Is This Mother & Son Still at War? | KARAMO Update

All right, so when guests come on my show, you know I try to give them the first steps they can use after they leave my couch. And I love to share their updates with you all. So you might remember Quayda and Brandon. If you don't, take a look at this. My guest Brandon is 17 years old and claims to be grown. He's asking for my help to talk to his mother Quayda about backing off and allowing him to make his own decisions. Brandon says his mother Quayda is way too controlling and constantly puts him down and has She even told him he'll never amount to anything. Brandon is ready to confront his mom no matter the consequences. So everyone please welcome Brandon to the show.

Hey.

How you doing? Can I have a hug? There we go.

Nice to meet you, Brandon.

Nice to meet you too, Karamo.

Thank you for being here. All right, so, 17 years old.

Yes, sir.

Tell me about your mother, your relationship with your mother.

Me and my mom have a harsh relationship. Like, I love my mom, but at the same time, we have bad times. Like, me and my mom, we argue a lot. We have a lot of disagreements. It's like, I guess, like, a lot of love is not there.

So you feel like your mother doesn't care about you?

Yeah, I feel like she doesn't care about me. I feel like it's not enough love there with me and her. Like, I know, like, I probably can't say that I don't like her, but I don't. I don't.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't. Like, she gets on my nerves.

Yeah.

And like, she takes—

Do you love her?

Yeah, I love my mom. I have a lot of love for my mom. I do. And I want her to understand that. She probably— I know I do a lot of stuff that hurts her, but I love her a lot.

Yeah. What are types of things that she says to you?

Like, she says, that I'm not gonna be nothing. I'm gonna be like my dad or I'm gonna be a bum or something like that. Or she'd be like, if you keep on being out in these streets and hanging out with these people, you're gonna die.

What about your dad? Where is he?

My dad, I don't even know where my dad is. I don't, I haven't talked to my dad in so long.

When was the last time you talked to him?

My dad, I talked to him probably about, last time I talked to him was summertime. I was down there with him in summertime. But when I'm with my dad, it's like, it's no energy.

So you were with him this last summer?

Yeah, this last summer.

Okay then. And y'all don't have, does he call you daily?

No, he doesn't call me, he doesn't text me. I don't even think he told me happy birthday. I haven't.

So what do you need from your mom today?

For more love, more understandingness, and just for us to get along. I don't wanna argue every day. I just want all love. That's it. As long as I know that she actually loves me and care for me, then I'll be good.

Got it. Well, listen, Brandon says he's not the reason why his relationship with his mother, Quayda, is so toxic. He says he's not the one who needs a reality check, if that is his mother. Let's hear what she has to say. Everyone, please welcome Brandon's mom, Quayda, to the show.

Brandon, you make me hate you. I don't hate you, you make me hate you. Because of the things, how you talk to me. And stop lying. All this talking, I can't talk to you. You talk too much. You talk too much. Keep your mouth closed. Keep your mouth closed. How can you listen and you talking?

Look at him.

That's what I'm saying.

How you doing? Nice to meet you.

I'm Quayda. I'm Quayda. Hi.

Nice to meet you. Quayda, so why are you angry? At your son?

Because he just do stuff. All he does is talk, talk, talk. I do everything I can for this child right here. I love this child, but it makes me, the things that he do makes me hate him. It makes me feel like I hate him. I don't hate anybody, but it makes me feel like I hate him because of things that he do. He know that. He always snurn up his nose like he's better than everybody else. You ain't better than— I'll take care of you. Then he sit up here talking about you grown. That's what I'm saying.

I don't act like I'm better than everybody else. I know I'm not like everybody else.

Then you talking about I'm famous. Hell, you ain't making no money from it.

Okay, the money comes after the fame.

Okay, whatever, but like I said—

You're not.

Like I said, that's what I'm saying. That little kind of stuff like that. You talking about you're not. Okay, who said I was? I ain't say I was famous. You the one running out here calling yourself 5 Locks, What does that mean? The only 5 blocks, 5 blocks you going is walking them 5 blocks to school. You don't have no gun, you don't have none of that. Like that's what I'm saying.

I never said I had a gun.

Yeah, but it don't matter. So why you call yourself 5 blocks?

How long has this fight been going on between you two?

Listen, this child been acting like this and rude to me his whole entire life.

This been going on, but it seemed like since I say last year, you can see I got a little piece of tail 'cause you know they say you're smelling yourself. So that's when all this disrespect, when he was about 15. So all my friends was like, well maybe he done had a piece of tail or something. 'Cause I said, 'cause he always been, he always had an attitude and all this stuff like that. But like this disrespect, like I can't talk to him. Every time I try to talk to him, he talk over me. Then like when I talk, when I try to talk to him, he close the door.

When I try to talk to her, she don't wanna listen.

You don't either, you don't either, Karamo.

Okay, so I try to listen to my mom, all she do is yell. I don't wanna listen to nobody yell.

You don't either.

All the time?

