In this episode of Karamou’s relationship advice show, host Karamou mediates a conversation between a young couple—Speaker B (the mother of three children) and her partner Rome—who are navigating a series of intertwined challenges. Speaker B issues an ultimatum that Rome propose before the end of the year, linking the request to her feeling that she has sacrificed enough through childbirth and deserves a ring. She recounts a near‑fatal birth experience, ongoing trauma from past abuse, and a feeling of being “touched out” by constant physical contact with her children. Rome admits he also feels pressure, citing financial instability and a desire to wait until the couple is in a stable place before committing. Both partners describe frequent arguments (2‑3 per day), escalating over small household tasks, and note that conflict erodes intimacy for weeks or months. The couple’s love languages differ—Rome’s primary love language is physical touch, while Speaker B struggles with affection due to her upbringing. Financial strain limits their ability to date, and childcare demands leave them exhausted. Karamou highlights the couple’s respect and love, validates their trauma, and advises them to focus on rebuilding engagement through regular dates rather than rushing into marriage. He offers to fund childcare and two dates to help them reconnect, emphasizing patience, communication, and mutual grace as the path forward.
Chapters
Okay, so you're giving your man an ultimatum.
Why? Yes. Well, so I pushed out 3 kids. I feel like a woman's ultimate sacrifice is childbirth. And if you want 5 kids, we already have 3. If I'm pushing out these kids, I feel like I deserve a ring.
Okay. So he wants 2 more kids? 2 more kids, okay, got it. How do you feel about that? Do you want 2 more kids?
I did, but my last child, I almost died. So it was just like— I'm so sorry. It was like scary. So I'm like—
You're kind of iffy right now.
Yeah.
Got it, okay then. How does Rome's reluctance to propose make you feel?
Whenever I bring it up, It's like he gets irritated. So it hurts my feelings, I'm not gonna lie. Like when I'm like, I'll playfully be like, just be like, "Hey, when is this gonna happen? Are you gonna do this?" Or I'll be like, I'll show him videos of people being proposed to. And he'll be like, "The more you ask is gonna hold off because you're asking and you can't make me, you can't force me to do something." It's on my time. But I'm like, it's not just on you. Like, we should be able to talk about this. We should be able to like come to an understanding.
Yeah, communication about it.
Exactly.
So what happened if Rome doesn't meet the timeline?
Oh, he gotta go.
He gotta go.
I love him. Like, he's like the only man that I see myself being with. The only person like I have ever just like actually, like I've, this is my first relationship for real. So it's like I want this, like this is all I want.
Yeah, this is all you want. And you have 3 kids together.
Exactly.
So you're like, I wanna build a future with you.
Exactly.
You want that commitment.
Exactly.
Okay, how does Rome's love language compare to yours?
He like physical touch.
Uh-huh.
And I'm not used to that because I come from like, I come from a family that don't really like, well, a mother that didn't really like say like, I love you. And like didn't like hugs or anything. Like I'm not used to that. So when we got together and that's all he wanted to do is just like, I'm just standoffish and I feel bad because like he'll feel like I don't like him or I don't love him. And that's not the case.
And so what does he say? Do you express to him and tell him like, this is because the way I was raised, it makes me uncomfortable?
Yeah, he's very understanding. I've compromised and I'm starting to be a little more touchy, but like—
Okay, well at least you're doing your part.
Exactly.
How old are your children again?
My oldest daughter is 5, she just turned 5, and my son is 3, and my baby just turned 1.
Oh, so you got your hand. Oh, those babies are beautiful. Oh, so you got your hands full.
Yeah.
I mean like full, full.
Yeah.
Them babies following you around everywhere. 5, 3, and 1?
I was stressed.
I can imagine. I missed them. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
I missed them.
'Cause I can only imagine, hold on, talking, going back to this touch. He wants you to touch. Are you touched out? Because I know they touching you all day long.
I'm so touched out.
You touched out?
Yeah. Like every day. It's Mommy, he'll be right there and they'll come straight to me. He'll be like, "Stop doing that, I'm right here." And I'm just like, "Go to your father." I'm like, "Go." Do you feel heard? Kind of, no.
I'm gonna take this as a no.
Not really.
Like you said it all right there.
Like, not really.
Yeah. Do you feel like you have childhood trauma that is affecting you?
Yeah, a lot. I was physically, verbally, and mentally abused.
Thank you for sharing that with me. 'Cause it just gives me context of like where you're at and why things are important to you. Well, I think everyone, it's time to meet Rome. So please welcome Rome to the social. We can hear his side of the story. You two get into heated arguments daily?
Yes, we argue like around 2 or 3 times a day. And most of the time it's never even anything like serious, but then It'll just, it'll start from something small and it'll just gradually just get worse and worse.
What's triggering the arguments?
I'm not really sure what actually triggers it, but anytime we disagree, it's just not a good scene.
Got it, got it. And I know she gave you an ultimatum recently.
Yes.
And do you remember what the ultimatum was for?
I had to propose. Before the beginning of the year, this year.
And did you? No. Is that what one of the arguments is about?
A lot of times, yes, that's the argument.
A lot of times?
Yeah.
Yeah. Because she wants something more. Why do you feel like you can't give it to her?
It's not that I don't want to give that to her because that's also something that I want too. But like, I want us to be in like a good space together before I like take that next step. I don't want it to just be like forced, even though that's something that I want. Sometimes it's like a push and I don't wanna feel like I'm doing it for the wrong reasons. I want it to be when I feel like it's the right time for us to take that step.
