I Caught My Husband On Dating Apps! | KARAMO

My next guest, Stacy, was heartbroken when she caught her husband searching for other women on a dating site and even setting up times to meet with those other women behind her back. Stacy says she felt so unwanted that she chopped all of her hair off and put on sexy clothes as a last effort to save her failing marriage. Everyone, please welcome Stacy to the show. Hi, Stacy.

Hi.

How are you doing? How you doing?

I'm all right.

Good to meet you. Take a seat. So you chopped off all your hair to sort of save your marriage. Tell me about that.

Well, I chopped off my hair because I found a text message from him to another woman wanting to party and play, which really bothered me. And I took a pair of scissors that I saw right there and I'm like, is this what you want? And I just went, 'cause he loved my hair so much.

Oh, because it's 'cause he loved your hair.

He loved my hair so much.

Okay.

I chopped it off and I actually threw it at him. So after that, I went and I went to my drawers and I pulled out one of my lingeries and I opened the door and I started screaming at him, "Is this what you want? Is this what you want? Do you want me to be like this? Do you want me to look like this? Is this what I need to be?" Yeah.

What was it like for you when you found out that he was on the apps?

I was heartbroken.

Yeah.

You know, we've been together 17 years. We just actually celebrated our 15-year wedding anniversary. It just broke me.

And these were text messages that you found from him, correct?

Actually, a lady that he was texting screenshotted it because she was acquaintance of ours and he said it was just a big joke. He was just joking around with her. I'm like, you don't joke like that.

Yeah, so it says, what's up hun? Not much. How you hanging in there? Do you want friends? Like, do you have any friends that you like to party and play? So wow, and he said that was joking?

He was actively looking.

Of course, yeah, he said party and play. Did you not feel wanted by him?

No, I didn't.

Yeah.

I didn't feel wanted because I've gained a little weight over the years. I work 40 hours a week. My job is grueling. I'm tired all the time. We can't do the things we wanna do because of this.

Did he ever apologize to you?

He did.

He did?

He apologized after the fact.

Okay.

I mean, it's been fighting for months.

This was the dating profile?

Yeah. What bothers me is that is at my house while I am in bed, while I am sleeping, he's out on the couch because he's board.

50 miles away, wow. How has your relationship changed since that time?

I don't trust him. I accuse him all the time. You know, I've never been like that with him. Like, he has been the, you know, the best man. And then all of a sudden it's like he doesn't want me anymore. I'm not enough.

And that's a horrible feeling. I'm very sorry that you're feeling that way. I really am.

I'm just not enough and that's how, you know, and so like, he's my world and like he did this to me and now I'm just broken. And I've told him I'm broken and I tell him like when I accuse him of things, I'm like, look, I'm sorry. You know, like he can like, he'll go, oh well, I'm gonna go here and do this and then the next thing I know he's back at where he works and It's a storage unit, so he's back there early in the morning. Why do you need to be at the storage unit at 7 o'clock in the morning? You know your work don't start till 10. You know, so then I accuse him. You know, and so, and then we get in a fight over that. So I want help to be able to trust him again. I don't want to do this anymore, but it's like in the back of my head.

Yeah. Do you think he's having a midlife crisis?

I do think he's having a midlife crisis. I really do. But we don't have the money for him to go off and buy a fancy sports car or go off and buy, you know, what men buy when they have midlife crisis. But, like, again, I'm a woman. Why can't I have a midlife crisis? Why can't I— why can't I go off and do these things? But, like, I got kids I got to take care of. I got a 40-hour job. You know, I have jobs on the side just to bring in extra money. You know, I do things just to, to help the family, so I don't have time for that midlife crisis.

Yeah, makes sense. Do your children witness the arguments and things that you're going through?

They do. We don't hide anything from our kids. We don't shelter our children.

How's that affecting them?

It's affected them quite a lot, actually.

Oh. Is that your daughter?

That's my mini me. She's got my attitude. She's got my spunk. She's got my spark.

I love it. I love it. Well listen, I think it's, again, it's important that we hear both sides of this story. So I'm ready to meet your husband, Scott. So everyone, please welcome Scott to the show. Hey Scott.