Well, if somebody's not listening to me and they saying blah, blah, blah and rolling their eyes and slurring it up like you better than everybody else, of course I'm gonna yell. If I don't feel like he listening, if I don't feel like he listening, then of course I'm gonna yell, duh. And see why he talking about, I don't want my other son to be out 'cause he's smart, he's in band, he do stuff. This boy don't have no interest in nothing. He don't have no— He used to have interest in a lot of stuff. No, baby, you—

I'm not gonna make it like I'm just super smart, but I'm trying to work on myself.

Brandon, what are you interested in doing?

I'm trying to be a musical engineer. I wanna go to college so I can be, yeah.

In music? You wanna be a musical engineer?

Yeah, 'cause I love music and I wanna be a producer.

Do you hug him often?

No.

Nope, we don't even, we don't hug. We don't do nothing.

I don't like him enough to hug him.

We don't, I don't like her like that. That's why I don't like her. I don't hug her. I don't even tell her I love her like that.

I like him, but damn, I mean, I wanna get to the point where I wanna hug him and I wanna pat him on his back and stuff. And I do say good things because I wanna, I say things like, "Oh, you ain't gonna be shit, or you ain't gonna be like your daddy because you're this." So it don't matter, but that's what you remind me of.

All that talking, all that shutting the door in my face, that's the same stuff his daddy did. Like I told him, you act just like your daddy.

Can you take a moment real quick? I just wanna talk to your mom. Even though you are a young man, you're about to be 18, I wanna talk to Mom alone just so that we can talk and then we'll ask you to come back.

Okay.

All right, perfect. Is that cool? Thanks. How long have you been speaking negative like about him?

Uh, long time. It's been a long time.

I just wanna pause right there for a minute because I know you're overwhelmed. You're a single mother, you're dealing with two kids, you're probably working your ass off. You try and do everything you can.

Yeah, I have, I'm a stay-at-home mom. I have my little own business for them so I can keep my— Working your ass off. Yeah, exactly. So yeah, exactly.

Yeah, it's hard to run a business, you know what I mean?

Mm-hmm.

But, so I wanna acknowledge that because I wanna make sure it's not to say like you're not showing up, you're not doing things.

No.

But I asked you how long you speak negative about him and you couldn't even remember.

I don't know.

The things that got me was when I asked him if y'all hug and you said you can't even hug him. When I asked him when was the last time he got a hug from his dad, he said, "I don't know." And he couldn't remember the last time he heard his dad say, "I love you." I said I love him.

You know, I do do that, but I don't hug him 'cause I don't.

But let's—

I kiss like a—

But I want you to think about this 'cause you say, "I love him." You say, "I love him." I have love for him. Yeah, but you also say all these negative things.

Yeah, 'cause I want him to do better. I just want him to do better. I say that because he makes me say that. It's like, like I said, he thinks he's better than everybody. He got this snared up look. Even like we went to the fair, he was just acting like he just, ugh, just didn't wanna be around us.

Like he was all, "Get away from me." Like, ugh.

Can I ask you something? And this is not about your son. If I have been with you for 30 days straight, I said you ain't shit, on day 31, do you wanna walk down the fair with me?

Not really.

I see a correlation between the relationship you have with his father and the hate you have with his father because you've said it a couple times about how much he is like his father and he knows you don't like his father. Your son is not your ex.

Oh, I know that.

You know it, but I don't think you know it. So again, let me go back. You said, I've been talking, telling him, I've been saying these negative things to him forever. I've been telling him he's like his daddy since he was a little kid. Then you say, but I don't understand why he still acts out and why he still doesn't wanna be around me and why he does these things. You're a mother that's trying, but as well, you set a lot of things in motion that you're dealing with right now. This little boy has self-esteem issues. He feels like nobody wants him in this world. And we forget that when kids do things like putting guns out there, just stuff like that, he's hurt. And I say this all the time, when people see these horrible things, what you're really seeing is pain. And especially when it's kids, it ain't drama, it ain't like he'd wanna be a gangster, it's pain.

Well, the thing is, if that's the case, then why not try to sit down? Even if you sit down and talk to me and it always—

But I'm gonna ask you, How can he talk to you? How can he talk to you if he knows you think he's like his dad and he knows you don't like his dad and you've said things to him since he was little that he ain't worth nothing?

Well, I'm not a bad, I love my son. I want him to be—

Again, hold on, hold on. You know, I started this for a specific reason on the way of saying I'm not gonna ever paint you as a horrible mother. Right, right. And I'm making that clear again for people to hear because the thing is, is that I don't know what you've been through, so I'm not gonna sit here and blame you because you were hurting and you were in pain and you just didn't get a chance to heal from it. But you not healing from the pain you experienced doesn't give you a license to then continue to hurt him. And he's—

I'm not hurting him. I don't feel like I'm hurting him.

I know.

I know you don't feel like you're hurting him, but you are. And don't get me wrong, when he come back out here, I'm gonna tell him he gotta stop disrespecting you.

I'm respecting you.

