Is My Grandmother Toxic? | KARAMO

Keani is tired of being fat shamed and called out of his name by his grandmother Sharon. Keani says his relationship with his grandmother Sharon is so toxic they even had a fight in the street. I know, that's crazy. But everyone, please welcome Keani to the show.

Hi, Keani.

I'm gonna give you a hug. How are you doing?

I'm good.

Good to meet you. Take a seat. So Kiani, that's a lot to hear that you're fighting with your grandmother in the streets. You know, like I'm new school in the sense of like I understand like you gotta be respected in toxic relationships, but I'm old school in the sense like you don't fight your grandma. Okay, so what was going on?

So it was like right after my graduation. It was a really hard time for me because I was all on my own. When I needed my grandmother the most, I just felt like she wasn't there for me at all. So the fight happened because she had gifted me $100 for my graduation. Later that night, she took the $100 back because she left her wallet at home. She needed to pay for dinner. So I gave her the money. I gave it back to her. I didn't say anything, just gave it back to her. Then like a week later, I was supposed to give her her some money. I was supposed to give her $100, and then I'm looking at my money, I'm like, wait, she still owes me the $50 from that. So I just went, I just went to her, like, to go talk to her to see, like, if she was gonna give it back. At the end of the day, she was supposed to give me the money back. Then the whole situation just turned into something it wasn't supposed to be. She tried to attack me. In front of my sister. Not only in front of my sister, in front of my cousin. My cousin had to hold her back. My room got destroyed. My door was broken.

So you told my producers that this is a pattern of hateful things that she does to you. What does she do?

When she's in her mood, she would throw her anger out on the wrong person.

Well, Kiani, it says, you said that your grandma says she fat shames you, calls you the B word. She says all the time that she regrets taking you in. And she controls you.

Yeah. Well, the regret taking me in part was it happened one time. It happened during COVID I remember me and my friend was sitting on the couch and she had asked me if I knew where something was at. I said, "No, I didn't." And she just went off from there.

Got it. So how does this all make you feel?

I feel like no matter what, deep down inside, you meant it.

Got it.

If you was to say it, you meant it.

So describe your relationship with your grandmother.

Well, it's like we live together, we with each other 24/7, but we don't have that emotionally like relationship. I can't go to her, I can't talk to her about what I'm going through. I'm like all on my own. The only person I could really go to is my aunts 'cause they've been through the same situation I've been going through.

Oh, they feel like they've been through the same situation with your grandmother?

Yeah, absolutely.

But that's their mom. Okay.

Yeah.

So I wanna just clarify, why did your grandmother take you in?

My grandma took me in because at the age of 6, my mom had passed.

Okay.

When I was 6 years old, she was giving birth. Yeah, that's her.

A beautiful mother.

Thank you.

Yeah.

She was giving birth to my sister and unfortunately she never came back home after that.

What was it like for you growing up without your mom?

I felt lost. When you go through a death, no matter what, it hurts. But when you lose your mother, that breaks you. That's permanently damaged you. And I feel like no matter what, I will always have that feeling inside. I just felt like a floater. Even though I did stay with my grandmother, she did take me in, I did feel kind of safe. That was home. Nana home was home to me. I still felt like a floater because I didn't have my mother.

My producer said that you've come into some money now.

Yeah.

What happened?

It's just from what happened.

From a setup from your mother's death? Yeah. Okay, makes sense to me. So what do you think your Grandma Sharon is mad about the money?

I don't wanna say she's mad.

Okay, what language did you use?

I wanna say she does have some like hatred towards it. That's how I feel.

Okay.

I feel like she has some hatred.

Why?

Towards it. Because I feel like she told me before, she said, I feel like you, she says, she had asked me, she was like, don't you feel like I deserve half of it? Wow. Because she said if it wasn't for her, I would've never had it.

Because she's the grandmother, so since she had your mother and your mother had you, that's why she feels like.

No, well that too, but no. Because she went to go through the whole process of getting it.

Oh, she did the lawsuit 'cause you were a child.

Yeah, I was a child. So she went through the whole process of doing it. So she, I guess she feels like I should give her some of it.

What do you need my help with today with your grandma?

I just need help with like amending our relationship. I feel like I'm at the point of life where to where I want to get past all of this. But in order to get past it, I feel like it needs to be talked about, it needs to be confronted. I can't get rid of the pain or move past the pain until it be acknowledged.

