Is It A Break Or A Break-Up? | KARAMO

My guests, Jaylen and Olivia, met in college. They fell in love and had a great relationship until she transferred to a different school a year ago. Since then, these two have struggled to make their relationship work, and Jaylen's growing lack of trust has caused him to take a break in their relationship until December. He says it was a break, not a breakup, and wants Olivia to unlock her phone so they can move forward with their relationship. Before we do that, let's bring out Jaylen. Hey Jaylen, how you doing? I'm good, how are you? Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too.

Yes. So let's start off. You're with Olivia, you decide to go on a break. Why?

Well, me and Olivia have been together for about 3 years and between all the mini arguments and everything else, the house situation was the biggest thing for us.

For us.

I wanted to move in 'cause I just graduated college and she didn't wanna move in 'cause she still has a year left. And me with abandonment issues, I kind of feel like it was like more of her not wanting to do it because she's scared or she has somebody else on the side.

Got that. I understand that. So you started to feel as if like she had someone?

Yeah.

Got it. So tell me about your relationship with your girlfriend.

It was great in the beginning. We could do anything. But I'd say maybe a month after she moved, things went bad. Like, it just kind of made me feel like I wasn't enough.

How far away does she live actually?

Cincinnati's like 3 to 4 hours away.

So it was only 3 hours away?

Yeah.

Okay. Why do you wanna unlock her phone?

Well, there are a couple instances why I wanted to unlock her phone. One is one time she called me at like 4:00 AM. It was like a butt dial. I picked up, "Hello?" Ended right away. I called back not even 2 minutes later. No call, nothing until the next morning. And she told me her phone died or something. The phone dies, it goes straight to voicemail. It was ringing. After that, it just got worse. My insecurity just started getting worse. And I just wanna know if my girlfriend is cheating on me or not.

Yeah, how often would you say she does not respond to you?

We used to talk all day, every day. Now I can get lucky if I get 5 texts outta her throughout the day.

But you're on a break.

Yeah.

So, and I don't know her side of the story, so I'm just only, but I'm trying to hear if you're on a break and she's only texting like 5 times, that doesn't seem so out of order.

I kind of feel like since it wasn't a breakup and it was just a break.

So for you, the language of just break is something that you're like, well, just because we took a break, I should still be able to, we should still continue in the same way.

Yeah.

So has she ever cheated on you in the past?

Not that I know of.

Has she ever done anything in the past where you would say, you know what, she is actually stepping out on me?

I can't say no to that, no.

Have you ever done anything?

Not almost. I didn't do anything.

So you did what?

We were at a party and I got super drunk I was super drunk and one of my exes were there and then we were just talking and talking and then she tried to kiss me. But I told Olivia about this and I just, I was going to, but then at the last second I just, I couldn't. I love Olivia too much for me to.

Okay, I get that. So, but you were tempted?

Yeah.

In essence, nothing has ever happened on her part. You've had this one incident that has almost happened on your part.

Yeah.

And when you told her about it, what'd she say?

She was mad. It was just another one of those things where I shouldn't be going to a party or that's why she should've came or that's why she should have my location and just—

So if she's saying that another reason, that means was there reasons before then that she kind of felt like maybe you could be doing something? Was there other actions you had?

In my previous relationships, I did cheat before.

Okay, and she knew that?

Yeah, she knew that.

So you said you know the signs of a cheater. What are the signs of a cheater? Signs of a cheater?

Just giving less effort. Not texting, no FaceTimes, no dinners.

Turns location on and off, butt dials, makes excuses for phone being off and doesn't text back. Those are your signs of a cheater. Is your location off right now?

It is now, yeah.

It is now?

Or it was before we went on our break.

Okay. And makes excuses for phone being off, doesn't text back.

Yeah.

Now tell me, why do you think that's the signs?

Because that's what I used to do. Those are the things that I did. So those are just a couple of signs that I see that if I'm seeing this and I know I used to do this, then why would it be different for when she's doing it?

Have you ever seen her have texts from other men?

Yes.

And what were those texts like?

This one specific text, it was a friend of a friend. And then one of the pictures, he had his arm around her. That just completely threw me for a loop. I'm like, who is this? She's like, nothing, it's just a friend.

Where was the arm placement?

Like elbow around the back of the neck.

Around her neck.

Yeah, that was the first time I decided, okay, something's really off here. And then so I was going through the phone one time and the messages weren't bad, but they were, she told me that they weren't talking, like they weren't, they was just a friend of a friend. So now my alert's all the way up and—

But you saw the messages 'cause she let you go through her phone?

Yeah.

And you said the messages were not bad?

No.

From your point of view?

Yeah.

So then why was your alert still on?

Because why couldn't you just say you were speaking to him? Like that was my, I was like, so you are speaking to him, but you're not speaking to him? So which one?

Did you have to sneak in her phone to get that or did she give it to you willingly?

No, we were arguing about it and then she showed me the phone.

So she gave it to you willingly?

Yeah.

Okay. So what do you want with the future with her? What does that look like?

I wanna live with her. I love her from the bottom of my heart. Anything I need to do to get her back, I'll do.

I think it's time to meet Olivia, right? Get her side of the story. All right everyone, welcome Olivia. Olivia, welcome to the show. Hi, Olivia. Hi. You are super cute.

Thank you.

Nice to meet you. Olivia, how do you feel hearing Jaylen accuse you of cheating?

There's a few things that he kind of skipped over, I think. There was two occurrences, one with the ex, and then there was another one where he went out and he got very drunk and he didn't even remember what happened. He just knows something happened because was told by his friends.

Oh, so there was a second time you did cheat in some way, you just don't remember it.

Yeah.

And I feel like that's the main reason for being so scared of when I go out.

