Karamo answers audience questions about dating readiness. Jasmine, ten months into seeing someone, wonders if she should demand a girlfriend title before his family Thanksgiving. Karamo says an invitation alone isn't commitment; have a direct conversation and walk if he can't articulate clear intentions. Ria fears losing herself in a relationship. Karamo calls that fear false evidence and says to rebuild self-trust through daily affirmations, viewing a partner as an addition, not a threat.
Chapters
So y'all know everyone here in the audience is like family to me. And just like my real family, if you got concerns or questions, I wanna help y'all. So we're gonna go and do a little quick Q and K. Y'all got any questions for me? Yeah? Okay, they're good. So hey, what's your name?
Hi Karamo, my name is Jasmine.
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you too.
I love this off the shoulder number, girl. It's giving. Thank you.
And my question is, so I've been seeing this guy for about 10 months now and the courting is amazing. I've met his family and his kids. Holidays is coming up and he asked me to join him for Thanksgiving. Here's the thing, he has not asked me to be his girlfriend yet. Am I wrong for being caught up on that title thing or should I just embrace the moment?
I think both can be true at the same time without needing to negate the other because what I'm hearing from you is you wanna understand that y'all on the same page for commitment. And what sounds like to me is that you're not getting that clarity. So just because you're inviting me to meet family members, that's not communicating to me that you actually wanna move forward. So what I think you should be saying is, hey, before I can come to your family's house, I wanna sit down and have a real conversation about where we're going. Clarity is what you're looking for right now. And just because you got an invite don't give me clarity on nothing. And I think sometimes men don't realize that because sometimes men feel like, well, I'm showing you that I want to be around my mom and my kids. So like that's, but like you're saying, no, I need it to come out of your mouth. I need this title. And I think sometimes letting him know I appreciate the action, but I need there to be there to be communication with that action that gives me clarity, will allow you to feel more comfortable about making the decision to go to Thanksgiving or not. If he does not respond with, "Okay, I'm ready to be clear." If he responds with any, "Oh no, I mean," anything that's not, "I wanna communicate," take that as a sign not to argue, but to walk away. Thank you, thank you. That's it. All right, we're gonna do one more. All right, so what is your name?
My name is Ria.
Nice to meet you. You just told me before you made that brooch for me.
I did. I've definitely made it just for you.
Thank you. Y'all know I like a little couture, ma. I do, I do, I do, I do. I love it, I love it. Okay, so what's your question for me?
So Karamo, I am a young and fabulous, beautiful single woman.
Yes, you are.
I love being single. However, I think I'm ready to be in a relationship, but I'm not ready. I think I'm ready, I'm not ready. How do I decide if I'm ready?
Well, first you gotta start being honest with yourself because you're professing, I love being single. So you haven't even found out really yet what is the fear that's holding you back. And I think that any work that needs to be done in intimate relationships starts with ourselves. So let's be real. What has made you feel like you have to profess, I love being single, because that also comes from a certain place. What was it? Were you hurt before? You were hurt.
Yes.
So because of that pain, you, instead of saying, I'm scared that the next relationship might not be what I deserve, you've said, you know what, I just love being single.
I'm just afraid that I'm gonna lose myself again. I have come to just have this amazing confidence that I haven't had before. And I'm just afraid that when I meet this amazing man that now I'm gonna be—
Lose who you are.
And lose who I am. And now I'm just Ria in a relationship.
So first of all, thank you first of all for that vulnerability and also being aware of what the real issue is. But secondly, I wanna tell you, when we have these irrational fears, I learned very early on from, I can't remember what teacher it was, that said, "Fear is false evidence appearing real." And that is what's happening right now. This false evidence that I'm gonna lose myself because younger you didn't have the knowledge, younger you didn't have the life experience, is going back to that and saying, "Hold on, that might happen again." But what did you start off by saying? You said, "I'm a strong, confident, beautiful woman." The you now knows better than that. The you now can trust that I am aware that if I meet somebody, they're gonna be an addition to my life. Add to my life, not take away from my life. And so you have to stop having that fear that is not real at all and remember who you are. The same way you walked up here and said, I'm full of confidence, I know who I am. When that man comes, he's gonna see that, respect that, and he's gonna understand this is a woman that's not gonna fold into me. This is a woman that I'm going to add to, to allow their life to be better. So trust yourself. It's more about trust. So every morning you wake up, just say, you know what? I can trust me. I got this. I got this and I'm ready for a relationship because I trust me. Say it.
I can trust me and I'm ready for a relationship because I trust me.
There you go.
Yes, thank you, Karamo.
Did that help? Did that help? Yes. Help a little bit? Good, all right, perfect. Awesome. Listen, y'all, I tell y'all all the time, this is why y'all need to come sit in this studio audience and have fun. Did I help some of y'all?
Yes.
Listen, I love doing a little quick Q&A, so come back for more and come sit in our audience. It's a good time, trust me.
