I Cheated In The Beginning But Now She's Cheating! | KARAMO

My 6-year relationship with Keland is very toxic, and I need Karamo's help. I found out Keland was cheating the entire first year of our relationship. I went through his phone. I took it and ran, and I was very heartbroken. After I broke up with him, he was begging, begging, and then finally I let him come see me. I was hesitant at first, but he kept trying. He was trying really hard, so I let him back in, and then I got pregnant. Things were great for a while. We've been trying to work things out, but, you know, a couple weeks ago I had seen him on Snapchat, and he doesn't usually go on Snapchat, so that made me suspicious. I go on there and I saw he was texting this girl, but I didn't get to see any messages 'cause, you know, Snapchat deletes them. So now I'm really suspicious. I feel like these messages popping up, here we go again. I'm tired. Something's got to change. It doesn't make me feel good. I just know my kids deserve better than what we've been giving them. I don't want that to be normal for them. I feel like he betrayed me. I need to know what he's doing. I need to know what he's thinking. And unlocking the phone is the best way to find out.

Yeah, well listen everyone, we'll meet Crystal shortly, but first welcome her boyfriend Keelan to the show.

I ain't the one been cheating. Yes, I did what I did, but she the one that has been cheating for the last past 4 years.

Oh, things change. Nice meeting you, man. Nice to meet you.

Welcome to the show.

So from your perspective, you think this is all lies? You're saying she's the one that's cheating?

Yes, sir.

Oh, so, okay. So why do you think she's cheating on you?

Simply because I have caught messages of her texting two of the same type of guys before.

Uh-huh, got it.

The thing that bothers me the most is when I ask her, she'll sit up there and make a big fuss about it. Later on, she'll come out and tell me the truth.

Got it.

And that bothers me so bad because I know I—

By the way, I'm gonna ask you some more questions about what you said, but don't think I'm gonna let you deflect 'cause she also told us that you cheated in the first year.

Yeah.

So, okay. So, 'cause it's real easy for you to come out here and deflect. She said the foundation was broken, you, from the beginning. But I do wanna hear your perspective. So you said you've caught two texts, that's why you think she's cheating?

I done caught multiple messages.

Okay, and you read the message and she was cheating with them? Have you ever caught her, seen her doing anything or?

No, sir. No, never.

And what happens when you confront her about it?

She'll hit me with, "That is some friend." Okay.

Okay. So do you feel like she's invalidating your feelings?

Yes.

Okay, that makes sense. And what do you think the problem is in your relationship then?

Communication.

Okay.

Understanding and we both can't leave the past alone.

Hold on, how you not gonna say the word trust when I ask you about the issues? You just said.

Yeah, yeah.

You don't think trust's the issue?

Yeah, trust is the issue.

Okay, okay. Yeah, that sound like a big issue from what you just said.

Yes, sir.

And so you said you can't leave the past alone.

Yes, sir.

And so now that brings us back to you because in the beginning, what happened? You cheated?

Yes, sir.

For how long?

For the first year and a half.

Oh!

And when—

They so messy. I love it.

But when— My thing was when we first got together, you know, she had already explained to me she wasn't trying to be in a relationship.

Okay.

I know this is not an excuse, but I was younger and I had just left outta a relationship just like she had.

Okay.

And I took the hurt from this relationship and brought it to this one.

So then you understand why 4 years later she's still You're still upset. I'm gonna go back to this because I heard that side of the part, but I don't wanna discount the fact that you said that sometimes when you're talking, she invalidates your feelings. What do you say to her exactly?

If you gave a care about my feelings, you wouldn't turn around and keep talking to the same guy that you know that don't like me.

Okay, so that's off the table because you doing the same shit. So, okay. I was trying to figure out how I'm gonna help you here. I wanted to make sure that we heard your side, but you just said the way that she's invalidating my feelings is talking to people when you just 2 weeks ago was on Snapchat. So let's go ahead and hear Crystal's side of the story and see what she has to say about all this.

Welcome Crystal to the show.

First off, no, no, no. First of all, this not how it went.

Mm-hmm. Yes it is. That is how it went.

I didn't physically cheat on you.

Mm-hmm. But you cheated.

Okay, so what actually, welcome to the show Crystal.

Thank you for being here.

Thank you.

What are you saying that you did? You're saying that you physically You did not get in a relationship, but you were emotionally cheating.

I did talk to these people purposely to hurt him, but he hurt me first.

Yeah. Yeah.

And I know I didn't get over it. I took him back before I got over it.

Yes.

Because I love him too, and I know he loves me.

Uh-huh.

But when, like he was saying, I invalidate his feelings. Him talking about his feelings is him talking about what I did. Like it's constantly bringing up what I did.

Yeah.

That's not you telling me how you feel.

Mm-hmm.

