Help Me Cut Ties With My Toxic Mom! | KARAMO

All right, my next guest, Jayelle, says after years of emotional and even physical abuse at the hands of her own mother, she is finally ready to confront her. Help me welcome Jayelle to the show.

Hi.

Hi, Jayelle.

Hi, Karamo.

Nice to meet you. It's a pleasure to meet you today. Yes, I'm so glad.

Oh my goodness, I'm so happy to be here.

So I wanna get into this because you decided to cut you've decided to cut your mother out of your life. Why?

So—

'Cause that's a big decision to cut your mother outta your life.

It really is. And it's, I feel like I'm going through a grieving process right now because it's come to the point where it's either cut her out or find a way to mend things because there's been so much hurt, pain, trauma. It's starting to affect my kids and it's affecting my ability to grow and move on.

Wow.

Okay.

So I wanna know what happened 2 years ago?

So 2 years ago, I pretty much had a mental breakdown. I'm embarrassed to say this, but I was struggling with bills, taking care of 2 kids with no support. I had 3 jobs at the time. And I went to my mother and confided in her and told her like, look, I'm spiraling out. I need some help. So I literally packed bags, Dropped my kids off at her house and that was that. Wow. I ran off with some guy who was no good. I was drinking all day. I finally left that situation, went to rehab. Good for you. And I went to a women's shelter, yeah.

Okay.

It was the best thing I could have done.

I'll tell you this, you said earlier you were embarrassed to say that you had a mental breakdown. You should never be embarrassed by that because hearing all the pressures you're going through, any one of us can relate to being so overwhelmed But I think what's important is that you did make the decision to then get help.

Karamo, I was about to drop my kids off and drive off a bridge. That's where I was at. And I had just been through so much that I felt like they were better off.

So how long were you in rehab?

I was in rehab for 4 months. It was a lot of intensive digging deep. I had to fix this to fix this. Of course.

So what happened after you got out?

After I got out, I did, I ended up getting, a job, I ended up getting a house, I ended up getting like a really nice car, I live in a nice neighborhood, and I was ready to get my kids back.

'Cause at this point, your mother's taking care of them?

Yes.

Okay then.

They were with her in her care, and I'm super appreciative that she did come and help, and I feel like a lot of it was not a choice for her, you know, because I did what I did, you know, and left them with her.

Yeah.

But I didn't have any options. You know?

Yeah.

And, you know, ending my life was not, was not the way to go.

Yeah, I'm glad you figured that out. You got support and help. So how was your relationship with your mother growing up?

Growing up, it was tumultuous. Yeah. Tumultuous. There was a lot of abuse. She was, I know she was struggling with her own, you know, trying to bring us up on her own and everything. She would take it out on us.

A lot of physical and emotional abuse.

There was.

So you told my producers that she makes up lies, that your mother makes up lies about you. What does she say?

She does. So she says that I'm abusive to my kids.

That's like a pretty strong lie.

It is.

To say like you're abusing your kids.

It's serious because that reflects on how people look at me. And if I'm trying to, you know, do better in life, I don't want some cloud hanging over me. And that's why I'm here today is to let everybody know, you know, I'm ready to confront this. I'm ready to nip it in the bud.

How is your mother with your kids?

She's an excellent provider.

Provider financially or emotionally?

Financially. She does manipulate emotionally.

Do you think your mother's trying to control you?

Yes. I feel like if I don't do what she wants me to do, she takes action. And it's under wraps. It's not like to my face, like, hey, JL, I need to tell you talk to you about this or that. It's, "You're doing a great job, you're a great mother, and then such and such or so and such comes to me and tells me your mom said ABC," you know?

Oh, wow.

Like, what?

So you think she's manipulating you?

Yeah.

Wow. Have you ever been in an abusive relationship in the past?

Tons. And I think that's because that's all I saw growing up was domestic violence.

Are you currently in a relationship?

I am.

How is it?

So, when I got outta rehab, I wasn't looking for anything, y'all. I was not looking for anything. And, oh.

This your boo?

Yes. It's the healthiest relationship I've ever been in.

Good for you.

I sincerely hope that it's the last relationship that I'm ever in.

Has your mother interfered in your relationship?