Hey, Karamo.

How are you doing, sir?

Good.

Good to meet you. So I gotta start off by asking you, why did you download a dating app?

I was bored and Something to do. I'm weird, I guess.

Okay, so you think 'cause you were bored?

And I kind of felt with her working a lot, she took on a job which works till 3 o'clock in the morning, the attention.

Uh-huh.

Because for so many years we had every day.

So did you ever cheat on her, on Stacy? Never.

Never went to meet nobody. Well, you get on the apps, they ask you, hey, meet me at the motel, bring $250. Delete, sorry.

This is the thing I can't go past because I, I understand you're heartbroken right now.

I am.

And you feel unwanted. Did you feel unwanted for a while?

Yeah.

Yeah.

How long were you feeling unwanted?

Since she started the second job. Yeah, we just—

The reason I started the job is because the shop went under and you wouldn't get a job. I'm trying to keep our family afloat. We have kids we have to take care of. We got birthdays coming, we got Christmas coming.

Scott, in your opinion, how has the relationship changed?

Sense that issue? Besides the not trusting me, I think it's actually gotten better.

You do?

I do.

How do you think it's gotten better?

I try to be more honest with her. Yes, we have issues, but who don't?

And when I do accuse him, we do kind of argue a little, and then he kind of steps back from the situation and goes, look, I'm sorry, I understand why you feel this way.

Good job.

It's been tough.

How's the intimacy in your relationship now? That's—

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

Good job, listen. I support this. So do you kick him outta the house when you have some of these issues?

I say I have, I could be very, very mean. Like I said, I'm not innocent in all this. My tongue gets the best of me and I have said he can get out of my house. I don't need him, get out. I have said some very mean things to him along the lines of the only reason I'm still with you is because of our son. So I—

So your son is younger?

Yeah, our son's younger.

Okay.

So I'm not innocent, but like I want him to hurt as bad as I feel hurt.

Got it, understandable. Okay, listen, well your 18-year-old daughter Sage, who is a senior in high school, is actually the one who called into the show. She has been backstage listening to all of this. So I wanna bring Sage out right now and bring her out and talk to her. Sage, come on out. Hi, Sage.

Hi.

How are you doing?

I'm good, how are you?

Sage, I wanna know, how do you feel about your parents arguing?

It's super frustrating and I feel it puts a lot of stress on me and my little brother.

Got it. Why do you think your dad got kicked out the house?

Because my mom was just done. She's done with him on everything and just fed up with it and she just wanted a break for a minute.

So Sage, what do you wanna say to your dad?

When you adopted me, it was the happiest day of my life. Don't make me cry. You're gonna make me cry. But you seeing, seeing you fight with mom is really hard.

It is. Scott, what are you thinking about?

I know it is hard.

Yeah.

A lot of times she gets mad at me, but I'll get arguing, then I pull myself aside. Why are you yelling at me? I can calm down like that because, and I have said not in front of the kids, or not here 'cause we have friends over or something. I try. When she gets mad, she wants to hurt me like she feels, and I get it.

I'll sit there and I'll be yelling and he'll calm down and he'll want me to be him. And I keep telling you, I'm not you. I can't do that when I'm angry. I need to be me. I need to be angry and you need to stop stifling my anger. Got it. Or it's just gonna continue to come out.

Sage, how has this been affecting you and your brother?

I think it's been affecting us pretty hard, especially my little brother because my little brother, this is his dad. So I think seeing him fight with my mom and him when he was kicked outta the house, my little brother was super upset and didn't wanna talk to anybody, which was hard.

I don't wanna clarify something. I was never kicked outta the house. We were on the phone talking and she goes, "When I get home, I'm gonna leave." And I just made it, everything's smooth. You know, I didn't say nothing. But as soon as we got off the phone, I got in my truck and left.

I wanna ask you, how old is your little brother?

He's 16.

And you're 18?

Yeah.

Okay then.

First of all, I'm gonna, I appreciate you coming on this show to be young and to be here with your parents. I really appreciate it. But I'm gonna spend some time with your parents. Would you mind stepping backstage for me?

Yeah.

