"I've Known All Along You Aren't My Daughter!" | KARAMO

When I was 16 years old, I went to Arkansas where I was born to be with my father for the very first time. I spent the entire summer with my dad, and during that time I was able to meet my grandmother, my sisters, my uncles, and my cousins. We did really, really, really fun things. We went shopping, watched movies, went skating, went out to eat. It was just a very, very exciting time for me. Growing up, I always wanted to see what a normal upbringing would be just to have my father around. Unfortunately, I didn't get that experience like my sisters did. It was cool finally having my dad. He was the puzzle piece that was always missing in my life. But then out of nowhere, the drama started, and he sent me back home with my mom. His now ex-wife decided that she didn't like me, and I do believe that that's the reason why I was sent packing. And while my relationship with my father wasn't the same after that, years later he started denying me as his daughter. It made me feel ashamed and it made me feel like, why? He is my dad and he should've protected me. And I'm here to get the DNA truth.

Well, listen, we'll talk to Keyonna shortly, but let's meet Ladora first to hear her side of the story. Ladora, nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

So what's your response to what was just said?

I think for the first part of it, I'm like, that is cool. You got to meet, like the family brought you to the home. I was raised as the only child almost all my life. So it was nice having her around. But the story that what really I think is kind of triggering to me is 'cause you say you went shopping, but who took you shopping? And then for you to say my mom didn't like you. No, my mom was actually advocating for you.

Got it.

Even before, that's the reason you came down there in the first place, right? Right now I feel a little bit irritated.

So you're trying to say that Keyonna was disrespectful?

She was, she was a bit disrespectful, especially with my mom. My thing is like, okay, let me be honest, y'all, I'm an only child. So I mean, I got only child syndrome, okay? So I had to share space with her and I saw how my mom was nurturing, how much she advocated for her even when she wasn't there. So even as a kid, I listened. I don't want to take away from her feelings, I hate she felt that way, but I wish she could've saw how much, even now, how much my mom advocates for her.

Advocates for her, okay. And how old were you at this time?

About 15, 16.

What was your relationship like with your father?

So, my daddy, that's my bestie. I feel like my daddy is a protector. He is my friend. Aw, y'all see my daddy? I love him so bad.

Yeah.

I just hate that, like, my dad was raised differently than what, he had to learn to be a dad, you know what I'm saying? And I just hate that he, I just want him to heal, you know? 'Cause I think even just doubting, having any type of doubt about a child, like, I want, I hate that she didn't get to experience that. 'Cause I think it built a lot of resentment, right? And I got a protector and things could've went different. She could've got a piece of that, but She didn't get that, but my daddy, that's my guy.

So he was a good father to you? Got it, makes sense.

Crazy and protective, but definitely.

And you feel like he wasn't, and you feel from your opinion he wasn't a good father to her because he didn't get that?

No, no.

Well everyone, let's meet Keyonna and hear her side of the story as well. So Keyonna, come on out for me. You said that when you were 16.

Yes.

You went down there visiting and from your point of view, you were happy.

Yes, I was very excited to have my father. That's all I wanted. And I was even more excited to have another sibling outside of the siblings that I already knew. You know what I mean? If I was disrespectful at 16, I apologize to you for that because I was a kid. Well, you apologize to my mom.

And I was acting. Not me.

I will apologize to her.

'Cause you didn't have any idea thinking that they was disrespectful. 'Cause in your point of view, you were like, this was the best time of my life. You didn't know that they thought you were disrespectful.

Right.

Got it.

I didn't know their feelings. I'm just still a kid. So in my mind, I'm like, well, I can have my way, this is my daddy. You know what I'm saying? I was just happy and I felt a sense of entitlement at that time because where she had him growing up, it was absenteeism on my part. You know what I mean?

So why did you think he sent you home that summer?

I probably was doing a bit too much.

