I Lost 40lbs And Now He Thinks I’m Cheat?! | KARAMO
In this episode of KARAMO, host Karamo mediates a heated discussion between Vanity and her husband Omar about the fallout from Vanity’s 40‑pound weight loss. Vanity reveals that after losing weight she was praised for her appearance but began receiving severe verbal abuse from Omar, including name‑calling and misogynistic remarks, both privately and in front of their three daughters. The couple’s relationship, which began 12 years ago, was founded on deception—Vanity discovered Omar had lied about being ten years older than he claimed. Over the years, Omar’s insecurity grew, leading to accusations of infidelity. Vanity initially denied cheating, but later admits to an ongoing affair with another man, describing multiple sexual encounters after her birthday. She also recounts giving Omar an ultimatum to improve his behavior, which he rejected, resulting in a strained, intermittent sex life. Omar acknowledges occasional verbal abuse and claims he tries to be a positive male influence for the children, yet minimizes the impact of his behavior. Karamo repeatedly highlights how the couple’s toxic dynamics affect their daughters, urging them to consider co‑parenting apart and break the codependent cycle. The episode ends with both parties expressing uncertainty but Karamo urging separation for the children’s well‑being.
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So your husband Omar thinks you're cheating, why?
Yes, he basically thinks I'm cheating because I lost a lot of weight and now I'm looking sexy and I'm feeling myself. Thank you, thank you.
Okay, so we have a couple of pictures from your weight loss journey that I wanna see. Okay, you look good there too, but I see. So how much weight did you lose?
I lost around like 40 pounds.
40 pounds?
Yes.
Hottie, good job.
So let's take a— and it's new now?
Yes.
Okay, okay, you better work, girl.
Okay.
Okay.
So how does Omar treat you since you've lost the weight?
Since I've lost the weight, Omar treats me extremely bad and he talks down to me. He calls me outta my name, calls me a dirty bitch. Trifling whore. He says, all I care about is dick. You know? And every start of an argument, he just starts off being childish and he's like, dick, dick, dick. So in reality, he's never really listening to anything that I have to say.
Yeah. How does Omar talk to you around other people? Not this way.
Yeah, he does. We were at a family event. Basically, my daughter needed to go to the bathroom. I was busy dealing with family and I was like, hey, can you take her to the bathroom? He looked at me and said, bitch, I'm not taking her to the bathroom. That's a woman's responsibility. And I said, there's no gender roles. I just need a little help.
Yeah.
You know?
So take me, 'cause how long y'all been together?
We've been together going on now 12 years.
12 years. So take me back to the beginning because with a relationship like this at the beginning?
No, actually when we first met at the— at a pool party, We actually had a very good relationship. He would surprise my mom. He would do very nice things for me.
Yeah.
My mom kept saying, how old is he? How old is he? And I'm like, oh, he's only like 24, you know? And at that time I was 22. So I was like, oh yeah, that's not bad, 2 years.
Yeah.
And then we wind up being together. He moved in with me and I was washing his laundry and found his driver's license. And so he was 10 years older than what he had told me.
Wow.
And by this time I was pregnant, so I kind of had to make like a choice.
So the relationship started on a foundation that was built on lies?
Basically, yes.
Because that— but why do you think he lied about that? Why not just tell you? Would you have not dated him if you knew he was older?
I would not have, no.
Yeah.
Not that many years older.
Yeah, that many years older.
Yes.
So he purposefully deceived you in order to get what he wanted?
Basically, yes. Okay.
Why does Omar think you're cheating now? Just because you've lost weight?
Yeah, and he has a lot of insecurity issues because like when I was bigger, he used to like talk down to me. He'd say like, you got too much food on your plate, and things like that, like in front of people and everything. So I would always feel like my self-esteem was always down a lot and I didn't really know at that point like who I physically was.
Yeah.
'Cause I basically, he was the first man that I held onto for so long.
Of course, you were 22, you just said.
