I’m Afraid I’ve Lost My 14-Year-Old To The Streets | KARAMO

Why do you think she was suspended 100 times?

Her attitude. She doesn't like to listen to anybody. If you're telling her something she doesn't wanna hear, she's not gonna listen to you. She's gonna ignore you, talk back. She just gets real disrespectful when she doesn't get her way.

So let me figure this out. When did Myasia's behavior change?

She's always had behavior problems since she first started school.

'Cause she's 14 now, right?

Yes.

Okay.

She's been kicked outta school since kindergarten. But I noticed a change once she got to middle school.

Okay.

As far as thinking she's—

So what, like 2 years ago?

Yep.

Okay.

As far as thinking she's grown, disrespecting the teachers, the way she talked to them when I'm getting calls there, the way she talks to the teacher is just unacceptable. And she also talks to me the same way she talks to everybody else.

Okay. So Mya's just father recently came back in her life, right?

Yes. I just found out 2 years ago that he was the father and he stepped right in.

And you've been a single mom most of your life. Tell me about that.

It's been a challenge. You know, but I did my best, made the best out of it. It's been kind of hard because like I couldn't really work because I couldn't get a babysitter for Myasia. Like nobody wanted to keep her. Of course. Or me having to get called from work to go up to the school as many times as I had to go, so.

What are you most worried about with Myasia?

That she's gonna get lost in the streets. I think she wants to be for the streets because of the people that she hang with. She wanna do bad girl stuff. I just don't want her to go down the wrong road and end up hurt or, in jail. I'm just trying to get ahead of the situation before it gets too late. Like, I want better for my daughter.

How often do you two argue?

When she gets in trouble at school or I'm telling her to do stuff around the house or do your homework and she doesn't want to do those things. So that upset her because I'm constantly telling her like, this is the stuff that you have to do. Like, she wanna argue and fight. Like—

What do you want to happen today?

I really just want a better relationship with my daughter. Communication. You know, I want her to be able to come to me and talk to me about anything. I want her to know that I'm not her enemy. I got her back. I just want her to be the best version of herself.

Well, we're going to get to the root of what's causing this with Myasia, and I wanna talk to her now. So everyone, please welcome Myasia to the show. Hi, Myasia. Hi. Can I have a hug?

Yeah.

How are you doing? I'm good, how are you? Nice to meet you. You look very pretty today.

Thank you.

Thank you. Yes, you're welcome. Why do you feel like you have to yell to be heard?

Because every time I try to talk or something, I can't get my side out. Like people always talking over me.

And what is it that you're trying to say that you feel like they don't listen to you about?

When I'm trying to get my side of the story out, they just don't wanna listen and they just wanna take it they way.

Okay. Do you think you get along with your mom?

Sometimes I can, but sometimes no.

Do you think your mom loves you?

Yeah, I know she do.

So do you get along with your dad?

I don't really talk to him that much.

How did you feel when you found out about your dad? 'Cause I know that was 2 years ago, right?

Yeah, I was kind of happy. It's just like, oh my dad, like I never like knew him until now.

So for you to find out about this man, it was like, I finally have my father?

Yeah.

Okay. Marquita, do you tell Myasia that you're going to send her to live with her dad?

Mm-hmm.

Why do you do that?

Because the way she talked to me, I'm not finna tolerate that in my house. She'll argue back with me. She'll cuss, call me names, all that, slam her doors, punch walls. I just need a break sometimes. It's overwhelming.

Yeah. How does it make you feel when your mom says she's gonna send you to your dad?

All her stuff and was sitting there with her door open waiting for me like, "Am I leaving yet?" That's called a test.

Sending me to my dad's house, it's my dad. She don't care. So I just packed up all my stuff.

Do you really wanna leave your mom for a man you just met 2 years ago?

No.

Then what is it that you care about? What does it make you feel?

Like, oh, she just want me gone.

Mm-hmm.

And how does that make you feel thinking that she just wants you gone?

Sad. Like, oh, you want me outta the house? I'm gonna leave.

And I'm not by far trying to make her feel like that. It's just she don't care how nobody else feel. Like, my feelings get hurt too.

Why do you feel like you have trouble in school?

The way I act and then like with teachers, it's like, 'cause they already know me, it's like I can't just start on a new path. They already know me. It's like bringing on old stuff, expecting it from me.

