I Lost My Daughter In A Fire, I Won't Lose You Too! | KARAMO

I will never forget the day that my daughter's house caught on fire. I got a phone call and it was her fiancé screaming, "I can't get her out, the house is on fire." I jumped in the car and went over there. I got about 10 blocks from her house and it was nothing but just dark smoke. There were so many fire trucks. Ambulances. I had to run a block down the street to even get to her house, and it took my breath away. And then when they brought the kids— they brought the kids out first, and they looked lifeless. I thought they was dead. Then when they brought my daughter out, the smoke had got to her. We got her to the hospital. They said that They couldn't do anything more with her. They said that she was dead. I miss her so much. I became the legal guardian of Kristen's kids. I had to be really strong for these young women. They needed me so much, so I had to put my feelings, my life aside just so I could tend to them. It's hard. I'm having the hardest time with Kiki. She's out of control sometimes. When she's bad, she's really bad. She calls me names, she cusses me out, she runs away, she steals and lies and beats up people and she even pulls out knives just so she can show me that she means business. Sometimes I think, oh my gosh, she's a monster. Please help us out.

Listen, we'll talk to Mindy's granddaughter, Kiki, a little later, but please welcome Mindy to the show. Everyone at home was watching that. You were watching that as well and you got super emotional. This is still raw for you. Yeah.

It's like it had just happened yesterday.

How many years ago was this?

2011.

2011.

Yeah.

Okay. And I'm so sorry 'cause you haven't had time to grieve your daughter, it seems like.

I never grieved my daughter. I went from grandma to mom immediately.

Yeah, I can see that. So how long have you been the guardian of the girls exactly?

As soon as they were 6. Kiki was 3 and Aaliyah was 4.

Wow, okay.

There's so many behaviors with Kiki. She does have brain damage and it causes her to do some crazy things, but now she's got behavioral problems too. I would get called home from work all the time. There's even times that I had my electricity shut off because I couldn't afford to pay pay the bill and then somebody called DCS and said that I didn't have electricity. They took the girls out of the house. They took them out of the house and they went to foster. And that was terrible. They've been through so much. And I, I'm sorry.

I tell you, you know, I worked in social services for many years and it was moments like that that I hated. Instead of like solving the problem and saying, let me just pay your bill. Yeah. It was more of a priority of the state to remove the child. And for me, I understand if they, the state is looking for neglect, but if there's been no history of neglect and there's one moment where I'm falling short, I always felt that's where we should, as a government and as a people, should step in and say, let me help you versus trying to separate families, you know? That used to always bother me. It used to always get me. So Kiki is 16 years old now.

16, yes.

Yes, okay then. And how long has this behavior going on where she's been doing these things?

The major behaviors started about 3 and a half, 4 years ago.

So she became a teenager.

But she's always had some behaviors, defiant and stuff like that. She's got kicked out of every school she's been in.

Got it.

Except this last one, she's still going now.

So what do you think makes her start acting out?

I kind of think that sometimes she's wanting attention. And then she always brings up about her mom. Well, my mom's not here no more. And she says people make fun of her because her mom's dead. And having that come out of her mouth, it's awful. It's like, who would make fun of a child that lost their mom?

But we know kids can be cruel.

Oh my gosh, they're so mean.

Yeah, yeah. What do you do in these moments when she says things like that?

All I can do is hug her. But then she gets mad. Get away from me, get away from me. I really don't know what to do and that's why I'm here. I've tried everything that I could possibly try and I know you got this.

I will try, I'll definitely give it my all. I will. So talk to me about her lying and stealing.

She lies about stealing, she steals about lying. You know, she's— one time I had to put, well, I've got cameras up in my house everywhere. So one time I was looking at the camera and I see her in my room and she gathered up so much stuff in like 2 seconds. It was so quick. Ran it back to her room, then come back and got another handful. I said, "KK, come here." I said, "Do you wanna watch a movie with me?" And I started playing it. She goes, that's not me. That's not me. I was like, yes, it is.

