I'm Looking For My Father, Not A Handout! | KARAMO

What did Terry say to you the last time you spoke?

The last time I spoke to Terry, he told me that if he would've known that I was calling him, he wouldn't have answered. He thought that my wife was calling him.

Oh, wow.

Yeah. The relationship has been very, it's like on and off. Yeah. I've been looking for my family since I was a little kid. My mom died when I was 3 years old. She had a heart problem.

Yeah.

I grew up with nobody. I have no family or nothing. So I've been looking for my family because I wanna be loved, you know? And it's just like he's not giving me no type of communication. He just don't care and I don't like that. You supposed to be my daddy, you don't care about me.

Yeah. Why did he stop talking to you? I'm confused about that.

He stopped talking to me because I ain't gonna lie, I'm gonna be honest. I told him that I hope he die because I wanted him to feel how I feel. I feel like I'm dead because I don't have no family. You know what I'm saying? So I wanted him to feel that. Yeah. I didn't mean it, but I was saying it out of anger. Got it. And I wanted him to feel that anger. And I can't take back what I said, but I know he felt it.

Yeah. Take me back. When did you learn that you were adopted?

I learned that I was adopted when I was 11. My adoptive mom gave up her parental rights for me because I was a hyper kid. My therapist seen that I didn't have no support, so she ordered my adoption file. And we looked in there and I seen my grandma name. So I looked her up on the white pages. The first name that popped up, it was her. I called her and she, it was her.

Wow.

Yeah. Okay then. And how did you find your mother's family?

I had to look her up on my adoption file. My dad, I found him through Ancestry. That's how I knew I was related to him.

Mm.

Did they mention Terry at first as being your potential father?

No, it was his brother.

His brother.

His brother is in prison and I had a conversation with him. I reached out to him. I sent them pictures of my mom. He never like, touched bases on her. He's like, he just was asking for money. He asked me for money.

Oh, so yeah.

That was the first thing he asked me for. And I was like, how are you, if you my dad, why you asking me for money? You supposed to be trying to get to know who I am first.

Yeah, yeah. Well, we have your potential sister here, Deja. Why did you stop communicating with her?

Because I feel like she messy as hell.

Yeah.

She young and she feel like we supposed to be fighting over his love. Like every time I talk to her, she like, well, Dad, well, Dad does this for me, Dad does this for me. And that's like, girl, This is not no competition.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

If he's your dad, he's my dad. What he do for you, he gonna do for me.

Yeah, that's what it is.

And it's that. Yeah. Got it. Well, I think it's time to hear from Terry's girlfriend. So everyone please welcome Crystal to the show. How are you doing, Crystal?

Good, how you doing?

I'm good, thank you. So how do you feel about what he just said?

Well, I just, I feel like if you're trying to establish a relationship with someone you think is your father, there's no way you're gonna say, "I wish you die," or, "Let me get money," or, and then when a person helps you, you're not gonna lie about it. You know what I'm saying? You're gonna keep trying to build something, and that is clearly not what he's done. And so I told Terry, I'm like, "Maybe you need to back up and reevaluate what's going on." I mean, no kid that you've never seen before is gonna be like, "Hey," I hope you die, trying to prove a point.

No, that's not the way to go. First of all, you say what you're saying, but you don't understand the situation I've been through. So you're talking off what you see, but you don't understand that I've been without nobody.

Do you understand that? So I don't care about saying what I said, but I know.

Excuse me.

No, I understand. Excuse me, I'm talking. See, that's why nobody's talking to you. He felt it though, didn't he?

Right now?

He felt it though, didn't he?

Because of your inaudacity and the way you came. That's not—

My feelings are not about my dad. I'm 35 years old.

He wants to be there for you, but you're gonna let him keep saying it.

He got 7 kids that he never took care of. You understand what I'm telling you? He only took care of 2 of his kids.

He's got more than 2 kids, excuse you.

That's how informed you are. You have other siblings as well. He ain't even come look for me. I'm 35 years old. I've been around without nobody. You had your dad, didn't you? If he would have found out, you would have. Right, like I said. I'm not listening to you, girl. You matter nothing to me.

You ain't my mama.

I ain't gotta listen to you. I'm not, I'm not. I'm glad. You called your mama a crackhead, so I'm glad I'm not.

You called my mama a crackhead.

No, you did.

Don't disrespect my mama. She was one.

You called your mama a crackhead.

He's probably the reason why she was. So you're a bad guesser then.

We have your potential sister here today as well. So are you ready to meet Deja for the first time?

