In this KARAMO episode, host Karamo facilitates a raw, mediated conversation between Jeffrey, a father who feels ashamed and guilty after his daughter Jamia became a teen mother at 14, and Jamia, a 17‑year‑old who grapples with feelings of abandonment, broken trust, and the pressure of early parenthood. The dialogue reveals a family history marked by the loss of Jamia’s grandmother (her primary female caregiver) when Jamia was 12, a strained relationship with her mother, and Jeffrey’s own struggles working multiple jobs while trying to support his family. Jeffrey admits embarrassment and a sense of personal failure, while Jamia expresses hurt over her father’s earlier denial of her grandmother’s death and his perceived “half‑stepping” presence. A recorded apology letter from Jamia’s mother Vanessa is played, adding another layer of remorse and desire for reconciliation. Karamo interjects with empathy, highlights the generational gaps, and suggests concrete steps such as father‑daughter parenting classes, urging both parties toward honest communication, mutual expectations, and rebuilding trust. The episode ends with an open question about whether a father’s love can be conditional, leaving the audience to reflect on the complexities of teen motherhood, parental shame, and family healing.
Chapters
My daughter got pregnant and had a child at 14, and that was pretty embarrassing as a father. I always felt that a girl who had her father in her life wouldn't end up a teen mom. It made me feel like a failure because obviously I'm not doing something right for her to feel like she needs to go out and get that type of attention. When she was growing up, my daughter, she was like my best friend. You know, she was like a little me. Laugh about the same things, we could talk about the same things. Out of all my children, she knew me the best. I don't know if we can ever get that relationship back. My daughter, she started running away when she was 12, 13 years old. It was hard to keep up with her. My grandmother was her only real female figure for most of her life. Her mother wasn't the most stable, so my grandmother picked up where she kind of fell short. It was like overnight when she turned into a teenager. It was just like a flip of a switch about her behaviors, you know. I always assumed that when they got older, things would get easier. I have a hard time trying to figure out if I should treat her like my child or the mother that she is. I never thought I would have to say that about my daughter. After feeling ashamed because of my daughter's pregnancy, I forgave her, and when she gave birth to my granddaughter, I allowed them back into my house. We live in the same house, but we have a very distant relationship. She's her own woman, so to speak, as a mother. But at the same time, she still acts like a child. She made grownup decisions, so now it's time for her to stand on that. She needs to stand on parenthood right now.
Everyone, we'll meet Jeffrey shortly, but let's hear his daughter's side of this story first. So everyone, please welcome Jamia to the show. Jamia, thanks for being here. Thank you. So first of all, I wanna make sure that everyone at home knows and everyone here, you're 17 years old. Yes. So this takes a lot of bravery and courage for you, first of all, to be here. And to trust me to help you have a conversation with your father. So thank you.
Thank you.
How do you feel about what, hearing what your dad just said in the clip?
Honestly, it hurts, but it hurts really bad honestly to hear that my dad's embarrassed of me because I always felt like he was, but I never had the confirmation till now.
So did your dad raise you alone?
No, he didn't. My grandmom, she raised me ever since I was a baby up till I was 12 when she passed away.
Oh, got it. And so when your grandmother passed away at 12, what was the relationship like then with you and your father?
I really feel like it switched because around the time my grandmom passed away, she was still in the hospital and I was like, "Is grandmom okay? Like, is she gonna come home?" And he was like, "Yeah, she's okay." And I'm scrolling through Instagram and I'm looking at stories and somebody, a relative posted my grandma saying, "RIP, RIP." It's just like—
I got it.
I had to find out from social media that my grandma was gone.
Yeah, okay, I understand.
I'm trying not to like— Like that's really where my trust for my dad broke.
With your mother, was she in your life?
She's there, but she's not. It's like my mom, she goes through her own personal stuff. I feel like she couldn't really be there for me.
Mm-hmm.
