I'm At My Breaking Point With My 17-Year-Old Daughter! | KARAMO

I'm at my breaking point with my daughter, Donna. She's been suspended countless times and was expelled last year for fighting. Donna has been in so many fights that it's like most of the administrators and principals, it's like they're really walking on eggshells when she gets upset, 'cause we know it's gonna get chaotic. She's been rude to teachers, authority, anybody that tries to steer her in the right direction. She gets really upset. And out of control. I've caught her in the house with boys when no one is home, and I've told her, don't have anybody in my house. I've caught her smoking weed. She sometimes drinks, and she even got hit by a car one time because she walked into traffic high. Donna has no respect for my authority. She'll leave in the middle of the night, not say anything. I don't know where she's at, and it's like it doesn't even bother her that I'm worried and looking for her all night. If something doesn't happen soon, I'm scared that it'll just go the wrong way. Donna is outta control and I don't know what else to do.

All right, listen everyone, we will talk with Rel shortly, but I want you to see the fighting videos that 17-year-old Donna sent us. It's too graphic to broadcast, but we will show our studio audience. Oh my gosh. Listen everyone, let's welcome Donna to hear her side of the story. Hey Donna.

Hello.

Give you another hug. Nice to see you again. Donna and I met backstage. I wanted to meet her before, 'cause you're only 17, right?

Yeah.

Yes, okay. So what's going on in those videos that we just saw?

The first video, they tried to jump me.

Okay.

Yeah, and the second one, they tried to jump my friend.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

And so why were they trying to jump you?

Our friend groups was like going back and forth.

It's wild to see what we just saw and see how small you are. So what made you so enraged and so angry that you thought like you had to like fight these girls like that?

Oh, I defended myself. They would call me ugly.

Oh, got it. My producers told me that these girls sometimes talk bad about your dad.

Yeah, they'll be like, "Fuck y'all dad," dad and stuff.

Got it. So your father has passed away?

Yeah.

Okay then. Have you been arrested for fighting?

No, I went to CIC from school.

Okay then. And that was the only thing that happened? Mm-hmm. And were you expelled from school?

No.

So you've been going to school every day?

Yeah.

But your mom says she picked you up from juvie twice.

Is that true? That's CIC.

CIC. Okay then. Yeah. Do you feel like your mom's considering your feelings?

No, she's not.

Got it. Does your mom call you names?

Yeah.

What does she call you?

Like, fuck, fuck stuff and like ignorant. Like says like, I'm never gonna learn. She like says like, I'm like a devil child.

She calls you a devil child. Did she say you're a mistake?

Yeah, she's like, oops.

She calls you an oops?

Yeah.

Did she have a good relationship with your father who passed? Mm-mm. They didn't?

No, she—

Does she ever compare you to your father?

Yeah.

She compares you to your father?

Yeah, and I don't know him.

You don't know him? 'Cause how old were you when he passed away?

6, about to be 7.

6 years old, 7 years old. So almost a decade ago, 7, 10 years ago. Okay, and so you said you don't know him?

No, like he didn't really claim me and like my siblings, like on my dad's side, they didn't either. I just recently met them like 4 years ago.

Got it. So your father didn't claim you and neither did the siblings on that side?

No.

Okay, got it, got it.

And their mom, like when they met me, she was like, "Oh, you do have a sibling." Oh, so your father's mother, your grandmother, she did claim you then?

Yeah. Okay, that's good. So someone did say. And are you still close to the grandma now?

She passed.

She passed away, okay. So what happened last Christmas?

I like got kicked out.

Kicked out of what, the house? Mm-hmm. Did y'all get in a fight?

Yeah, because I was smoking.

Okay. Smoking weed?

Yeah.

Has your mom asked you not to smoke weed in the house?

Yeah.

Do you still do it?

Not in the house.

Where do you do it?

Outside or the garage.

In the garage, still in the house?

The garage ain't in the house.

Okay. You sure? 'Cause if somebody said don't do it in my house and you in my garage, that's still in the house. Are you sneaking out?

I used to.

When was the last time you snuck out?

Like a week maybe.

A week ago?

With my best friend. So we just went to her house.

Got it. And do you drink?

Yeah.

Why didn't you just tell your mom the time that you snuck out, you said a week ago or whatever, that you were just going over to the friend's house?

