I Had To Call The Police On My Granddaughter! | KARAMO

When did things start to change? When did you and your granddaughter start to butt heads?

About 3 years ago.

3 years?

When she was in the 10th grade.

Mm-hmm.

She started dating.

Yeah.

She gonna tell me she's dating. I'm like, what are you talking about? Well, I'm dating. That's the day she start becoming grown, thinking she can say what she wanna say to me. Do what she wanna do in totally disrespectful ways.

So how is she being disrespectful to you?

Zaniyah tell me what she's gonna do. That's totally disrespectful. You don't tell me what you're gonna do. I took the initiative to raise 4 grandchildren outta respect of my daughter.

You took the kids in because your daughter unfortunately passed?

She passed away.

Yes.

I've raised each one of these children from birth. Although their mother was there, I had them because she wanted to go run the street.

Got it.

So I sacrificed my whole life.

Yeah. So what happened in October when the police was called?

I went to pick her up from school and we had this conversation. It was me and her brother in the car. And Zaniya said something to the fact about her boyfriend. And I said, Zaniya, you need to calm down. We wasn't even supposed to be on that conversation. She was going off and I slapped the shit outta her. I slapped the shit outta her, beat her up, made her get out my car and called the police on her ass.

So how did it escalate to that part of the fighting?

Her running her mouth.

Yeah.

She got a mouth that you kill her. Her mouth is ridiculous.

Yeah.

And I don't have to stand for that.

Why did you tell Zaniah you would shoot her in the foot? And keep her in the house? 'Cause that's, I can be real and I understand the disrespect, but that's violent language.

She'll take you there.

Okay.

She would take you there. I'm up here with Zaniya.

Yeah.

And I did say I shoot her ass in the toe.

Yeah.

I will, I'm tired. I ain't gonna kill her, I love her, I ain't gonna hurt her, but she need to listen. These young folk these days, I don't know what the hell wrong with 'em.

Let me tell you something. This must be an old Black family thing because I swear to God, I had a family, I'm not gonna say, I almost said who it was, used to say to me, if you get outta line, I'm gonna shoot you in the foot so that every time you take a step, you remember not to get outta line. And I used to look at them when I'm 14, I'd be like, you gonna shoot me in the foot?

It was.

And hear it again, I used to think that was only me and to hear it again now.

Yes, it ain't went nowhere.

Okay, it ain't went nowhere.

No, no. Wow. 'Cause I'm old school.

Yeah.

I'm old school and that's the best way to be.

So you talked to me about her mother who died in a car accident in 2012. I wanna know what was your relationship like with her?

It wasn't good.

Yeah.

I mean, I couldn't do nothing for her 'cause she was running the street. I had to take care of her damn children.

Is that why you're so protective of Zaniyah?

I'm protective of each and every last one of them.

Yeah.

Because I'm gonna tell you, her mother, I was trying to be protective over her, but she was, being hardheaded and went out there and passed away because I told her not to do something, not to go somewhere, even my husband.

Yeah.

So.

You know, I gotta tell you, I know that there's been some time since 2012, but I know you're still grieving because I heard the language. You kept referring to your daughter as her mother.

Yeah.

Which there's a mental and emotional block that you have there. Yeah. Have you ever spent time to think about that and to go with that?

No, I haven't had time.

I understand.

I raised these children from 3, 4, 5, 6, all the way up to now. I haven't had time to take care of myself and I'm tired now. I'm taking initiative to take care of myself.

I do get it. Yeah, I do get it. Well, listen, I'm talking to Sharee who is afraid of losing her granddaughter like she lost her own daughter. I think it's time that we hear from Zaniyah. Everyone please welcome young Zaniyah to the to the show. I can have a hug? Thank you. How are you doing today?

I'm good.

Good, good, good. You smell lovely.

Thank you.

So I gotta ask you a question and I want you to be honest 'cause I can already tell you're a smart girl. Do you think you're disrespectful to your grandmother?

I don't think I'm disrespectful to her. I mean, I asked her like, What's her definition of disrespect or how I'm being disrespectful to her? But she can't tell me why.

So I'm gonna ask you from your own, 'cause again, I want to go from you. What do you think the definition of disrespect is?

You know, calling you out your name type and just like extreme ruthlessness behavior.

Calling out your name and extreme ruthlessness.

I know what she talking about 'cause I called her a bitch. Why should I have to listen to you? You don't have to listen to me. I know you have feelings, but I'm the adult and I'm not gonna tell you nothing wrong, honey.