What did you say? What did you tell my mom? I don't have to listen, my dad wasn't there, let's keep it real. Daddy was never at the house, RoRo was. Okay? So you told my mama you didn't have to listen to nobody but my daddy. Now here's the thing, you in Arkansas, baby. This ain't no city stuff. You respect your elders. She never disrespected you. Did she take you shopping? Did she do just like I was saying? Let me ground myself 'cause at the end of the day, like you said, we were kids. But when it comes to accountability, the energy should have been directed towards Pokey, not my mama, not me. You felt entitled, but you felt entitled not only from Daddy, but you felt entitled for me. And that's why me and you, how many times have I deleted you off Facebook? Because you get on Facebook doing the most extra, extra. And that's why I get agitated. And I'm sorry, y'all, because I get real. I go look, 0 to 100.

I can be a problem. And I will admit that.

Amen.

I can be a problem. You know what I'm saying?

And I can't take it though.

The whole thing about it is, it is in no way disrespect for her or her mother.

You hit me, it hurt.

You know what I'm saying? It hurt.

Well, eventually you gotta find out people hit you.

Okay, I understand that too. But at the end of the day, I feel like I need to know so I can grow and I can move on. Because at the end of the day, I want me and her to be able to coexist. I'm better than I was before. I got to know, guys.

You know what I'm saying? Yes, I hear you. So at the end of the day, I'm an outside perspective, and one of the things that you you've said this entire time, which is really great, is you said you were kids. And so when I keep hearing that you say that you're a problem, you've been a problem, what I really hear is about, I hear a young person who was abandoned, who didn't have answers, and that manifests itself in a lot of different ways. And I think telling yourself this narrative that you're a problem takes away from the fact of the trauma that was put on you.

I'm sorry, look, do y'all feel bad for me? I'm sorry, you know I love you, man. You know I love you.

You know I love you. It has to be acknowledged, it has to be acknowledged. Because I think sometimes as adults, we put these narratives on ourselves that we forget that these traits come from a place. You were a child. We talked about her relationship with her father. She said that he was there. You didn't have one. You were seeking a male figure in your life.

Yeah, and then it came to a point to where, because I didn't have my dad around, you know how you choose the wrong people to hang out with?

Yeah.

And you start doing the wrong things. And then you start seeing how people mistreat you and don't love you and stuff like that. I'm tired of always having it hard. I can't go to my daddy and be like, "Daddy, this is what's going on." If I had him then, then I could have been led in the right, a better direction or something.

And this is why I said take the narrative outta your head.

Yeah, he wasn't there.

Don't talk to yourself and say you're the problem, okay? Make sure the voice that's in you, the real you, is louder than these things that happen on the outside, okay? Have you ever felt jealous by the relationship between her and her father?

Yes, in a way.

Yeah.

Yes, in a way, by pictures I see and like, dang, they out there kicking it and I'm just sitting here. I feel like I'm rotting away, you know what I'm saying? Like, I wanna be over there. I wanna, you know, laugh and joke around and you know what I mean? Just take the load off because I put myself in the mom brain. It's business, business, business. And that's always how, you know, since I've grown up, now we speaking grownup language, right?

Yeah.

I gotta go to work. My kids need this. I gotta do what I gotta do. You know what I'm saying? But then when it's like, dang, when is it gonna be my time to kind of relax? Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

Take a deep breath.

I hear you.

I've probably talked to my dad probably once this year. And it was just basic parenting and stuff like that. And I let him know about my business I'm trying to start. And that really, really, really, really felt good to just talk to him about it. I wasn't asking him for anything. Just being able to get his advice and, you know, to keep going was all I needed from him.

I hear that. Do you want to be Ladora's sister?

I do.

You do? Okay then.

I do.

Well, I think it's time that we meet Tim. So everyone bring Tim out so we can hear his side of the story. How you doing?

Hey, Gail, how you doing? Hey, how you doing? All right. Dora, how you doing?

Good to meet you, sir.

All right, how you doing?

I'm good, thank you. Thank you for being here, man.

No problem.

So I'm gonna just ask you, that summer, why did you send her away?

Well, it was rebelliousness. I used to come home from work and there was always something. Like she'll take her shopping, And she like, when I come in from work, she be like, "Well, Tim, I took Kiana shopping and I told her she couldn't wear them type of clothes." She wanted to show her cleavage, right? And so she like, that was the problem. They got that out the way. You can't wear that. Every time I come home from work, it was always something rebellious. He's like, "Well, Kiana told me that her mother said that she didn't have to do nothing but respect no one but her dad." And I'm like, "Well, you know, we just got married." That seemed like, She sent you here to mess up the home. If I married Rosetta, if your mother told you to respect no one but me, that's not right. 'Cause when I'm not around, who you gonna respect?