Got it. So tell me about this time because I want, I actually do want to hear your side 'cause I see your sincerity in this moment. So what happened during that time?

I was super, super drunk. To this day, I really don't remember that. And they said I went in the room with one of my friends and I don't even remember that situation.

So Olivia, how do you feel knowing that he actually wants to unlock your phone because he feels like you're cheating?

I just think it's crazy because I've never done anything in our whole 2 years of dating to ever like give any inclination that I've cheated. I don't think I would ever do anything bad.

Yeah. What happens when you don't text him back?

We used to call all the time. So when I first moved, we would call like all day, every day.

That was in the beginning though. What about now?

Well, then it started like weaning off, but then like get kind of like, why are you busy? And I'd be like, I'm like doing stuff, you know?

Yeah, hanging out with friends. All you do is hang out with friends.

Because, you know.

So it sounds like from before, from your story that you hung out with your friends.

Yeah.

So why was there an issue with her hanging out with her friends?

I feel like when it comes out to me hanging with my friends, I would text, I would call, I'd be like, "This is what I'm doing." When she goes out with her friends, it's just—

She's going out with her friends.

She's just going out with her friends.

There's nothing— But why is that an issue?

Cincinnati is not a safe place at night.

So it's based on her security and her safety? Yeah.

So when I can't get a call at 3:00 AM trying to figure out if you're home safe, especially when you take Ubers home, by yourself and it's just like, I just wanna know you're safe. And then I'm getting called overprotective, toxic. And I just want you to know that I just love you and need you to get back home.

I feel like it's also the way you go about asking those questions though. Like I feel like the way you're like, what are you doing? Like why aren't you answering?

Jaylen has requested that we unlock Olivia's phone. Olivia agreed to unlock her phone, but we have a video.

You really had me out here thinking I was unloyal. Untrustworthy, playing with you, like I was always doing something behind your back. Are you crazy that you would let go of our relationship like that? Someone who would never cheat on you, but somehow I let you make me question myself. But guess what? She's back. This is what you wanted, so let me reintroduce myself to Because the old Olivia, she's gone. I'm independent, strong, and I'm happier than ever now.

Okay. So we didn't unlock her phone. We didn't unlock her phone because you guys are on a break and not in a relationship and she doesn't really owe you anything right now. And after that, explanation, what do you wanna say to him?

You wanna put us on a break, I just feel like we should break up. Like since being like able to enjoy this 2 like months and just like not have to worry and like feel like I'm stepping on eggshells.

So you don't wanna fight for us at all?

I gotta step in here because I think all of us here, and this is not to call you a bad person, Yes, you have your abandonment issues, but those are coming out in a very negative way. Like it's coming out of you projecting and of also controlling. Can you see that at all?

I feel like I was just doing it more outta love than anything else.

Yeah, and sometimes that's where things can get tricky, especially with young love or even older love. You think that your actions are actually telling her like, oh, I love you, I care for you, but they actually become, you're projecting your own behavior from your past onto her. Because I asked you clearly several times, has she ever done anything to you to make you think she was cheating? Your words, no. You even told me about the one time you were suspicious. You said she handed over her phone to you. So again, there wasn't a fight to say, no, I'm going to hide from you. I'm not gonna show you. Also, what I thought was very interesting is that every single time you had an issue with her calling or not communicating with you amount that you wanted, she still was communicating with you. Even in that text we just saw, you're saying, "Why are you not picking up?" And she's saying, "I'm with my friend." And you're saying, "I want you now." And she's saying, "But I'm communicating with you. You don't see that?" I see it now. That behavior is controlling behavior. That's part of your insecurities that were triggered by your abandonment. But the thing you need to learn as a young man is that you don't have the right to use your abandonment to then trigger somebody else and make them feel insecure about themselves. Olivia, when did you realize you didn't wanna be with him anymore?

Like he said, like I've stopped texting more because I was like, we're on a break. Like let me see like how it feels to actually like be broken up. Like I was developing so much anxiety when I would go out.

Makes sense. Makes sense. I just stopped calling. Do you hear that? Because of the fact that you felt insecure, you were starting to cause someone else to feel anxiety. Is that what you want for a woman that you love?

No.

I believe that about you. I believe that you don't want her to feel that way. I don't see you as some guy who's being manipulative or being wrong or like want to be negative. I just see you as a young man who had your own trauma. I want you to learn that behavior now as a young man and be secure enough as a man to know that when you get a girl who says I love you, who's going to be open with you, you don't have to check up. You don't have to do these things. You just have to show her that I trust you and that I love you. Part of you is young. You got caught up. That's why you gave me a list of your things that show you were cheaters and you just said out your own mouth, "That's 'cause that's what I did." And so you started trying to project it onto her. Don't project what you're feeling from abandonment, insecurities, or because of your bad behavior onto another person. It's always gonna lead you down a path of a toxic relationship. Can you apologize to her for projecting your insecurities onto her and trying to control her behavior?

I'm sorry for everything. I don't know how else to explain it. I'm just sorry.

For controlling you and projecting my insecurities.

For controlling you and projecting my insecurities. I am sorry. I am truly sorry.

And I'm sorry that like the things in your past happened to even make you have those insecurities that we have to be here in the first place.

That's love. She's telling you that she's sorry for that and she's also accepting what you did. I love you.

I have love for you.

Oh. Yeah, it's okay that she has love for him because that means that you didn't do so much damage to the relationship that she don't even wanna talk to you. And that's actually a healthy way for this to end. 'Cause I've seen unhealthy relationships end here. She could be saying, forget you. You triggered me, you did all these things to me. She's saying, I still got love for you and I'm sorry that you went through this. Y'all gonna be all right. Hold on, where you going? I'll tell you where you're going. Right here to subscribe and right here to watch more, period.