That's just you bringing up what I did. I know what I did. You don't have to constantly throw it in my face. I know.

I can understand that. Did he ever apologize to you for cheating?

Yes.

He did. But what were the actions that came with the apology?

He apologized, he stopped, Going out. He got a job, we got a home.

Okay.

We had a baby. Like he did everything right.

Okay.

And he hasn't done anything wrong since.

Except for the Snapchat 2 weeks ago.

Yeah, that.

Okay.

Have you ever physically cheated on him? No. Never? Okay then.

I just talk to people 'cause I know that will hurt him.

Does that hurt you that she's talking to other people?

Yes, yes.

Because she's having an emotional relationship?

Yes, because it's—

It's who it's with. It's not the fact that it's the emotional relationship, it's who it is.

Oh, so these are people that you know?

Yeah, yeah.

That he's had problems with in past relationships, this same person.

Oh, so it's an ex of yours that you talk about?

And an ex of his baby mother.

Oh. Oh, you played dirty, dirty. Oh, oh, she played dirty, dirty.

Okay.

Okay, it was time to unlock the phone then. Let's see what's going on. Keelan, we unlocked your phone. Here we go. All right, Crystal, you wanna know if Keelan has any dating apps on his phone. Keelan says he does not. My Unlock the Phone investigator searched his apps and found that Keelan— Are you ready to unlock your best self? Key is my new wellness app made for you. Fitness, Nutrition, meditation, sobriety, better relationships, self-love. 6 keys, 1 app. Change starts today. It's telling the truth.

Yeah!

Well, Kristal, you wanna know if Keland has been DMing other women. Keland says he has not. A locked-up phone investigator searched his DMs and found that Keland is telling the truth.

Yeah!

Kristal, you wanna know if Keland has been texting other women. Keelan says he is not. My Unlock the Phone investigator searched his texts and found that Keelan is telling the truth. However though, my investigator wanted me to know that there was nothing found on the phone and he believes it's because the number was switched last week.

Can I see this phone?

Thank you, Rob, I appreciate it. Okay, so, Krista, is this the phone you want unlocked?

Yeah, but I mean.

Okay.

'Cause we just got that phone.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, so all the data that you really wanna unlock, we can't find anymore.

I mean, that's his old, like, that's his Gmail. So if anything was to be found, it would've been found.

Okay, so why did you get a new phone last week?

Okay, before everybody think, before everybody think is, I just got a new phone because of this. We had to sell his phone for financial reasons. Yeah, I sold my phone.

Okay, financial reasons, I got it. Yeah. Okay then.

It wasn't because of, nah, 'cause I don't have nothing to hide, honestly. It's just, I don't, I promise I don't.

Was it after you contacted this show?

Yeah.

It was after, okay, okay, okay.

Yeah, we both have—

Financial situation, so you have to like, okay then. Well, just let you know, Though we found nothing, I will tell you that I can't honestly confirm if that is true or not. Just to be very clear. And also, I read body language, and when you knew that the zeros were coming, I watched you in sort of like, yeah, you know how you was smiling.

Nah, nah, nah.

Because you knew that we were gonna find nothing, so you knew.

No, because I know, I honestly know I don't have anything to hide.

So then when you were Snapchatting with the girl, what were you having?

Yes, like, to be honest with you, I don't care about the Snapchat thing because I told her, you know, we was talking about—

So how many times did you meet up with the girl from Snapchat? Was it twice?

No, I never met up with her. Okay. It's just somebody from the past and you know when you post a video on Snapchat, sometimes people will slide up on your Snap and that's—

But what you tell me, just 'cause they text you don't mean you gotta text them back.

You right, you right, you right.

Got it, OK then. Well, Crystal, we also unlocked your phone.

Oh!

Well, actually, my producer tell me that Crystal, you actually changed your mind and asked for your phone back.

No, no.

Why you do that? So we got it, and then you asked for it back.

I mean, yeah, because his face is in my phone. We, he gets to go through my phone anytime he wants to.

Okay.

He has opportunity to go through my phone.

Yeah, well this is the thing, even though you gave it to us for only a short period of time, my investigator did get a sneak peek. So Crystal, we unlocked your phone. All we need is a minute to be nosy. That is all we need on this show is a minute to be nosy.

Y'all heard me?

All right, Keelan, you wanna know if Crystal has been DMing other men. Crystal says she is not. My unlock the phone investigator searched her DMs and found that Crystal is telling the truth.

Okay. Okay.

Keelan, you wanna know if Crystal has any hidden apps on her phone. My unlock the phone investigator searched her apps and found that Crystal is telling the truth.

Okay.

Okay. Keelan, you wanna know if Crystal has any texts with other men. Crystal says she does not. My unlock the phone investigator searched her texts and found that Crystal is not telling the truth. My investigator found 40 deleted text messages from a week ago containing sexually explicit content. Rob, can I see it?

