Help! My Son's Father Is Gay! | Co-Parenting Unlocked Ep 11 | Karamo

All right, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Co-Parenting Unlocked. I'm here with the beautiful Stephanie Brooks, who is the mother to my two wonderful sons. How are you, Stephanie?

I'm wonderful.

All right, listen, everyone. This week we're talking about the new boo. You know what I'm saying? This is something we talked about before on Co-Parenting Unlocked.

Yes.

Because you remember I had to check one of Stephanie's little friends once. He came out there and he said— he told me that you had said, hey, listen, this is our friendship. This is what it's going to be. And we got to stay strong right here. Kids. And he was like, I don't care what she say. I see you. And like, as if like he thought that I was going to do something.

Are you serious?

And got up in my face like he wanted to fight me. This in front of my sister's house. Because a lot of you had questions about navigating co-parenting with your ex as a new boo, or if you have a new boo, or your children are meeting the new boo. And so y'all kind of want to know, what do we do here? We deal with a lot of dynamics of like new boos coming into old relationships and how that always affects it. So let's watch a clip that has something to do with that.

Does Summer cause drama in Keon's life and is that why you're stepping in?

Yeah, well, I stepped in because about my child and anytime anybody try to come for my child or be disrespectful to my child, I'mma be on they ass and that's why I came to her about my child.

Your child was looking at dick. I was trying to protect your child. That's all I was trying to do. I don't have no beef with you. I don't know why you keep coming for me. There's no need for that. I am a good woman. I love Keon, I love your daughter and I love you. I love your other daughter. I love your other daughter and I love Kian. I'm not— I'm talking to her nicely. What are you saying? No, you have not. Yes, I have. Yes, I have. I bought drawers for your daughter. I bought shit for your daughter.

Girl, what?

What are you saying?

I bought a lot of stuff for your daughter.

Monique, hold on one second.

Monique, Monique, never bought.

I had to borrow stuff.

I had to borrow stuff. You didn't send your daughter with no drawers. What are you saying? I don't like being disrespected. I am not a little girl. You're not gonna treat me as that way.

You are.

I'm a grown-ass woman just like you. You can talk to me respectfully. Don't talk to me at all.

Respect is due to a dog.

I'm a dog? What makes you?

That bitch. Uh-huh.

Yeah.

You're really not that bitch. You're really not. You're really not. Look who has the man. You're so worried about the relationship. Look who has the man, though. Like, be for real. You having it, but you're in my relationship. Does that make sense? You're literally in my relationship every single day. Every single day, you're worried about what my vagina does. You're worried about what my vagina does. Do you want to fuck? Is that what you want? You want to have sex with me? Yeah, that's what it seems like. Look at me.

You look nuts.

Look at you. I don't care about your vagina.

See, this is what you can't have in a relationship. No. A new boo coming in and y'all arguing like this. First of all, when someone says that the child told me that you talked to them about that, I do believe there's a bit of truth in that.

Yeah.

Because I do believe that sometimes we forget that the things— when you're a new brew in a relationship, that, like, children are hypersensitive to anything you say or do. Yeah. And so for you, it might be one simple interaction. But a child who is interacting with a new adult who's trying to understand the dynamics of where do these people fit in my life and what does that mean to my security and my stability, anything you say can be misconstrued to a child. But in this case, what should have happened is whatever brother who was on this— going to come on the stage next should have came in and stepped in and said, we need to talk about this.

Put some order in here.

Because the communication is not right. And also setting clear boundaries of what this other woman is doing and how she's hanging around my child.

Yeah, it's so true. Looking at them two going back and forth, it is definitely the dad is the common denominator. And he needs to set some order, or at least, what do you call it, construct some order.

Yeah, seriously, seriously.

As far as the new boo, though, if she's stepping in and doing all of that, I just don't see any problem. It seems like the mom— kind of is a little bit jealous, if I can say that. She acting like she a little jealous, a little bothered because the new boo is kind of stepping up and stepping in.

She came on and she did a confession and said, I wanted your man back. Okay, what is the—

what is the confession you have?

I feel like, you know, for the girls' sake, I would like to have my family back. You was a lot happier with me, and I feel like for the girls— well, like I was saying, can y'all— for the girls' sake, for the girls End of day, they don't like her. So it's better for the girls' sake that we just work on being a family.

Keon, what do you want? What do you want? I see that smile on your face. You wanna be back with her?

Y'all really put my ass on the spot right now.

You wanna be back with her?

Right now I gotta answer these questions?

Well, the fact that you can't say no immediately already lets us know that you wanna be back with her. So the answer is yes, you wanna be with her? Yes. Yeah.

Wow.

And then she did a second confession.

Monique, what is the second confession?

The second confession is, Kian, I love you, but I do not want to be back with you. I just had to prove a point that if I wanted you back, I could have you back.

She is, she's an incredible woman. Either way, you can't have all this negative communication because at the end of the day, what happens is this only affects one person. That baby.

That child.

That baby is the only person that gets affected by this because they are involved. 3 adults who can't get they shit together.

Right.