Does she know you feel this way?

No matter how many times I express how I feel, she will always try to throw something in my face to make me feel bad. So like right before coming here, we had a little talk and I told her how I felt. She said to me, she said, "I feel like you're holding a grudge towards me." She says she feels like I hate her.

Got it. All right, listen everyone, time to hear from Keonie's grandma. Let's bring out Ms. Sharon. Ms. Sharon, thanks for being here.

How you doing?

Okay, first of all, Grandma, you look fly. Yeah, you do. So I wanna know from you, what is going on with you and your grandson?

Sometimes I feel like nobody understands me. I lost my child and I don't try to be slick or anything like that, but I try to get him to understand that if it wasn't for me, it wouldn't have been no you.

You say that all the time.

I do because it's reality. So the thing is, it's not looking for me doing all this to him. I'm not getting anything back. I feel empty because I done took care of everybody. I had to hold up for everybody. He was 6 years old. I had a 3-week-old baby in my hand. I took my daughter to the hospital. She told me she had a headache. I, I, I—

But don't you feel like if you were my grandma, that's something you were supposed to do?

Of course, because it's not only as a grandmother, but I'm talking about that's my child. So if my child came to me and said she got a headache, I'm taking her to the hospital. But unfortunately I had to leave my child there. What parent wanna do that? She's 27 years old. I don't know, you know, like I am who I am. I'm a dominant woman, I'm strong. I've been through what I've been through.

Are you shocked to hear what your grandson is saying?

Oh, totally.

Why does it shock you?

Because I didn't know.

'Cause I never told her.

I didn't know that he really felt like this about me. I never got the chance. I told him the other day that I feel like you don't like me. You love me, but you don't like me.

Yeah. He says that you fat shame him. Is that true?

No, I don't fat shame him.

Not now.

No, go ahead.

Back then.

You go ahead.

When we was going through a lot and you would take your anger out on me. You would say things about my weight, about my body. I would get bullied in school and then have to come back home to hear it from you. It would hurt.

But you never told me you got bullied in school.

I would come to you all the time, right?

You never told me you got bullied in school because you know me, I would've went to the school.

You did go to the school for certain stuff. I was telling you I was getting bullied. I was telling you what they were saying about my mother, about my mother being gone. I was telling you about what they were saying about my sex life. And I was telling you about what my body seemed like.

What did I do? When they said something about your mom.

You did go to the school.

I went to the school and I addressed it, right? Yes. Yes, I did.

And I am grateful for that.

You know what my thing is, is that, you know, like we having this little difficult time between me and you and God knows on my soul, you know I got your back.

I know.

I got you. Things, did you ever ask me did I wanna do this? Nobody asked me did I wanna do it. You know, family came by and all of this stuff was going on.

But you had to wanna do it in order to do it.

And they say, "Oh, well we got you, we gonna help you." I look up when the smoke was clear, nobody was there.

Do you feel like your grandson is being ungrateful?

No, he's not ungrateful. He's just a child that's been damaged. You know, when he talk about the money, you know what I'm saying? I fought for 5 years because they told me my daughter's death was gonna be in vain. And I said, "The devil's a liar." So when we got to the claim, It was about his sister too. So I was asking my daughter to go with me and nobody went with me. I went by myself.

Nobody else could take it but her. Nobody else was strong enough to do that. To go to court and relive it, re-hear it.

And I had to put all my feelings to the side and go fight for my grandchildren. It wasn't even about the money. I wanted my daughter's death not to go in vain.

I hear you, I hear you.

Okay, so when he say things like, when I'm back there and I'm listening to him and he say things like, I think he's, I'm mad because I didn't get none and he feels like he's supposed to give me something. I'm broke, I ain't got no money.

When did I say that?

I might look like money, but I ain't got no money.

When did I say that?

Okay, but my whole thing is that I had a claim with it and I withdrew my claim.

You told me that you wasn't gonna get none no matter what.

I don't have to tell you everything. All you really have to know is that I have your best interests at heart.

It sounds like to me that you never got a chance to grieve your daughter.

No, I never got a chance to grieve.

I don't think none of us have.

Yeah.

None of us have.

No, I never.

None of us have.

I look at my daughter, we are destroyed. But that person there had my back. I wanna say—

I miss my mother too.

I know you do, baby.

Ms. Sherry, why is it important for you to be here today?

