If You’re Not Cheating…Unlock Your Phone! | KARAMO

All right, my next guest, Yaima, says her man Darius swears that his days of being a player are over and that he's a changed man, but she still doesn't trust him. They've been together for 5 years and they have 2 beautiful children together, but he also has a total of 6 children from 5 women. And he also has a very bad habit of entertaining the ladies. Yaima says she wants to know if his old ways are truly a thing of the past. And I'm ready to dig into this story and find out what's really going on. So everyone, please help me welcome Yaima to the show. Hi. How you doing? Hi. I like that energy. How you doing? Hi, babe. How you doing?

I'm good, thank you.

I'm good. So when you started your relationship with Darius, you know that he had 5, 6 children with 5 other women or 5 children with 5 other women?

Well, I'm, I'm the fifth.

You're number five.

Yeah, I'm the new one.

Okay, you're the new one.

Okay.

And so you knew about the other women and the other children.

I did.

And you still said, let me go with this. Tell me about why he was the one for you.

I mean, we met in a club. Let me paint the picture, okay? This was before the baby. So the body was sitting, it was real nice.

Okay, the body's still sitting.

I'm nice, I'm nice. But, thank y'all, thank y'all. So I had on like a black bathing suit, little shorts, and I seen him across the club. Now, it was a red flag 'cause he was talking to all the girls in there, so I knew he was possibly a hoe. But I wanted it, I ain't gonna lie. So he came up to me and then he said, "I think I love you." He whispered that in my ear. I should've knew that then, child. I already know. But ever since then we was tied in. Sweet guy. I think he just, he was just outside.

So tell me the first time you caught Darius cheating. What was that like? And when was that? Whew.

I would say that was a couple months within us dating. He used to get calls from his other child's mom, but I didn't think too much of it 'cause I mean they co-parent or whatever. But one day he went to work, I'm like, I'm going through that phone tonight. Okay? Tonight I'm going through it. So I asked her for the code, I forgot he tried what I said, like I wanted to download an app or something, he gave it to me, honey, I went through the messages, the photos, everything. When they say you looking for what you looking for, you gonna find it, okay? And I seen it and I confronted him about it.

What did you find?

Messages, photos, you know, it was a lot. It was a lot in there. But I did confront him about it, he didn't deny it. And yeah, but we kind of moved on from there.

So he just owned up to it and said, "Yep, I cheated, I did it." And so at that point when you confronted him and he said, "I did it," why did you stay?

I wasn't as strong as I am now, so I kind of looked past it and then just dealt with it.

That's an honest and beautiful answer. I mean, seriously.

Yeah. What's up, bro? What up, bro?

How you doing, brother? Good to meet you. All right, so Darius, you said that the problem with your relationship is that she needs to get over it.

Yeah.

Talk to me about that.

I mean, in my relationship, I don't have a problem. I can get over stuff pretty quickly. I think we different in that aspect. You get what I mean?

Yeah.

Like we could get into a fight right here on the stage. 20 minutes later, I'm gonna kiss her. What you wanna eat? We gonna go on about our business, but She, I don't know, she holds on to stuff.

Well, for me, I wanna know, what is your mindset today when it comes to women?

My mindset today when it comes to women? I love women. I have 3 daughters. My mom's very beautiful.

You all love women. I love women.

No, I'm talking about just women in general. You know what I mean?

So what about like women these days?

As far as companionship, I think my views evolved over time. You know what I mean?

What were your views before? Women weren't shit. Oh. You know?

I think my situations shaped how I looked at it, you know what I mean? I done had girls who got boyfriends, start off, what time you be back, I'm coming over. I done had girls who in the house with their boyfriends, tell them you gotta pick something up outside, you know what I mean? Doing my thing. I got a twin brother, so me and my brother, we played around a lot, you know what I mean? So it just, they were always takers, you know what I mean? Taking my kids away from me momentarily.

But I never took from you.

I know, I ain't talking about you. Taking my kids away, taking my money away, taking me for granted, you know what I mean? It always was a, it was never an equal exchange, you know what I mean? So.

