I'd Rather Be Homeless Than Live With You! | KARAMO
In this episode of KARAMO, host Karamo brings together an adult daughter (referred to as Speaker B) and her mother, Porsha, to confront a long‑standing, trauma‑laden conflict. The dialogue reveals a history of physical and emotional abuse, intergenerational trauma, and pivotal events: a violent 4th‑of‑July fight, a car‑accident that injured Porsha while she was eight months pregnant (resulting in the loss of a sibling), and a teenage pregnancy at age 17 for both mother and daughter. Speaker B describes repeated shutdowns, threats, and physical altercations, while Porsha recounts her own abusive relationships and a pattern of yelling and demanding cleanliness. Karamo repeatedly mirrors their statements, identifies the core breakdown—unprocessed trauma and a lack of security—and guides them toward expressing needs (e.g., “I need security”). The session ends with tentative reconciliation, mutual expressions of love, and a call for continued growth.
Chapters
Let me tell you something. I love a fly woman to tip out. Girl, and you had just tipped out. You better work. Okay, so I need to know because what I just read was pretty serious. What happened on 4th of July?
We started fighting. So she came towards me, we were going back and forth. She was saying something like, I'll choke slam you, I'll slap you, because she didn't like how I was talking to her. But she was coming at me aggressive, so I gave her the same energy. Then she, I remember she like grabbed me by my neck and like pushed me on the bed.
Oh my gosh, okay.
And then she grabbed me by my neck, pushed me on the bed, and then as I was like getting back up, I don't remember exactly how it led to it, but we started having like a tugging war. Like she pulled me by my hair and I pulled her by hers. So like at this point we're going like back and forth. I'm telling her to let me go. Did you ever want to leave? Yes. That situation, it made me like not wanna do it.
Got it. Did she throw things at you that day too?
Yeah, so she threw like one of the game boxes and it hit me in my face. Is
this the first time you got physical with your mom?
No.
No.
We just started arguing recently. Probably like last year is when we got in like the biggest argument. 'Cause usually like I'll just shut down. I won't talk anymore.
Got it. Oh, so your personality is you shut down. So do you feel like she threatens you? Is that what's making you shut down?
She threatens me when she feels like I'm being combative.
Did she threaten you that day?
Yes.
You told my producers that you said that your mother said she's going to make you leak. Your mother said to you, you gonna make you leak. Now listen, I have friends in the hood, so I know what, when they say that, what that mean.
Right.
If someone says they gonna make you leak, what did you take it as when she said that?
That she's trying to like, she wanna fight me. Like I'm not her kid anymore, so. When she was talking to me, it was like, what's up? Like, I don't wanna be like that with my mom, but I'm sorry.
No, you fine. Yeah. Yeah. What was it like growing up with your mom?
Crazy.
Yeah, in what ways?
She had like abusive relationships. I had to intervene a lot of times. Okay. Yeah, I would be in the middle of it. I'll have to be like a mediator because it was more like the person that she dealt with at the time, it was like he'll be more aggressive towards her than he was to me. So it'd be like, okay, well talk to him and see, make sure he doesn't come to the house and try to harm us or something. It was really like I was put in situations I didn't wanna be in.
Did your mom get into physical altercations with other people when you were younger? Yes. She did. What happened when she was 8 months pregnant with your sibling?
So that day she was going to McDonald's. It wasn't that far. She asked me if I wanted to go with her and that day I just didn't feel like it. So, 'cause she didn't have her car, that's why she walked to McDonald's. She seen, I guess she seen her car on the street. She seen her car on the street or she seen the person that had her car on the street. She seen them and then like she confronted them and like per usual they like was tussling or whatever. The girl, she ran her over.
Ran your mother over? And she was 8 months pregnant? Mm-hmm. Okay, and so how old were you at this time?
7.
So you're 7 years old and your mother gets ran over while pregnant. Did your siblings survive? Did not survive. Okay, okay. So what does she say now when you bring it up?
Get over it.
Oh, okay. What did your mom say when she found out you were pregnant at 17? She wanted you to abort it, okay. And what did you say back?
At first I was like, okay, like maybe she's right, maybe. But then when it was like time to go forth with it, I was like, okay.
