I Feel Hopeless & Alone, What Can I Do? | Q&K | KARAMO

All right, so this is one of my favorite segments in the show. It's called Q and K, where y'all bring the Qs, I'll keep bringing the K. And this is where, if you're in my audience, we have a good time here. You could ask me anything about relationship advice you might need, or if you got a question about my own personal life, I'll tell you anything. So anybody got a question? What is your name?

Hi, I'm Elliot.

Hi, Elliot.

I'm young, I read a lot of news, and sometimes it can be distracting. How do I stay healthy and responsible in times of global chaos?

[Speaker] To be very honest with you, that we are in a hectic time. I think more so than staying sane, is I think how are we managing relationships? Because what I've realized is that in this moment, some of us are grieving while other people are celebrating. And that's a difficult thing when you wanna be in a space where you're like, why isn't everybody not upset with me? Or why is not everybody not happy with me? And that's where most people are feeling the stress. Because we've always seen chaos in this world, unfortunately. That's the unfortunate part of human beings. We haven't learned to love and support each other as we need to. But the thing is, is that when I walk through the world, I wanna feel I'm around people who get me and understand me and are aligned with where I'm aligned. And I don't know where you're aligned. So in this world that we're in right now, you might be celebrating or you might be saying like, this is a crazy world, I don't get it. And I think the conversation is how do I protect myself? When other people feel differently than I'm feeling? 'Cause you feel like you can't protect yourself? Talk to me. What do you feel like?

I mean, there's just a lot of, there's a lot of stuff that I don't have control over and it's easy to feel sort of hopeless. There's a whole lot of, I don't know really what the truth is.

You know what, thank you for that because that actually gave more context. If you feel hopeless and you're like not in control, that's an emotion that we can't handle on a surface level because when things are bigger. So what in your life that you can control that could help you feel like you're feeling more safe and secure? Is there things in your life that like, you're like, well, you know what, if I support this, if I help out here, if I show up here, I feel like maybe I'm contributing to more of the sanity and I'm contributing more to things being better. Because when you're not feeling, when you're feeling hopeless and outta control, the only way to deal with that The way to deal with that is to find something that you can control. Find something where you can find that security and safety in. Is there something in your life where you can find that?

I could drink less. I can make more friends locally.

And I can— So, look, you've already done two things that you can control. You control your drinking habits, which will allow you to find yourself in a clearer mind. You can find more connection nearby, further than further away, which will make you not feel as lonely. And so you're already finding the steps to give yourself more control, which in essence is gonna give you more safety and security. So I think if you just keep on that pattern, you'll be able to say, you know what, in this crazy world, which we all feel the same way, I don't think there's anybody in this room that doesn't feel like this world is chaos and is on fire right now. We all feel like what is going on? But I think the more that we can understand that there are pieces of our world that we can control to make it better, there are things we can do, is when we find that there is hope and that there is a better tomorrow that we can all look forward to. Yeah.

You're all right, Karamo.

Congrats on— I encourage you, and we're gonna be praying for you on the journey to stop drinking and, or drinking less and finding new friends.

Thank you.

Yeah. Thank you.

I was just wondering if you thought it was ever good advice to go back to an ex after a period of time. I'm like dating again and—

You got an ex that's reslide back in them DMs? Uh-huh. Listen, sometimes they know what they lost. So you cute, girl. So I know he's probably like, hold on, what did I do wrong? Okay, so there's several different factors that play in here. Why did you break up in the first place?

Well, I was really young when we dated. So I was like 18. I'm in my 30s now. Okay. So when we were talking, like, things seemed really great, you know, for the first few months. And I'm starting to, things feel too familiar. So I guess feeling like the, that you're sort of in between the like running out of time in the dating scene to like wanting to entertain.

[Speaker:KARAMO] Oh, okay. So you switched the, from my question altogether, but by you switching my question, I heard the real thing. You're making a fear-based decision, not a love-based decision for yourself. Because when you just said, am I getting older and am I running outta the dating scene? That's a decision you're making outta fear. Like what's going to come next? Am I going to be lonely? Those are the subtexts of all that stuff you said. When you make a love-based decision about a partner, then you're saying, you know what? I know there's an abundance of love out there. There's someone who's gonna give me what I deserve and I'm never going to settle. And so you have to make love-based decisions, not fear-based decisions of like, well, because I'm at an age. And don't get me wrong, I understand Some women, because if they have a desire to want children, they might feel like my biological clock is ticking. So now if you're in that space, then I would say there's a different approach to dating. But if you're not in the space of saying like, well, I'm worried about having kids and all that stuff, first switch by not being fearful of what could come, okay? If you're alone, you'll still be surrounded by love and happiness. That doesn't mean that you're lonely. But if you want companionship, and it's with somebody you had in the past, you gotta ask yourself, why did we end? I heard you say you were young, so that means you weren't emotionally ready probably. Was there cheating? Was there no truth telling?

I think it was, I think it was kind of a lot of those reasons.

Got it, got it.

Yeah.

Well, I think in this case, you gotta ask yourself as you're going on dates, if the first sign you see of any of that, that means there's no growth and you have to end it. Because the thing is, is I'm all about an ex coming back in if there's growth. Because if there's growth and I've learned my lessons and I've said to myself, you know what, I can be better, then sure, let's give this a shot. Also, you gotta ask yourself, have you grown? Because it's not just on them. Start making more love-based decisions for your life and not fear-based decisions. It's okay if you're not ready yet for a relationship, that's fine. Just be honest about that. And then also know that when you are ready, what you want will be there. Yeah, how you doing, love? What's your name?

My name is Diamond Sweetheart.

Diamond Sweetheart? Oh, that's cute. Okay, come on, bang too. What's up?

Um, you're a busy man, right? So I feel with me working on my career, I start to feel guilty of, uh, not having much time to spend with my family and my friends. How do you navigate life with your career and still trying to show up and be there?

That is a common feeling for all of us because it's like you want to show people like, I still love you and I'm there for you, but you're also in a space right now where you're trying to show them that like, this is your life, you're trying to do what you gotta do. And so have you ever communicated to them and said, listen, just because I'm not talking to you as much doesn't mean that I don't love you. Have you told them that?

I feel maybe I don't know how to say it sometimes.

Right now, turn to 'em right now. Just say, "Hey y'all," right there. Say, "Hey y'all." Hey y'all. Listen, I'm just focusing. Tell 'em.

I'm just focusing, but I still love you guys and I still care. I'm just a little more busy, but I'm working on me and I'll still be here for you guys if you need me.

Perfect. And what I need your family to do when y'all watch this, is y'all send her a text and say, it's all right, you do you, we still love you. Because you need that affirmation as well.