Right, yeah. And so it was a lot of new experiences that I was dealing with at that time.
So let me ask you directly, have you ever cheated on him?
No.
Never cheated on him?
No.
Okay then. And how many children do you two have together?
We have 3 little girls, 3 daughters.
3 little girls, 3 daughters together. And how does Omar talk in front of your daughters?
Kind of the same, like especially when he's like intoxicated, he kind of like, he coaches my oldest daughter mainly to kind of like, go however he's feeling, pretty much.
So he's making the child disrespect you because of his feelings?
Right, like they've made up songs about people that he's thought I've cheated on him with and they've both like taunted me together, you know?
Got it, got it.
And it kind of put me in a really bad spot.
So why not walk away from this marriage?
Well, right now I'm kind of like stuck in a hard place Because I love my kids and one thing that matters the most to my kids is their father. And me growing up as a kid, I was never had like that closeness relationship with my dad. I felt like he always chose my sister over me. And so when it comes to my kids, I really want to give them that opportunity to have that, you know? And the one thing that matters the most to him is the relationship that he has with my daughters.
Got it.
And so I do like love him still, you know?
Yeah.
But I'm just not, if he's not ready for the woman that I've turned into today, then I'm just not willing to accept—
Yeah.
The beating anymore.
Can I say this to you? Because, and this is not just for you, this is also for people at home and anyone listening. Sometimes as adults, we wanna give our kids the things that we didn't have.
Right.
But what we forget about that is when we're giving them something, there's sometimes that we're, we're taking away things from them as well. Because you're trying to give her the father figure that you didn't have, but in essence, you're also taking away their sense of security and their self-esteem when they hear the father talk to their mother a certain way.
Mm-hmm.
So you have to also pay attention to that because by staying thinking I'm doing good by giving them this, you have to think, well, what are they not gonna receive otherwise? Because if I hear my father calling my mother names, if I hear my father doing these things, if I hear him, him fat shaming her, disrespecting her, there's gonna be a part of them that's going to grow up and say, well, if this man talks to me like this, that's love. 'Cause I saw my father do it.
Right.
And my father's a great guy. My mother told me my father's a great guy. So I'll have the perception that great guys can do this.
Hmm.
So I just want you to think about that as well because I honor that you want them to have their father, but there's a way to co-parent and have their father. While not teaching your daughters that it's okay to accept certain behaviors.
Right.
But we've heard your side of the story. I do wanna hear your husband's side of the story because, you know, I wanna be fair here. So I think it's time to meet Vanity's husband, Omar, and hear what he has to say. So everyone, please welcome Omar to the show. Have you forgotten that you cheated again?
Here you go. You ain't cheat, huh?
No, I didn't cheat. And you always try to accuse me of that and that's not fair. I'm a damn good woman to you and all you do is treat me bad and talk down to me.
All right, we gonna go.
And that's not fair.
Okay.
What's up, man?
How you doing, Omar?
Doing well.
Thank you for being here. So what do you have to say about all this? I heard the first thing you just came out here and said she didn't cheat.
I mean, you know.
You know that she cheated?
Yeah. You know, I seen some things in the phone, like a little over a year ago.
A year ago.
No, he don't even pay my phone bill and he's always going through my phone.
Okay. So what was it that you think he found?
You know, it was a text between her and another dude. Sounded like some things had been going on. You know what I'm saying?
Okay.
And did you confront her about it? Did he confront you?
Yeah, after he found out, I was confronted, yes.
And what did he say? So what was in the text?
You know, it sounded like, you know, some adult activity had been going on. You know, and she spends a lot of time—
But tell him why, tell him why. During that time—
Oh, so now you gonna tell the truth?
During that time, you know, we had an ultimatum where I told him, if you're not gonna treat me like the woman that I deserve to be treated like, you know, I take care of the kids, I take care of the house, all you gotta do is go to work and come home. So you should be taking care of my needs and love me the way that I deserve to be loved. And the main issue I told him at that point, If you can't offer this to me, what are we doing?
