I Cheated With My Co-Worker But I Love you! | KARAMO

All right, welcome to the show, everybody. Today we are going to unlock the secrets of a young relationship. My guest Chelsea became a mother at the age of 15 and was pregnant with her 4th child when she met her boyfriend Michael, who was only 20 years old at the time. He decided to step in to help her raise her 4 children, but things have been rough. They both had issues with cheating in the beginning and have struggled with trust issues ever since. Recently, Chelsea's suspicions have gotten worse and she's asked for my help to try to save her relationship. Everyone, please help me welcome Chelsea to the show. Hi, Chelsea.

Hi.

Can I have a hug?

Nice to meet you.

Can I have a hug? Yeah. Nice to meet you.

Thank you for your help.

Of course. My producers told me that before you came out, you were getting emotional. What was going on back there?

I'm scared I'm gonna lose him.

Scared you're gonna lose him? Yeah. Why do you have that fear?

Just because we've been through so much in just a short period of time and it's just like, it's just been so rocky and just so rough lately. I just, I don't know what to do.

So when did your trust issues start with your boyfriend?

Well, he ended up getting incarcerated and I did end up cheating on him and then he found out through a friend and whenever he got out, He ended up retaliating and he cheated on me and it's just been a rough rocky road ever since.

So then why did you both stay together after you both cheated? Because clearly there was something in there that was dysfunctional.

We both agreed that we was in it for the long haul and the long run and that we was so in love with each other and of course we didn't wanna put the kids through it as well. But me and him are very close and we understand each other very well.

Can I ask you a question?

Go ahead.

Why did you cheat?

It was early in the relationship. I didn't think once he went in he was gonna come out, but he did end up coming out and it's just, people make mistakes, I guess.

Got it, got it. And what signs have you seen that make you believe that he's cheating now?

About 6 months ago, he does work at this recycling plant. There was 2 times that he came home and you know that he wasn't dirty. He does come home dirty every day. There was 2 times that he didn't come home dirty. There was certain times that he wouldn't gimme a kiss and he's always kissing me. It's just, we're that passionate.

So the intimacy changed?

Yes, definitely.

And how long has that been changed for?

It was a good solid, maybe 1 to 2 months.

1 to 2 months of the intimacy changing? Yes. That makes sense, okay. And so you think he's cheating at work with someone?

Yes.

Hmm, have you ever talked to him about that? Have you confronted him?

Yes, and he just says he would never do that.

And do you believe him when he says that?

I want to, but something inside's telling me not to.

How are these accusations affecting your relationship of you saying that maybe he's cheating with someone at work?

It's rough, it's rocky. He don't get no time with his friends. I don't get no time with my friends. We're constantly around each other.

So you're isolating to sort of prove to the other person.

Yes.

Like I'm—

We will be loyal to each other. It's gonna be that. There's no ifs, ands, or buts about it. That's what it's gonna be.

Yeah. Let me tell y'all something. What I know about relationships is that when you're trying to prove to someone you're being loyal, isolation is never the way. Because trust is built on people being out in the world. And the more that we sort of get into this space of like codependency, like I'm gonna show you, look, I'm here every night, I'm not going out. That causes actually more problems. And I can tell it's probably causing problems for you. 'Cause do you have a life outside of the relationship?

No.

No, not really. Not at all. What's making you cry right now?

Just finally letting it out.

Yeah.

Like you said, isolation is a tough thing. And I just, I'm here to make it better and I don't wanna be the way we are now. I want it to be better than what we are.

Yeah. Yeah. I can see the genuine love that you have.

I do. He's a good man and—

Is he good to your children?

Yes, he's very good to my children.

Yeah. Yeah. 'Cause the 4 children, they're all biologically yours, but he has stepped in with every single one of them.

Yes.

Wow.

Yeah.

I get it. Well, listen everyone, help me welcome Chelsea's boyfriend Michael to the show to get his side of the story.

She's always accusing me, you know what I'm saying? I come home from work, I work every day, I'm putting food on the table for her and her kids and just constantly and constantly hearing stuff when I come home. And when I got stuff lined up with my friends and family, she don't want me to go out and meet them and do anything like that. And it's just, it's caused problems between our relationship.

You do understand why, because you both had trust issues at the beginning, right?

Yes, yes sir.

Yeah.

But that trust issue would've never happened if she didn't do what she did when I was in jail.

Is there something going on between you and a coworker? Because that's one of her main concerns.