Well, listen, Stephanie, we actually have a fan that wrote in. It's Kelly from Chicago. And she says, Karamo, I need your help, but maybe more importantly, I need Stephanie's.

Me?

Yeah, that's what she said.

OK, what she said?

I had a child with a man I didn't know who had a whole separate life. He was creeping and dating men in college while we were together. Oh yeah, girl, she need your advice.

Okay, Karamo.

We were together for 8 years and have a son. We broke up because he finally accepted he likes men. And now he has a new boo. I've met the boyfriend and he was dry. Now my baby dad wants to bring my child around this man. Honestly, I feel embarrassed that my son's father is gay. Oh. And now I'm mad that I don't feel respected by his boyfriend. Ooh, that's a problem. How soon is too soon to introduce your kid to a new boo? And how do I make my ex make sure the new boo is treating me to my standards. Mm. Baby, get her.

Get her ass together, Stephanie. Let her know. That was a lot. Coming from somebody who does have an openly gay baby father—

Yes, you do.

Yes, I do.

Yeah.

Yeah, y'all.

OK.

I understand the hurt, or there's a pain behind that. Of course. Because when you envision your family, you see the future, and you see yourself with that person. And so ideally, you want it to be that way. But allow yourself the space to— Let that resonate. Let it set in and realize what that means.

Yeah.

So although it's difficult, trust me, I know it's difficult navigating a situation, you have to consider that long term, we made a long-term, lifelong agreement.

Yeah.

We made a pact when we decided we were going to bring a baby here. And so now we need to refocus.

Because her exact words were she feels embarrassed that he's gay.

That's not for her. In my opinion, that is not for her to feel embarrassed about. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. Be embarrassed that he's not a good father. Be embarrassed that he's not present. Be embarrassed that he doesn't hear you. Doesn't acknowledge you.

I think this is a critical conversation that is not had. Yeah. You don't often see women and men who identify as gay, or even the men who have women who now identify as gay, right? Or if there's a relationship where one of their partners identify as trans, bi, or pan. You don't see these conversations being had enough. And what I think is important about us is that it is so true. You should not be embarrassed that he's gay. You'd be embarrassed by bad behavior. He's not even the father of those things.

Right.

But also, we do want to acknowledge that because of society, right, you can feel embarrassed.

Yeah.

You can feel like, well, what am I going to say? Because people do judge our family.

It's true.

They have judged it from day one. Yeah. They still judge it today.

Yeah.

People will say things to you. They'll be like, oh, your son gay? Like, oh, you know what I mean? Right. People judged. Like, if me being gay is all of a sudden going to turn our kids gay, right? Like, they judge so many things and somebody who is new to that can feel embarrassed by having to constantly have to interact with those. And I think that's where you have to find the space in yourself to say, well, but what y'all are putting on has nothing to do with me.

Right.

I think that's your self-esteem and your self-worth is what allows our relationship to be great.

That's exactly it. So what she needs to do, in my opinion, is detach from what society is feeding in her head. You have a family now. Your family is non-traditional. The dynamic is different now. The two things that you should focus most on is going to be your own happiness, um, and then the happiness of your child. So, uh, amen. Forget about what people— this is what I wish people would do, just forget about—

or people— because I'm gonna equate it, and it's not the same, but I'm gonna equate it. It's not the same to like the shame that people try to put on a woman for being a single mother, right?

Exactly.

Like, and being embarrassed of saying I'm a single mother and being proud.

Exactly.

I was raised by a woman who had to become a single mother and who took charge and who did what she needed to do. You're a single mother who stepped up, did what you need to do, said, I'm going to support y'all the best I can. There's nothing embarrassing about someone. And I think what you just said is you have to then focus on your own happiness and the happiness of your family.

Yeah.

And not worried about the outside.

No, you can't.

And that will help you with the embarrassment.

It will. Now, right about that man.

Now let me talk to you.

What?

Let me talk to your old boyfriend, Kelly. Listen, I'm pointing like this, OK? Look at this side. You know what you're trying to— Yeah. So I come like this. It's a little crooked. Listen, I'm talking to you, OK?

OK, straight up.

Don't you ever have some new dude come in the picture and disrespect your child's mother.

Tell him.

Don't you ever, ever think that that's OK. And Kelly, I can't even imagine. If this man don't understand that, then there does need to be some new conversations about how he is as a man. And then maybe you should be embarrassed about his ass.

Yeah.

Because if his ass is stupid enough to let some other dude come in here and disrespect you—

Clown you.

Or not be.

Uh-uh. We don't play those games. The person who brought this life into this world must be held up to the most. You must be. You must be supported. You must be talked about in only the best light. You must be loved. And nobody should ever have the feeling of comfortability to say one thing about you.

Ooh, you too comfortable to say—

Don't help them.

Who made—

If anybody about you, Stephanie, ever said something, I'd be like—

Who?

I know you.

I'd kick them in the throat. I'd kick them in the throat so quick.

That they've been back.

In they throat, quick. Quick. They wouldn't even have a chance. There should never— and this is not even just for straight— I mean, just because he's gay. This is about anybody.

Matt is not about that. That is the least of the concerns.