Yes. So recently she started reaching out to my partner and telling him things about my past and then telling him, don't tell her that I told you this, but.

Why do you think your mother would do that?

That's why I'm here today. I need to know why. Like, why do you keep doing this? Are you trying to like tear me down? Like, what is this?

So your mom said that you were abusive to your children. Is that true?

I have yelled at them in the past, especially when I was drinking. I've thrown things and that was one of the reasons why I did wanna kill myself because like I couldn't believe that I had, it was my phone, I threw my phone. I felt so bad.

Well, I think it's very important that we hear your mother's side of the story. So everyone, please welcome Jackie to the show. Hi, Jackie.

Hi, Mr. Karamo.

How are you doing?

All lies. All lies. All fabrication. I was there when your children came home. I was there when they're crying and crawling around in their sleep, calling for their mom. I was there when they peed in the bed from the trauma. I was there. 3 CPS cases that I've had to take over your children because you left, but they still confirmed the abuse happened.

Was CPS called 3 times on—

No, I called CPS on myself before because I told them that it's not normal 'cause I needed help. I didn't know what to do.

You do.

I always had babysitters.

So were there 2 other cases? 'Cause you're saying there were—

There's at least 3.

There's not. There's not. If there was, I would not have custody of my kids. I would not be their custodial parent. And they would not be with me.

You can find the paperwork. The cases are available.

So let me ask you a question. If that's the case, why do you keep releasing them to my care? Don't you have an obligation?

I don't release them to your care. I try to work with you because woman to woman, I want the children to be with their mother because that's the way it is. These are our cubs. And let me tell you something. I'm the matriarch of my family. The leader of my family.

That's narcissism right there. Narcissism right there, y'all.

Even if you do not want to take responsibility for my mental health.

Listen to me. I know best.

Both of you are making a lot of accusations. I'm gonna ask you, she said she went to rehab. She said she got better. She said she's trying. Do you believe that she's sober?

No.

You do not believe she's sober?

I believe she went to rehab, but I believe she should have gone for some type of opiate or some kind of drug. And I'll tell you why. Because, because this boyfriend here told me, he said that they would go into the bathroom and she would take drugs with her friends.

I would smoke marijuana. So she was not present. Oh my God.

She wasn't present mentally with her children.

So in your opinion, she wasn't present because this man said there was drugs?

I believe she wasn't present because she was medicating, self-medicating her mental illness.

I smoke weed. I don't. That's what I do.

I don't smoke any of that.

Have you ever had drugs?

And PTSD is what's been caused by you and you and your problems.

Never.

Projecting on me my whole life.

No, I've never done anything.

She says you're projecting on herself.

Oh my goodness, you've never done anything?

I feel that she's She does it because it works.

So JL, I know your brother is in the audience, Jaden. Jaden, how are you doing?

Hi.

I gotta tell you, Jaden, it breaks my heart to see your mother and your sister like this. It breaks mine. Because I do want to help you both and I'm trying to connect the dots of figuring out how I can help you. So I need somebody who's in the house, who's around them, What story is true?

Honestly, from what I can tell, she feels fake a lot of the time.

Who? Your sister? My sister feels fake? Yes, you feel fake.

Well, because I don't show my authentic self to my mom because I always get backlash when I do.

No, actually, we've never had a relationship. You know that.

And I'm sorry about that.

Jayden, I wanna ask you a question. How old are you?

I'm 19.

You're 19. So are the claims that your mother's making, because you're old enough to say you can witness this, about CPS about this abuse, are those things real?

Yes, I've had to have conversations with CPS workers multiple times.

That's not true. You have?

Yes.

That's not true. So when CPS came, it wasn't 3 times that I've had it called on me. That's not true. And I'm sorry that she told you that or whatever she told you.

Well, did she tell you that? I didn't talk to them.

You can say whatever you want about mom.

I'm going to. I'm gonna say my truth and I'm putting it into it today.

Let him speak.

Go ahead, baby.

You can say whatever you want about her. But from what I've seen, you are not exactly the best person.

That's fine, you can have your opinion about me based on what she's telling you because— No, it's not wrong for what— You and her have a different dynamic than me and her. You were born when I was 15, baby, so you don't know what I went through with this woman.

Oh, really?

