Karamo, Help My Mom & Sister’s Toxic Relationship! | KARAMO

Welcome to the show, friends. It's a mother-daughter relationship at a breaking point. Taylor is a single mother of 4 who stands accused of being a terrible parent. Who's making these allegations? Her own mother, Brenda. Caught in the middle of this family drama is Taylor's older sister, Jessica. So I wanna talk to her first. Everyone, please welcome Jessica to the show. Hi, Jessica, thank you so much for being here. Tell me what's going on between your mother and your sister.

Oh, it's a lot of drama.

It's—

my sister moved in 6 months ago with her 4 kids, 2 dogs. She just expects everything, everybody to stop their life for her. She doesn't think she needs to cook, she doesn't need to clean. Somebody asked her to do that, that's the end of the world. How dare you ask her to be an adult or a mother? And she'll start to call my mom a bitch, you know, shut the fuck up, I can't stand you, I, I hate you, you can't make I do this just because I live here.

Does your sister stay out all night?

She works as a bartender and then she'll stay out probably after her shift well until the morning hours. You know, her kids are sleeping, that's her philosophy. She doesn't need to be there and watch them sleep.

Okay, so do you think your mom is raising her kids more than she is?

Absolutely, she has since the day my sister had my niece at 16 years old.

My gosh, absolutely. You said your sister needs to grow up. What do you mean by that?

Yeah, she's almost 30 years old. She needs to take responsibility like any other adult does. Granted, we all move back into our parents. That's what they're there for. But you still need to get a job. You still need to make sure your kids are taken care of. You have to feed them. I don't care if they're 14 years old. Obviously you still take care of them. My mom's doing it for you at 30.

Oh, listen. Well, we've heard one side of this story, but Taylor, the person in question, is here as well. So Taylor, come on out. Let's welcome her to the show, everyone.

Hi.

Hi, take a seat. What's going on? 'Cause I can see the emotion.

I just don't understand why she's being so dramatic about this. Like, she's, this isn't, I don't even know, I'm just so sick to my stomach right now.

So what is it that you feel like your sister was saying that was dramatic?

The way I am with my kids, like I'm not a mother, I'm not involved with my kids. Yes, I have talked to my mother that way, but what she doesn't see is what she does to me to push me to that extreme. It's not that I think I'm entitled to not do things around the house, but I work, I'm in school, and I'm a single parent.

Why does Jessica think that your mom is raising your kids?

Because at one point, yes, I was a very crappy mom.

Taylor, at one point you were, but yet there's times where I come over to the house and you've been asleep all day, and Mom is so frustrated because she's taking care of everything, getting them ready in the morning, giving them, fixing them dinner, doing their schoolwork, and you're asleep.

Mom does not do schoolwork with the kids. She does not fix them dinner.

I've been there where she's cooking them dinner.

I mean, yes, she has. She has cooked them dinner, and I, I thank her for that. But she's not raising my kids because she fixes them dinner. I do their homework before I do my schoolwork, even though Mom said that she had my back when I started school.

What do you want to say to your sister?

Like, I don't even know who she is right now.

That, that is a total line of Tayler, you know exactly who I am.

No.

I've had this conversation with you at mom's house in your face before.

Yeah, we've had this conversation long ago. It still happens.

Jessica, from your point of view, what is it that you're feeling like still happens?

She doesn't take responsibility for things.

Mm-hmm.

She, you know, if I do come over, she is asleep a lot of times.

Yeah, because I work at night until 3:30 in the morning.

I get off work at 4 o'clock in the afternoon. You should be up and going.

I sleep until about 11 or 12. I wake up, I hang out for a little bit, do some schoolwork, go get the kids at 2, come back home, lay down for a little bit.

Taylor, that's what you're supposed to do.

That's part of having kids. Exactly, which is why I do it. That is why I do it, cuz it's what I'm supposed to do.

Everyone, please welcome Brenda to the show. Thank you so much for being here.