So, but I'm gonna challenge that 'cause you're a smart woman. You went to a second school and your teachers didn't know you there. So what happened at the second school?

At the second school, I was doing good there. I only got in trouble once, but I had to switch back from where we moved Mm-hmm.

So at the second school, you didn't have the behavior issues. Is that true, Mom?

This new school that she just got kicked out of the third week, she did what, 4 different things? One of the things that they said she did, the teacher was telling her that you can't have your hoodie on inside the class. She refused to take it off. So the teacher asked her again and she told her, "Ugh, you're irritating me. You get on my nerves." So that was, you can't do that. Then some other girl that was there, she asked her about her sexuality and if she date girls or boys and that offended her and they don't tolerate that.

I don't feel like that doing nothing wrong, asking a question.

But it is. If you're not listening to the teachers and talking back, that's being disrespectful and they're not gonna tolerate that and they let you know that when you first came. So that's where we at with that.

So, 'cause I wanna hear you 'cause your thing was no one hears me. So I wanna hear you because why do you think that it wasn't too bad?

All I did was ask a question and she took it her way and I just got wrote up for it. The teacher ain't even asked me nothing about it. I didn't even know I got wrote up for it.

So did you apologize?

I couldn't. I was the last one where I got wrote up for that. I came in the office and she was there and then they told me I was going to line.

Okay, but you told your teacher she was annoying.

No, I wasn't talking to her.

Irritating, you weren't talking to her?

She told me to take my hood off and I was talking to somebody else when she was telling me that and I was talking to the person, I wasn't talking to the teacher.

Mm-hmm. But you said those words outta your mouth and she took it that way?

Yeah.

Why did you have your hood on?

Because my hair was messed up and it's cold.

So let's get to drinking with friends.

This is a text that I read when I took her phone from her that they were saying, "We're gonna party this weekend, come over, we got weed, we got drink, we finna get lit." I don't know if she ever drunk before, but I know that she's smoking.

Okay, are you smoking?

Yeah.

Mm-hmm. What made you wanna smoke?

I just feel like when I was smoking, it just, like I don't have to think about nothing.

It's a release for you, escape.

Yeah.

So how can your mom help you?

It's for her to see from my perspective.

But how can I if you're not talking to me when I try to talk to you, when I'm asking you? You don't tell me nothing.

What do you want her to see from your perspective?

Like how I be feeling sometimes. Like if, like I go to work, I go to school and I do everything. Like as soon as I get off work, she want me to just do all this stuff. All I want to do is go to sleep. I probably do it in the morning when I get up, when I got more energy. But she wanna yell and just try to make me do it. I'm tired, so I don't, On the days she works, she does.

She be working 4 hours a day and she does go to school. I'm not having her do too much. The only thing is her room. You're going in there, you're going in your bathroom every day. So, you know, why won't you clean it up? Like, I'm not just asking her like she's Cinderella and I'm making her clean the whole house. You only got your room.

Do you enjoy school?

Yeah.

Is it hard for you sometimes?

Not really.

So when you're doing your schoolwork, sometimes is it hard to stay focused?

Yeah, 'cause I get bored.

Do you get bored quickly?

I get bored quickly.

Mm-hmm. And so when you get bored, that's when you decide to do what?

Not do my work no more.

Mm-hmm. And then what consequences does that have?

I'll probably like get behind or something.

Get behind. Does the teacher usually say something and you respond back? I'm trying to get deeper with you all, but something is going on and I gotta tell you, there's definitely a space that needs to be created for your daughter to be more vulnerable. How can you become more vulnerable with your mom? This is a real question. Because I see you're a very intelligent girl, but I also see a young woman who is assumingly shy in the way you act. But I know you're not because of the way that you act at school. So I know you like to use your voice. I know that you have your opinions. I know your opinions are strong, which are all beautiful qualities. If channeled correctly. Like if those qualities are channeled correctly, girl, you could run this world. But when they're channeled incorrectly, it leads you down a wrong path. But my question for you is, there's something going on that's blocking you from feeling like you can't talk about what you're feeling. I'm watching it here. And I can understand why maybe your mom gets frustrated with y'all and y'all have those little small arguments. But for you to wanna stop those arguments, we gotta be able to know what's going on inside. What could your mom do to create a space for you to be vulnerable and talk to her?