What?

Oh my God.

Yeah, thank you, Rob.

Oh my God.

Okay, so these are the two numbers. One is [MASKED] and the other one is from this 16-year-old.

Oh, that's my son.

That's my son.

Okay, these are the numbers. We just find what we can. But this one that doesn't have a name on it, it says, "I'm on my way. Okay, I've been wanting to see you but don't have time. I can make time.

We'll see you." Do you know who that is?

"Can we set something up? I'm ready anytime. When my sister get back over, we'll let you know. She'll watch my kids." "What's up? Where you at? Wanna make good passionate sexy? I'm home, just got out the shower." What? "Smells really good." What? "That's why I text you earlier. I didn't have my baby, but I'm at the hospital now." So you text him earlier because you wanted to do a little something? Okay, then.

No, that's not, he know that.

Is everything okay?

He know that.

Okay, so it says, "You wanna see me tomorrow? You gonna see me tomorrow? Okay, I'm ready when you are." "I don't know why this [MASKED] still texting my phone talking about what he gonna do to me when he see." But—

What?

"You really piss me off. Why? Okay, yeah, you pulling up?

Okay." So she said, "You know who this is?" Yeah, I know who it is, but I didn't know that was— I didn't know that.

I told you he asked that.

I told you that. Yes, you told me, but you just—

Have you had sex with him yet?

No.

You have not?

What? Girl, don't you think, he talking like that, don't you think if I'd have done it, he'd have said something about it? It'd have been something to brag about, baby.

Okay.

So that person, I know exactly who it is.

Okay.

And I know exactly what's going on with that.

Uh-huh.

But— Like I said, very early. Like I didn't know it was all that.

Okay, got it. So this is why I asked again originally, I said grown folks, Do you want an open relationship? See how they both acting when you see these messages? Both of y'all very calm. So, okay, so the issue about this is not sex or cheating.

No, no.

Let's be very clear. Okay, I'm gonna be very clear. Okay then. So as long as y'all know, the issues about this, and I wrote this down immediately, is two things, healing, and then the second one is a power dynamic, power struggle. That's what's happening here. The first thing is that you have not fully healed. And unfortunately, if you're gonna make the decision to stay in this relationship, it is your job to heal. Now, if you cannot take the moment to heal yourself from what he did, then you actually are self-sabotaging this relationship and it's unfair to him and it's also unfair to you. And so this is not work that you all gotta do together. This is self-work. So the question is, why are you not willing to heal from what he did the first year? And why are you punishing yourself and this relationship?

I don't know.

It's a lot. It's a lot.

It was—

[FOREIGN LANGUAGE] That year, 2019, I went through a lot. I had just got out of a 5-year relationship where he did nothing but cheat on me. And then a month later, I lost my niece in a drowning accident. And then I found Keelan. And I really, like, he really helped me. He was helping me. I was happy. I was so happy. And then when he did that, I don't know, it's like something just changed.

I got it.

And I was so mad.

So what I hear is that you were grieving the security that you thought you had with him.

That's exactly what happened.

So you need to say to yourself, how do I forgive the security? So do you feel secure at all in this relationship?

I mean, I do, 'cause I mean, he does everything for me and the kids. It's nothing that I, you know, I ask for anything, he'll do it or try his best to.

So this is the reminder you have to give yourself. You have to tell yourself, again, this is not on him, 'cause you keep telling me that he's showing you and doing actionable steps to show you, "I wanna be with you, I wanna support you." He made a mistake, he apologized, he did the actions. You have to say to yourself, remind yourself, "I'm secure, I'm secure." That's the only thing that's gonna help you to heal the feeling you have inside of you. Because what you have to do is ultimately trust that he's not gonna betray the security again. And by you self-sabotaging it, you're doing a self-fulfilling prophecy that he will then betray you and you won't feel secure again. But now on top of that, there's a power dynamic and struggle. Do you feel safe with your girlfriend to tell her how you feel?

She make it hard. Honestly, she really makes it hard.

Though she makes it hard for you to know if this is the right relationship to be in, you still have to, instead of focusing on how hard she's make it, you have to work past that and say, I'm gonna talk about what I feel. Right. That will break the cycle of the communication because now that's what she's asking for. You need to demand that I wanna feel secure too. I need to know that my feelings and my thoughts are safe with you as well. Yes, sir. I want you to turn to him and say, I'll heal and I'll realize I'm secure.

I'll heal. And I'll realize I'm secure.

And I want you to turn to her and say, and I'm gonna demand that I feel secure too.

And I'mma demand that I feel secure too.

That's one first step, all right? I wish y'all the best of luck. On my show, I unlock phones, and now I wanna unlock your best self. You need someone to talk to who will listen and give real advice with no judgment. That's what Karamo AI does. Text me, call me, download Key, and let's start talking and growing.