Thank you. Everything I've tried doesn't work. You know, he's the youngest of 3 and I'm there for all of 'em no matter what. But I can't continue to get nothing back. For everything that I give, I get nothing emotionally back.

She shouldn't have to do that much.

I'm exhausted.

If you say it's too much, Taylor, then why are you making her do that much?

What do you think about what your mom just said?

I just, I think she involves herself too much, more than what she needs to. She's not supposed to. She won't give me an opportunity to do something that I need to do as their mother. She inputs herself and does what she believes needs to be done if I don't do it the way she believes it needs to be done. Or when it needs to be done. I understand that, but I'm still an adult and I still have of my children that I'm apparently not taking care of.

You can't just decide, okay, I'm gonna step up 'cause they're yelling and screaming at each other and you yell and scream. You have to step up and be patient with your children.

Brenda, my producer told me that you think that your daughter Taylor chooses nightlife over her kids.

Is that true?

I just think she chooses her own path over her kids. Like if she knows I have them there with me, they're safe, and she then has the opportunity to do whatever she wants. Come home whenever she wants. And then, you know, it's like there's 6 people, there's laundry, there's, you know, and I had surgery, so I'm really out of it right now, and it just, I can't get no help from her.

You call her a bad mom to her face?

Yes, I have. I know that's not who she wants to be, but I don't know how to get her there.

From where I am today as a parent compared to a year ago is a huge 180. Then I didn't care. They did whatever they wanted. I didn't care about their schoolwork. I would pawn 'em off on Mom or Jessica and just did my own thing. I still do. I still do.

Pawn your children off on me?

Yeah.

Yeah.

To do what?

Go sleep, go—

I sleep when my kids are at school.

I just wanna ask you, Taylor, was there ever substance abuse issues on your end?

Before I had my oldest daughter.

What was it, just alcohol, was it drugs?

It was pills.

Pills, okay.

I think you don't understand, like when you go to work or you go to sleep, you leave the kids at home with mom. That makes that her responsibility. Granted, you're in the house, but you're not up, you're not interacting, so that's pawning them off on mom.

If I ask mom, hey, I'm gonna lay down for a little bit, are you cool? And you tell me, yeah, that's fine, I figured you were gonna lay down. And you, if you say yes and tell me that's fine, I'm going to do so because I don't feel like I have a choice. What do you mean? Of course you have a choice, it's your house.

You always say that, but then the choice that I would choose to make sets you off.

This is what I don't get. I don't know why you guys are coming at me right now like this. This is crazy. We can have a conversation like this at home. We don't need to be on television to do this. You're embarrassing the shit out of me right now. Y'all are making some shit up. Y'all are making some shit up. And it's not, I'm embarrassing her? Okay, you live a life in my shoes. You are embarrassing her because she's your mother. That one that you call a bitch, that one that takes care of your kids.

Hold on, let me hear what you have to say. Let me hear what you have to say. What do you have to say?

Don't go, darling.

Don't go.

I'm done. I'm done. Get this mic off me. I'm done. I'm done. I'm not doing this. I'm not being judged by these people out here. I'm not doing this. This is not what I signed up for. Not what I signed up for.

Is what I signed up for.

This is crazy.

Take a deep breath. Take a deep breath. Take a deep breath. There you go. Take a deep breath.

No, that's not me. That's not what happened.

Tell me. Tell me. Tell me what happened. Tell me what happened.

I may not cook for my kids, but they're able to cook for themselves.

My producer's already told me that You pay the bills in the house, right?

If she needs it, I pay it. I got receipts and everything.

No, I get it, I get it. You don't need to, you don't need to.

We're not asking for that. I put groceries in the house. Like, I just bought, I just spent $300 on her for clothes for this damn show.

Yeah.

And my sister, she doesn't know anything unless my mom says something to her. She doesn't witness. Anything. Like, she doesn't live there. She's done the same thing. She's had the same arguments with my mom. I don't know why she's being so extra right now.