Got it. So the ultimatum was, you need to start treating me better. Did, when you had the ultimatum, did this stop the sex life between you two?
Yeah, at that time we weren't having sex at all.
Okay then, okay then.
And then when I gave him the ultimatum, his answer to it was, oh, well, I'm not gonna do that unless you do this. And it's like, I'm a woman, I'm not supposed to be first. You're supposed to take the lead as a provider and my husband.
Got it, got it.
You know?
How's your sex life now?
It's iffy.
Iffy.
You know, like still on and off.
The same opinion for you as well?
Mm-hmm.
Okay then. So let me get some, just some baselines here. Do you call your wife names?
I mean, you know, I'm a Baltimore boy. We a little playful. You know, I grew up in a—
That's always his excuse.
But I don't spend a lot of time just like berating her. or anything like that.
Well, do you say these things in front of your daughters?
Yes.
It may have happened a time or two.
Okay.
How do you think that's affecting them?
You know, at the end of the day, you know, I try to be the most positive male influence for 'em. I know that's not, I don't think I'm perfect, you know what I'm saying?
Of course.
But, you know, I don't think either one of us are either.
Of course, of course, yeah. But you have to understand that anything that they see modeled, they'll believe is healthy.
Right, right.
And so you have to understand that that's gonna be you. So even though in this other area, you're like, I'm a standup father, I'm here, I love you, they're gonna catch on to things that you're doing.
Right.
And so pay attention to that because you could end up damaging your child's life by modeling behavior that you didn't intentionally want her to pick up.
Yeah, yeah.
But she saw you do it to her mother, so now she's like, okay.
It's normal.
So why do you believe that Vanity is cheating now?
I mean, like, we just been in a funny space for a long time. I feel like the gym has kind of become an excuse for her to be out of the house and stuff like that. And you know, it's a lot of male trainers at the gyms and stuff.
But I'm showing you results. Like, you can see the difference. I'm showing you results.
I mean, I did your workout.
Okay, like I'm showing you results.
I need you doing more of this and this and not this though. You know what I'm saying? Like she doing a Kanye workout.
In your opinion, she doing a Kanye workout?
Yeah.
That's why you want her phone unlocked today to see if she's cheating?
Yeah.
Okay then. Well, you know what? It's time to unlock the phone. Vanity, we unlocked your phone.
Who's sending?
Actually, Vanity refused to unlock her phone.
Oh.
Vanity, why did you refuse to lock your phone?
I refused to lock my phone because they asked him first and he said no.
Got it.
So you were like, if there's no transparency on one side, I'm not gonna do it on the other side.
Right.
Well, my producer also told me that you had a very honest conversation before the show that they want us all to see. Can I see this?
I feel like I don't want the investigator to go through my phone because of the guy that I cheated on Omar with last year around my birthday. I'm still entertaining him and I'm still seeing him because he's offering me a love that my own husband hasn't been able to. Because this guy is telling me that he loves me, And, you know, of course I said it back. He offers me the love that I don't get from my own husband. I have had sex with this guy since my last birthday.
Find that real.
At least 6 or 7 times. We would always get hotels. So we would rent hotels or go on a date and then get a room afterwards and then have sex with each other. Like, I felt really great 'cause, you know, he— If he don't really love me, he definitely loves my body. So, you know, from head to toe, he made me feel like he loved me at least. And then I could go home and deal with all my husband's shit that he has to give me. And then it doesn't matter to me as much 'cause at least I still feel loved by someone. You literally asked for that.
So Vanity, you did cheat on him and you're still cheating right now. Okay. Why hide this from Omar?
Well, because when I gave him that ultimatum, he said, well, we're just gonna take— I said, well, where do we go from here? He said, well, we'll just take care of the kids. So I told him, I said, okay, well, if that's what we're doing, you do you and I'm gonna do me, 'cause I'm gonna go find my happiness whether it comes from you or not.
