I Maced My Dad...Can Our Relationship Be Repaired? | KARAMO

Welcome to the show, friends. Tion and his dad Raphael fell out 3 months ago when they got into a verbal altercation and Tion sprayed his dad in the face with mace. And then if that wasn't enough, Raphael kicked down Tion's apartment door. And I've got to find out what happened next. Please welcome Tion to the show. Hey, Tion. Hi.

How you doing?

Come on, shoot.

Oh, I tried. I try.

Come on, Sue. You ain't playing. How you doing?

I'm good, how are you?

I am good, but Teon, Teon, Teon, what I just read. So take me back to that night. What happened?

Basically, my dad stays outta town, so he came to my house for the holiday, for the weekend.

Yes.

And I was at a party. Don't get me wrong, I was at a party. It was Halloween and he needed the key to get in the house, but I told him when he came to get my key, "Be at home when I get home." My phone was off. I told him, "I ain't gonna be able to call you when I get home, so can you be home?" He wasn't there. I got home at 3 o'clock in the morning. I call him, get next to my Wi-Fi, call him. He answer, "Oh, I'm on my way, da da da da da, I'm sorry." It still took him 45 minutes to get to my house. So I'm standing outside in the hallway drunk. I was lit, I ain't gonna lie, I was lit. So I was ready to lay it down. It was time to lay it down at 3 o'clock in the morning. Ain't nothing else to do. So he get off the elevator when he finally arrives 45 minutes later, hee hee ha ha and kikiing like it's a joke. And I'm upset now 'cause I had to wait. So I took off on him like, why are you so late? Why are you not here with my key when I told you to be here? And he wasn't there. So we got going back and forth or whatever. I said, wait.

But why spray him in the face with mace?

He called me a. I'm gay. You call me gay. Don't call me no.

Got it. So you brought a video here to show me, let me see the damage that happened that night.

You see like the door is all kicked open, the wood, the door is shut, but if you push it hard enough, you can still get in there. So I had to stay home all weekend with my door kicked in 'cause I had to wait till Monday morning for Magnix to come out and fix my door.

Who kicked this door open?

My dad.

Your dad kicked it?

Yeah.

Okay. And so how did things get that far outta control? I hear like it's Halloween. I understand how liquor played a piece and we'll figure that out. But you go from him being home and then all of a sudden you macing him, him calling you the F word, then y'all, him kicking down doors. Something within that is not tracking with me.

It was the argument. We was arguing in between time and basically I told him, since I have to wait to get in my house, you can just leave and you can just get outta my house. I took his bag and his girlfriend's bag. Y'all can get out. We had a few words and then he like, oh, you acting like a blah, blah, blah. He said it twice. So by the second time, I'm ready.

Yeah.

So I maced him. So I pushed him out. He was on the little threshold, so I pushed him out, shut my door. When I shut my door, he kicked it. So when he kicked it, I tried to stop it almost so it didn't really fall all the way down, but it still was kicked in.

So that's a lot of strong homophobic language. I wanna understand what was your relationship like before? Did he always exhibit homophobic behavior?

When I first came out, he probably was upset or whatnot, so we didn't talk for a little while, but he came around and my dad, He turned out to be my best friend. I can call him and say anything. Dad, my boyfriend just cheated on me.

Yeah.

And I can talk to him about stuff like that. But then it was just like, he lived with me at a point in time, lived on my couch, had a whole mattress in my living room at my apartment that he kicked my door in. So it was just like—

So y'all were close?

Yeah, that was my best friend.

So y'all were really best friends?

Outta all my dad's kids, I'm the only one that talked to my dad.

It hurts my heart to know that he didn't exhibit homophobic behavior before.

Right.

That y'all were close and that came out. So what's your relationship like right now?

We haven't communicated since then. I blocked him. I haven't talked to him. He doesn't have a really, he really didn't have a number for me to call anyway. We communicated on Facebook or whatnot, but I blocked him. I haven't talked to him and I'm hurt. Yeah, I wanna talk to my dad. I want to be, have a good relationship back with my dad again. But it's just, do you still feel that way?