I guess.

Okay, well please welcome Deja to the show. Hi Deja, how are you doing?

Like, I'm messy?

Yeah.

I'm messy.

You really are messy, yes.

So what's all this that you doing?

This ain't messy, this is me being honest.

Girl, I'm not about to deal with this.

No, it's really not.

You are messy, you're very messy because you only call for information. You was just on my phone a couple, like what, 3 weeks ago talking about some, I was just about to be on a text message talking about some, is Chris on this app? 'Cause we don't need to be, we need to go to a different app. Like girl, like what was the point of you even trying to talk?

Like messy?

I ain't nowhere near messy. But what I am doing is speaking facts. You are messy. You feel like we are in competition for him. I don't have to, I'm not in competition for that. You are his youngest daughter, I guess. But if that's the case, then be his daughter.

I don't care.

But I'm not in competition with you, girl.

So that's the first time you two are meeting in person?

Yeah, like, mm-mm.

Chris and Deja's potential father Terry is joining us remotely via phone. So everyone please welcome Terry to the show. Terry, I gotta ask you, how do you feel about what Chris just said?

Well, what part are you talking about?

Well, first he said that he's sorry for the thing he said to you. Chris, he's on the line. Do you wanna talk to him and say it again?

Yeah, I just wanted to tell you that I know I said some disrespectful things and coming from the heart, I really do apologize. Maybe I should have found a better way to express the way I was feeling instead of being disrespectful and it won't happen again.

Well, first of all, the last time that we talked, what did I tell you? I told you once, I said you need help, didn't I?

That's exactly what you said.

Okay, and what did you tell me?

I said I've been getting help.

Oh no, you didn't tell me you was getting no damn help.

That's exactly what I said. I said I've been working on myself and I've been getting help.

Okay then, so why are you calling the whole family and asking for money?

Because I don't understand. Because I needed help.

Well, then you didn't need no damn help.

Yes, I did.

Okay, how you gonna tell me what I needed when you wasn't even right there to be telling me what I needed?

You wasn't around when I called and asked him for what was going on with me.

When I asked him, you wasn't there.

And then you tell Deja that I sent you $20. Do you want $10 of that $20? What the hell you think you doing? You going through the whole damn family asking for money. The whole damn family. My sister, my nephew in Detroit, both of them sent you money. And what did you do? And you calling me asking me for money. That's all you is. And what you need to do is like that's what I'm saying.

Well, Terry, Terry, Terry, because he started this off with saying he apologized for what he said.

Well, no, he ain't apologize. That's not apologizing to me. That's not apologizing. Get on your damn knees. You want my respect. I'm a grown man. If I'm supposed to be your father, if I'm supposed to be your damn father, you don't talk to me that damn way.

I don't want nothing to do with you. I don't care what nobody else says.

Terry, what was your first thought when Chris reached out to you?

My first thought was like when we talked, he got a hold of me right before one of my sons, one of my other sons' wedding, which I was in Cape Cod and I called him back and I told him, okay, we'll talk after I come back from the wedding. I'm not ready to talk about nothing right now.

Got it.

As I got back from the wedding, I gave him a call. Then we started talking. And then, you know, he's telling me he's calling his mama Joanne. And I was trying to figure it out, figure Joanne doing that. I said, "Who, Ann?" And he said, "Yes." I said, "Yeah, I remember Ann, yes. She told me she was pregnant when I was leaving Detroit, but I thought it was a lie, a lie trying to keep me from going to Detroit, but I left anyway." Got it, okay.

So when he reached out, you were in shock, it sounds like. But how about when Deja reached out? Were you excited? Were you in shock again? Because this is, in a matter of 5 months, you got 2 kids that came outta nowhere.

Well, yeah, that was a trip. You know, it was like something that me and Chris talked about, where all these kids coming out from and whatnot. But I explained to her about that, about what was that, Deja and whatnot.

How many kids do you have, sir?

If it be with Chris, it'd be 7.

Was 7. Okay then. And have you been in all your kids' lives or there's been challenges?

Yes, I've been in all of my kids' lives. Every one of them.

Well, Deja, you have waited your life. You have searched, you found Terry, and you have waited for your answers. This is now 5 months that you have been in contact with him. And you wanna know this is your biological father. This is your truth to open, not mine. So here you go.

I do have something to say to you, Chris, before I open this.

If it's disrespectful, that's where I ain't in. I'm not in. I don't have the feelings right there to take nothing disrespectful or nothing negative. Y'all done said what y'all said to me, and that's enough.

