I Lost 150 Pounds & My Husband Is A Hater! | KARAMO

After losing 150 pounds, Char says her husband Steph has been insecure about the attention she's getting from men online. So we're unlocking her phone to see what's really going on. Help me welcome Char to the show to get her side of the story. Hi, Char. You better walk out looking good. Come on, Char. May I have a hug? Yes, yes, please. Nice to meet you.

Likewise. How you doing?

Take a seat for me. You look beautiful.

Thank you. You do as well.

Thank you. Thank you. So what's going on? On your marriage?

Karamo.

Put out a deep breath. She says, huh.

Lordy. Okay, so as you mentioned, I lost 150 pounds. Okay, so I had all the big backyana energy at one point. So I lost the weight, feeling my very best self. But what happened with that was I wasn't counting on my husband feeling some type of way about that.

Got it.

Right. Got it. Almost 400 pounds, Karamo. Yeah.

Give it up. So when did you have the weight loss surgery?

I had the weight loss surgery approaching 2 years. I'll be 2 years post-op October 25th.

Okay.

So I'm 2 years in, so I'm locked in for real.

Okay, yeah.

So this is a lifestyle that has changed my complete life overall.

How did he react to you having the surgery?

He was my biggest cheerleader turned my biggest headache.

Oh wow.

Okay. Yes, yes. He was very supportive. Actually, we were both supposed to have the surgery at the same time.

Oh yeah?

Mm-hmm.

And why didn't he have it?

Mm, well, he'll tell you his piece, but he got scared and he ain't do it. So, but me, I knew that I was scared to die, honestly. Every night I had sleep apnea, right? I'm like, the sleep apnea was my big, my boogeyman, and I have kids. I have children who need me, and I knew that I needed to be here for them. So I made the decision to do the surgery and live because I wasn't living, Karamo. I wasn't. I was existing, but I wasn't living.

Yes, I hear that. I hear that. And you decided to post your journey on social media.

I did.

What inspired that?

So funny enough, when I did my journey, I said, this is just gonna be a journal. I'm just gonna use it as a diary. I got on TikTok. I started recording my little videos. I didn't know how to do all the dancing they be doing on TikTok. But I was like, I'm gonna just talk about my journey. And 14,000 followers later, I'm like, oh, people actually—

Come through.

Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. So how has your social media presence affected your marriage?

Well, I will say initially it was a positive thing, right? Because it was validating my journey. But what was happening was the attention. Your girl got cutesy and the husband got jelly. So here we are.

Yeah. So why do you think your husband got so insecure?

Well, because there was a lot of men who were commenting on my pictures, throwing the little flame emojis in the inbox, throwing proposals. I got all the sugar daddies. Daddy's in there saying all kinds of stuff.

Come on, girl.

Come on, girl. So yeah, so he got a little insecure about that.

Yeah. Okay, so since the DMs and your journey documented, your relationship changed? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, significantly.

So it's more insecure. Are y'all talking the same? Are y'all hanging out the same?

We don't speak the same language, Karamo. Not at all.

Yeah.

Not at all. It's like I have this bubble that I've created in this space and he don't live in that bubble.

Got it.

It's like he's just a spectator. Got it. We went from being best friends to just a person who's watching me glow up.

Got it. And has he been accusing you of cheating?

Accusing, interrogating, the whole nine, Karamo. Literally every man that makes a cute little post under my comment or leaves anything on my, 'cause I have a podcast and I do like a live podcast recording and sometimes guys will go in there and like, damn, look at her boobs or oh, look at her body.

Yeah.

And he's there watching this. So it's in his face. So he's like, "So what's up with you and this guy?" So like, what does he think you're doing?

Where does he think you're going?

I don't go anywhere, Karamo. I'm at home. I work from, I have a regular full-time job, my full-time gig, remote. I have all 3 of my kids with me at home and I do my podcast and everything at home. I'm a legit homebody. I don't go anywhere. I'm not in anybody's club. I'm not outside. Like, I dress up from my podcast like I be outside.

Yeah, but you in the house.

But I be inside all the time.

So he brought you here 'cause he wants your phone unlocked. How does that make you feel?