I did.

And what happened?

Nothing.

Did she say don't go?

No.

So what did she say?

It was like 2 in the morning.

It was 2 in the morning?

Yeah.

But do you understand from her point of view, 'cause we gotta be real here, 'cause you're a smart young woman. If I'm your friend and we're stayin', having a sleepover and then all of a sudden, 2 o'clock in the morning, you wake up and you look over and I'm gone, what's your first thought gonna be? You gonna be worried. You gonna be scared. You gonna be like, where's my friend? So imagine if your mother wakes up and she doesn't know where you're at. Do you understand how it can make her feel?

Yeah.

Do you believe that she would feel sad that you were missing?

I do, but Like she says she wants somebody to kidnap me. Like, and for me to not come back.

She said that she wants you to get kidnapped?

Yeah.

Okay. And not to come back in the house?

Yeah. Or like I run away before I turn 18.

She would say that, she would hope that you run away?

Yeah.

All right. Well, it's time to hear what Rel, your mother, has to say about all this. Everyone, please welcome Rel to the show. Hi, Rel. Thank you for being here.

Hi, Karamo.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you as well. Great to meet you.

And hey, beautiful. Let me say this first, because I'm back there listening.

Yes.

And I'm going to be real. Yes, I do go overboard sometimes.

OK.

But I'm at a breaking point. I've tried literally everything. I was soft parenting at first. And then I got fed up to where it's like, what else can I say? And yes, I have called you some names that I should not have. I didn't call her a oops baby. It was a conversation and I've clarified this with her. I apologize to you for that. We've been going through this for years.

Like about the oops part, we have arguments where she literally is like, oops, my bad. Like, yeah, like she asked me like, why? "why are you here if you're not gonna do this, this, and that?" I'm here to like live. Like, I don't know, like she wants me—

So it sounds like for me, and let me just, 'cause I wanna be clear, 'cause I really wanna understand your side. So you're saying that when she said that oops comment about you being born and then when she also said—

No, it's like we be in arguments and she's like, "Oops, you're here. Oops, I'm this." It triggers you. Yeah.

It makes you feel some way. Okay, yeah.

That's not the truth. The conversation goes, me asking her, if you're not gonna do right or listen to me, how can I mother you? How can I parent you? How, like, if you not gonna do right—

Then what are you gonna be in this house for?

Then what you in my house for? That's where that comes from.

She told me my dad was not the right person to have a kid with. When you're telling me about him and stuff, you're saying like he's like a bad person and all of this. He wasn't the type of person to have kids with. Back up.

Why did we start this conversation? Because you told me that you got into a fight with somebody because they was talking about my dad. That's what it was. No, they said, they said, "[MASKED] your dad, dad." Okay, so at this moment, I still, I done had 3 different stories about what happened with that situation.

It's a lot of things that happened with that girl.

Hold on, let me finish. Let me finish. Having said that, The different conversations that I had, I don't feel like you should be fighting. Even if somebody's talking about me, I love my mama to death, but I'm not gonna go fight somebody because they talking about my mama. I'm not gonna go jump in somebody's face and get suspended from school because they talking about my mama. You should not feel like that about somebody that you did not even know. You shouldn't feel like you wanna ruin the rest of your life. You already at risk of not graduating, of not, like, you not going to school every single day. You sitting here saying that you go to school, you might go into the building, but you ain't in class. And we got record, baby girl. No, we got records of that. You like credits are null and void.

Are you behind in school? How many years? One? Yeah. And why don't you go to class?

I do go to class.

So this is your report card, 8th grade.

Oh, that's when it was awesome.

This is 8th grade, okay.

That's when it was awesome.

And so, and then this is? This is now 2023, 2024. FFF. Okay. Not complete. Okay.

You have no credits. No credits, period.

How does that make you feel seeing that?

I need to catch up.

You gotta care, baby.

Yeah.

You gotta care. That's where it start. You gotta care.

I see your legs bouncing up and down. Are you anxious? What are you feeling right now? You gotta tell me what you're thinking.

Like, She thinks I'm gonna ruin my future and stuff. But like what she said about my dad because like he didn't really care about me. I'm gonna ruin my future for somebody that didn't care about me. It don't have nothing to do with him, but he's like still a part of me. So that's disrespectful to me.