Thank you so much. Beautiful. See, did you hear that, young? Yeah, she did great. The reason I asked your daughter to leave is because the very first thing you have to understand is you two both have to stop putting your kids in the middle. And to see your daughter start crying right there, that's only a glimpse of, I'm sure, of the pain that I know her and your other son are experiencing. And you know how much, how hurt you are right now, right? Do you want your children to be hurt? Do you want your children to be feeling pain? To be feeling insecure?

No, I don't. I try to protect them from everything.

I know you do, but you have to work a little bit harder in that area. I'm not saying you're a bad mom for doing it. I'm not saying you're a bad dad, but this is where we have to work harder because sometimes as adults we forget that these kids are observing and absorbing every single thing that we do. And I doubt any either of you would want Sage in this type of relationship, would you? No. Today's the day she's no longer in the middle. And today you two have to make the commitment, no longer in the middle. So if y'all have an argument, Y'all wait till the kids are gone or walk outside. You have to make that commitment. Can y'all make that commitment to each other?

Yes.

Yeah?

Make sure our kids are not in the middle.

Yeah.

Or anybody else.

So especially you, 'cause I know you said, when I'm heated, I'm going.

I'm heated.

I know. So can you promise that even—

I got fire in me.

Yeah, so when that fire comes out, can you walk away and put that fire outside so the kids don't see it?

I have to let her. That's the big thing. Sometimes I don't walk away, don't be a child. I say this stuff.

Good.

And that's my fault.

No, he tells me I'm being childish when I walk away. When I walk away, he sits there and he calls me childish. I'll do it.

Good, okay. This is gonna be the second thing. I'm glad you said that. You do have to stop the language because that language is little small things that we say in partners, especially when you've been together for a long time. You do little things that you consciously, unconsciously know is gonna get to the other person. This little pick, you know what I mean? And both of y'all are doing it because you're both hurt. You got hurt, you got hurt. And so now you're both just doing this and it's small things, little things. If y'all don't have any kids, it'd be like, great, you listen. And y'all been together for a long time, I'd be like, fine. But when you have kids and you do that to each other, it's just being petty. You do the same thing with him. You're doing the same thing with him. Even the action of when you were hurt of cutting your hair and doing that, there's sort of this like petty, like instead of really communicating the hurt, you're trying to be petty with him. Y'all gotta stop that. And I think y'all are in this cycle of feeling insecure about the love that y'all have. There was a time when y'all loved each other.

Oh man, I still love him to this day.

I know you do, I know. And so the thing is, yes, you picked up more hours and I think, do you ever say to her, "I'm so thankful that you're my wife and you did this stuff to hold me down." Yes, yeah.

No. It doesn't. We just got, after so long.

That's why you're here. That's why you're here with me. I got this. You said you wanna fix this relationship, right? So do me a favor right now. Genuinely turn to your wife and say, "Thank you for picking up the slack." Thank you.

You're welcome. I love you. I would do anything for you and the family.

I try.

I know you do, but you have to acknowledge my hard work.

By you acknowledging her right now, do it more often. It lets her know that she's worth something in your eyes.

I do tell her she's pretty and beautiful all the time.

I know, but she wanted the fact that she's breaking her ass for you to be acknowledged. Not the fact that she look cute. She already know that you think she look cute. She wants to know that you acknowledge that she's working hard. What you just did right here, it meant a lot to you, didn't it?

It did.

I know.

And it's just like whatever to him is how I feel.

I know, but you now hear him. He says thank you. And use that as well. But for you as well, I need you to know that you didn't fail, okay? Failure is not the opposite of success, it's part of it. You're on a journey right now, all right? But you have to take away that insecurity of feeling like you failed. Tell him right now, you didn't fail, baby.

You didn't fail, COVID did. Our business didn't go under because of you.

Our business went under because of COVID I need you to turn to each other and say, "I still desire you and I still want you." I still desire you and I still want you.

I still desire you and I still want you.

Give your wife a kiss.

All right.

Give me a kiss. Oh, you got makeup on your face. That's gonna be all right. Hold on, where you going? I'll tell you where you're going. Right here to subscribe and right here to watch more.

Period.