Don't wanna do it, yeah. And your mother is 38 and you're 21, so she had you at 17. So you had a child at 17, your mother had a child at 17. Mm-hmm. Okay, I understand. So what do you want from me today? What are you hoping for?
I want my mom to understand what she put me through. I understand, like, you know, we came and we passed it, But I want you to like not admit, but own up to what you put me through. Like acknowledge it at least.
Got it, got it, got it. Okay, that makes a lot of sense to me. Well listen, it's time to meet your mom. So everyone please welcome Porsha to the show. Hey Porsha.
So, hello. So first of all, I just don't understand how me being ran over caused her so much trauma to where it's like she just can't get over it. One fact, you weren't there. That's a fact. You didn't see me getting ran over. I was there with you. Right, I know. I didn't say that, but you didn't see me getting ran over. You didn't like experience that. So I'm just saying, so to put yourself in that trauma and stay in it is something that I just can't do.
Porsha, I wanna know from you, can you tell me what happened on the 4th of July?
Yeah, I, uh, pretty soon.
You can take a seat, please. Yeah, please take a seat. Thank you. Thanks for being here, by the way.
Right. Yeah. Um, so the 4th of July, um, okay, first of all, I'm yelling at my youngest daughter. So if you see I'm yelling at her, I'm the mama, you know? This a bear. I'm roaring right now. So I'm yelling, and then I come in there and I say something to you and I got an attitude. Me, if I was there, I'm like, girl, bye.
You talk at me. You don't talk to me.
No, you're too sensitive.
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are. I don't like that. Like, I'm not gonna be on no—
No, you don't know how to understand. You don't take what people say to you and you don't be like, okay, well, I did this, I'm sorry. You don't know how to apologize. You be like, okay, well, get over it. Like, oh well.
Why did they get physical that day though? I'm still not understanding why they get physical.
Because when she stood up, she was talking to Buck. You know what I mean? Don't get up and start bucking at me.
You kept saying you would hit me. Like, what do you mean?
Juicy, I did not tell you that, that I would hit you.
Yes, you did. You kept threatening me.
Well, guess what? See, well, get outta my face then.
Girl.
So who threw the first punch that day?
It wasn't no punches because she was doing too much. So yeah, I choked her a little bit. Yeah, get down, sit down.
How do you communicate when you're angry?
Mm, I don't know, it'd be both. It could be, I could be mixed talking verbally or I'm, yeah.
So when you get angry, you get loud, you get aggressive, and sometimes you might have to get physical.
Yeah, yeah, but with her, it's not because you're my child, so I most definitely don't wanna take it there. Of course. You get what I'm saying? So that's not the case. Like, you get what I'm saying? Even with us fighting, her, you know, me telling her, oh, I'm gonna make you leak. Yeah, because I want her to understand, look, girl, you don't even fight. Not like that. You're not a fighter. I'm a fighter. She knows that. So you pulling my hair right now, and I'm just trying to let you pull my hair, but I'm trying to let you know You keep holding onto it, I'm gonna make you leak. So then you gonna have to let me go.
Yeah. What do you mean by that every time you say, I'm gonna make her leak? Like— 'Cause where I'm from, you say I'm gonna make somebody leak, it's 'cause you putting holes in 'em.
Yeah. So yeah.
Okay. Okay. And how do you think it makes her feel when you say things like, I'm gonna make you leak?
Mm, I'm gonna be real. I don't care because my whole point is that, you know what I mean? Like, don't come at me in that type of manner and I'm not gonna come at you in that type of manner. You know what I mean? Like, let's respect each other and then, And furthermore, I'm your mom, so you get what I'm saying? Some things a mom can say to you and you just be like, okay, whatever. My mom yells at me, say a little, you know what I mean? Yeah. Sometimes I wanna go crazy on her, but then I'll be like, oh, hang up. You get what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm telling her, hey, move like that, do stuff like that. She just—
Yeah. You tell my producers you think she's lazy.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm. In what way?
Cleaning up. Like, that's another reason why I don't care that she's not at the house. Like, she doesn't like to clean up. She doesn't wash dishes. She made a big old meal. So if you make a big meal, mind you, oil splashing all over the stove, you need to clean that stuff up because oil sticks on the stove. That's not a good thing. It's not a good look, none of that. So, you know, clean. I come in there, I'm like, hey, could you come clean this stuff up? You know what she tell me? She tell me, I'm just gonna wash these dishes. No, honey, you're gonna clean up this entire kitchen because you just messed it up. So that's what you're gonna do.
