Help Me Leave My Toxic Boyfriend! | KARAMO

Hey friends, so what would you do if you caught your man paying another woman's bills? I can tell you what I would do, but this ain't me. Now what if the first months of dating, you'd never been to your man's house? And what if you walked into your boyfriend's house and found him naked in bed with another woman? Most women and myself would walk away. But my next guest, yes, yes, but my next guest With no judgment, Shanice decided to stay. She continued to deal with his toxic behavior. But my question is, why? She says she still loves him and I wanna know what's going on in their relationship. So let's bring Shanice out. Welcome Shanice to the show. Oh Shanice, you cute. You fly. Can I have a hug? How are you doing?

I'm good, how are you?

I'm really good. This little jacket situation is getting Living. What needs to be given.

All right.

Yes, I'm living. Okay, so now tell me, 'cause we just heard those things in the intro, which I even said some of the people would've just walked away, but you decided to stay. So when did the trust first break in your relationship?

So one day we was sitting in the car and he was paying a light bill. So when I looked at the light bill, I'm like, whose name is that? It's a girl. He's like, oh, this is the older couple. So I'm like, all right, I didn't say anything. I'm like, okay. So later on he left his Apple Watch. I went through it. He had a whole roommate, well girlfriend, not even a roommate, girlfriend. And—

And how long at this point were y'all dating?

6 months.

So you're 6 months in and you discover not only is he paying someone else's bills, but he's in a full relationship with them.

Yes.

Okay, 6 months in. Okay.

So by then I had feelings, I loved him.

Yeah.

So I stayed.

Got it. And how many times did he cheat on you?

Oh God. A lot.

A lot?

I know over like 12 girls. Probably more.

My producers also told me that he's holding your school books hostage.

Yes, he is.

If you don't, the direct words my producers told me is that if you don't leave here with him, He's not gonna give you your school books.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, tell me more about that.

And he knows my state boards is next month. And he's like, if I don't go, like if I don't be with him, I can't have my books. He wants to hurt me like I hurt him. But you hurt me. You damaged me. You broke me as a woman.

Mm-hmm. Okay, well listen, there's always two sides to every story. And I think it's time to hear Felix's side of the story. So everyone, let's bring Felix out. Hi Felix.

How you doing, Karamo?

Hey, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Yeah, take a seat. So I gotta get right into this. So we heard that you cheated on her several times. Is that true?

Yes, it is.

And why did you want to cheat on Shanice instead of just staying single?

To be honest with you, I don't know why I cheated. I can't really give you an answer about why I cheated, but I did do it at the time and I'm sorry for it. And then for her to keep on bringing the past back, it's just making a strain and that's why we argue.

Well, when is the last time you cheated?

The last time I cheated was a while ago. It's been 3 months since we had our last situation. Our last situation has been 3 months.

And how long have y'all been together?

We've been together almost 3 years now.

So 3 years and from your words, the last time you had a situation or cheated was 3 months ago.

That's the last time we had a situation where we argued and we broke up.

Okay.

Was 3 months ago.

And was that based on you cheating?

It was based on me doing the dumb shit of kicking her out and stuff like that.

Cheating?

Sha, lemme talk.

Cheating though.

You like to talk, lemme talk. Lemme talk, please. All right.

Go ahead.

Karamo, if it's all about cheating, then I'm sorry about cheating. I can't take it back. I can't go back and take myself outta that position. I gave him my camera password, I gave him my location. Every time I go up there—

You turn that off.

Oh my God. Oh my God.

What happens with the books? Because she's saying that you are holding the books ransom if y'all don't leave here together.

I'm not holding the books ransom. I left them somewhere and I was supposed to pick them up. We decided to do this thing and then—

You told me they're in your safe.

Shawndra, you know they wasn't in the house, bro. When the hell did I get them?

Oh my God, the lies do not stop with you.

When did I get them? I told you they wasn't in the house.

Okay, keep going.

So you tell me that if she doesn't leave here today, you're giving her her books back?

Yeah, I'll give her her books. I don't care about that, bro. I've helped her with her school. That's a lie? You sure about that? What about that project that I did for you?

You helped her?

28 pages I did for her.

I'm not your friend.

I designed the project for her. Like, I did it all for you. Like, are you not understanding that? I want you to strive. I want you to be bigger. Like, I wanna get you a storefront so that you'll be able to do your esthetician stuff.

So you say you want her to strive and you want her to be better, but do you see how your actions could be bringing her down?

But do you understand, Karamo, that— That's a plain question.

Do you see how they bring her down?

I understand that my actions is not bringing her down, but does she understand that her actions is bringing me down?

In what way? You tell me how.