How many times have you cheated before?

I'm not sure. I don't know. I think it was so long ago. Maybe a couple times, maybe in the beginning, you know, all that shit.

Couple, 5, 10?

Yeah.

20? So how many times have you cheated physically? You're saying more than 20?

No.

I would say physically I didn't see a lot. So he was entertaining.

Got it.

But it wasn't as much as a physical type thing.

Got it. So you say now that you've changed. Yeah. You've changed, you've become better, you're not doing these things anymore. So have you cheated since you've changed?

No, but I couldn't even if I wanted to because we not together, you get what I mean? Like on a break that she, that she took, she wanted. So, but just like kind of—

Do you feel like she's still punishing you for your past?

Punishing is strong, but I feel like yeah, she still hold it against me. Yeah, for sure. 100%.

Do you think you're holding it against her?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Why?

Yeah, I can be honest with myself. Yeah. Just because I just don't want to be played. Like I feel like I'm a good woman. I'm a good mother to his children. I hold him down through everything he been through. So the least she can do All you can do is respect me. And like I said, I like women, so it ain't no issue with that. It's just that simple.

We can set a boundary of like, yeah, let's do it.

It's cool, but don't be dibbling that man outside of that.

So we set a boundary, but her version of setting it up, talking to women, is different from mine. She a woman, you know what I mean?

What does that mean?

She may talk to women more like, how you doing, on a friendly level, like getting to know, like, yeah, me, you, and Dee, We can go out to the bar or something like that. I don't talk that way. I'm like, what up? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, what up? You know, me and my girl, my girl the prize. So I don't treat no, I don't treat the other girls like you equal to my girl.

As you should. I'm not against that. Okay, ain't nothing wrong with that.

Yeah.

I know she has a hesitation about unlocking the phone. Will you gimme your phone to unlock it?

She just went through my phone a couple weeks ago, so she's seeing it all anyway.

Let me tell you something.

I do, I do stay going through the phone.

So let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. There's a difference. There's a difference. Trust me, my investigators and what we do is a little different than what you do.

Oh, you elite.

Trust me, this elite. This elite.

You elite.

That's elite, okay? This elite unlocking the phone. So there's things like that I could look at to see. And the reason I'm saying this is because I actually am hoping that this works out. I'm actually hoping that there is a place that you two could actually say, you know what, I trust you again. Let's reestablish the boundaries. But until we get clarity, it's always gonna be this sort of underlying what's going on. So I'm gonna ask you again, can I unlock your phone today?

No. You know what I mean? But it's not for that reason. It's not for that reason because I don't mind she can see anything, but like it gotta equal out.

Well, I wanna go. No, listen.

I asked, I asked.

I wanna go to our audience. I wanna go to my audience. I wanna hear my family. What do y'all gotta say? What do they gotta say? Come on, come on down, come on down. So you ready?

Well, I just wanted to say that you are very, very, very beautiful.

I was just gonna say the same thing about you, babe.

Thank you so much. And he's still cheating.

He's still doing mad.

I really don't feel like, I feel like you could do so much better, honestly, because I don't feel like he's ready for somebody like you. Like, I really don't feel like he's ready.

That's it.

So you're hearing somebody say, you're hearing somebody say they think you're still cheating. See, this is what happens when you leave things unanswered. Darius, what do you have to say to someone who says you're still cheating, you're not worthy of her? What do you say to that?

It would bother me if I cared about anybody else's opinion other than hers, you know what I mean? I don't care, it don't bother me at all.

Do you care about what she had to say?

I respect her opinion, but I'm not gonna sit up here and disrespect, 'cause that is the father of my kids.

Oh yeah, definitely, I don't wanna disrespect.

But I do respect her opinion.