I think it's dumb, honestly. I think, okay, first of all, okay, you should just be happy you got me, okay? Stop, stop. I think it's dumb. We've been together for so long, Karamo.

How many years now?

Since I was 17. I am 36, okay?

Oh, wow. Yeah, you look great. You look very young. I would've thought you were in your 20s.

Thank you, thank you. Yeah, we've been together too long for this, Karamo. I don't even understand why. He feels the need to go through my phone. Like, there's nothing going on.

So what makes you think your marriage is in jeopardy?

This is a constant battle. It's tearing our relationship apart, for real, for real. Yeah.

Oh, my sweetheart.

My daughter even— it's bad when your kid tells you, Ma, you're miserable. Why are you not happy? I'm like, I can't because I feel guilty for being happy. I feel guilty for showing up for myself because he feels insecure. It's not fair.

Yeah, got it. What needs to change to make your marriage work in your opinion?

I just want our connection back, Karamo. We used to connect over food. Like we was doing the Big Bag thing together. We were in these foodie spots, we were self-proclaimed foodies. We would do all kind of stuff, but it was always surrounding food. And now I only have 20% of my stomach after this surgery, so I can't eat the way I used to eat. So I think that's been a pain point because that was such a big, think for us. I want him to trust me. I just want him to trust me because I ain't doing nothing but living in my excellence. I'm just trying to be me.

Okay then, but listen, I wanna meet your husband in here. His side of the story. So everyone, please welcome Steph to the show.

Of course, I love the fact that you look the way you look. You actually went on the journey, you did everything yourself, but I was always your biggest supporter. Always. Okay. Still to this day.

But also supporting me is not accusing me and interrogating me every time somebody drops an emoji in my comments.

A question about what I see is not an accusation. It's a question.

It's giving accusation. It's giving interrogation. It's giving guilt. It's not giving guilt.

It's giving you should trust me.

You should trust me.

Do you feel like the weight loss has become a problem in your marriage?

A problem?

Not initially, but because it took The things that she do related to the weight loss took a lot of time from us. So therefore we have to find time and it's hard to do that with 3 kids. Her working, I'm working, it's difficult.

Got it. Did you want her to get the weight loss surgery?

Yes, 'cause I want her to be happy.

Okay.

I was there for her when she wasn't happy, when she was going through the sleep apnea like she talk about. I was her biggest supporter then.

You went from being my cheerleader to being my interrogator.

Are you worried about her talking to other men online or in person?

Every man would be worried about their wife. If that's all they do all day is online or in person, of course you're gonna have some insecurity there.

Mm-hmm. Are you jealous of her success?

No, not at all. I'm her biggest supporter.

Now I will say we, in this midst of all this, Karamo, I've started different support groups. One being a male group. I do work with men a lot. I talk to them almost every single day. And for him, that was a lot because he's like, you talk to these guys all the time. Sometimes you talk to them more than you talk to me. He got so upset one time that I didn't take his call because I was having a conference call with the men who I work with. And I'm like, I'm literally working. Like, what is the problem?

And—

Do you know what was going on on the other side of that phone?

No.

Exactly. You wouldn't know what was going on.

So, but if you don't communicate, then how am I supposed to know? I'm not a mind reader.

That's the problem, communication. We're not gonna go past this until we talk about it.

Mm-hmm. Oh, okay. How's the relationship changed in your opinion?

Time, we don't have enough time for each other.

Mm-hmm.

You have to carve out time for us.

Are you worried about your marriage?

Yes.

Are y'all still intimate?

Here and there. Yeah.

How often is here and there?

Whenever she find time.

Mm-hmm, okay. Yeah. Well, Steph, you have a question if Char is DMing, texting, or calling any other men. And who are commenting on her social posts, correct?

Mm-hmm.

You're questioning that. So I think it's time to unlock the phone. All right, Char, we unlocked your phone. Actually, we did not unlock your phone. You refused. Okay. And why did you refuse?

Because you know me. You know me. We've been together for over 18 years. You have the same exact password as me, so there's no secrets. You can literally go in my phone, which you've done, and just go through the stuff if you really truly want to, or just ask me and I'll show you myself. There's no secrets here, so there's no point of me unlocking my phone when you have access to my phone. Do we not have the same password?