Yeah, so listen, we're taking them out of the equation right now. I'm back on you. So you were in a depressive state. Things were hard for you. You checked out before with your children.

Yeah.

And now you're in a place where you're trying to work, you're trying to go to school, and you're trying to figure out how to get back and connect with your kids?

Yes.

Yeah?

Yes.

And how long has that process been?

Since I moved in with my mom.

So what was the reason that you moved in with her? Because you needed support?

Because I needed, I didn't have anywhere else to go. Part of why I'm depressed and I have so many issues because I battled an addiction for 11 years and my mom, she was there through it.

She supported you.

She did. And she just, like, I get it. I'm a lot to deal with at times. I get that.

We don't need to use that language. That's language that someone put in your head that's going to always keep your self-esteem down. Don't say that anymore about yourself. We're not gonna use that language about ourselves anymore. You understand?

Yeah.

You went through some hard things. You're trying to figure it out. That is what life is called. None of us came with a playbook. It's unfortunate right now that you have children that are involved in that situation, but you seem like you're trying to figure it out.

I really am.

What was your relationship like with your mother growing up?

She was my best friend.

So you trusted her, you turned to her, she's been there for you, and that's why this is hitting you so hard 'cause you feel like you're being attacked and betrayed. By your best friend. I think that there needs to be more of an acknowledgement of your growth while also showing you in that growth new steps that you can take.

But that's not what's happening at all.

I get that's not what's happening. That's why I'm here. I could see through it and I can help clear the communication. Are you willing to go back on stage with me?

Yeah.

Okay, come on. So your daughter's had a lot of growth. Tell me what it's been like for you, 'cause she just called you backstage her best friend.

Taylor, look at me. You know our goal is to have back what we used to have, the friendship, the best friend. And I acknowledge your growth. I really do. I see it.

And I want you to stop right there. Now, Taylor, can you acknowledge, Mom, I understand that you are exhausted and I know that I'm here trying, but I know that you're picking up slack that I am not being able to pick up.

Yeah, I mean, I absolutely agree with that. You are there to pick up the slack and I'm sorry that I have made you feel that way.

Thank you.

I think there's a place in this where I do see the love and I see what y'all do as a family. I mean, I know even before when you said the baby, you know, like you giving your sister your child, I understand how hard that was for you, but I also understand what you were doing and the mindset you had of supporting your sister. I see the love that is between you three women.

Yes.

I do believe there's an issue. I do believe there's an issue with boundaries. And I believe that boundaries is what's causing the language to get abusive where you say things like you're a bad mom, then you start calling her an F word and calling her the B word, which the boundaries have to be set.

Right.

There's less integrity. The boundaries have to be set so that you all can stop this abusive language to each other. Y'all gotta stop that. And I'm looking at you especially. You acknowledge that your mom's been your best friend and you acknowledge that your mom has been there for you. And it's easy sometimes for the people who have been there for us the most to put our abuse and like attack them. And you gotta stop that.

I'm sorry for how I've talked to you.

What's happening is she's trying to show y'all that she's trying to be the woman that y'all know she can be. She's never understood the boundaries of what it is to be the mom that you're expecting her to be.

Right.

She's trying to get there. You're trying.

We know. Yeah.

But you're trying, but they have different boundaries for you. So instead of bombarding her with, okay, you're a bad mom, you're not doing this, you're sleeping here, let's set boundaries so that way she can understand, well listen, no longer is this like y'all are attacking.

Right.

Do you think a boundary would be better for you in this household?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I really do.

Yeah, so no longer do you have to feel this guilt of like, I'm your best friend, so I feel like I gotta be there. Instead it's like, The boundary we set together.

Yes, yes, I believe that also.

It's gonna work out, have faith. They're here for you because they love you.

Very much.

Can you give your mother a hug and say, "Mom, I'm down to set these boundaries and we can be better." You have a boundary to set today, but y'all gonna be all right. I believe it, all right?

Thank you.

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