Why do you feel like she's not related to you now?

I'm gonna tell you, man. All right. You think a person will let you go 18 years without paying child support and not put you on child support if you're the father?

Why didn't she put you on child support? Do you know?

All right, 'cause I can tell you this.

I don't, I couldn't know, but we're not gonna sit here and bash my mother. No, I don't wanna bash your mother.

I'm just wondering if she ever said, 'cause that could have been financial support.

That's not bashing, I was just wondering why. Why would she let me escape 18 years of child support? She wasn't doing that well where financial stable where, I don't need his money, I got you all. You know, that's what I'm saying.

I'm just kind of puzzled.

If you had those doubts, why didn't you get a DNA test before?

Well, her mother, you know, she told me.

Come on now, you could have.

When we were younger, her mother told me.

She said do everybody. She said do everybody.

You, everybody.

She said her, her, everybody. She didn't exclude her daughter.

If you're not the father, you were around that time, do you know of any other men that could have been the father?

Yes, matter of fact, the reason I really have doubts, when I moved to Kansas City up there with Ladora, I ran into a classmate. And she said, "Tim, you got any children?" I said, "Yeah, I got 3 girls, man." And I said, "I got one by a classmate." She said, "Which one?" I said, "The oldest one." "Boy, that ain't your baby." And that was like a, "Boy, that boy?" And I'm a man. And I'm like, "Why you say that?" She said, "Because me and her was on a double date. She fell out with the guy that she was," that I was dating with and hooked up with this other guy and he was in the Army.

Keonna, have you ever heard that story?

I heard the story but in a different way. She told me about this particular person, but this happened when the guy came from the military. I was told that he was in Milwaukee, you know what I'm saying?

When you were conceived?

Yeah, and then she said after I was born, she took me to his mother, she's like, "No, that's not my granddaughter." Got it. But then she said she took him to my grandmother and she was like, "That's his daughter." But at the time he was not there. He was in Wisconsin.

Got it. So this makes it, so this gives me more perspective. The reason I'm glad I asked that question, 'cause this gives more perspective now of if you thought where your doubts could be coming from.

She told her that, but I was here in Milwaukee.

Okay. It's been 36 years of misinformation where you had no idea. Kiana, are you ready for the truth?

Yeah.

It's not my truth to open, it's yours. So good luck.

Okay, here goes nothing. Hmm. Okay.

What does it say?

He's not.

He's not?

This is what I knew all along.

Oh.

Well, we don't wanna do that because in this moment right now, we still a child. We still a child.

We still a child.

So listen, Tim, the reason I said to you don't do that is because in essence— I know, I get it, I get it. You get your own. I know it gotta hit you too. I get it, I'm in shock, but like the thing is—

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.

I get it, I get it, I get it, I understand. Because at the end of the day, we're all here because everyone as adults, you, the kid, everyone made these decisions for years and she's just been stuck in the middle. The only thing that I'm happy about in the situation for you, Keyonnah, is it sounds like we have a clear lead on who your biological father is. We gonna help you find it, you hear me? We gonna support you. I'm sorry this didn't work out in the way that you were hoping for, but this just allows us to close this chapter so you can open up the new book of your life, all right? All right, listen, good luck and we gonna stay in contact, all right? Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for being here.

Thank you for opening up with us.

Of course, of course. Stay with us, friends. We'll be right back with more.

All right, green room. Green room. Yeah, you got to breathe. Breathe, man. Breathe. You got it? Yes. Breathe.

Medic, get the medic.

Come on, breathe. Breathe. Come on, breathe in.

Come on, I'm having someone come.

It's okay, we need a medic.

Medic in 10.

Medic in 10.

It's green room 10. We need a medic right here. Yeah, send them to 10. Is she okay? She's having trouble breathing. She's having a panic attack.

I promise you, okay?

I'm going to be here. I promise. Guys, guys, thank you. Thank you.