And you also do not know what she put your grandfather through.

Oh, I had to live through it. You are emotionally unstable. Emotionally manipulative.

What are you talking about? Jackie, you told my producers that you think that JL is still doing drugs. What do you think she's using?

I don't think she's doing drugs like that. I think she self-medicates because she has anxiety.

Well, that's using drugs.

Yes.

She's just making this stuff up.

It's anxiety, I think.

If I was using drugs to self-medicate, I wouldn't be honest about my marijuana use.

Did you tell my producers that you think that your daughter needs a drug test?

Yes, I do believe she does.

Why do you think she needs a drug test?

I think she needs a drug test so we can see how long or if she is taking something because—

You can do that today.

And what is that gonna do for you if you find out?

It'll help us all understand maybe why her state of mind. She has no emotion even with her children.

Do you wanna take a drug test? I just heard you say yes.

We can take a drug test. It's gonna have marijuana on it.

If you think that drugs could be an issue and you're saying you agree, let's get that off the table.

Okay, let's do it.

Because what I need to start doing is I need to start chopping away at some of whatever this BS is so that I can know. So if we think it's drugs, let's get it on the table. If we think it's mental health, we need to sketch the things because right now it's just back and forth. So what we're gonna do is we're gonna have you go backstage and we're gonna have you take the drug test right now.

Okay, let's do it.

Like if you go backstage, my producers are gonna meet you.

Okay.

Your concern is there could be drug use that could be causing your daughter to be in an erratic state, correct?

Yes.

An emotional state.

Yes.

We just gave you a drug test right now. So you tested negative for all drugs in your system except for marijuana. So, so we now know and have clarity your daughter is not on drugs. You can't make accusations based on her past. Because what's happening here, you're in defense mode because you had a past, you've owned up to it, you're ashamed, you're still feeling guilt, but you're trying to be better. Your mother is afraid that some reason you're gonna slip back into that past. And so she's trying to do everything to look for any sign that says you're gonna slip back in that past so that she can save everybody else before things go awry. Am I right?

Yes.

Perfect. But the problem of this matter is that things are not going awry. Your daughter has stepped up and she's doing what she needs to do. So you don't need to be in protective mode right now. You don't. You don't. Because you being in protective mode right now is causing issues. It's the truth of the matter. At this point, you need to take a step back.

Yes.

You have to take a step back.

Yes.

And what you have to also do is stop judging her for her past and let her be who she is today.

Thank you. Thank you.

But you gotta take some ownership right now too.

For sure, for sure.

Because you've been engaged in this.

Yes.

And at the end of the day, I had a whole 20 minutes of confusion of like where the kids were at when you could have just clearly said, my mom watches my kids 5 days a week so they can go to school. You got custody of your kids.

I sure do.

Thank you. I sure do. You got custody of your kids. There's no open CPS, there's no open CPS case.

Nope.

So you can't say that she's controlling you.

Yeah, and a lot of it is because I'm scared to— Nope, it's yes.

Yes, good. Yes, it's yes. I need you to hear that. It's yes.

Yes.

Because you came out here and said your mom was controlling you, but your mother's not controlling you. You're still afraid just the same way she is that you're gonna slip back into your past. But there is a little bit of your fear from the past that's haunting you as well. The guilt from your past is haunting you as well. But you've done the work, girl. You own the work you've done. Own it. And don't let her opinion of your past, don't let your little brother's opinion of your past, don't let nobody's opinion of your past stop you from acknowledging the work you're doing and show your kids that yes, mom made mistakes, but I wanna be here now. And that's what it is. And if something happens, I already know you're gonna step in. And because I know you will, but until something happens, you don't need to step in no more. And that's just it. You understand?

Yes, I agree.

So that's it. No more going in circles anymore. And what I know both of you need to do, you need to fall back, you need to step up, and that's it.

Thank you.

Can I do that?

Yes, I can do that.

No more of this circle. No more like, oh my gosh, it was this day and this day and that and that. Done. And I think that if y'all can both stop engaging, you step up, you step back, everything's gonna be all right. All right?

Thank you.

Listen, everybody, it took me some time, But we got to the bottom of this situation. Hold on, where you going? I'll tell you where you're going. Right here to subscribe and right here to watch more, period.