Yeah. Does she smoke or drink?

I did catch her one time, and she had a small bottle that had like this much alcohol in her room tucked behind her bed.

Wow.

Yeah. And then I told her the other day, I said, I'm going to give you a drug test because you're not acting right. She says, you shouldn't because I'm going to— Bail it.

Does she run away as well?

Oh my gosh, all the time. So I start calling her phone, she hits the refuse button on me, and whenever I finally get a hold of her, she goes, "What do you want, bitch?" And whenever I have called the police on her, they'll go get her, she cusses them out. She's really, really verbally abusive to people, physically abusive to people.

So she got arrested for stealing from her family a couple years ago.

Um, my sister in Texas said, why don't you let, let her come down here for the summer and I'll see what I can do with her. And she was there for about 4 weeks. And I get it, uh, my sister said, Akili's in jail. I said, what for? Well, she stole my niece's a $5,000 ring. Well, when the officer picked her up, she started fighting him. She, they said that she beat up the officer, put it that way. So he had to hogtie her and put her in the back of the car. I want her to see the things that she's doing. I think if you talk to her, 'cause you are very good at talking to people.

Thank you, I appreciate it.

'Cause I watch your show all the time, okay? All the time.

Thank you, I appreciate that.

Thank you. It seems like you fix people. Well, you help people and they fix theirself. That's what I want.

Okay, good. Okay, I understand. Well, let's meet Kiki and hear her side of the story. So everyone, welcome Kiki to the show. Hi, Kiki. Thank you for being here.

Hi. Thank you.

So I gotta ask you, first of all, First of all, you look very nice.

Thank you.

Yeah, you're welcome. What do you wish would be better about your relationship with your grandma?

That she wasn't that strict.

Strict?

Give me a later curfew and things.

'Cause what's your curfew now?

On weekdays it's 7:30.

7:30. What about on weekends?

It's 10.

10 o'clock, okay. My producers say you don't like how your grandma or mom treats you in front of your friends.

Is that what you're talking about? Yeah, she's like always yells. Sometimes she yells at me. Sometimes she'll yell at my friends.

Got it. So you feel embarrassed?

Yeah.

Okay. And she comes in your room when you don't want her to? Tell me about that.

Like, I'll just be in my room laying down, and then all of a sudden I hear my door open. I look over, it's her looking through my clothes, looking on my dresser. I'm like, please get out. And then sometimes I'll start yelling, cussing, get out of my room, and she won't. And then I just, I don't know about what I'm doing because I'm tired.

Do you know why she's in your rooms?

I don't know.

Did you ever ask instead of just saying, "Get out"?

I'll be looking for the stuff that she's taken and I'll do it right in front of her and it's like, "Why you got this? Why do you got this?

Why you got—" Because you give it to me.

And that's what she says. "You give it to me." No, I didn't.

Half the stuff you did give to me.

I give you a lot of stuff.

But you say you take some other stuff that she didn't give? Why you take the stuff that she didn't give you? Okay.

Did you pull a knife on your grandma? No, that was Aaliyah.

That was Aaliyah, okay. Did she pull up?

I'm always the one that's stepping in front of her from Aaliyah.

Got it, okay. Is that true?

Well, she's grabbed the knives before and I'm gonna get you and stuff like that.

But she's saying that it was your other, her sister that Did it directly. Yeah.

Yeah, no. Yeah, no, okay. Yeah, it's the big.

So why do you pull the knife out? You don't know? You just get so overwhelmed with feelings sometimes that you're like, ah, I just wanna express it?

I think she does it so I know that she means business.

Is that why you're doing it? Would you ever harm your grandmother? Okay. How do you feel like that maybe she feels like you would? How does that make you feel?

A little upset. Why? Because I feel like I should be able to be trusted and know that she would— and have her know that I would not hurt her. Yeah. I would love to trust you.

I would so much.

When she says that, I see you welling up. What does it make you How do you feel? Here you go, love. When she said she would love to trust you, that made you emotional. What's going on?

