Karamo helps Gabby navigate a toxic dynamic with her brother, who constantly compares and devalues her, mirroring their father's behavior. She recommends setting a clear boundary: tell him directly, "I'll talk to you when you stop devaluing me," and follow through with temporary distance if needed.
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So, you know, I get a lot of emails and texts and DMs from everyone asking me for advice as well. So, you know, I started the new segment Q and K where y'all could ask me for advice, but I wanna throw it to my audience. If anybody here needs any advice from me, raise your hand and I will answer your questions. Anybody need any advice? You need some? Come on right here, I'll come to you. Hi, what's your name?
My name is Gabby.
Gabby, nice to meet you.
I just wanted to ask, how do you deal with a toxic relationship?
Ooh, is it a boyfriend, girlfriend? Girlfriend, mother, father, sister, brother?
It's my friends and my brother.
Oh, okay. Can you be a little bit more specific about what's happening?
Yeah, so for my brother, he like really like puts down on me. We don't have like a healthier relationship. And especially like the age we're now, like it's just kind of getting worse.
What type of things does he say to you?
Like, you're never gonna be where I am and like—
So he compares and devalues? Yes. Well, first of all, I tell people comparison is the thief of joy. So he's stealing his own joy by trying to compare y'all two. So don't steal your own joy, okay? There's no need to compare yourself to him and what he's doing, you stay on your own journey. So remember that. Anytime he tries to compare himself to you, you don't do the same, okay? Because there's no need to steal your own joy. But secondly, don't allow him to devalue you by it getting in your head, okay? You gotta keep reminding yourself of the things that you're doing and what you're building. Because what he's trying to do is there's somewhere in your brother right now, and I don't know you, but I'm gonna tell you right now, you're hurting. Because for you to be trying to take your sister down, there's something going on in his own self-esteem. Do you see his self-esteem? You know stuff that went on in his past where he's down on himself?
Yeah, I do. It was like a lot for us growing up. My dad like raised us both by himself.
Yeah.
So—
Was your father hard on him?
More like he was harder on me kind of. And that's why I feel like I like grew up the way that I did. Like I'm very responsible and mature.
Got it. So that makes even more sense. Lemme tell you this because if father, was putting you down or saying things or being hard on you and he's supposed to be big brother. Big brother is picking up the behavior that he mimics from father. And so now he's putting that on you. And so it is not your job to change their opinion. It's not your job to show him. It is not your job to say, look, I'm doing, like, you just keep doing you and let your actions and let your success and let your happiness show him who you are. If you need to take that time to set a boundary right now, that's okay. It's okay. Call it a boundary though. Because that's what you're doing. I stopped talking to him. Sometimes that can make you sound toxic. Right now you've been in an unhealthy situation. You're setting a boundary to say, until you can respect me and stop devaluing me, I'm not talking to you. So I would encourage you maybe say that to him one time and say, listen, I would like to have a relationship, but until you stop devaluing me, I have to set this boundary. And then he doesn't have the ability to say, you know what? She just, she didn't wanna talk to me. She stopped talking to me. No, no, no, no. This is a direct consequence to your actions.
Yes.
And so, and then you continue to just be on your journey, focus, do what you're doing, and just be you, period. Period. You got this, you got this, you got this, you got this. All right, friends, listen, that's Q and K. We're gonna be back with more. See you in a bit.
