In this YouTube Q&A segment, host Karamo speaks with caller Skylar, who was kicked out of her home by her mother at age 16 and now struggles to forgive and trust her. Karamo first validates Skylar’s pain, emphasizing that she was a child who didn’t deserve the abandonment. He explains that the trauma has shaped her into a strong adult but also created pervasive trust issues. The core of his guidance centers on three actionable steps: (1) open, specific communication with her mother about what is needed to rebuild trust; (2) setting clear boundaries and parameters to protect her personal peace while her mother demonstrates consistent self‑improvement; and (3) grieving the lost mother‑child relationship, acknowledging the lingering hope, and using a daily mantra (“though my mother’s here, she’s not, and I will be okay”) to create a new internal narrative. Karamo’s tone remains empathetic and supportive throughout, concluding with encouragement and love.
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What is your name?
Skylar.
Hi Skylar.
Thank you for being here.
Hi Karamo. All right, so what's your question?
So I have a complicated family situation. I was kicked out by my mom when I was 16. Mm-hmm. And she's tried to make up for it, but I still struggle with the forgiveness aspect and not feeling guarded. And I was wondering if you have any suggestions.
Yeah, so first of all, I'm sorry that at 16 that happened to you. And I know it doesn't matter if a stranger says that, but I think it's important to always acknowledge that you were a child. And you didn't deserve anything that you received. But I will tell you that the parts of what I do see in that moment that gave you, it gave you in you becoming this amazing strong woman that I see before me. And we sometimes don't understand the harder moments that help build the character we have. But within trusting your mother again, because this is what it's about. As a child you were abandoned, you were rejected, and now you have a hard issue trusting. I'm sure that trust issue doesn't just go for her. I'm sure it goes for a lot of people in your life.
It's mostly just her.
Just her? Okay, we're good. I'm glad that that hasn't bled into other parts of your life. What I do wanna say to you though is if you're having trust issues, the only way to solve trust issues is through communication and actions. Have you ever sat down and told your mother what it is you exactly need to be able to trust her again?
Yes.
And what happened?
We came to an agreement. But it feels like we take a step forward, but then two steps back.
I got it. So that's a big important piece of this whole thing because you can never build trust with someone who's not gonna do the work for themselves. Because when I say communication action, it's not just actions for you, it's actions of how they're showing up for themselves knowing that they can be better. And so if your mother is unfortunately telling you that she's not going to do the action for herself to be better, that's just clearly going to remind you every single time that you're never gonna take the steps to be better for us. And so what you have to do is now have to set a clear boundary. Within that boundary, you're gonna have to tell her, until you can do this, I'm going to have to put some parameters on relationship. Because what you have to do now is safeguard yourself as a woman. And you have to start making sure that your personal peace and your surroundings, that you start to feel safe. Luckily, like I said earlier, I'm so glad this hasn't bled into other areas of your life. And so that it never starts to bleed to other areas, those boundaries and safeguards have to be put in place. And then as you put those boundaries in place, And be very clear with her, I'm putting these boundaries in place because you're not taking the steps for yourself, which lets me know you're not gonna take the steps for us. You have to start grieving. And I think that part of, there's a child in you that has never let go of the hope of maybe she'll get better, maybe she'll do what's right. And I think unfortunately that this moment is where you start to grieve. And I see the tears coming. What's going on in your mind?
I think it's just difficult because I know that. It's just hard to accept as myself going forward.
Yeah, I get that. I get that. I've been there. Understanding and starting to grieve someone who's still around and still alive, it becomes difficult because our mind says, "No, you're right here. You can just do this work." But our hearts know the truth of the matter. And so I think a small step for you is after you do those boundaries, just waking up in the morning every day and saying, "Though my mother's here," she's not, and I will be okay. If you give yourself that small mantra, it will start to help you as you grieve and as you start to build this new relationship in your mind around what it will be like not to have the mother that you deserved. So I wish you the best of luck with that. Hopefully that helps a little bit. Does it?
It does. Thank you.
You're welcome. We're all here with you and send you love.