[Speaker:KARAMO] Okay. How's this tension in your household? Affected the intimacy between y'all?
Once there's an argument or disagreement or like any back and forth, the— it's like the intimacy just takes a hit and it's like a hard hit.
Yeah.
It'll be like weeks.
Weeks.
Or sometimes months.
Months.
Yeah, so.
Is that true?
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Sometimes I just like, I don't feel like it.
Yeah. You describe your lady as quick-tempered. Explain.
So say if we are having a small argument about like, say something like, if I say, can you put the rinsed-off dishes on this side and the dishes that aren't rinsed off on this side? And she doesn't do that, I'll say, like, I'll bring it up and say like, can you start doing this? And that can just escalate.
Escalate.
Okay. It's the way he say stuff. Like, he don't know that he has like a tone, like aggressive tone to him. And it's like, who wants to hear you like talk like that?
Do you feel like you got an aggressive tone?
I know I do. It's like I try to— You're talking about, "Yeah, I know." I try to tone it down because it's not me being aggressive. My voice just like—
Gets aggressive.
Yeah.
So why don't you go on dates?
It's something that I wanna do too because I like spending one-on-one time with her, but now it's hard to do it financially, if that makes sense.
Do you not wanna propose 'cause you're not financially stable?
That's part of the problem.
Got it. Do you feel loved in this relationship?
For the most part, sometimes. It's kind of shaky a little bit.
Did you hear that?
Yes.
What do you feel about what he just said right there?
I don't agree.
Mm-hmm.
Because I feel like I've been I feel like I've been doing a lot trying to love you how you wanna be loved.
I agree.
What can she do to make you feel more loved?
Just like words of affirmation.
It is sweet, right? It's like young couple. I mean, 'cause all I see with y'all is love, respect. Respect and care. Like, you're 23, you're 24. Let me tell y'all something, when I was 23 and 24, me and my partner was not talking to each other like that, and we had no kids. And like, y'all are so respectful and loving of each other. And like, is this how it is at home?
Yes, for the most part.
I believe it. I believe every single bit of this. I mean, the thing here for, for me is I see two young people who are still trying to figure out how to deal with life and how to deal with past stuff that happened, particularly you. And then here you are, you've now taken on this responsibility with a woman you love, with your kids, and you're trying to figure it out. And you're doing a damn good job for more men that I know that's 30, 40, 50. While over here trying to, Figure out like, how do I take care of my girls' needs? How do I take care of my own financial needs? How do I take care of my needs? How do I go after my passions? How do I take care of these kids? And you're doing the same thing. You got 3 babies at home. Y'all are overwhelmed. Through that overwhelm, y'all are trying to figure out what to do. And for you, it seems like the logical next step is we need engagement. Because that's gonna give us security to know whatever. But I gotta tell you something. And this is real. I hope you two do get engaged one day, and I believe you will one day. But I think you also need to recognize that what you have been given in stability-wise is a man that's wise enough to know that there's a lot more steps we need to take before we get to that. And I think that should give you the security you actually desire, because I would be nervous if you had a man rushing into it just because you wanted it. Because what people don't realize is that that piece of paper, yes, might be like, we got a piece of paper, but it comes with a whole bunch of new stuff that you ain't even thought about yet. We got married people in here? No, he's talking about no, we're not talking about you. Don't worry, you ain't getting married. Don't worry. Any other married people in here? Raise your hand. Married? Doesn't marriage come with a whole set of stuff that you didn't even realize? So what I'm trying to say to you is, at least he's trying to say, let's be patient with it. With it while also still showing up, while still taking the time to make sure that y'all are there understanding. I mean, at 23, and I'm giving both of you your flowers, I'm giving you your flowers right now, but at 23, for you to have your trauma and him to still be respectful, 24, to have your trauma without being touched and saying, "I'm willing to go months because I love you." I mean, that just shows the respect and care that he has for you. And it's like, okay, let's give each other more grace. Let me be there for you. I mean, because you rushing to something that you don't need right now. What I do think you two all need is some dates. I think y'all need to be, I think y'all need to be young again. I think that's what y'all need at 23 and 24. I think with all these responsibilities and everything y'all doing, I think, Y'all need to be out having some fun. I heard, my producer told me that like one of your biggest things was you want a picnic date.
Yeah.
These are simple things that you can do. So instead of asking for an engagement of marriage, ask for more engagement between you two.
That was key. You hear what I'm saying? Yeah.
Because that is what something y'all can work on that's actually gonna build the strength. Have y'all, have you feeling more loved? Have you feeling like, oh, I'm not in these walls feeling trapped? You're trapped. Okay, so y'all need to go on some dates. What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna give you some money so I can give you some dates. Okay, y'all go on dates. I'm gonna give you, I'm gonna pay for a date. I'm paying for a date. I'm paying for a date. 'Cause you can't give me no more excuses. I'm gonna give y'all a little something so you can pay for some childcare so somebody watch the kids and then y'all can go on some dates and I'm gonna make sure it's enough 'cause I need y'all to go on 2 dates because I feel 2 dates, then y'all can get a pattern, a rhythm of it. See, y'all both happy now. You ready to go out? I know you ready to go out. I see how fly you walked out here. All right.
Thank you.
You ready to be out and be seen. You fly too. Listen, they need to go out, right?
Thank you.
I see it. Y'all the cute little couple, right? I see it. We all see it. We all see it. Y'all gonna be okay. Just give each other grace and just engage, all right? Engage, all right? All right, y'all take care. I'm gonna keep checking up on y'all. Y'all gonna be good. All right, friends, stay with us. We'll be right back with more.