That was one incident. What about all the other ones that didn't involve your daddy?

I'm still defending myself.

Every time? Every single time? Let me tell you this, baby girl, if you always in a different state It's the same outcome. You gotta think about what the common denominator is.

It's not, it's a different situation, but it's not the same outcome.

Okay.

You said your mom fights with you. Do you feel like your mom fights for you?

Yeah.

When it's good, it's good. And I tell you that it's good. I tell you I'm proud of you. I tell you I love you. I tell you you're doing a good job. And when you doing wrong, I'm gonna tell you that too, period. I just want her to understand that I'm not your enemy.

Donna, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna have you go backstage. You're doing a great job. I'm gonna have to go backstage, get a little water. So you said something really quickly that's the reason I said, let me go ahead and stop this. You said, I'm not your enemy.

And I really feel like she believes I am.

This girl's dealing with rejection. She's dealing with abandonment.

I understand.

And she's her own worst enemy. That's obvious to us. And it's because she has never felt like anybody wanted her. And she's compiling that story over and over in her head. Also, when she has been told that her father wasn't worth it, she also believes that she is him. She doesn't believe she has a future. She doesn't believe that anyone loves her. She doesn't care that, and she doesn't believe that anyone likes her.

Yeah, no, I get it.

But what you gotta do is all these stories you're telling us, you're saying out loud, you gotta cut all of 'em. That's the only thing that's gonna change this. Everything you're doing has to switch because again, somebody who's dealing with abandonment, every time you kick 'em out only confirms their feeling. But you know how you switch that up? You throw her all the way off. No, stay. You telling me I just did something bad and you want me to stay? What you mean? No, no, stay. It will throw her whole game off.

Yeah, I get it. I get it, I get it.

Anytime she talks to her about her father, from now on, what you've done before in the past is talked about the bad parts of him, the things that aggravated you. But the first, I heard you right here. You said we were in a full-blown relationship. I think you need to focus on that more. You know, one of the things that your father did that was so great is that he would always figure out how to get together. I don't know if this is true. I'm just telling you what were the positives. You throw her game off. Next time someone says, well, they was talking about my daddy and I would say, yeah, you know what? You were like your dad in this positive way. And I want you to know this. And without her being here, can we get her back out here? It's to switch up the game on her. Okay. Okay. And this is gonna be a hard process.

I feel the tension right now.

Yeah, but this is where you take a deep breath.

Yeah.

And you say, I'm sorry for all those things I said. I wanna believe you. I wanna hear you. I'm sorry for everybody who didn't make you feel wanted. I'm sorry for kicking you out. You told her that she's out when she's 18. Let us start there. When she's 18, she does need to get out. Okay. How do you feel?

Good.

A little moment?

You know I love you, baby. And I just want to see you be great, OK? And if I'm hurting you, I'm so sorry. I've never, ever, ever wanted to make you feel like I don't want you, like I don't want you around. You are my sunshine. You always been. I've been telling you that since you was a baby. You are my sunshine, okay? You are beautiful, and I know what you can do, okay? I've seen what you can do. I don't ever want you to feel like I don't want you there. And even in the midst of anger, I swear I'm never, ever, ever gonna say you gotta get out. You can stay with me and be around me as long as you need to in order to, before you get it together, okay? And I'm so sorry, and we're gonna work on this. And just know that I want you to be the best version of yourself. I just wanna see you. Be great, that's it, okay?

I'm sorry. I'm gonna ask you a question. Donna, I wanna ask you a question. What does it feel like to hear your mom say you can stay? I know you never heard that before. You don't know right now, do you? Yeah, I understand. Ask her right now. Say, "Mom, do you want me?" Mom, do you want me?

Yes. I never didn't want you. I promise you.

So I wanna keep up with you, okay? Next semester when we get back after the Christmas break, can you give your all? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah? All right. All right, listen, y'all both took a great first step. I think you see what's going on now and you feel it. Absolutely. Okay, good. I wish y'all the best of luck and we gonna be in touch, right? Oh, why I don't believe you right there. We gonna be in touch?

Yeah.

Okay, good. All right, there we go. All right, listen, stay with us, friends. We'll be right back with more. Hey, come give me a hug.