Okay.
I mean, I need the happiness to come from within.
Yeah.
'Cause like all this stuff outside the household ain't necessary.
You didn't trust me anyway. You never trusted me from the beginning anyway. So therefore, all I did was give you what you asked for.
Why don't you get a divorce? Because it sounds like you're not happy in this relationship. You also said that you are financially stable. You said that you want your children to be in their father's life. So it's not as if you're gonna be spiteful and remove them. But if you clearly are unhappy, and I could tell from the way you were looking at her early, you're not happy either.
No.
So then why don't you all end this relationship so that your children can see that when you're not happy, You actually find the courage to move on.
Well, for me, I feel like I really think that he could give me what I'm asking for.
No, you don't. No, you don't.
You know, I feel like he can.
No, you don't. No, you don't. I think that you're afraid to leave something you've been in since you were 22. I think you've built a life with a man, and so now it's like, it's more scary to think about going out there for someone else And so it's easy to kind of step in, dabble a little bit, and then come back. And I think that you're holding onto this false sense of security because we just heard you, you're not happy. It has been going on for a long time. He's not happy. The foundation of this relationship was broken from day one when you lied about your age.
Mm-hmm.
And then just continued to break on and on. You two need to have this really honest conversation about the fact that like, y'all, there's a codependency here that you attached yourselves to when you were in your 20s that y'all are still holding onto.
Yeah.
And you have to heal that codependency and start to realize you gotta move away. The thing is that what we need to realize, this is not about weight loss. This is about y'all losing y'all self.
Mm-hmm.
And y'all have already lost y'all selves in this situation. It has been 12 years that has just been damaging, damaging, damaging. I can hear such, I can hear backwards and antiquated ways of thinking on your end and I can hear it on yours as well.
Mm-hmm.
So I'm not gonna say you worse than you or you worse than this because I feel like both of y'all have, the way you talk to each other, the way you react to each other, I'm sure, and I'm a betting man in this situation, that at some point she came to you and said, these are my needs. And instead of you meeting her needs by saying, hey, let me figure this out, you met her with, well then what about me?
Yeah. Right.
There's some truth to that.
And the way I feel, Karamo, if you knew better, you'd do better. Okay?
So let me say to you, if you know better, then do better.
Right.
Ooh.
This is, again, this is your life. Like I said, both of y'all losing yourself in this. Y'all can be in this for another 10 years and you'll be unhappy. And what will happen is that now those children will be 10 years older and those models will solidify in them.
Yeah.
You are unhappy, you are unhappy. And the best decision you all can make for yourselves is to work this out separately.
Yeah.
Seriously.
I'm glad you have your answers. You now, you living in your truth. You know what she doing. And so now like, It's up to y'all.
Yeah.
To make the choice, okay?
Okay.
And if you can't make it for yourself, please make it for those little girls.
Yeah.
I implore you, please, for them little girls. I will, I will. 'Cause I promise you, there's gonna be some 22-year-old little boy that's gonna sniff out they low self-esteem and you gonna have this pattern repeating.
Yeah, I don't wanna hurt nobody.
Thank you. I know you don't wanna hurt nobody, all right? So then stop hurting they mama and stop hurting yourself, all right? All right, everyone, make sure to come back next time, friends, so we can keep talking and growing. I love you all. So let me tell y'all what she did. She came on this show because she wanted to embarrass him and make him feel the pain that she's been feeling for years. But what she don't realize is it backfires because you are talking about your weight loss journey and we wanna support you in that. But because you found your self-esteem doesn't mean you have to be duplicitous. Doesn't mean you have to— don't have to be deceitful. You could have easily found the courage in yourself to say, let me go ahead and walk away from this and then take my children and show them what a strong woman is. But instead you decide to do the opposite. So why you think that we over here like, yeah, get it, girl. No, we not. It didn't work like you thought it worked. You know what I mean? Both of y'all need to leave. But anyway, that's my little thing.
Thank you.
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