In what way is that she never answers my calls for affection. She's never there for me as I'm there for her. Let's talk about the week before. My grandmother passed away about 2 years ago. It was her birthday. The week before, I kept seeing timeline, all my grandmother pictures, everything, all of that. All week I was asking her, babe, can you just come by, chill with me, not have sex with me. Can you come by, chill with me, console me because I'm feeling sad. Every single day that week I asked her. Every day she had an excuse. Oh, I gotta go to school. I gotta do this. I gotta go to work. That's fine. So come Saturday, which is Friendsgiving, I said, I call her up And she's like, "Oh babe, I'm playing a game with my family. I'll call you when I'm done." 4 in the morning comes, I didn't get a call from her. I look on Snapchat, she's taking pictures on Snapchat all drunk.

Yeah, okay.

And that's my problem. Like she looks at social media.

So has she been like this since the beginning of your relationship? When the beginning of your relationship, were you affectionate?

Yes, very.

Very. What changed for you?

The cheating, the lying.

But my whole thing is Karamo.

Hold on, we have a ping and my producers tell me they wanna bring me my evidence bag because there's something on your phone, Shanice, that you wanna show me. I don't know what this is. What is it that you wanna show me?

A video.

Okay. What is this video you wanna show me? When is this? Okay, so. Sorry, I gotta come up. So this is a video of you having sex with another woman. And why do you have this on? How did you get this on your phone?

How did you get this video?

From his Snapchat. So you got this from his Snapchat?

Mm-hmm.

Why do you have the video?

Oh, 'cause I went through his phone and I went to his pictures and I seen the time he was with her having sex when I was supposed to be with him.

So what is your thing to that?

I was 100% wrong, Karamo. Like, there's nothing else I can say.

She never left through this whole relationship from the beginning to the end.

There's nothing else I can say, Karamo, is that I was wrong.

She been around. You need to go be with her.

100%.

But I'm confused because she's showing me a video of, first of all, like, the fact that you've seen that video, that would be for me enough to say I'm done.

It broke me.

I get it broke you. I get it broke you. But I don't get why you keep going back. I don't understand that.

Me either.

Well, listen, we have Shanice's best friend and coworker, Matty, in our audience today. Matty, what have you witnessed?

I've witnessed, I mean, over the last 48 hours, 'cause I spent 2 days with both of 'em, over the last 48 hours, I've witnessed Flex be immensely manipulative with the words that he says. You don't understand, bro, but the verbiage that you use, it don't make you look manly, it makes you look like a punk, 'cause it make you look like you wanna control somebody. And in reality, bro, in reality, no disrespect, but you about to push 40 years old. You gotta grow up, my, like that's just how it is. You really have to grow up. You treat my best friend like she's like dog, like you treat her like you dog her out all the time, bro. And that's not cool. That's my best friend. You a beautiful girl, Shanice. I swear to God, you a beautiful girl. And you deserve so much better than he can ever give you. I promise you, baby. Much love, for real.

So he says that your language is manipulative. Are you manipulative in your language?

I mean, I don't feel like I am.

So I can tell you from here, one of the main words I wrote in your communication is manipulation.

Okay.

So there is manipulation in the way that you say things. Do you see you being manipulative?

I mean, I don't see it that way.

And why don't you see it in that way?

I mean, like, let me explain the situation. Like yesterday, the whole situation that we got into an argument about her staying in the room with me was, so we went out, we went to the mall and stuff, and then we came back, and when we came back, she went to her room or whatever, I went to my room, and she was wondering why I had an attitude, and I'm like, I'm like, I don't like to be away from you and you know that. And when she came to my room, we talked about that.

[Speaker:KARAMO] But even that, that's part of manipulation and control. To be able to say to somebody, you're going here, because I think language is important. So we must learn the language. So if you're watching this at home, you can recognize this in your own life. If someone says, I'm gonna go to the mall and then I come back and I'm pissed and I got an attitude now, that's a toxic behavior because now it's like, well, you left me for a second. So now I'm manipulating you emotionally to wanna come back to me, but I'm also controlling you to make you feel, Like you can't leave without me later in the future. That's manipulation and control. Do you see that?

I mean, as you saying it now, I see it.