I definitely believe that there is a place here where it's like we have to get to a place where you feel comfortable to say, I know that I can trust you. Because right now you're in a space of avoidance and you do know that, right? You're avoiding finding out what's really going on. All right, well listen, as we're going through the show, I'm also tracking unhealthy behavior. So I wanna pull up the unhealthy behaviors that I'm seeing. So this is the thing that I'm seeing in this relationship. I'm seeing Darius, You were a player from the start, okay? From the start. From the jump. The 6 children with 5 different women. There's a serialness to how you're treating women and how you're acting with them. I'm not saying that you're doing that still, but then that serial behavior then goes into serial cheating, which we see as an unhealthy situation. I'd even add on there right now, there's a bit of also, I don't want to, it's not lying because there's something that's blocking you from actually telling. We gonna talk about yours. You said you argue with Darius about his past. You check his phone. Listen, I do it for a living. You doing it in a relationship every single day.

Every day. Like—

But checking his phone when you're doing it that constant actually says to him, I don't trust you. I don't trust you over again. I do it as a sense of proof so you can find solutions to move on. Doing it every day is meaning that there's an insecurity in me that I'm not sure if I can actually trust you ever because I don't feel like you're gonna do right by me. You see how that's unhealthy behavior?

No, absolutely, yeah.

What I'm saying is it go hand in hand. You know what I mean? I know what we've been going through.

Your lady says she has trust issues still and they're very valid trust issues. They're very valid and you know they valid.

Yeah, they valid.

You did a beautiful thing within all the toxic stuff of being vulnerable enough to let her know your flaws, which I applaud you for that. But then you screwed that up by then still saying, here are my flaws and I'm gonna show you that my flaws are still here today. You know what I mean? She let you in because she thought you were saying, look, this is who I am and maybe I can change. But you then did the opposite. So what do you wanna say to her?

It's my baby, you know what I mean? I do anything for you. You get what I'm saying? But at the same point in time, like—

You could have just left her butt out.

But at the same point in time—

You could have ended it right there.

All right, you my lady.

Okay. I love you.

I love you to death.

What action steps can you tell her you gonna take to make her feel like she can trust this relationship and be confident in it?

I have, I gave her my past.

I know what you gave before, but what are you saying from here on out?

Okay, come on questions.

Okay.

From here on out, you know, I got you. I'm gonna be forward with you. You know, I always express how I feel to you. You know what I mean? Just be more open. I think before, like even, you know, I didn't really like care about like girls and all that type of stuff. So when I finally found a good one, it was hard for me to really accept that, you know what I'm saying? I put up some barriers, some guards and all that good stuff. But from here on out, you know, I knocked them down a long time ago. You know what I'm saying? And I love you.

I love you too.

So I appreciate that because when you said, you started to say not even just the cheating and the honesty, when you said I'm gonna start being more open with you, she fell in love with a man that was vulnerable. She fell in love with a man that said, said, "This is who I am," and she believed that you could be better. And that's why she rocking with you because she sees that you could be better. But this is the thing, if you really are gonna trust that he can be better, one of those things that, listen, I get it, I love to unlock a phone because I like the proof. But there's a difference between me doing it once to give answers and another thing between doing it either once a week, once a month. It causes you to feel like you can't trust It causes your self-esteem to be chipped away each time. You don't realize that every time you have to search, it's chipping away your self-esteem. And that's why you're avoiding it. You're avoiding it because you know if you find something, it's gonna break you because you're investing in this man.

If I find something, it's over.

Of course. But even if it's over, you know that's gonna hurt you.

Of course.

Exactly.

That's my best friend.

Exactly. So that's all I'm saying. And that's why you're avoiding it. So the thing is, is that if he's going to show you actions, I think it's about being clear with him about these are the action steps I need you to do to show me that I can really trust this. Be clear about this. I need you to do A, B, C. And that way you as a woman can measure what he's doing. Just keep doing the work. Keep talking about what you need, those action steps. Stop searching through the phone. Set some clear boundaries and y'all gonna be good, all right? Listen everyone, stay with us. We're gonna be back with more right after this. Hold on, where you going? I'll tell you where you're going. Right here to subscribe and right here to watch more. Period.