Yeah.

Do you still wanna, you gonna get drunk and call me that again?

Mm. Listen, well, Teon hasn't spoken with his dad Raphael, since the day they fell out after he sprayed his father with mace in the face. And I want to hear what Raphael has to say about his side of the story. So everyone please welcome Raphael to the show. Hey Raphael, nice to meet you, sir.

How you doing, Karamo?

I'm good.

I'm good too.

Yes. Welcome to the show. So there's a lot of tension between you and Tionne.

Not really.

Not on your point of view?

He created it all.

Okay.

How did that create it?

That night he was drunk. Halloween party.

You wasn't drunk?

The Halloween party. You weren't drunk though? You wanna talk or you want me to talk?

Go ahead, go ahead.

When I got there, I was in the parking lot. He called me, where you at? I need my key. I got up there, soon as I got to the top of the steps, he disrespects me.

You got up like it was hunky-dory. Like I just went out there waiting for 45 minutes for you to come let me in my house. If you was downstairs in the parking lot. It don't take you 40 minutes to come upstairs.

He stays in a high-rise, 13 stories.

Take 5 minutes to get upstairs.

We were in the apartment complex parking lot. We rode up the steps, the elevator, got to his apartment.

It don't take you 40 minutes to come upstairs.

When I got there, he said, "You ain't gonna be doing this shit." This, that, and cussed me all the way out.

Yeah.

I don't wait on nobody to get in my house.

I'm your father, and I said, "I'm your dad, you're not gonna talk to me like that." Boy, come on.

When you came out, who threw you a party?

It don't matter. Me? When I came out, we were not the closest. It took you a while to come around, Dad. It took you a while.

Tiana, you talked to me in the car.

You sat there and said, "I'm coming out." And I said, "I don't care." It took you a while to come around.

Now you're lying.

No, I'm not.

I accepted you from day one.

No, you did not.

I never had a problem with it.

When you came around, we was close.

What did me and Tiki and everybody say?

Everybody said we've been through it. It don't matter. It's different if you've been through it and then when somebody come out and say it, And I accept you. Like what do you mean? And I accept you, I love you regardless.

So Raphael, do you feel like Tion is the reason that there's a problem in your relationship?

He is a spoiled kid.

I'm the only kid on my mom's side.

He's the only kid on his mom's side. He's spoiled. Now he's grown and we're not doing nothing for him no more. Now nobody likes him, loves him. Say what? That's it. You grown now.

Well, Tion feels like it's your fault. For what happened that evening.

Okay, so what was my fault?

You took forever to come to my house.

So that mean you maced your dad 'cause he took 20 minutes?

Boy, I maced you 'cause you called me a bitch. Anybody out here mace their father for 20 minutes? You called me out my name, you disrespected me. That's a derogatory word.

Who does that?

You don't say nothing like that to me.

And I didn't disrespect you until you maced me.

Okay. Period.

So why was it important for you to bring your father here?

Because I just feel like it need to be reconciled. It's not, my feelings is still hurt, to be honest.

I don't care about 'em right now 'cause you maced me.

There's a lot of pain that's going on here. And the pain has started from you, from when you were younger and were rejected.

It's been a long while. My pain, my pain.

Hold on, I want you to, I want you to get.

He's never been rejected.

No, no, never been rejected.

I didn't say from you. Hold on, hold on. Oh, okay, okay.

I was about to say he's never been rejected.

Let me get to this. Your experience and his experience are always gonna be different. And for him, his experience gets to be his truth. It doesn't mean that it's your truth. But we have to acknowledge when someone else and how they feel in their truth.

I understand that, but I had to live with him since he was this big. I had to defend it. I've been defending this boy his whole life.

I understand, but even though you might feel like you're in his corner.

I know my son's truth. I had to deal with that. I had to deal with my friends talking about some, why your son over there dancing and playing with the girl? I had to deal with that. I had to cuss people out.

I understand.