I'm not here to hurt you. I feel the pain that you feel and I want you to really understand that. No matter what they say, no matter what you say, I've always and I will always try to be here for you. So if you want to unblock me again and reach out, that's fine, I'll be here. Because I'm not the one that hurt you, I'm not.

Yeah.

And I'm really trying to be here for you.

And I apologize for pushing you away. I apologize for that.

Deja, before we heal this relationship, we need to get to your answers. You need to know if Terry is your biological father.

He's my father.

He's your father. You're right. Terry, are you still there?

Yeah.

So it's been confirmed that Deja is your daughter. How do you feel?

I feel great. Yeah.

I mean, I had the idea 'cause we talk a lot. And I mean a lot. We talk every day.

Deja, what is this moment like for you?

I'm embracing it.

Yeah.

I'm taking this everything in.

Yeah. There's a bit of shock here. 'Cause even though you've been pursuing it.

And it's healing, honestly. It's healing for me 'cause this is what I needed. To move on, you get what I'm saying? So even for my family, people still think that he's not my father just because he's on my birth certificate and the situation that came about with him and my mother. You get what I'm saying? But this, I'm embracing this.

[Speaker] Well, Chris, Chris, now it's time for your DNA truth. You as well have been searching. You found Terry a few months ago and yes, there's been a lot of ups and downs, but you deserve your truth as well. So here's your truth to open.

What's that say on your hand?

Respect.

What's that say?

King.

And what's this say?

Queen.

You got this, bro. I know we look alike.

Oh, shit.

He's not my daddy.

He's not.

Terry's not your father.

He's not.

Oh my gosh.

Didn't you say he's not my daddy?

Yes, he's not. Oh my gosh.

Terry, Chris is not your son.

Yep.

I didn't think so. Nobody acts like that toward their family. Nobody. Nobody acts like that toward their family. I'm sorry. You know, I mean, yeah, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry the results are what they were, but yeah, you just—

Terry, what do you want to say in this moment?

Send me my money. Send me my money.

Okay. Okay.

Dang, it just could have been so different.

That's right.

After. Well, I'm glad that I'm glad they got their answers. And I can see backstage they're supporting each other and being there for each other. I'm gonna make sure that after this, I'm gonna go back there and talk to Chris. I know that he's not with you all anymore, but. Terry, I'm happy you got your answers as well. You now know that Deja is your child. Clearly there was some ancestry link that he was able to find. That's how he connected with you all through Ancestry, correct?

Yes, I guess so.

Yeah, so this was through Ancestry. So there has to be some other link in the family. Is there anybody else?

No, I doubt it. 'Cause you know why? The only person that know her is my brother Georgie. And the last time, I mean, when me and my brother Georgie talked after me and Chris met, my brother told me that he seen Anne. And whatnot and that she was pregnant the last time.

So your brother Georgie, there's a strong possibility then that could be—

One of them, I hope MG is.

Because the ancestry came back.

That he's connected.

That's not the father. That means one of the others have to be the father. That means they went behind you, Dad. Yes. Oh my God.

Well, listen, I will say this, Terry, I know that you do not have a relationship with Chris and I am glad that you got your answers for Deja. But I would ask you this, I'll do you a favor, I'll send you back your money that Chris loaned you, but I have a favor to ask you. I have a favor to ask you. Will you support me in figuring out how to get in contact with this person, your other brother, because he does deserve answers. And if, you know, I can see his pain and he needs to heal from that. He's not gonna heal until he gets the answer and he gets his closure. So Terry, would you be willing to give us support in getting those other people's contacts so that we can get the answers for Chris.

Oh my God.

Yes, I will.

All right, I appreciate that. I appreciate that. Well, listen, thank y'all for being here. We'll be in contact, Terry, more about the names.

Thank you, Deja.

I'm glad you got your answers. Thank you for being here. Nice to meet you as well. And everyone, please come back, friends, so we can keep talking and growing. I love you all. We deserve your answers. We deserve the truth.

I'm tired of looking, man. I've been doing this all my life. I know you are. I know you are.

I don't know if you heard me ask Terry that because if Ancestry came back and said—

It did. It said that they was my family.

Did you know about that other brother? I never knew he had another brother. So he said that he would give us that information. If you want my support, we would love to support you.

Yes, please.

Please help me, Karamo. Yeah, I will. I will.

I will. Again, I'm sorry. We're going to figure this out for you because I do see what you're going through. Thank you. I do see it.