Like how I needed her. But really I was a daddy's girl, so I more so wanted to be with my dad anyway.
Oh yeah.
I really felt like I didn't really ever have like stability, like, Growing up.
Well, so you got pregnant at 14?
Yes.
And how did your dad react?
I don't know, I didn't tell him. My grandma told him.
Got it. And how did your life change when you had your daughter?
Well, she made me a better person. Like my dad, my dad's saying like he makes me stand on business, but I feel like I stand on business by myself.
Well listen, I appreciate you telling me your side of the story, but I also wanna hear from your father. So everyone, please welcome Jamiah's father, Jeffrey, to the show. Hey Jeffrey, thanks for being here.
Hey, how you doing?
I'm good. How do you feel about what your daughter's been saying?
I feel like you should be more considerate about me working multiple jobs. If I'm working at psychiatric hospital overnight and then going and doing case management in that morning and you telling me that you texted my phone about groceries when you're really supposed to be in school at that time, that's, to me, that's frustrating. It's like you could be more considerate about my day, what I'm going through, because I had all the plans in the world to buy groceries that day when I got off, to buy something for you and my granddaughter, but I feel like the kids today, including you, y'all have too much access to your parents. You get to text my phone while I'm at work. I didn't get to do that with my grandparents.
Got a question for you. How did you react when you found out she was pregnant?
Yeah, I mean, I was hurt. It was there 'cause there was a pregnancy scare before. And to get past that and then to find out that she was pregnant officially, that was embarrassing. That hurt, it was like, if you got a whole active father in your life and that's how you do, like.
You see that, I remember when you told me it's better to have a fully absent father than a half-stepping father.
Do you feel like your father's half-stepping?
Yes, I feel like you provide a house for me, you do, and there is food. For the most part, but I still need you in other aspects. I don't just need you to—
Do you feel like you failed her as a father? Do you feel like that?
Well, at the time when my grandmother passed, definitely. I wasn't there. I was real selfish because that was my grandmother. I didn't know how to tell my daughter. That she was on life support, it was never in my heart or really my thought process to think that I was gonna let my grandmama go. I could never pull the plug, so to speak. And so things was kind of simmering with, I felt like my daughter's behavior at that time, she was running away still, she was kind of being unruly at that time. And so I didn't know how to give her that information that I had had about how big of a situation it was with my grandmother.
That makes sense. What does it feel like hearing your father say that?
Honestly, I don't get it. I feel like a parent should always be upfront with their child no matter how it's gonna hurt. 'Cause I already seen her on life support before she passed away. I was already there. We was in the hospital. With her. So if she was gone, like, I feel like you shouldn't have just, you shouldn't have said she's okay. You should have been like, at least said, "Jamiyah, I'm like, I'm sorry, but grandmom passed away." Like, you could have sat me down.
You as my oldest though, like, you as my oldest, where does your heart come in for your father?
I have a lot of heart for you.
A lot.
I feel like I'm very concerned for you.
How do you think I'm supposed to process that woman? You know how, what she meant to me.
But Dad, I was 12. How am I supposed to think like that?
Why are you shaking your head?
Because she's 12. She's my oldest and she's sitting here, single mom. You know, there's certain things, there's certain expectations. I tell my daughter, I said, you know, you have to figure out your identity in this family.
Like. Got it. How do you feel about your father saying that he has to have those expectations?
It hurts 'cause like I got expectations for you too. Like I feel like we both have expectations for each other and it's like your expectations for me is so high, like so high. But I don't even, I feel like I don't even really expect that much from you. Like I just really be wanting a conversation from you half the time.
Do you feel like you have conversation with her?
Yes.
You do? Or why do you think she doesn't feel that way?
It's probably not as it was back in the day. Like when she was little, I mean, that was my buddy, that was my road dog. Like I remember us sitting in the car, listening to music, dancing. You know, we got a similar sense of humor. I can remember her laughing and hearing, you know, little pieces of my laugh and her laugh and it was like, you know.