[Speaker] No, no, that makes complete sense. That makes complete sense. The amount of years y'all been together, the fact that you're saying that your passwords are the same, you have access. I would agree with that, that there is nothing.

Why when I ask the question, there's attitude behind it?

'Cause I don't like to be accused. I don't like feeling accused of things. You know that.

But see, you feel accused from a question. I'm not saying you are doing this. It's, hey, what is this about?

Oh, that's cute. That's cute, but that's not how you say it.

So my producer told me that y'all wrote what you needed from each other, correct?

We did.

Can I hear what y'all wrote?

Okay, let me go ahead and get it. Listen, I know the connection for us, a lot of it, I do agree, you do support me. But I know a lot of our connections were surrounding food, experiences, making memories. And we can't lie, we are self-proclaimed foodies, are we not?

Yes.

All right, so now—

But that's not what the relationship is built upon.

Let me finish.

That's the leisure part of the relationship.

Can I finish? Can I finish? I want us to find new connection because I feel like our relationship is slowly dying. It's slowly dying and it hurts me because we made a family together. We made a family together. Our daughter is noticing this. There's nothing worse than having your 16-year-old tell you, Ma, you look unhappy. Why are you still doing this? I don't want that for her. I'm supposed to be the example. I wanna be happy again. You're my best friend. You're my best friend. I want that just beyond the best friend. I want us to be a union, a couple, just, I need you. I need you more than ever now. Things are moving so fast. I need you with me. I don't need you against me.

[Speaker] I will never be against you.

Can I tell you something? I'm actually gonna hold y'all from reading that, from reading what y'all have on those papers because here you go, love.

[Speaker] Thank you.

[Speaker] You're welcome. Because I can see so clearly what is going on here. There's two things at play here. The first one is you are, I don't know if you know this, suffering from a bit of survivor's guilt where you have went on this new journey and he did not and you feel a little bad about that.

I do.

I know. And you feel like, am I leaving him behind? You feel a little guilty. You feel like, am I doing something? Like I can't fully be happy for my stuff 'cause I also wanna make sure that he feels fine, but I also wanna be excited for this new moment in my life. That's a lot going on in your head right now. It's also compiled 'cause your mother, that's that mother's guilt. All of that is all wrapped into one. There's a lot of guilt that's going on there. So I'm gonna tell you the first thing you gotta do is you gotta start to reconcile that guilt. It was his decision to not go through with this, with the weight loss journey. You can't worry about that decision. You can't worry about where you're at in life. And even though you're married and you're partners, that was your decision and you have to release her of that. Do you wanna say it to her?

I will no longer allow my insecurities to question you and the things that you do.

Good.

And I will continue and always support you.

Good. Now, now vice versa, there's something that you said is like you were talking about the food was y'all foundation, y'all were eating. The foundation of your relationship was not food. The foundation of your relationship, which is one of the healthiest foundation is time. You spent time together, you talked, you had connection, real connection, and he has lost that connection.

I don't know how to balance it. It's like I haven't figured out how to do that.

And you don't have to figure it out because you have a man here that you could say, "Hey baby, I know you need time. Let's figure it out together." 'Cause what's happening is you're putting all that pressure on yourself to figure it out.

That's the fixer in me. I think I could fix everything myself.

But you don't got to at this point. You got a partner that's sitting by your side. You just have to say, let's get more time. So can you say to him, baby, I promise you I will check in and ask you how I can give you more time. We will figure out how to give more time back to us.

First and foremost, I just wanna say I'm sorry 'cause I didn't look at it from that way. I'm sorry that I should have seen it, but sometimes you have to hear it. But I am gonna give you that time. I do wanna work this out. You are the love of my life. You're my best friend. You literally been with me, you grew up with me, and I wanna keep this relationship. I don't wanna feel like I'm choosing my dream over my relationship. I don't wanna choose my relationship over my dream. I wanna be able to do them both, and I wanna be able to do them with you.

Yeah.

I love you.

I love you too. Listen, both of y'all are on your weight loss journeys, but neither of y'all need to weigh the other one down. Okay? I like that. All right, everyone, thanks for being with us. Make sure to come back next time, friends, so we can keep talking and growing. I love you all.