Well, there did something happen, but it wasn't too serious. I did kiss a coworker.

Did you know this?

But I mean, we was going through it at home a lot. It was up and down. You was constantly putting me through stuff at home. I'd come home after busting my ass and you would just constantly at me and at me and at me and at me. And so it just happened to work.

Hold on, Chelsea, you look in shock right now because you did not have any idea.

No, I didn't.

What's going through your mind right now?

What do you want for us? What about us?

I want us to work on things and get things under control, but the accusing each other at home's gotta stop. We gotta work on each other. We gotta put a roll on for the kids and we just gotta—

Was it just a kiss or was it more than that?

Just a kiss twice. That was it.

You just said there's trust issues. She doesn't let me out. She's arguing, but you just confirmed why she feels that way. You just affirmed that your actions have given her reason to be that.

Well, you know what I'm saying? She cheated first and I cheated. That was the beginning of the relationship. Years went by, nothing happened. I was loyal, you know what I'm saying? I stuck by her side and it just kept getting worse and worse and worse with her constantly accusing me of stuff and just selfish.

Would you do it again?

No.

You wouldn't?

No.

So why didn't you tell her before now then?

Because I wanted to actually get somebody to get us help put us on the right track. So we thought you would be the right place to go.

I got it, I hear you. So you've now said that in the beginning she broke the trust, it bothered you, you did these things, but now you've broken the trust again.

Yes, that's why I wanted to come front as a man, you know what I'm saying? And step forward and let her know myself and so we can fix the situation. But if she just, you know what I'm saying? I stepped up and took place to be the father of her kids and just, Take that responsibility and just constantly getting accused and accused. It hurt me inside, you know what I'm saying? Just working every day, putting food on the table for them and just, it just led, one thing led to another and the girl was there for me at work.

So where would we go from here?

I guess we're just gonna have to work on things and learn how to build our trust up together.

Well, it's gonna be a little bit harder of a road than that because I have to ask a question and this is direct because this is how we're going to be able to figure out if trust can be rebuilt. The girl that you cheated with is at work. You go to work every day.

This employee does no longer work there.

Okay, well did you cut off all communication with her?

Yes, yes. When actually, when it first started happening, I realized that I was in the wrong and I told her that we couldn't go proceed on with this and then she just quit.

What do you mean that the girl was there for you? 'Cause I heard you say that before.

Well see, she also had a boyfriend at home and they was going through the same situation that we was going through, constantly getting accused. And so she went through the, She kind of understood where I was coming from, you know what I'm saying? Knowing that I was down at work, wondering why I was acting the way I was at work because, you know what I'm saying? She constantly blowing my phone up while I'm at work, you know what I'm saying, Chelsea? Thinking that I'm doing this, doing that. So the lady, the woman knew what I was going through, so she was there for me in a way that she couldn't be, you know what I'm saying? So she made me feel at ease about the situation.

[Speaker:KARAMO] I wanna have empathy for you in this situation, but I just, I'm having a hard time because I appreciate you manning up and saying, let me tell her today. But it was a conscious decision to affirm her fears that she was being cheated on. Y'all see that, right? It's like she's saying I'm cheating. That's literally what the arguments were over. That's what the griping was over, right?

Yes.

So instead of turning to this woman, why didn't you just turn to her?

Because she wasn't trying to hear anything I was saying at the time. Anytime that I tried to talk to her, it was just a constant argument and her already thinking that I was doing something that I wasn't doing.

Chelsea, what do you wanna say to him about this?

I don't even know if we can keep going on. Like, what if another female employee catches your eye again? Then what are you gonna do?

If you just stop accusing me and we work together and be happy again, that won't happen.

Unfortunately, that's not the best solution because the thing is, is that the accusations are based on actions. Right. And your actions have shown her now again that she can't trust you.

You're right.

So it's like you say, well, stop accusing me. But when you've done it and you've done it again.

It's kind of not accusing me, it's something I've already done.

You've already done.

I see what you're saying.

You see what I'm saying there? Yes, sir. So I wanna go back to this 'cause at 20 years old you took in her children and became a great father. She says you're a great father. That had to have been tough on you.

It was tough. See, my father wasn't around when I was a kid. So I just didn't want her kids to take or go through what I went through as a kid with my father not being there. So I seen her situation and I just wanted to step up and just take that responsibility.

[Speaker] Okay, that's great. [APPLAUSE] 'Cause even though you brought up your father, it's really your mother that you're actually mimicking here. Because if your mother, if you said your father wasn't around, that mean your mother had to have been alone and struggling.