You cannot expect me to sit there, listen to you talk, and that's it, that's done.

No, I'll give you your chance to talk.

And when I talk, you overtalk me and change it to how you feel.

Okay.

Do you feel like that ever happens?

No.

Okay.

No.

Yeah.

I give her a chance to talk, she don't never give me a damn chance to talk. That's why I slapped the shit outta her when we was in the damn car. 'Cause she kept running her mouth.

In the car, I told you, you kept referring to me as my mom and my dad. I told you, stop doing that 'cause I'm not them. I wasn't here when they was around. I'm not them.

No, you're not.

You can't refer to me as them.

And I tell you all the time, be better than your mama and daddy. Don't be like them. So that's a lie.

So your grandmother is overprotective from her own words.

She knows that.

How does that affect you?

Okay, so I'm 17 as we all know.

Duh.

But to her, she treat me like I'm 10. Like I'm young. Like she told me put a tracker on me. I had a tracker on me all the time. And it's like even with a tracker on, without a tracker on, she want me to tell her step by step what I'm doing.

It's only for your safety.

No, even when I'm out with my friends.

You got it wrong.

Even when I'm out with my friends, I can tell her I'm going to the mall.

She got it wrong.

What time you gonna be back home? I come in your house at a respectful time. I don't come in 12, 11. I don't come in none of that. I be there at 9 o'clock or 10.

Is that true? She always comes at a respectful time?

No.

You told my producers that you said that you're not going to end up like your mother and grandmother.

What do you mean by that?

Yes, because Grandma, she always tell me, I grew up like this. When I grew up, I had to do this and I had to do that. I'm not like you. I don't, I'm not, how I grew up is not how you grew up. So you tell me life is a circle, I'mma think outside that circle. I'mma think you keep holding me in, it's gonna make me wanna go out and do something crazy.

I understand what she's saying.

And then I'm not that type of person. She'll probably be like, oh, you go out here and go wild with these boys. I am not that type of person. I don't let no boy influence me. I influence myself.

Yes.

Good job.

That's good. I wanna know more about you. How are you in school? How are you? Are you a good student?

Yes, I have made principal list.

The reason I asked that is because I asked my producers to ask you for your report card. You are getting a 3.1. That's great. Your grades are phenomenal.

Yes.

I also heard you're taking aerospace science.

Yes, I'm in ROTC.

Yeah, you're in business technology, you're in multicultural literature, your GPA's a 3.1, and all your teachers recommended you as like one of the best students in the school.

Yes. They tell me that. They tell me that. Yes. But as soon as she get home with me, here we go. Yeah. The damn mouth.

Yeah.

It don't be the mouth.

I appreciate all of that. I appreciate all of that.

I feel, you view it something totally different in your head and that was disrespectful. I've asked you, how is it disrespectful? You can't even tell me. So until you could tell me, I can't fix nothing.

Zaniya, you cannot talk back to me. That's the number one thing. You cannot talk back to me.

Me explaining how I feel is talking back to you?

No. When I walk away from Zaniya, there you go. I got a problem with that. So be it, I got a problem with that. I have not let her—

I have not let her— Literally, she'll try to argue with me. Yes, I do walk away because I know myself. So I walk away to calm myself down. And she will come follow me and she will keep going till I say something back to her. And it's not gonna stop until I say something back to her.

You right. 'Cause if I ask you to go wash the dishes, I mean for you to go wash the dishes. "now don't walk away from me and not say nothing to me." You can even say, "Oh, Karamo, I ain't gonna do it right now, I'll do it later." I wash the dishes.

She making it seem like I don't wash the dishes. I wash the dishes. But she thinks, like, it feels like I'm the only child in the house that's doing something.

Can you describe to me what it felt like when Sharee kicked you out? When your grandmother kicked you out?

I was real confused on like why you, like why she kicked me out. Because like I said, I didn't hit her, I didn't touch her, she hit me. You told me I had to go, so I had to go.

Simple.

What did that do for you? What did that do to you?

Did that break you? No, the police told her she had to go.

No, she—

What did that do to you? Because you're a young woman who's maturing and growing right now, and like you're trying to figure out the world, and I see it, I understand. You're trying to figure out what to do, how to be better. And I know you have your grandmother's guidance, but these moments still affect you and stay with you. So how did that affect you knowing that like, I have to get out now.

I mean, it's like I'm leaving my brothers behind. It's like you taking me away from them pretty much just because you're mad.