I don't know, 'cause I feel like if I disrespect myself, people gonna judge me or just have something to say about it.

Yeah, so you feel like you're gonna be judged. Say it, Mom.

Why would I judge you?

Well, do you feel like judgment also comes in like the form of like punishment?

Yeah.

Okay. Because if I acted a certain way, then I get punished, so then I can't tell you what I'm going through. And this is not to blame you or anything because this is parents, this is what we do. You know, you get in trouble, you do something. But then it creates a space sometimes where kids don't know how to communicate with us. You know, I used to do something with my kids that was very like, and my sister used to be like, "What are you doing here?" They used to like be so upset. But if my sons did something wrong and they told me first, they wouldn't get punished. And what I was doing there was cultivating a space where my children knew that honesty wasn't equated with punishment, with sharing their thoughts wasn't equated to punishment. And so it allowed them, even as adults, like I got a text just a minute ago where my kid was like, "Thanks for letting me talk to you, Dad." And he did something that I usually would've been like, "Are you kidding me?" But at least he was able to communicate with me, which allowed us to have a conversation of how he could be better.

I just wanna know, I just want her to be better, like be great. I know you got so much potential, Maya, you're so talented.

Listen, you're not a bad young woman and I wanna be the first one to tell you, you're not a bad young woman. I do believe that, I'm gonna talk to your mom about this and I'm gonna say this transparently in front of you. I believe you're bored at school and I believe that there needs to be special things placed to help them to not be so bored. Because when kids are bored, then you start just being upset. You start wearing a hoodie. You got your head down. And when somebody says something, you're like, "I'm aggravated, uh, over this." And it becomes aggression, and it becomes this sort of like behavior that doesn't express what's really going on. You just told me right now, "I'm bored." And I bet if we dig a little bit deeper, we could figure out like maybe in some of these classes— what are your grades like? Do you get As, Bs, Cs, Ds? I said a whole bunch of letters, and you said all of them? What classes do you get your As in?

Like algebra.

Algebra. Okay, that's good. So you get A's in math?

Yeah, I love math.

That makes sense. 'Cause lemme tell you something, math is a formula. So if I learn the formula, I don't have to think about other stuff. I can do it. So I think about that. It's not her being bored, she just can get it and does it. And so I think there's a way of talking to her, maybe talking to her teachers or mom and just honestly about how can we figure out how to get extra assistance and her being bored in these classes and what to do. And also it's encouraging from you, mom, to say to teachers, if she's acting up, let's not punish her immediately. Let's try to have a conversation because the conversation could maybe lead to her feeling more heard and seen and maybe her being, you being able to like talk about about what you're going through, you think so? Would it feel better to not be punished immediately and maybe have someone talk to you about what you're going through in that moment?

Yeah, 'cause then the consequence could be different when you hear me out.

When they hear you out. I got it, I got it. Listen, there's just things here where I do think that you're making bad choices. You already know the weed, you already know the things. You're also trying to process your father coming in because behavior started 2 years ago when you started doing some of these mother things the same time 2 years ago. Your father came in your life. And so I gotta say to you, Mom, all these things are going on. You don't have a bad daughter.

I know that.

But I tell you, yeah, I know you know that. And also you're not a bad mom. I actually think you're probably an exceptional mother. I think you're pretty exceptional and I just wanna let you know that. But I think there needs to be a shift in how you're mothering and realize that some of the things that you're doing before have to shift. So some of the stuff of like, you know, you apologize for saying, "I'm sending you to your daddy," we gotta stop that. Because she finally, after she said, "I don't care, I don't care," she said, "It makes me sad." And so if I'm bored at school and I'm sad when you do these things and I feel overwhelmed and I feel like I'm always in trouble, now all I'm gonna do is you've told me that I'm bad, you told me I'm bad, you told me I'm bad. If someone tells you something, after a while you start to believe it.

That's true.

You know what I mean? And it's gonna be difficult, it's gonna be difficult. But I gave you some action steps. Do you think that at one point you'll be able to talk to your mom a little bit more?

Uh, yeah.

Well, I think there's a little bit of a first step here, okay?

Yep, I appreciate it, thank you.

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