Were you disappointed when she got pregnant at 17?
Most definitely.
You were? Yeah. Why?
Because I was pregnant at 17. I had a baby at 17 and—
Is this normal how she does? She gets shut down? Mm-hmm. So she gets quiet. When she gets quiet like this, she shut down. What do you normally do?
Keep talking.
You keep talking? Mm-hmm. Uh-huh. Do you ask her what's wrong with her?
Yeah.
And what did she say?
No, this time she said, what's wrong with you? Like, why you got an attitude? Why you don't like— nobody wanna talk to nobody like that. I don't wanna talk to you.
How would you like her to respond to you?
Sometimes she overtalks, like she talks too much sometimes.
Do you feel like your mother loves talk?
I don't know.
I gotta tell y'all that I can see very quickly what the breakdown in this relationship is. It's interesting because I see both of your sides and I see immediately like why you want the sort of certain things in your house and I also see why you shutting down. There's been a continuous pattern in your entire life of like, You experience something that's traumatic, you experience something that's abusive, and then all of a sudden you tell your mother and your mother's like, get over it. Because you've had to be strong. You've had to be the one that has to figure it out. You've had to be able to be like, I gotta keep going. You've never had time to sit there and be sensitive and figure it out. Right. You've had, you had a child when you were 17, you had abusive partners. You've always had to say, let me get my ass back up and figure this out today. There's no time to be sensitive and cry. Right. I get it. But yet on the other side, she grew up in a house where she saw those things, where she saw trauma. And so she needed time to process because for her, she didn't have the mentality of thinking like, I gotta get up and doing it. And so even like some of the language y'all use back and forth of like, you say she's too sensitive, that's all language of somebody who's trying to process their feelings. They're trying to figure out what am I going through? 'Cause the interesting part is I just think about the fact of like when you lost your child, and I'm very, very sorry. I know it's been years now, But that stays with the mother. I know that and I'm very sorry that happened. Thank you. And the thing is, is that when she brought it up, I understood what you meant by like, that didn't happen to you. And so when she talks about the sibling that she didn't even know from your point of view, you're like, that didn't happen to you. But what did happen to her, and I wrote this down, is that she experienced something that is even more hurtful for a child. Not in equal ways by any ways. I'm not comparing your hurt because you lost a child. She lost security at that point. And I don't think you've ever realized that because on that day she realized that she could lose her mom and that her life could be lost. And for a child to realize at a young age and not be able to process that, and then as they get older be told, that's not your trauma, that's not for you to deal with, of course she's always gonna shut down because she never got clarity and security. You feel what I'm saying on that?
Yeah, I do. I do.
What's going on in your head right now?
I don't know how to react like sensitive.
Boom, that's it. That's it. So what y'all gotta do is learn how to react to each other. That's what needs to happen. And so every way you've been reacting to her from here on out is not gonna work. Do you miss your mom? Honestly?
Yes and no. Like, you're still, even the stuff that you was going through, you're still going through that right now. and I'm still in the middle of it. Is my mom gonna be okay? Is she, is like, what's going on? Like, I'm always on edge. I don't like, I've been like that for a long time. I don't like that.
You've been on edge forever.
Yes, I don't like that.
I get it. Edge, that's another word for what? Security. Right. That's all she's expressing to you. Mom, I need to be secure. Say, Mom, I wanna feel more secure.
Mom, I wanna feel more secure.
Stop crying. You wanna hug me? All right. Thank you. I love you, okay? I
love you too. What that is, is just step one. That's what I can do for y'all here today. Use that language, I need security right now, and let that resonate with y'all to help y'all build y'all relationship back, okay? Okay. I wish y'all the best of luck. Thank you. All right, friends, make sure to come back next time so we can keep talking and we can keep growing. I love you all. Can I come give you a hug? I know. Come here. I know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
I feel like this happened for a reason. I'm here for a reason.
Yeah, yeah. Hopefully you got a little something out of that. Good, good. I'm so sorry, love. Good, good. Good, good. I'm glad. Oh, we ain't got the mic now. We fine. I saw you crying. I just want to be there for you for a moment. I'm glad you got a little bit of something. Yeah. You're welcome.