I can't pacify her feelings. I mean, I be trying to do stuff with Zaniyah. I really do. I even bought us coloring books to color.

Yeah.

Zaniyah wants me to be on her time. I'm not on her time. She got to come on my time. 'Cause I got a whole lot of stuff to deal with. And when I don't do what she want me to do, there you go.

She shut me down. What do you want to happen today?

I don't know what Zaniya need to do.

But what do you want to happen today?

I'm done.

You done?

I'm done.

'Cause I actually don't believe that 'cause I know you're here today. I don't believe that.

Okay.

I don't. Because the thing is, is that I know the love in your heart. And also I gotta say, I'm gonna just give you this. The same way you haven't had time to focus on the grief of losing your child, there's things that are still unprocessed in her mind.

She also, on that same day the police came, she even told me if she had the choice to keep my brothers and give me away, she would've did.

So I know you—

Hell, I done raised too many girls in my lifetime. I ain't want no more. I ain't wanna deal with that no more. I didn't wanna deal with that no more.

I get it, I get it. But that language right there.

I know.

Yeah.

I know.

But can you, I know you know, but see the thing is, is that even in our exhaustion, we have to remember that our main intention was to protect and your words are not protecting her in this moment. Would you be able to, and I'm gonna get to her, so don't think I'm just staying on you. I'm gonna get to her. Would you be able to at least apologize for this language that you're using to her and understand that a young girl just like you who lost your daughter She lost her mother and hearing the one woman figure I have in my life tell me, "I'm done, I don't want no more girls." These things that I understand the context, but it could be hurting her and could cause more damage in the long run. Can you at least apologize to her for that?

I will apologize and I have apologized to Zaniya. Zaniya boyfriend mother.

Yes.

Now I got a damn problem with that.

—Okay, okay.

—Because you being my granddaughter accepted this woman as your mama, grandmama, whatever the fuck. I had a problem with that. —Got it. —So if she through with me, I'm through with her. —Got it. —I have apologized to her about that plenty of times.

—Yes, I got it.

—I don't have to deal with that. —Here, thank you for sharing. —And I raised her.

—That makes more sense. This makes more sense. Thank you for sharing that because What's going on? I'm ready, sir. There was the issues with your own daughter and her not being able to listen to you. There's a rejection that you experience.

Yeah, right.

She rejects me all the time. And so it's being mimicked, but vice versa.

All the time.

You're feeling that same rejection when she says that. I don't talk to his mama like that. She seem like I'm just turning her away and going to her. I talk to her more than anything.

One of the big lessons that you're gonna learn as a young woman is the same way that I'm here to validate your feelings, her feelings are valid too. But I think there's a big thing here that we have to remember, two big things. First of all, for you, you said that apology, would you be able to do it again for me right here so that way I can— Of course. Can you tell your mom? Of course.

I love you. I love you and I really apologize. I apologize. And love you. And we need to work on us. Yes. Just me and you.

The second thing is, is that for you, this still is your grandmother. And so part of it is that there's things that as a young woman you'll never understand. And there's one, a third piece, I'm gonna get you, don't worry. But there's big things you have to understand. And with her, there's a level of respect that even though she's become a maternal figure, she's still a grandmother. So there's that extra level. And even though it's difficult for sometimes for you for you to manage that. I get it because you're showing like, I'm good at school, I'm here. Yeah. You have to find the strength in yourself in those moments to be able to find a new way to communicate. So I know you know to some degree when you say something to her and you say no or you question her, you know what you're doing.

Yes, you do. Do you?

Yes, you know what you're doing. And I ain't got smart, and I acknowledge it.

But I can figure it out.

And I acknowledge it. It's because you're mimicking her behavior. She said things, so you're gonna show her. But there are levels that you have to be respectful. You have to be respectful. So can you commit to saying, I'm gonna start, when she says, hey, I need you to do this, this is still your caretaker. She is still the one who is providing a home for you, clothes for you, everything else. You have to be able to respect that. And you going around and stuff with your boyfriend and doing things like that, it hurts her. So you have to make sure that you're not being disrespectful. Is that something you can commit to? Yes. Y'all can take those steps. Of course. Trust. I'm willing to take that step. Better communication with the language and know that I'm not gonna reject you, you don't reject me. Can you do that? Yes. Yeah? Good, good. I'll give your grandma a hug. We gonna figure this out. It's all right. Hold on, where you going? I'll tell you where you're going. Right here to subscribe and right here to watch more. Period.