Yeah. I'm getting a ping right now. Before this show, Jamiah's mom Vanessa wrote, She sent her a letter that she wanted me to listen to.
Jamiah, I wanna apologize for not being the mother you needed and you deserved. If I could do things differently, I would. I will forever be grateful to your father for stepping up and raising you. Not a lot of men would do that, and I know he has done the best he can. I hope you can mend your relationship with him. I don't want you to lose The first man who showed you love, your number one protector. I love you so much, Mama.
Have you ever heard your mother apologize before like that?
My mom, like, if she feels like she's wrong, like, or if I tell her how I feel, yeah, she'll apologize. But most of the time, like, I'll just keep everything in because, like, I value my parents. I don't wanna hurt their feelings. Like, I don't want them to feel like they're not doing anything right. Like, I do hold in a lot so I don't hurt my parents' feelings. I do.
I noticed you rolled your eyes a little bit when she was saying that. What was your thoughts in your head?
I do care about my daughter. I do want what's best for you. And I do expect more from you. I want you to be an example. And that type of thing that was printed in my head when you went and had a baby was ruptured. That was hurt. I mean, I'm standing on business. Like, my granddaughter lives with me and my daughter lives with me. I'm hurt, but we're still going through it.
Yeah, and like, yeah.
I gotta, hold on, I gotta say something for you because this is the thing. I know your daughter didn't use protection, but she still needs your protection. She still needs your attention as well. And I hear you when you're saying you're embarrassed. I'm hearing when you say these things, I gotta be very honest with you. There's a lot of you that I see in myself. And I also understand that feeling of like, I am so overwhelmed trying to work, trying to do every single thing. I'm busting my ass, I'm trying to save every dollar, and I just get frustrated because I used to have this issue with my sons. I used to come home and one day I realized that I don't give them the same patience that I gave the rest of the world. Thank you. And I'm not saying that you don't make her a priority because I understand you said you stand on business and I see what you're trying to do. You see what you're doing. You're saying like, I still got my daughter in the house. I get where you're coming from, I really do. I'm hearing your 17-year-old daughter tell me that at 12 she started to lose, she lost her great-grandmother who was close to her. Yeah, I know you were grieving, but she doesn't even know how to process that. Imagine if you're at, how old were you at the time? 34, 35?
34.
If you're 34, 30, somewhere around there. If you're in your 30s and you couldn't process it, how was she supposed to process it? She's already had a household where trust has been broken. She doesn't know if her mom's gonna be there. And now she feels like she can't even talk to you anymore. Please tell me what you feel about what I just said.
Jeremiah, you have to know sincerely that I love you. And my expectations of you is because I know what you're capable of.
I definitely am going to send you for some father-daughter parenting classes.
Do you feel like a father's love is conditional?
Yeah, it shouldn't be though, because I think one of the things as parents, what we do is we love to love our kids when they're at their best, but then we don't know how to love 'em when they're at their worst. And that's just the truth. I want you to remember, she's a teenage girl who just had a baby, hormones already on fleek with being a girl, then on, yes, she's going to have to learn how to manage them, but that's the job as a parent. When she's disrespectful, it's not because she just wants to wake up and disrespect you, it's because something else going on in that mind when she's 17 years old, doesn't know if she's gonna be stable, just had a mom who had to apologize for not being a mom. There's stuff going on. And I know you want her to be perfect, She's a human. Can you give your daughter a hug? You were heard and you were brave and you were strong and hopefully you know how impressed we all are with you. Okay? Thank y'all. Let me tell you one thing, you should never be as embarrassed by this little girl. This woman is, this young woman, It has a bright future, okay? Just please be there to be patient with your daughter and to listen to her and just have a conversation, all right? I wish you the best of luck. I wish both of you the best of luck. Thank you. Everyone, thanks for being with us. Make sure to come back next time, friends, so we can keep talking and we can keep growing. I love you all.