If you could trust me, I promise you this shift would help your relationship. I promise you. I'm not saying nothing to you just but other than to help your family. And the first step is, is your son needs a hug. Because even when, even when you don't like someone, when you don't like your child, and I'm a parent, there's been many a times my children have got on my damn nerves. But even in those moments, I have to realize that I have to love them louder than whatever they're saying to me that's negative. I have to love them louder than whatever they're doing that's negative. I always have to love my child louder than whatever it is that I'm feeling. Can we bring Brandon back out? This is just a step. This is just a step.

Okay.

He needs to hold his mom. He needs to feel you.

I know.

I love you, Brandon. I love you too. We want you to do better. I'm gonna do better. You gonna do better?

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

How'd that feel?

That felt great.

It felt good to hug him 'cause I haven't hugged my baby in a long time.

You're tearing up.

Yeah.

What's going on in your head right now?

So I wanna—

I feel like Lil, That felt good.

Yeah.

Like, I ain't had a hug like that in a long time.

Yeah, I know.

So that made me feel good. That took away a lot of problems, a lot of stuff that I was going through.

The thing is, is that part of it is you got a lot of anger in you because your entire life you felt like nobody wants me, nobody sees me. And it's been since you were smaller, before you could even remember. And so you start to develop this characteristic of like, I'm just angry and you don't know why.

Yeah.

You angry.

Been angry for a long time.

Yeah.

And I ain't know how to cope with it.

Yeah.

I just was going through a lot of stuff. Lost my granddad, my auntie, my cousin.

I know.

I ain't never been able to like grieve for real.

Yeah. Get closer to your mama. Get closer to your mother.

I ain't been able to like grieve how I wanted to. I ain't been able to let it out. So I just been going through it and like every time something happened, I just go off on people.

Yeah. And it's like— So you're angry, you're sad 'cause you lost people. You don't know if your relationship with your mother and your father's gonna be right. You scared about tomorrow, even though you say you're a grown man, you still scared about tomorrow. I'm 40 and I still don't, I'm like, okay, I feel like I'm secure, but you never know what's coming. So I can only imagine what it's like for a 17-year-old.

Being young, especially like I live in a place with girls so I could walk outside, something could happen.

But Brandon, you gotta stop putting yourself out there like that. You gotta stop doing it. That's the whole reason why you feel like that. You gotta stop doing that.

No, no, part of the reason he feels like that, we talked about it.

But I'm saying like all this, that's extra, all this social media, all this anger with. I feel like he puts himself out there to be.

But I tell you this, this is how, like I told you, we see people being extra, but I see pain. And so when you doing things, when you said to me, your head got hit and you were so angry that you just posted a gun, you don't know why. That's just pain. I need somebody else to be as scared as I'm feeling. I need you to feel scared 'cause I feel scared right now. So I'm gonna make sure you feel scared.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay. So what I want to ask for you is can you commit right now to doing two things. The first thing is when you're feeling angry and when you're feeling like, "Oh, I'm upset," and you about to go off, can you just do one thing for me and say, "Hey mom, I need to figure out how to be vulnerable right now." Let me tell you, I'm a successful man with a happy family and a happy relationship. A man is somebody who can be vulnerable. That's what a man is. A man is somebody who loves others.

A man is somebody who loves himself.

The hustling, the money, all those things that we think make a man, that don't make a man. Because at the end of the day, if they took all of this away from me, I'm still a man because I know I give love. I know that I love myself. I know that I'm vulnerable. I can talk about my emotions. That's what a man is. So when you feel the anger, when you feel the anger, what are you gonna say?

I need to learn how to be vulnerable.

Good job.

Right.

Second thing I need you to do, can you commit to respecting your mother more?

Yes, sir.

Tell her.

I can commit to respecting you more.

But now as well, can you commit to your son to not say something negative about him? When you feel the urge to be like, "Oh, you like your daddy," don't say it.

I can commit.

Can you commit to saying to him, not telling him negative things about himself?

I can commit to not saying negative things negative things about yourself.

Can you hug your baby every day no matter if you happy or sad or if he makes you mad or if you feel confused? It's your job to love him louder than whatever he's doing.

Yes.

Can you make that commitment to him?

I will.

Give him one more hug now.

If y'all can use them tools, y'all gonna be all right.

Thank you so much. You're welcome. Thank you so much.

Listen, you do those things, I promise you I'm gonna check in with you in 6 months. If you do these things and I get a good report, I'm gonna help you figure out how to get into music producing.

All right. I promise.

All right, so Quetta reached out to let us know that Brandon still has an attitude problem, but that he graduated from high school and he's working on his music career, which is a great thing. I love that. And he wrote a song about his high school graduation called "I Made It." I love that. You did make it, Brandon. So best of luck to you and with your music career. But trust me, we talked about this on the show, you gotta start to work on that attitude a little bit more and make sure you change your tune towards your mother. She loves you and she's supporting you, all right? You gotta give us a little bit more respect. Brandon, you can do it. Same way you did it for school, you can do it with your mom, all right? All right, listen everyone, thank you for being with us. Make sure to come back next time, friends, so we can keep talking and growing. I love you all.