha. I don't think you're giving this young woman enough grace to be a young woman. And I think that part of what we forget as being the older ones, being the ones who want to mentor someone, is that they're still allowed to make choices that sometimes we might be scared of because that's what you are. You're afraid that she's not gonna make the right choices in life. You're afraid that she's gonna be hurt. But at the same way, even though you have a fear, you can't allow that fear to overshadow the fact that she still has to go through her growth. She still has to take her journey.

Yeah.

Can you acknowledge that, that you haven't given her enough grace in being a young woman?

Yeah, I can acknowledge that.

Part of this has to come from you as the mentor to realize I have to be able to give you grace for being a young woman, and I have to acknowledge your growth more than I'm focusing on the things that you've done wrong. Can you do that for her?

I can do that for Benita. I love her so much. I really do. You're like the daughter I never had.

No.

But you know what? Even that statement goes into part of why she feels this sort of motherly controlling factor. You do see her as your daughter. And the thing is that I'm looking at you and I know all of your intentions are out of love, but I think that there's something that's mixed up here. And I think you have to clarify more clearly for you what the relationship is gonna be because part of you is a friend and part of you is a mentor figure. And I've been mentors to many people. And let me tell you something, when I see my mentors, my mentees at a bar, I walk away. I say, y'all have fun, I gotta go. I'm not drinking with you because if I'm trying to show you professionalism, if I'm trying to show you how to do certain things in life based on what I think is best, I can't come and have a cocktail with you. I can't do these things. But if I think you're my friend, then I can have a cocktail with you. We're gonna go out and celebrate things with a drink. We're gonna do these things. And so I think for you, even though everything you're doing is based out of love, and I can tell, You're a great woman. I really do believe that. I believe you're a really great woman and I see how you're trying to assist her, but I do believe that you have to clarify that relationship. Do you want a friendship or do you wanna be her mentor?

I want both.

You can't have both because that's what causes the tension here. That's what causes you not to give her grace and that's what causes you not to see her growth.

I agree.

What do you want? You gotta decide now because she's saying she's willing to, You two can come back together. You're both saying it, but you have to decide, do you want a friend or do you want a mentee?

I definitely want a friend.

Great.

Yeah.

So then if this is your friend, you gotta give her grace to be a young woman. You gotta give her grace to be able to make mistakes and you gotta acknowledge the growth she's going through. Can you say, I'm gonna give you grace as a friend? As a young woman, I'm gonna acknowledge your growth more. Can you say that to her?

Bonita, I'm gonna acknowledge your growth as a young woman, give you grace, and give you love.

So I think y'all gonna be all right. You wanna give your friend, not your mentee, a hug?

Yes.

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