Yes.

Did you feel the pain that your mother was going through?

Yes, yes. My mom was emotionally scarred and put me through a lot as a kid to see that happen to her.

Yeah. And so because you couldn't save your mom, you're hoping to save her.

Yes.

Got it, okay. Is that what's keeping you two together?

Yes.

Do you not love me no more or something?

Yeah, I do love you.

Are we gonna be together or?

I do wanna work things out.

Like you just said, it's just the kids though. So what about the emotions and the feelings we have for each other? I know I love you and I don't wanna lose you.

Well, I do love you, but you've pushed me to the point that it feels some type of way between our relationship. Like the spark's not there like it used to be when we first got together.

How old are you now?

24.

24 years old?

Yes, sir.

Do you feel like there's more out there to the life that you wanna live that you can't live?

No, I'm happy where I'm at. I just want more freedom so I can, you know what I'm saying, experience things with being young with my friends and family and stuff. And then her not trying to hold me back from that situation.

[Speaker:KARAMO] So you actually said what I said, but you only put, "I'm happy where I'm at," but then, which is basically an excuse. 'Cause I just said, "Is there something else out there that you wanna live?" And you're like, "No, I'm happy, but I actually wanna go out here and I wanna be with my friends and I wanna do stuff." [Speaker] I'm happy with our relationship. [Speaker] Which by the way is okay. You're 24 years old.

[Speaker] Right.

[Speaker] It's okay for you to admit that stuff. You know what I mean? This is less about trust in me and more so about there is a woman right now who is in a space in her life where she wants this family unit. She wants certain things. She wants to build a life. She wants to build a home. And we have a young man who ideally you do want it conceptually, but you also are a young man that's taken on a lot and you don't know what to do now.

Right.

Have y'all realized y'all have grown apart?

Best guess. Yes, you can tell in the past year it's been distant, not as the same as it was when we first met.

Mm-hmm. Not at all. Yeah. And how's it feel knowing that you're growing apart? I want y'all to talk to each other. Tell her how it feels to have grown apart.

It hurts.

It does hurt.

If you lost this relationship, Chelsea, what would happen to you?

I would have to deal with my emotions on top of all my kids' emotions because they love him so much. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. What about financially?

Probably lose my house.

A big burden.

Yes. 'Cause he does pay all the bills.

And that's the guilt you have because you don't want to see what happened to your mom happen to her.

Happen to her, yes, sir.

So you're staying and trying to support her even though you've lost your freedom and you're sacrificing yourself.

Yes, sir.

Yeah. If those things were handled, if the finances were handled, if you were able to have more support with your children, in all honesty, I know you love him, but would you stay?

I would.

Why?

I love him enough to keep trying. I couldn't picture myself being with nobody else.

Do you know how to lift yourself up? Do you know how to be there for yourself?

I'm guessing not.

No.

No.

Yeah. Because you had kids very young. Yes. And so you've never had time to—

I grew up real early.

Real fast.

Yes, real fast.

And you've never had time to really develop yourself.

No, I never learned how to love myself. I had to love my kid first. Mm.

Yeah. That's something for you to process. I want you to take that in. You had to learn to love your kids first before you could learn to love yourself.

Yes.

I'm sure a lot of young mothers can understand what that feeling is like.

Yes.

See, the thing that I would encourage you is that understanding is that you have to figure out how, now that you have this support, to figure out how to love yourself. 'Cause both of y'all are not focusing on self and you're relying on each other. And that goes back to—

So we gotta focus on self before we can worry about each other.

Yeah.

Got it.

We build ourselves up first.

Build yourself up. Because if you're trying to build this trust up, it's not gonna work. So the advice that I have for you all is like literally go home and talk to yourself about, with yourself, about how can I learn to love myself more? How can I learn to lift myself up more? You go out there and you start thinking about what is it that I really want? What does freedom really look like for me? What would life look like if I didn't have this fear of like, I'm gonna let her down like my dad let down my mom? I'm gonna tell you right now, release that guilt.

Let it go.

Let it go.

Yes, sir. I believe y'all will be all right individually. And once y'all do that work individually, y'all can get stronger together or maybe stronger apart. Yes, sir. You got it? Good luck to both of you. Seriously. Good luck to both of you. All right? Hold on. Where you going? I'll tell you where you're going. Right here to subscribe and right here To watch more, period.