The reason why I don't let people in is because it's hard for me to trust. Yeah. Because people stab me in the back so much. Got it.

Like who? Who stabbed you in the back? Like people at school. So then if the other people are hurting you, why take it out on her?

'Cause she sometimes says the wrong thing at the wrong time.

So you just get overwhelmed with your emotions and take it out. So your grandmother said earlier you want a job. Yeah, why do you want a job?

Because I wanna be independent and pay for my own things and help her pay the bills.

Yeah, you wanna help her pay the bills. Yeah, how does that make you feel? Wow. Yeah.

I love you so much.

I love you. What do you wanna do after you graduate high school?

I wanna be a firefighter to make my birth mom proud of me.

You wanna be a firefighter?

And save people like she saved me.

Did you know that?

I know she wanted you. She's been ever since she was little.

But she never knew the reason why.

She never what?

Knew the reason why I wanted to be a firefighter.

She didn't know, yeah.

Her mom saved her and herself.

Yeah, she wanted to save other people, yeah. So first of all, I wanna let you know this. You're not a bad girl. You're not. I wanna let you know that. You are a very sweet person. You are a good person. You have a great heart.

Yes, she does.

Big hug. I need you to know that because I've had teens on here that like are outta control. You have some anger issues and I understand why, but you're not an outta control teen. You're a teen that's hurting right now. Do you ever talk with your grandma about how much you're hurting? Sometimes. Yeah. Why don't you talk about it more often? What are you afraid will happen if you talk about it? I'm supposed to start crying.

I don't like crying. You don't like crying.

Why don't you like crying? It just makes me feel weak. Makes you feel weak. And when you feel weak, you feel like you don't have any control. And so you're hoping to have some control. Yeah. And then you start doing things so that you could feel like you have that control, right? I got it. But you know, sometimes being vulnerable is the thing that you can do to most control yourself. To control your life is handling your emotions. And a lot of times people don't learn that till later 'cause we think control comes from everything outside of us when real control comes from the inside. Yeah. When you get angry, what do you normally do? Just like let it come out?

No, I like leave the house so I don't let it come out.

But those moments when it comes out, what are you feeling? Just like you're just so overwhelmed you can't, it has to come out? Yeah. Got it. So I'm gonna ask you this. Can you start first by not running away? Can you say, "I promise you I won't run away"?

I promise I won't run away no more.

Okay, so Grandma, I heard when you said that like she gets a Social Security check. Yeah. And I know how the system works, I understand. So like there's parts, if she gets a job, if she does stuff, it's gonna take a little bit of it away. Yes. Under $1,600 a month, she won't lose her Social Security. So knowing that, will you give her a chance to have some independence of getting a job? If it won't affect the check? Yeah. Would that make you happy to get a little bit of independence? Yeah. But now if you get the independence with that, you gotta commit to something big. You already said to commit to something, to running away. I'm gonna let your grandmother ask you one thing and if she says you can get a job, You gotta do the one thing she asked for. Can you commit? All right, Grandma, what's the one thing you want?

I want you to not take from anybody, not get mad at people. You're old enough to go to jail. I don't want that. You get taken away from me ever again, I'll lose it.

Now you are a teenager, so you're not gonna know how to control your anger. So what I can do is step in there and I can give you some tips of how to control your anger. If I give you some tips on how to control your anger, and she gives you a job, is that a little step in the direction where you feel like better? Yeah? Also, I'm gonna let you know I had my team look up for, because one of my producers told me that you wanna be a firefighter, and we found out that there's a volunteer firefighter program in your town, and we're reaching out to them so you can get involved. It's not fair enough.

[APPLAUSE] That is awesome. That is awesome.

That is awesome.

Anything you wanna say to your grandma?

Thank you, Mom. I love you so much.

Come here. This is the first step and we're gonna check up. This is the first step. But if you can take this first step, we can keep going and you're gonna have a bright future and y'all gonna have a great relationship, okay? Okay. You will. Thank you so much. All right, friends, stay with us. We'll be right back.