I had to dang near fight my friends. Taking up for my son that I love. Truly.

What I'm acknowledging and talking about right now is his truth.

Let's hear his.

That's what it is. Okay. So when you were younger, you said that people rejected you.

Not necessarily people rejected me. I never even, I don't feel like I ever felt like I was rejected.

What happened with your family when you came out?

When I came out, my mom put me out. I didn't have nowhere to go.

That's called rejection.

I was living with Latia, sleeping on her floor until 2018 when I got my own place and I didn't look back since and I don't.

So what did other family members do? Did anybody else other than Latia reach out to you?

I mean, a couple did here and there, but—

But no one else did?

No.

So you felt rejected?

Yeah, basically almost a little bit.

Yeah.

But I don't feel like I really don't care for my attitude. I have an I don't care attitude. So I don't care if you don't care.

Let me tell you something. That attitude and that anger.

It's gonna hurt me in the end, I know.

Comes from that place of being rejected. So when people say, "I don't care," it's because at the end of the day—

I do care, but it's just—

You do care. So that's sitting in that vulnerability right there. Stay in that vulnerability. It's hard. I know it is. So that's why even though y'all have had a great relationship, him saying the F word, whether it was before you maced him or after, that's not my care right now. My care is, is that that retriggered those feelings of now the one person I thought in my corner is gonna reject me.

Yeah, I don't tolerate disrespect.

I know you don't because that's the guard, that's the wall. That's why you said it's hard to be vulnerable because anytime you've been vulnerable, that leaves you open for hurt. So can you acknowledge just before, I'm gonna get to what he did to you. So don't think that I'm over here, it's one-sided.

I'm listening to everything.

I know you said you protected your son, you tried to be there for you, but for people, who have been hurt and rejected, when someone you trust and love says something that is like, it makes you think, has that always been in there?

Right.

Has it always been something you wanna say?

And vice versa.

No, we can't go vice versa yet. Just stick with me, please. Stick with me. I promise you.

If you disrespect your parents that much, then that means you never respected me from the start.

Sir, sir, sir, I promise you I'm gonna acknowledge what you went through and been through. I'm asking you, can you understand how the rejection he experienced in the moment as a child has made him feel when you said that word? That it remakes him think like, am I about to be rejected by the person I thought loved me?

I don't care about that night 'cause he maced his father. First off, I don't care because I wouldn't have never said anything. I didn't say anything until he maced me in my eye.

Why was that the word that you felt that you need to use?

Because he was so disrespectful in macing his parent You want to hurt him. For no reason.

You want to hurt him.

You hurt me for no reason.

Okay, so lemme tell you something, 'cause as a father right now, my sons have done things to hurt me, but I have to acknowledge that even though they've hurt me.

Do they have to respect you?

My children? Yes. When I give them respect, yes.

Respect is two, it goes two ways.

So before that night, I never respected you?

It's two ways. I never said you didn't.

So he has acknowledged. It goes two ways. He has acknowledged that you hurt him.

So why disrespect me that night? Because I'm 40 minutes late with a key.

Who makes that thing? Raphael, Raphael, I'm gonna ask you something.

Makes no sense.

Raphael, I'm gonna ask you something. Do you want to salvage the relationship with your son?

No, I'm good. He got about another year before he good with me.

So you don't want to salvage the relationship with your son?

I didn't mess up.

Like—

You did mess up.

You right, I was 10 minutes late.

No, because you called your son out of his name.

Yes, after he disrespected his father.

It don't matter if he was 5, 10, or 20 minutes late. I still shouldn't have to wait for my key to get in my own house.

I ain't never grew up where you could disrespect your parents and get away with it.

I don't have to wait for you to get my key.

I ain't never grew up where you could disrespect disrespect your parents.

Well, your son called the show to repair your relationship.

I've never been anywhere where you could disrespect your parents.

Called this show to repair this relationship. I'm gonna ask you one more time.

He already said no. It's okay. He know me. He already don't talk to none of his kids anyway, so that's why he really don't care.