I think that unconsciously you've always known that you have exhibited this behavior. I think the thing for me, if I'm an outsider, is that you know you're gonna get away with it because she's always going to come back. So when you have someone who's gonna always come back, why would I ever need to change my behavior? But I will say this to you. I'm listening here and yes, you cheated. Your stuff is laid out. And now that I've given you that language to understand that you are manipulating her and you are controlling her, you get it. But for you, this is the bigger piece for me. You're addicted to drama. Did you realize that? You can be addicted to a negative emotion and that is what you're exhibiting. You are addicted to it. And even though you're saying it is breaking up even though you are saying that it is breaking me, it's hurting me, you are still, just like an addict who sees their body deteriorating, they see their life crumbling around them, they still say, I wanna go back for more. The fact that you've done two key things that I wrote down, you call your family members consistently to get validation for the drama you're in, and they've told you and set a boundary that they don't wanna hear it anymore, yet you're still trying to reach out to them. That means you want more of the drama to be around you. The second and the biggest piece is that you're holding onto a video of your man having sex with another woman and it hasn't made you leave. It hasn't made you leave. You are looking at a man that you say you love have sex with another woman and you think that is healthy.

No, I know it's not healthy.

Then why are you doing it? Because you're addicted to it. The only way for you to get over your addiction and for you to actually be able to confront him and say, these are my boundaries, this is what I deserve, is if you are able to say, just like any other addict, that you don't wanna be addicted to drama anymore.

I don't, and he knows that. Okay.

You're saying he knows it. Do you believe it?

I believe it.

Okay then. So if you don't wanna be addicted to drama anymore, first thing is that you need to delete that outta your phone. That's it. Because you're looking for validation to say, oh my gosh, look, look, look, want to judge me?

Delete it.

No, go into the deleted folder too. Go into the deleted folder too. 'Cause I know how that work. So now you said you deleted that from your phone. I'm sure there's other stuff in there that you're gonna need to go through later and to delete. But the question is, if you're addicted to this negative behavior, do you want to stop being addicted to this?

I do.

Then if you wanna stop, when you know when an addict is addicted to drugs, when someone's addicted to gambling, What do you do to drop the addiction? You have to get the drug out of your life.

Exactly, and he doesn't understand that.

Do you understand it? You keep pointing at him. I understand. That shows me the addiction. That shows me addiction. Are you ready to say it's up to you? 'Cause I'm not telling you to do anything. I'm not telling you, it has to be on you.

We came on the show to fix this or we came on the show to end this? I love you and I really wanna be with you.

I've been very clear about behaviors. Manipulation and control. I agree. He told you he's not giving you your books. How much do your books cost?

$500.

I will give you $500 to make sure that just in case he doesn't give you your books, you can still continue your career. So now you have your books. You said, are y'all still living together?

No.

No. So you're not living with him anymore?

Nope.

So you're not living with him. The only thing he has is your books. So it's up to you now to say whether you wanna be addicted to this or not.

I don't.

So what do you wanna say to your man?

I'm willing to change. I'm here on the— I didn't come on this show. I didn't come on this show to end this. I come on this show to fix this. Like, I love you. I love you.

You know what's so crazy to me though? You know yesterday at the barbershop, right? When I told them, oh, they can keep you. You told the man that he can have me. And what did he do?

Took.

Put his arm around me and took me.

He said, if my key, though.

Hold on, y'. All.

What is wrong with you?

Are you dumb?

Are you dumb? What do you want to say? Look at this unhealthy communication right here.

I can't do.

Do you want to go?

Goodbye.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's part of manipulation. Recognize behavior. That is not him trying to say I. He's manipulating you. Let me show you. I'mma leave I So that later on I can say, "Well baby, you put me in that situation and wanna leave." That's it. That's manipulation.

It's on.

Are you done?

I'm done.

Can you tell him? Because I noticed there, right there, you couldn't find the words to tell him. You went into another story.

'Cause I want him to know something, that's why.

But see, part of you wanting to know him is part of that addiction. It's part of that feeling of like, let's have one more argument. Let's have one more thing.

I'm sorry.

That's just one example. You don't need to apologize. You don't need to apologize. He is verbally abusive. He cuts you off, he's been cheating on you. You know all the things, but there's something about you that's still holding onto this negative behavior and he's gonna continue to manipulate you, control you, and cheat on you until you make the decision to say enough is enough. And I realized right there that you didn't have the courage to say enough is enough.

No, it is, I'm done. That's it, okay? I am single. Okay?

I am proud of you for ending it. I am proud of you and I don't wanna diminish the fact that you just ended something, but I need you, sister, to learn, don't engage anymore. Let me tell you something, somebody who don't want drama does this, boy bye, I'm done. And their friend comes up to them and they be like, what happened? They be like, I'm done, girl. I don't even wanna talk about it. Let's go have a cocktail. Y'all ever been to that place? Y'all know when you get to that place, you are not about the drama anymore. That's the place you need to get to. I believe you gonna get there. I believe you gonna get there.

Thank you so much.

Yeah, you're welcome. I do love you. I do love you. And I'm gonna check up on you, okay?

Okay.

I'm gonna check up on you.