For Keani. Because Keani want me to show up.

And so you showed up.

That's why I showed up. You know how many times today I said I wanna go home?

And I said, let's go.

Keani, what is it again that you want your grandmother to hear?

I do love you. And no matter what, I try my hardest to not act the way I do towards you. I have that feeling, but it's hard. The words that you had said is going to stick with me for the rest of my life.

What are the words that she said to you that you want her to know?

We was arguing, you was trying to hit me with a stick and I was holding the stick from you. You said to me, "You're a bitch." That's not true.

Don't do that. I've never in my 62 years said that to you.

You probably don't remember because of the heated moment that was going on.

I remember. I never said that to my grandson.

I wouldn't just say that.

I never said that.

You did.

You gotta be kidding me. Never. And I'm not gonna deny having said some things. I said some things like, "Stop acting like a bitch." Yeah.

You don't say that to other kids.

I said that. I did. I did say it. But y'all gotta, you know, and I'm not trying to make any excuses for my actions or my behavior. But I'm angry too. I'm angry. I'm angry right now that I feel like I'm losing my grandson.

What do you need from your grandmother right now?

What I need for her to just to be there for me emotionally, 'cause I'm still trying to figure out life. I'm still trying to just figure out everything. I don't have a mother, don't have a father, and you wanna go to, the person you live with 24/7. You wanna go to your legal guardian, you wanna be able to go to them and to not, to feel like you can't, it hurts. And I just want her just to be there for me more. I want us to have a better relationship. I want us to be able to talk to each other, not just talk about drama that's going on for somebody else's drama. No, let's talk about us. Let's talk about how we could better our mental health. Let's just talk about how we could better ourselves.

Ms. Sharon, how do you feel about that?

I respect it 100%, but I respect him, you know what I'm saying? And I honestly can say is that I'm gonna work on it. That's my honest truth, you know? But I need stuff too.

What do you need?

I need you to come in the room sometime and say, "Nana, how you feel today?" Yeah.

Okay.

I cry in the night. I cry in the night.

But you don't even know You know that I still come in the night, I still come in your bedroom to check to see if you breathing from the heart attack you had.

I do the same thing to you, don't I? Knock on your door.

Yeah, you do check up on me.

'Cause I don't bust in your door, I knock on your door. You all right?

You saying that I don't come in and talk to you, right?

You don't talk to me.

Yes, 'cause I feel like I can't.

Why? You have to have a breakthrough. You gotta get past this stuff.

That's what therapy's here for.

Let me say something to you. You said that you have had so much stuff with me, right? I just don't believe it's all me. You've been through so much.

I do.

At 16 years old, you haven't had a mother or a father.

You want an emotional connection, and what she's trying to do is tell you that she's emotionally feeling this way. Y'all are both in extreme grief. The love you have is mixed with this grief and this fear that we're gonna lose people. That y'all are checking on each other. I'm gonna tell you this. When people have trauma and grief mixed together.

Hurt people hurt people.

They see things in their own way. Can you apologize to your grandson right now for the things that he felt you said?

I apologize. I'm really sorry if I hurt you that way. It was not intentionally. Sometimes it's misdirect anger. I don't know where I'm angry at. I don't know what to do sometimes. I'm sorry for we to get here, to have to do this. I am so sorry. That was not my intentions.

Can you accept all that and receive your grandmother?

Yes, I do.

You can?

Yes.

She wants to be emotionally open to you. You see what you asked for, she's doing right here on the show. Yeah. She's showing you she can do it. Mm-hmm. Can you be a young man that can step into your maturity and do that for her as well?

Yes.

You can?

Yes, 'cause I need it too.

She needs it too.

Sometimes I feel like I'm just dying inside.

Y'all both are grieving. Y'all gotta be there for each other, all right?

Yeah.

You got somebody who's gonna ride for you for the rest of your life and who loves you.

And that's what I did for 5 years. I did that because—

Break off a point.

I said it wasn't—

Give your grandmother a hug.

It wasn't about me. I wanted them to be taken care of in case anything happened to me. They won't have to go to nobody.

I know, I know, I get it. I get it. You hear me?

Mm-hmm.

But just remember, give her a chance to respond like you gave her a chance today. Y'all gonna be all right. Thank you for being vulnerable and open. Hold on, where you going? I'll tell you where you're going. Right here to subscribe. And right here to watch more.

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