You want me to call him right now?

Because you got their number now.

What hurts me about it now—

I got it.

What hurts me about this is because you keep saying that we had the best relationship and all this, and I've seen this a lot on this show. There's something about this arrogance of men that we get into. I've seen this many times where we sit in front of our hurting children and all of a sudden it's like, I'm gonna show you, I'm now, and say, you know what? I don't care either.

It's not even a man, it's a principle thing.

No, it is a man thing.

You mess up at school, you mess up at work, there's consequences. You're not gonna disrespect your parent and come back the next day and be like, everything cool.

If you trust the process and understand what I'm about, what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna see your side and I'm gonna help you to be acknowledged and feel seen, but it is a process that must happen. And you've deterred the process when you said, "I don't care about repairing this relationship." I'm gonna ask you please one more time.

He already said no, Karamo, it's okay.

No, no, no, because I don't believe in that. I've seen this a million and one times where I've had men on this show that after they get off this show, they call back and they saying, "I'm sorry, I wish I would've listened." I don't want that to happen here. Please, I'm gonna ask you again. Do you want to repair the relationship with your son?

Yeah, where he can become a respectful son like any other son.

Answer, just stick with yes.

That's it. No, it's no yes or no. No, it's no yes or no.

Because I'm going to acknowledge, I'm going to acknowledge.

Well, no, I don't.

Jesus.

I'm sitting here trying with him and I love him.

You're not trying, sir.

I love him.

You're not trying.

I've done everything.

No, no, no, no, sir, sir. No, no, no. Because this is where, again, and people who have come to this show many times have watched this show, this is where I get upset because you're not trying. You're not trying at all.

And I've never been there for him.

He don't know me at all. No one said that. You can play the victim somewhere else, but you can't play the victim here. You can't play with someone who understands how to play language and has communication. I don't wanna be the victim. I don't wanna be the victim. And no one has said that you did not be that victim. I don't wanna be the victim.

And I'm not playing the victim.

You are playing the victim in this moment. What I asked you was if you wanted to repair the relationship with your son and you said no 4 times.

Yeah, 5 now.

Don't make me none. I don't care if it's 5 times. That's that.

5 now.

Thank you for being on my show.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you so much. I'm gonna talk to your son. Okay.

He don't care and I don't care. He don't care, I don't care. And I'm trying not to get emotional, but—

No, you can be emotional here because I'm sorry. Because I watched what you experienced and I also understand why you are angry because this is deeper than this show.

Yeah, it is.

What do you need to heal in this moment?

Honestly, He don't care, so I don't care.

Can I encourage you to say this? Just for yourself. Don't say that no more, that I don't care. It's okay that you care. We all witnessed the hurt. We all witnessed it. And no one is gonna sit here and be like, you're wrong for wanting to get some respect. So you don't have to say I don't care. We know you care. We know you care.

'Cause I do.

And we care too.

But I really don't. And like, in the inside I care, but in the outside I don't. Like I gotta—

Well, that's the wall. That's the wall. That's the wall. That's the man that's learned how to protect the kid. That's what that is. And so you do care. And I'm sorry that your father wasn't able to step up in this moment. So y'all need to know that when I worked in social services, I worked primarily with LGBT youth between the ages of 12 and 21 years old. And I understand the damage, especially for an LGBT youth, when you have a parent that's rejecting you and the rejection continues through your life and how it causes Anger issues, trust issues, walls going up. And so for me professionally and just personally, I would never re-trigger someone for a television show. I'm sorry that we couldn't get to a resolution here. I really am. It's all right. I really am.

I thought we could. That's why I came to the show.

I know you're hurt. If you really wanna establish a relationship with your father, you gotta find a better way to be vulnerable with him other than through anger. You deserve to have your feelings acknowledged. You have been rejected from a child and you did not deserve that. The thing that I can only leave with you is I'm sorry.

I'm sorry too.

I love y'all. Hold on, where you going? I'll tell you where you're going. Right here to subscribe and right here to watch more, period.