In this Q&K segment, Karamo answers a viewer’s question about being in love with a new partner while fearing that sharing past experiences of domestic violence and narcissistic relationships might become "trauma dumping." Karamo first validates the viewer’s self‑awareness, emphasizing that recognizing the need to heal is a strength. He challenges the notion that discussing trauma is inherently unhealthy, arguing that a partner’s emotional intelligence determines whether such conversations are safe. He advises the viewer to assess whether the partner can listen without judgment and to build a foundation of trust before expressing love. Karamo then offers a concrete tool: write down the traumatic experiences, prioritize them, and share them gradually, using the list to stay focused and avoid overwhelming the partner. Throughout, he stresses the importance of mutual support, clear communication, and ensuring the relationship feels safe before saying “I love you.” The segment ends with encouragement that the viewer’s awareness and trust in herself will help create a healthier relationship.
Chapters
You do outfit changes so fast. You have to be a model, low key.
Like, I've just seen one fashion week. You don't play with me, girl. Don't play with me.
Yeah, okay.
No, I'm joking. People don't know, yeah, when I'm on this show, I change outfits so much. Let me tell you something, fashion brings me joy, okay? I love it, I love it. All right, so what's your question?
Well, Karamo, I think I'm in love.
Yes?
Yeah. I'm in love with my situationship currently at the moment. Here's my thing, like, I wanna tell him, But I've experienced DV and narcissists and I just don't wanna bring my trauma and dump it on him or my insecurities. So besides time, what do you suggest to do to heal so I could tell him I love him in a healthy manner?
Hmm. Well, first of all, I'm sorry for the things you've been through and I think that it's important no matter how much in your healing process you is that you continue to hear that. I always tell people I still see kids in all of us because I see the little kid in all of us that didn't get the proper love support. We also have these kids in us that need healing. So I'm sorry for what you've been through. I love your awareness. The fact that you're aware is really important because awareness means that you know that you want to heal. You know that you don't want to bring this into your unhealthy and make your relationship unhealthy. And that's a really great strength. I think my question to you would be, why do you think that communicating about what you've been through is going to be dumping your trauma on him?
That's a good question. You know, I guess social media has like really put in my head, you're supposed to be talking healthy, you're not supposed to be trauma dumping, all these red flags. You know, I don't wanna be seen as a red flag.
Mm-hmm. But who said that if you find somebody who's emotionally intelligent and who's willing to build with you, that talking about what you've been through is unhealthy? I'm in the dating process right now and the person I'm dating right now, we have really honest conversations about the things that we have been through and how we're, the work that we've done through them and how we hope to support each other so that we don't re-trigger each other. We have very honest communications and at no point do I feel like I'm dumping. I think that the question you have to ask yourself is the person you're dating, are they emotionally intelligent enough to be able to handle that conversation? And I think that's the more of the better question because what you deserve is somebody who's gonna be willing to make you feel safe, who's gonna make you feel like you can talk about these things. 'Cause that's what real love is. That's what a real healthy relationship is. I don't want you to say I love you to anybody until you know that you can say whatever you need to them and they're not gonna judge you, they're not gonna make you feel like you're bad for that. They're gonna be able to say, you know what, thank you for sharing and how can I support you? How can I love you? Yeah. Are you in a space where you feel like you can trust him enough to say this is what I'm feeling?
Yeah.
You do?
I do.
And you feel like he's healthy enough to hear it?
Yeah.
Great. So what I'm gonna encourage you to do is when you go home, write down the things that you've been through that you feel like you wanna share with him. And this way, because that word dump is all about like sometimes it might come out. If you write it down and sort of structure it, now you can say, you know what, hey, these are things I wanna share with you. I'm not gonna go through all of them today, but I wanna talk about this first one. And this way, if you find yourself going on some other page, you could find yourself looking on that list and saying, I'm gonna go back to this. What this does is allow you to not have that feeling or that guilt or that whatever misconception you have that you're gonna give too much. But it also allows you to have proper time to have each conversation where you can really hear his feedback, where you can really feel supported. And this is a tool that I use so that way I'm not getting cluttered in my thoughts, but I also know that my partner or the person I'm dating is truly there for me and listening and trying to step up for me because there's clarity. Sometimes we gotta write things out because in our minds too much is gonna come out. And so if you can do that, if you feel that he's a safe place for you to talk to, Go for it. It's not trauma dumping. What it is is you trying to start a healthy communication with him where you two can be there for each other.
Thank you so much.
You're welcome. You got this. You got this. Your awareness, your awareness lets me know you got this. It lets me know you're wise because with that awareness, I see trust and I see trust in yourself and I see growth. And when I see trust and growth, the things you've been through in the past, you've learned from and you're never gonna be back in those situations. I know that. And so this next relationship or this relationship will be healthy because of that awareness and that trust in yourself.