You should never have a partner, a new boo, come in and feel that they can say something. That new boo's job should be to be trying to gain your trust, gain your respect, wanting to be around you, wanting to understand. And it is their job to try.

Yes.

All right, so we have another clip from another show where the new wife didn't feel like her husband was on her side.

Okay, let's see.

How'd it get to this point?

I don't know, I just don't like the way, like, I don't know, she took control of me. I don't like all that, like, she be forcing stuff too much.

Like, I require him to be a man.

Okay.

He don't know how to be a man, basically. He don't know how to, like, he be letting stuff escalate too far. He don't know how to speak up for himself.

This is your father?

Yeah.

Your husband, he doesn't, he doesn't speak up? He doesn't do these things?

That's partly true, but he definitely don't stand up to her.

Okay.

See, she was his only woman in his life, so to speak. So everything was about her until First Lady come. So things had to be changed.

You feel like there's disrespect in her language, that's what you feel?

Yes, and she's controlling. She thinks her opinion matters. It doesn't to me.

Opinion does matter when it comes to my family. Well, and that's why you where you at. You need some help.

You do too. That's why you're on the show.

You feel like you're in the middle of all this drama.

Oh yeah, for sure.

But the reality is, is you are in the middle of all this.

I guess.

It's you, 'cause you're only 19.

Yeah.

You're still a baby.

Yeah. Still growing. And you know that. Of course she has— I do, but I'm an adult.

And that's what I'm saying. By her being grown, she made herself an issue. She could have just been chilling in the peanut gallery like the rest of the kids.

No, no, she didn't make herself an issue.

Definitely.

She did.

She didn't make herself an issue.

No. By assuming that I control him? By thinking that I tell him what to do?

But that's not her issue.

It's there in my heart. That's what she said.

Yeah, I know.

Because I still want to get back, what is your problem with me?

You control my daddy. But see, again, in this case, this is language that the father was saying that the child adapted. Because we forget that children are sponges. They hear what we say, and then they adapt it, especially when it comes to their security and safety. Yeah. So if I hear my dad saying this and I'm not feeling secure, I'm going to adapt that language and say, you're controlling my dad.

Right.

I'm going to say whatever is being told around me.

Right.

It is so crucial for people to understand that what you say around a child will be repeated.

Right.

The feelings you have will be taken in. They will feel those feelings.

Yeah.

And so that's what we have here. And so, you know, the mother is in her feelings because she's like, you know, well, she's causing the issue. No, it's not. It's that man sitting next to you. Talking to you.

—yeah—

that is not handling this properly. Yeah. And saying things around his 19-year-old daughter, not putting you in a position for you to feel like you can be the one, you know, supporting the family. The man right there needs to step up.

Yeah, majorly, he needs to step up. And instead of conversations being had around, they need to be having conversations with and together. Like, and at those conversations— Say it again for the people in the background. What? Say it again. Stop having them conversations around and have them with. And together. We should give it— say it to your face.

I'm going to give y'all a soundbite. Listen, I'm telling y'all, OK?

This is good. Say it to their face and with your chest. Because again, what we're talking about, it seems like what we're witnessing is people fighting to be heard, fighting to be loved and seen. That needs some boundaries set. And like you said, conversations between a husband and a wife are not going to be the same between a dad and a daughter when it comes to the wife. So they definitely need to be sitting down and having a talk.

I can't wait for you to meet your next boo.

What? Where is he?

Listen, this season 2, you got people watching. You want to, uh, let's see, everybody, Stephanie is a great woman.

I am. I'm of a 44-year-old nature.

Okay, if you are—

got some good tread on the side.

Okay, okay, good. Listen, if you're in the Texas area, let me know. Hit me up.

All over the world. You don't mind dating international?

Yeah, you know what, I would love to hook you up.

Really? I would. Really?

I would. You wouldn't like anybody I gave to you.

Really? Why? Why would I like them? Girl, could you go give me what I need?

No, thank you.

A little bit of what I want.

No, I'm gonna give you what you need. Okay, exactly.

But you know what I need.

I know what you need. I know what you need, need. But I'm gonna give you what you need, need.

Okay, yeah, need, need, need, need.

Yeah, that's what I'm gonna give you, girl. Listen, everybody. Listen. Listen, uh, I want to know how you deal with your new boos. If you got a new boo, what's going on in your family situation? Make sure you put it in the comments. And also, if you're having an issue in your family, remember, the Karamo Show, I am here as a resource for you. I will help you navigate these conversations. I don't know if you watch these shows. I'm pretty good at my job. All right, so make sure you hit us up. Let us know of your support. And always come back next time for another episode of Co-Parenting Unlocked. Woo! Next time on Co-Parenting Unlocked, kids pick up on each other's behavior. So when you bring your son over there on the halftime, you got him, and then he watches those girls, expect y'all to do nothing. Watch, he going to give the behavior too.

He going to give what it's—

and you cannot have that. So trust and believe, this is important for you to sit down and get on the same page with everyone. And again, use the term structure as your tool, as your guide of having that conversation. You don't need to discipline them, you want to help make sure that the structure is in place.

I love that. Yeah.